Goldengirl is a 1979 sci-fi sports movie. It was based on the 1977 novel of the same name by Peter Lear.
Sinister eugenicist Dr. Serafin (Curd Jürgens) has been crafting his adoptive daughter Goldine (Susan Anton) into the perfect athlete. She's not only been rigorously trained but genetically enhanced and whatnot. This scheme also involves advertising agent Jack Dryden (James Coburn) and psychologist Dr. Sammy Lee (Leslie Caron). The goal is that Goldine will win gold medals in three races at the upcoming Olympic Games in Moscow.
When this film came out in the spring of 1979, there was no reason to doubt that the U.S. would be participating in the next Olympics like normal. But then, the Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan happened, and Jimmy Carter decided that the U.S. would boycott the Moscow Games. This renders the whole film weirdly dated, as it climaxes with American athletes competing at the then-future Moscow Games, which everyone knows didn't happen in Real Life.
Oh, and it gets worse. Although released theatrically, the film was partially financed by NBC, which intended to air an extended version in 1980 to promote their Olympics coverage. Yeah, that didn't happen. After the Olympics boycott, NBC ended up delaying their broadcast of Goldengirl until January of 1981.
This film has the examples of:
- All Germans Are Nazis: Dr. Serafin is German, so of course he's a creepy Nazi trying to engineer an Aryan super race of blonde amazons who look like Susan Anton. Why wouldn't he be? Lampshaded when Dryden is called out for profiling Dr. Serafin, not that that makes it any less true.
- And Starring: The opening credits give us, "And Introducing SUSAN ANTON as GOLDENGIRL."
- Behavioral Conditioning: Goldine has not only been trained to run but to be a bubbling media personality. It's revealed that a vibrator was used to condition her into giving the appropriate canned responses in interviews.
- Bio-Augmentation: Dr. Serafin has been using experimental drugs on Goldine all her life in order to genetically enhance her. There's some nonsense about Evolutionary Levels mixed in, since he believes her to be evolutionarily ahead of her time or somesuch.
- "Do It Yourself" Theme Tune: In addition to playing Goldine, Susan Anton sings the song that plays over the end credits.
- Evilutionary Biologist: So far as Dr. Serafin is concerned, the Olympics are just a showcase. The real reason that he's bred Goldine is for her to prove his wacky master race theories.
- Failed a Spot Check: All that effort put into training Goldine how to come off in interviews and no one ever thought to prepare Dr. Serafin for interviews so that he wouldn't come off as a creepy Nazi scientist on national television?
- Failed Future Forecast: You'd think it would be a safe assumption that the U.S. would be in the next Olympics, but nope. On the other hand, the film was going to become dated anyway as soon as the featured events were won by real people rather than the fictional Goldine.
- For Science!: Dr. Serafin emphasizes that he is doing this for science, not money. In fact, he wants to publish his findings, which could seriously hurt the bottom line. He has to be persuaded to delay publishing until after his investors have made their profits.
- Guinea Pig Family: Dr. Serafin adopted Goldine as a child, apparently just so he could experiment on her.
- Herr Doktor: Dr. Serafin speaks with a German accent. It's mentioned that he was raised in Nazi Germany and strongly implied that he still adheres to its ideology.
- I Just Want to Be Loved: This is what Goldine wants, and her handlers train her to think that it'll only happen if she wins three gold medals.
- I Kiss Your Foot: When Dryden goes to kiss Goldine, she pushes him away and tells him to kiss her feet, as "You owe a hell of a lot to them."
- Intrepid Reporter: Robert Culp's reporter character Steve Esselton is sniffing around to try and find out the truth about Goldine.
- Mad Scientist's Beautiful Daughter: Dr. Serafin is a quite a bit deranged scientist and his adoptive daughter Goldine is a beautiful blonde woman. What more can be said?
- Ms. Fanservice: The fact that Goldine's actress Susan Anton is an absolute knockout didn't go unnoticed in the film. The film even opens with Goldine in a skimpy leotard, and the Olympic theme of the film allows Goldine to go in revealing sports outfits. A promotional poster even has Goldine in a classic Boobs-and-Butt Pose with the tagline "The World's Most Beautiful Running Machine."
◊ - Next Sunday A.D.: Filmed in 1978, released in 1979, and set in 1980.
- Re-Cut: Extra scenes were written and filmed to accommodate NBC's plan to air an extended version of the movie during their coverage of the 1980 Olympics. In a 1979 interview, the director indicated that this extended cut would fully explain Dr. Serafin's Nazi background, which is only hinted at in the theatrical version. The extended cut also presumably included a role for Jessica Walter, who is known to have filmed scenes for this movie despite not appearing in it. NBC's plan fell through due to the U.S. boycott of the Moscow Games, but it would appear they did eventually air the extended cut on January 8, 1981.
- Sports Dad: Most examples of this trope stop short of using genetic engineering to improve their kid's athletic ability.
- Statuesque Stunner: Goldine. The promotional material◊ even listed her as taller than Susan Anton actually was (6'2", as opposed to 5'11").
- Stock Footage: Used for Establishing Shots of Moscow. And since the real 1980 Olympics hadn't happened yet, they throw in some footage from Munich 1972 and Montreal 1976.
- Training from Hell: Goldine's whole life has been this trope.
