A to D (Ass Shove, Bait-and-Switch, Deadly Gas, Distracted by the Sexy, Drugs Are Bad) | E to K (Fan Disservice, High-Voltage Death, Hoist by His Own Petard, Karma Houdini) | L to S (Stuff Blowing Up) | T to Z (Tap on the Head, Too Dumb to Live)
Whether by overdose or by drug-induced stupidity, 1000 Ways to Die knows a lot of reasons why Drugs Are Bad - and its not afraid to show them.
- "Tone Death": An audio programmer creates a type of drug by using subsonic frequencies, the listening of which through stereo speakers could produce highs similar to LSD. While creating a new batch using military-grade hardware, though, the powerful subsonic frequencies liquefied his organs.
- "Curl Up And Die": a male Chatty Hairdresser from The '70s makes a habit of seducing his female clientele with alcohol and quaaludes, a drug that was legal until the 80s. At the end of the day, he was so hopped up on ludes and booze that he passed out on his curling iron, burning his trachea to a crisp.
- "Guns N' Noses": An African warlord named Tomo is addicted to brown-brown, a mixture of cocaine and nitroglycerine-containing gunpowder. He snorts lines of the stuff off a surface he had previously placed diamonds on, mixing the drug with microscopic diamond filaments that shred their way throughout his circulatory system. Moreover, he couldn't feel it because of cocaine's numbing effects.
- "Fecal Attraction": A Keith Richards-esque rock star that runs out of drugs gets a tip from his bandmate on making jenkem, a hallucinogenic drug created from fermented human sewage. After running out of the "main ingredient" to make jenkem, he resorts to sniffing waste from a port-a-potty and dies from the high amount of methane.
- "Therm-Assed": A girl forced to go to a religious retreat spikes dinner with ecstasy. While everyone is high on the drug, she chokes a bit on some soot from a campfire and reaches for a thermos to wash it out. The problem? The thermos had boiling-hot water in it, which inflames her epiglottis and chokes her.
- "Dead on Arrival": A drug smuggler tries to sneak LSD through an airport by soaking his shirt in it and wearing it. His perspiration causes the LSD to be absorbed into his system, with the ensuing dose being enough to cook his brain.
- "Em-Bear-Assed": A man was hopped up on "magic mushrooms", suffering hallucinations and erratic behaviors. Later on, he stumbles upon a furry orgy whose participants rejected his attempts to join. Eventually, he tries to screw a live bear he mistook for a lone furry in a bear suit, and predictably gets eaten.
- "Raider of the Lost Narc": A girl addicted to morphine went to a hospital and made a bogus 911 call to send them away while she snuck inside to steal some. However, in her rush to get out as the garage door was closing, she dropped the morphine bottles and ended up crushed to death by the door as she tried to reach for them.
- "Micro-Whacked": A chronic drug addict named Dennis took a cocktail that drastically slows down his perception of time. When he tried to talk to someone on the phone, people couldn't keep up with him and he couldn't listen to music because it was too slow. The kicker was when he microwaved his lava lamp to make it move fast to his liking, causing it to explode and force open the microwave's door, sending boiling hot liquid and glass shard directly to his skull, killing him in seconds.
- "Succu-Offed": A pair of cactus robbers get high on mescal and Peyote to celebrate having stolen a valuable Saguaro plant, which results in both getting shared hallucination about the Saguaro spirit's voice reprimanding them for their sins and declaring they will die. As the robbers were frantically running from the voice, one ends up impaled on an Agave plant and dies of a cardiac tamponade, while the other fell on a smaller Saguaro, whose needles punctured his eyes and his brain.
- "Apocalypse Harley": A Charlie Sheen-esque TV actor targeted by a mercenary who looks like Marlon Brando gets hopped up on coke and tiger blood before brandishing a machete to fight him. Hilariously winning death ensues.
- "Glow Job": A predatory drug dealer at a rave commits the mistake of sampling his own merchandise and finds a kiddie pool where people are playing in glowstick fluid. He's so high he decides to inject the luminescent dye directly into his bloodstream, causing the phenol in the fluid to shut down his nervous system and cause liver failure.
- "Out to Launch": A group of stoners fooled around in a park until the victim in their group suggested using his motorcycle on a kids' carousel by revving the back tire up against the base. The carousel spins so fast that it creates a centrifugal force that eventually sends the victim flying into a sandbox, impaling his mouth on a horseshoe's pole which stuck out the back of his head and splitting his brain stem in two, killing him instantly.
- "Died-Zilla": A bride who recently got out of rehab since she had a history of drug abuse snorts a lot of bath salts gifted by her bridesmaids at her bridal shower, turning her into a full-out Bridezilla. After thrashing her dressing room and having sex with the Best Man, she arrives at the wedding completely high, much to her groom's and guests' dismay. However, she starts overheating from an overdose and died right before she could say, "I do."
- "White Wetting": A drug addict who gets high by smoking cigarettes dipped in PCP goes berserk from the drug's effects and proceeds to wreak havoc on a nearby supermarket by thrashing several aisles. When the supermarket's rent-a-cop noticed him, he made a run for it but ends up slipping and sliding into a pyramid of beer kegs, which fall on top of him and crush him to death. Fortunately for him, the PCP's numbing effects prevented him from feeling any pain.
- "War-done": The sadistic warden of a women's prison ends up eating a cupcake laced with PCP from a box he confiscated from an inmate. The drug soon causes him to go berserk, wreaking havoc in his office, and scaring off his dog. One of the guards sees the commotion and tries to calm him down with a flashbang grenade after he bellyflopped from his desk, but the grenade landed too close to his head before exploding, blowing it off and putting an end to his one-man prison riot.
- "Bad Assid": Five bored friends on a rainy day take acid to quell their boredom. One of them, named Alice, took two hits since her boyfriend left her. When all of them "swim around" in an empty pool thinking it was filled with water, Alice decides to bellyflop into the pool, which crushes her spinal column and skull upon falling into the hard concrete, causing her to die instantly.
- "The Day the Magic Died": A pair of drug addicts assaulted, terrorized, and tied up a magic shop owner to take his money. When they found a bottle of what looked like cocaine, they happily snorted lines of the stuff while "thanking" the owner. Much to the pair's dismay and horror, it turns out the powder wasn't cocaine but a polymer called "G4," used by stage magicians to simulate water disappearing due to its hyper-absorbent properties. That said, the powder absorbed the water in the druggies' noses on its way to their tracheas, choking both of them to death.
- "Huffington Toast": A group of huffers stumble upon industrial-grade solvents while getting high as kites from the spray paint fumes to the point of brain damage. One of them asks to be soaked in said solvents to inhale them off his clothing, but as these start to drain his body heat, he asks for a lighter, which ends up lighting the solvents on fire. The poor bastard dies from second-degree burns and protein loss while his buddies got Caught on Tape by the CCTV cameras and charged with manslaughter.
- "Weed Whacked": Investigators found a pair of stoners dead in front of a video camera, and the confiscated tape reveals the cause of death: they ran out of marijuana and set out to sample several plants they could find, going as far as trying horse droppings to get a "buzz." However, they eventually find and sample an unknown plant that would certainly get them high, but the stoners start vomiting. It turns out the plant they smoked was poison sumac, which was the most toxic in the US. Both stoners die from asphyxiation from pulmonary edema after the irritating poison swole up their alveoli.
