Sary is a lost piece of The Lord of the Rings fanfiction by Fanfiction.net user SaryMallorin
; although the fic was deleted from the author's profile, it has been restored here.
Ostensibly, the story concerns Sary, an elf girl who is discovered by Legolas and prophesied to defeat Sauron, but in reality, the whole thing descends into extreme insanity from the start. Think of the fic as legolas by laura, but worse. It has been missioned by the PPC here, and has a Dramatic Reading by Mutant Museum (formerly manwithoutabody) here.
The fic provides examples of:
- Ambiguous Gender: The monkey Legolas marries is known as "Mr Monkey" but also gets referred to as Legolas' wife.
- Back from the Dead: "Eldorna" is able to easily resurrect Legolas after the latter suddenly drops dead.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: The first thing Legolas does after seeing a monkey violently kill Aragorn is to hump it. Even Sary is revolted by this.
- Bloody Hilarious: "The monkey attacked Aragon and digged his brains out!"
- The Chosen One: Sary is prophesied to destroy Sauron with her "godly innnocence that she got as a present from the gods".
- Death of the Hypotenuse: Sary is loved by both Aragorn and Legolas. The love triangle is resolved via polyamory only for Aragorn to be offed by a monkey the next day.
- Demonic Possession: Frodo is possessed by Sauron, causing him to rape Sary and hit her with a sword until Aragorn kills him.
- Department of Redundancy Department:
- "Her godly innnocence that she got as a present from the gods."
- "Legolas's bow with her that she got from Legolas."
- Did Not Get the Girl: At the end, Sary ends up with neither love interest – Aragorn was murdered, and Legolas is married to a monkey and they decide to adopt her as their child.
- Forgotten Fallen Friend: Frodo and Aragorn, both canonically prominent members of the Fellowship, are gracelessly killed off and never mourned by the narrative and surviving characters.
- A God Am I: Sary claims herself to be one, and that finding out about her godhood lead Legolas to drop dead from shock.
- Gratuitous Rape: Frodo gets possessed by Sauron and rapes Sary out of nowhere.
- Happily Adopted: Sary is adopted by Legolas and his wife Mr Monkey at the end.
- Happily Ever After: The fic ends with this line used verbatim.
- Insane Troll Logic: When a monkey suddenly appears in Rivendell, Sary immediately concludes that "IT IS A GIFT FROM GODS TO US IT IS A MIRACLE MONKEY IT CAN HELP US!"
- Interspecies Romance: Legolas has sex with and eventually marries a monkey.
- Love at First Sight: Legolas and Aragorn both fall in love implausibly quickly with Sary.
- Love Triangle: Sary falls in love with Legolas and Aragorn, leading the two to start a duel over her at one point. This is quickly resolved when Sary declares she loves them both, and they then have "passionaty sex all night". Legolas still gets the last laugh when Aragorn is killed by a monkey the next day.
- MacGuffin: Sary gives Aragorn a powerful, divinely blessed sword that can supposedly kill Sauron (Andúril?), but it's never used or touched upon after this. It's Sary's powers that ultimately kill Sauron.
- Magical Incantation: Eldorna brings back Legolas by saying "MUISTMOMM".
- Maniac Monkeys: Near the end, a monkey suddenly appears and gruesomely kills Aragorn.
- No Punctuation Period: Played straight, then inverted, and finally averted. The first third of the story distinctly lacks full stops in true legolas by laura fashion, then the. Next third. Is inexplicably riddled. With them, and the final third seemingly reaches some semblance of normal punctuation.
- Out of Character: No canon character featured acts anything like their canon self.
- Polyamory: Two-thirds of the way into the story, Sary gets into a relationship with both Aragorn and Legolas. This relationship doesn't last longer than one night.
- Rapid Aging: Sary is an elf, and is 8 years old at the beginning and 13 for the rest of the fic. In Tolkien canon, elves age much slower than humans, and an elf at her age would be a toddler.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Misspellings are commonplace in this fic; e.g. Rivandall, Eldorna, Aragon.
- Talking Animal: The monkey has one line of dialogue.
- Traveling at the Speed of Plot: Sary appears to have the ability to go from Rivendell to Mordor at an impossible speed for the final confrontation with Sauron.
