Funny / Brother on Board

Here are some of the many Crowning Moments of Funny in Brother on Board, the excellent fanfic of One Piece by J0hnS1lver.

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• Chapter 1:
  • When Sabo decides to sail with Luffy rather than Ace:
  Ace: (while smirking) I'm sure you could use all the help you can get.
  Luffy: HEY!
  • Luffy and Sabo's very different reaction to the whirlpool
• In Chapter 2:
  • Sabo and Alvida have this exchange about Alvida's denial of her ugliness:
  Sabo: Do you really force your men to call yourself the most beautiful in all the seas?
  Alvida: ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT!?
  Sabo: Look lady, even if I wasn't in a very happy committed relationship with my rifle, I still wouldn't consider you the most beautiful in all the seas.
  Alvida: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD!
  • A curbstomp in Sabo's favor later, Luffy enters, and has this to say:
  Luffy: HEY SABO! WHO WAS THAT FAT GUY?
• Chapter 3:
  • Bonnie Anne shoots Luffy by herself when Luffy suggests making Zoro their navigator. While they have yet to meet Zoro, anyone who has read One Piece knows that putting Zoro in charge of directions is a sure way to get killed.
  • Later in Shells Town, when Sabo and Luffy discover everyone's reactions to hearing the names of Zoro and Captain Morgan, they say the names repeatedly for some cheap laughs.
  • When Zoro finds out Sabo considers his rifle to be his girlfriend, he openly wonders if Sabo's actually the rational one between him and Luffy, and that was after seeing a bit of Luffy's personality.
  Zoro: I'd have to be crazy to join those two lunatics.
• Chapter 4:
  • After the battle with the Marines we have this gem:
  Zoro: (to Luffy) Am I really your first recruit besides the gun-nut?
  Sabo: Hey, don't judge me and my relationship with my girlfriend! You're the one who can't commit himself to just one sword and has to use three, sword-swinger.
  Zoro: Right... just me and you two lunatics.
• Chapter 5:
  • Zoro and Sabo take down the bird that had carried off Luffy in the original story, and thus, they now have meat on board, but Sabo refuses to let Luffy eat it until it is cooked, and they can't cook it since starting a fire on their ship would be incredibly stupid, despite Luffy's protests that they're surrounded by water, to which Sabo insists they won't cook it until they make land. Which results in Luffy creatively using his arms and paddles as a motor to really speed up their travels.
  Sabo: Never underestimate Luffy when he's hungry.
• Chapter 6:
  • When Luffy declares to Buggy that he's going to be Pirate King, we get this amusing exchange:
  Buggy: King of the… ARE YOU JOKING?
  Sabo: No, he isn't. But I did hear a good one the other day. How'd it go? Two pirates meet at a tavern and one of them says to the other, 'I know a sailor with a wooden leg named Smith' and the other pirate says, 'Really, what's the name of his other leg!?
  Luffy: (laughs while Buggy and his crew face-fault)
  Zoro: I don't get it.
  Luffy: Shishishishi! Neither do I!
  Zoro: Then why are you laughing?
  Luffy: Shishishi! It's a joke! You're supposed to laugh at them!
• Chapter 7:
  • Starts off with Sabo, Luffy and Zoro deliberately get Buggy's name wrong repeatedly to piss him off. The names they call him are Boogie, Baggy, Bossy, Boggle, Badguy, Bozo, Bunchi, Bitchy and Buffoon. Needless to say, Buggy flat-out loses his temper.
  • Buggy separates his upper body from his legs and Luffy kicks him in the balls, like in the original. Only this time, Buggy lets out a shriek that's so high-pitched that no one but Chou-Chou can hear it.
• Chapter 8:
  • Sabo actually falls for (or at least pretends to) Usopp's lie of having 80 million men. At least until Bonnie fires off a round.
  • Usopp immediately takes a liking to Bonnie Anne:
  Sabo: This is not just a rifle. Her name's Bonnie Anne and she's an Advanced Wheel-Lock Rifle with an added scope and custom revolving action. She's my partner and my girlfriend and if she wanted to take your head off... she would have.
  Nami: As you can see... he's nuts.
  Usopp: Wow! Can I hold her?
  Sabo: That's a bold thing to ask someone you just met.
  Usopp: Oh right. My apologies.
  Nami: Good grief there's two of them.
  • When Nami makes a snide comment about Sabo's relationship with his gun, Sabo tells her she's jealous.
  Sabo: Look Nami, you're cute 'n' all but in my eyes, Bonnie will always be the prettiest girl in the room.
  Luffy: (noticing Nami going red with rage) Hey Nami, are you okay?
  Nami: Fine Luffy... I'm just gradually being driven INSANE by three BONE-HEADED NUMBSKULLS!
  • The author invokes the Hilarious in Hindsight trope when he mentions at the end of the chapter that the whole scene they were talking to Kuro, he was adjusting his glasses every time he was fighting the urge to kill. Rereading that scene knowing that fact does make it a bit more amusing.
• Chapter 9:
  • Sabo falls asleep along with Onion, Carrot, Pepper and Jango during this version's hypnotism scene. Bonnie wakes him.
  • During the battle with the Black Cat Pirates, Sabo sends Nami off to 'navigate' Luffy back to the pass while he goes to find Usopp. But Nami finds that Luffy and Zoro share a similar poor sense of direction.
  Nami: LUFFY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
  Luffy: Usopp said the pirates were north. So I ran in the direction that felt coldest.
  Nami: IDIOT! THAT'S NO WAY TO TELL DIRECTION!
  Zoro: (arrives after being left behind by Nami) NAMI! THERE YOU ARE! What the hell were you thinking leaving me in that muck?
  Nami: I... It was either one of us get stuck or both of us.
  Zoro: THEN YOU SHOULD'VE STAYED STUCK!
  Nami: What are you even doing here?
  Zoro: Usopp said the pirates were north. So I ran in the direction that felt coldest.
  Luffy (proudly motions to Zoro) See?
  Nami: HOW DO YOU IDIOTS EVEN FUNCTION!?
• Chapter 10:
  • In this version the battle with the Black Cat Pirates becomes public knowledge and the Syrup villagers call for the Marines to collect the surviving pirates. But the Straw Hats make a hasty exit when Luffy and Sabo notice that the Marines sent a familiar Vice Admiral.
  Luffy: HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING AND HE'LL KICK ALL OUR ASSES!
  Garp: DAMN YOU LUFFY! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH MAKING ME CLEAN UP YOUR MESSES!
• Chapter 11:
  • Nami and Zoro grow concerned about Usopp's attachment for Bonnie and stage an intervention where they insist that Bonnie is just a gun. But the intervention fails when Usopp walks in on Sabo 'polishing' his rifle's revolving cartridges in an extremely intimate manner.
  Usopp: She's not just a gun... She's not just a gun...
• Chapter 12:
  • Sabo makes a deal with Zeff to work at the Baratie along with Luffy. After seeing Sanji attack Fullbody and Patty attack Gin, Sabo finds himself confused about how the Baratie is run.
  Sabo: Okay... I'm new to this whole restaurant-business but for future reference... am I supposed to beat up the spoiled obnoxious customers that pay for their food or the dirty pirates that don't?
  • Sanji catches Sabo slow dancing with Bonnie Anne while singing 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You'.
  Sanji: It may be the single weirdest relationship that I've ever seen... but there's no denying he loves that rifle.
• Chapter 13:
  • Sabo ends up taking his waiter duties very seriously and when Don Krieg shows up he treats him like a regular customer. Despite Sabo being scolded, Don Krieg ends up ordering the House Special Stir Fry.
  • The chapter ends with Nami stealing the Going Merry like in the original. But she doesn't realize that Bonnie Anne is still in Sabo's bunk. Everyone that has read to this point knows that the poor thief is screwed when Sabo finds out.
• Chapter 14:
  • Sabo discovers that Nami accidentally kidnapped Bonnie Anne and screams so loudly and angrily that he unlocks Conqueror Haki. His outburst ends up knocking out a number of cooks and Krieg Pirates. Even Zeff notices it.
  Zeff: I haven't felt rage like that since the Grand Line.
  • Sabo and Usopp go after Nami and the Merry and pass Mihawk along the way. Sabo has no idea who Mihawk is.
  Usopp: Who was that guy?
  Sabo: Beats me. He's probably a swordsman from the Grand Line. I'm not really concerned with that sort of stuff so it makes no difference to me.

  • Fortunately, Mihawk is distracted by the Krieg Pirates and doesn't sink their boat and murder them.
  • Nami discovers that she accidentally kidnapped Bonnie Anne.
• Chapter 15:
  • The chapter opens with Bonnie Anne giving Nami a hard time about accidentally kidnapping her. Nami rants and complains to herself which results in her finally realizing that the others have driven her around the bend.
  Nami: Oh great. Now I'm talking to myself. They finally did it. Those lunatics drove me crazy.
• Chapter 19:
  • Nami's reaction when she discovers that Nojiko slept with Sabo AND Bonnie Anne.
  • Sabo's reaction to Nami kissing Luffy in retaliation for the incident mentioned above.
• Chapter 20:
  • Ace is mistaken for a homeless person when he falls asleep reading the news article about his brothers.
• Chapter 21:
  • Sabo encounters Koala while exploring Loguetown. She decides to call him 'Dandy Man'.
  • The owner of a fancy hotel that caters exclusively to royalty suggests that Sabo and Koala go to a love hotel instead. Sabo, Koala and Bonnie Anne all object to this.
  Hotel-man: We pride ourselves on serving a very exclusive clientele. Might I suggest the Love Hotel down the street?
  Sabo & Koala: WE'RE NOT A COUPLE!
  Koala: WE JUST MET!
  Sabo: I've got a girlfriend!
  Bonnie: KER-CHOW!
  • Following the incident at the royalty hotel, Koala drags Sabo down an alley to avoid attention. She is annoyed when Sabo suggests that she might be a secret agent and a mugger.
  • Sabo repeatedly refusing to join the Revolutionary Army.
  Sabo: What a stubborn guy. Bonnie, can you ever imagine me working for a guy like that?
  Bonnie: KER-CHOW!
  Sabo: You can? Well... that makes one of us.
  • The author's interpretation of Monkey D. Dragon depicts him as an older version of Luffy who is just as determined to recruit people as his son. Much to Sabo's irritation.
  Sabo: Now I know how Zoro and Sanji felt when Luffy kept pestering them to join us.
• Chapter 22:
  • Usopp threatens Cabaji with Sanji's Elephant Tuna.
  Usopp: BACK OFF! I'VE GOT A FISH!
• Chapter 23:
  • Smoker and Tashigi listen in on the Straw Hats when they attempt to enter the Grand Line through the Calm Belt.
  Tashigi: I... I think I'll call back later.
• Chapter 24:
  • Beware Zoro the Bossy Boatswain
• Chapter 25:
  • Sabo pranks Luffy and Usopp using a snowman and a sleeping Zoro.
• Chapter 26:
  • Sabo recounts a story of how he and Ace discovered the hard way that Luffy has a very low alcohol tolerance.
  • During the Welcome Feast, Miss Monday misreads the relationship between Sabo and Zoro.
    • A tipsy Nami finds this absolutely hilarious.
    • Bonnie Anne does not.
  • Sabo catches Zoro talking to his swords and is all too happy to mock him about that.
• Chapter 27:
  • Sabo continues to tease Zoro about talking to his swords. Zoro blames everything on Sabo's weird relationship.
  • Sabo ropes Luffy into trying to recruit Mr. 13 as their new artist. Even the depressed and crying Nami is cheered up by their buffoonery.
  • During her visit to the Going Merry, Miss All Sunday uses Mr. 13's Wanted Poster sketches of Zoro, Sabo, Nami, Luffy and Vivi to give them bounties.
• Chapter 28:
  • Bonnie Anne is scared of Roller Coasters.
  • Luffy shouts 'Yabba-Dabba-Doo' when sliding down a dinosaur.
  • While watching Brogy and Dorry fight, Vivi decides that the best way to convince Sabo that she's not just a Princess is by fighting him. She hauls off and punches him in the face.
• Chapter 29:
  • Sabo realizes that he can't morally beat up the young Miss Goldenweek for holding Bonnie Anne hostage so he improvises and comes up with a new threat.
  Sabo: Okay! New threat! Kid, if you get so much as one crumb on that rifle... I'll come over there AND GIVE YOU THE WORST SPANKING OF YOUR LIFE!
• Chapter 30:
  • Miss Goldenweek's rational mind being cracked by 'the irrational concept known as Bonnie Anne'.
• Chapter 31:
  • Bonnie blowing the whistle on Nami during her late night attempt at navigating.
  • Wapol tempting fate by threatening Sabo.
• Chapter 32:
  • Ayako attempts to convince Zoro not to dive into the freezing winter water for a swim.
  Ayako: But that water's gotta be freezing! Look! Even Carue thinks this is a bad idea! He's a duck! Ducks know water!"
  • Vivi's attempt at keeping her cover when she's called out by Dalton.
  Dalton: But either way it's still good to see you again... Princess.
  Vivi: I... I think you have me confused with somebody else.
  Usopp: Yeah! She's a member of our crew!
  Vivi: Yes, not a Princess. Just a pirate. Arrr...
  Usopp: You do realize pirates don't say 'arr' anymore, right?
  • Ayako spent so much time being lazy while working for Baroque Works that her body got used to it and causes her to become motion sick whenever she moves at extreme speeds. It's ironic and funny.
  • Ayako plays along with Chopper when he fails at hiding.
  Ayako: Um... you're hiding backwards.

  • Chopper corrects himself.
  Ayako: I guess Chopper's gone. Doctor, if you see your reindeer tell him I like his pink hat.
  Kureha: I'll be sure to tell him.

  • And another time when Chopper can't contain himself when Usopp reveals that they're pirates.
  Chopper: Did you say 'pirates'?
  Ayako: (to Kureha) Did you just say 'did you say 'pirates'?'
  Kureha: I must have... because everyone knows that reindeer don't talk...