- Take a drink every time Mell pulls out an absurd-looking BFG from nowhere.
- ... every time Dave is obviously an evil genius.
- ... whenever Helen does something or possesses an item that is sickeningly twee.
- ... when Dave does something or possesses an item that is stereotypically nerdy, above and beyond the requirements of his job as computer tech (certain story-lines might give you alcohol poisoning, such as "David Cronenberg's the Geek.")
- ... every time Dr. Narbon goes "Heh heh heh."
- ... every time Helen is gibbering mad and does something truly bizarre like trying to set her pants on fire.
- ... whenever Madblood is kind of pathetic.
- ... whenever Madblood says something dastardly and villainous.
- ... whenever Mell is clearly gunning for the position of Big Bad.
- Chug when she fulfills her ambitions by destroying the universe on the videotape.
- ... whenever Yak-face is mentioned.
- Chug your drink whenever Yak-face actually appears (once for each appearance.)
- ... Whenever personality sprites appear.
- Additional drinks for every sprite past two.
- Chug if you see Dave's eyes. Young Dave and other people transmogrified into Dave do not count.
- Take a drink whenever Dave lists horrible things Helen has done to him in the past.
- Two if it's clear he loves his job because of those things.
- ... whenever Dave inexplicably thinks he used to be a smoker.
- ... whenever Shakespeare gets quoted.
- two if it's a misquote (recognizably or identified as such in the Director's Cut)
- two if it's Merchant of Venice.
- Chug if it's a misquote of Merchant of Venice.
- Take a drink whenever Artie hints at his sexuality.
- Two if it's before Shaenon decided that Artie was gay.
- Drink whenever a character is transmogrified.
- ... a character changes genders.
- And again if it's used for sexual purposes.
- Chug whenever a main character first gets in a relationship.
- Chug whenever a Little Nemo-style year-end strip appears. With any luck you'll be passed out before you see two, if you read at a human rate.
- Chug when you see a blonde teenage girl with round glasses.
- Take another if you're rereading and you realize it's not her.
- Drink deeply if there's no way to tell, because time travel.
- Drink whenever Dave is drunk enough to start singing Free Bird.
- If you're brave, whenever the characters drink, match Dave or your favorite main character drink for drink. When Dave's brain is in the alcohol solution... there's no helping you.
If you're reading the Director's Cut commentary:
- Take a very small sip whenever Shaenon is needlessly self-deprecating.
- Take a drink if you actually agree with her.
- Take a drink whenever Shaenon gives a poorly-marked spoiler
- Chug the first time Shaenon spoils that Dave goes mad.
- Take a drink whenever Shaenon mentions that she drew someone she knows into a strip.
- Sip (or maybe don't drink at all) if it's Andrew Farago or you'll black out.
- When Shaenon points out the plans for Chugbot in the background, shout his name and robotically chug.
