Double Entendre / Up Pompeii

Seeing how rife the innuendo in the series was, the film seems to have three a minute!

• Even the film's theme isn't free from them:
  Up Pompeii!
  Up Pompeii!
  I never seem to get it...
  U~u~u~u~up Pompeii!
• Lurcio discussing the plans for Ludicrus Sextus' latest orgy with Vinus:
  Lurcio: This time it's to celebrate the Festival of the Prolific Goose. Lay all night.
• Cassandra warns of Pompeii's impending doom:
  Cassandra: Repent now, I say, or suffer the fate that befell the wicked people of Gomorrah.
  Lurcio: Quite, quite.
  Cassandra: And Sodom.
  Lurcio: I quite agree, dear. The lot of them.
• Lurcio on the topic of Cassandra's love life:
  Lurcio: Well, did you notice that ring she had on? She had a ring, mmm, well, apparently, that was given to her by the man she loved when she was eighteen, you see, an' he left her, an' she's never had it off since.
• Procuria discussing Sutra's past with Lurcio:
  Procuria: In the court of Samarkand, she once held a very unique position.
  Lurcio: On top of the wardrobe, I should think.
• Lurcio arguing with Procuria over the price of slave girls:
  Procuria: Well, don't blame me. It's the inflation that does it.
  Lurcio: Oh... I wondered how she got them that size.
• Captain Bilius ordering Lurcio to move his donkey, Betty:
  Captain Bilius: Here, you there! Slave!
  Lurcio: 'Oo, me?
  Captain Bilius: Yes, you. Move your ass.
  Lurcio: (Beat) Well, that's nice, isn't it?
• After Captain Bilius falls off his horse:
  Captain Bilius: Oh, I've hurt my coccyx.
  Lurcio: I thought he bowled his back?
• When Ludicrus Sextus compliments Erotica:
  Ludicrus Sextus: Dear child, so lovely. So chaste.
  Lurcio: And so easily caught.
• Prosperus Maximus introduces Captain Bilius to Voluptua:
  Prosperus Maximus: This is my wife, the Lady Voluptua.
  Captain Bilius: It's a great pleasure, milady.
  Voluptua: I know... I've tried it.
• Nausius tries telling Lurcio his news:
  Nausius: I feel a different person.
  Lurcio: Well, it's better than sticking to one, isn't it? Teehee.
  Nausius: Lurcio, I've lost it.
  Lurcio: Pardon?
  Nausius: I've lost it.
  Lurcio: You haven't?!
  Nausius: Yes, I have. I have lost my heart!
  Lurcio: Oh.
• When Captain Bilius discusses staying in Prosperus Maximus' palace with Voluptua:
  Voluptua: You will be staying with us, Captain?
  Captain Bilius: Certainly, yes, milady. I mean if you have room for me.
  Voluptua: I'm sure I can fit you in somewhere.
• When Lurcio discusses the slave girls hired for Ludicrus Sextus' orgy:
  Lurcio: You see, the trouble they're foreign. They've come over here to learn the language. Au pair girls. (Beat) Now there's an "Oh!" pair if I ever saw one.
• When Lurcio asks Scrubba for the wine:
  Lurcio: Right now, Scrubba. I'm ready for it.
  Scrubba: Me too.
  Lurcio: No, dear, for the wine.
• When Ammonia chats with Captain Bilius during Ludicrus Sextus' orgy:
  Ammonia: A drink, perhaps?
  Captain Bilius: No.
  Ammonia: Well, there must be something that you'd like?
  Captain Bilius: Well, perhaps just a quick one.
  Ammonia: Here? Or upstairs?
• When Rumpus leaves Erotica during Ludicrus Sextus' orgy:
  Erotica: Well, it really is a bit stiff!
• When Captain Bilius is trying to get Lurcio to give him the scroll:
  Captain Bilius: You know what I want, don't you?
  Lurcio: Certainly not! I have not the slightest idea.
  Captain Bilius: Oh, yes you have. It's about that long.
  Lurcio: Flattery will get you nowhere.
• When Flavia is attending to Voluptua:
  Voluptua: Put my 'air up, Flavia. It gets in my way when I'm riding.
  Flavia: Oh, I'm sorry, milady. I didn't know you were going out tonight.
  Voluptua: Who said anything about going out?
• When Voluptua is seducing Ludicrus Sextus:
  Ludicrus Sextus: Let me tell you the latest position.
  Voluptua: I probably know it but carry on.
• When Lurcio tries to calm down the overexcited Christians:
  Lurcio: Alright, stop doing that. You'll screw yourself into the ground.
  Christian: Ay, grandad.
  Lurcio: You can screw yourself too.
• When Ludicrus Sextus comes to terms with the fact he can't let Lurcio die:
  Ludicrus Sextus: It's no use, Ammonia. I can't do it.
  Ammonia: Well, that's nothing new.
• When Lurcio gives Biggia a massage:
  Biggia: That's right. Knead it, knead it!
  Lurcio: So do I, dear, but I can't always get it.
• When Cassandra asks Lurcio if he can feel the rumbling from Mount Vesuvius:
  Cassandra: Don't you feel anything?
  Lurcio: I rarely get the chance, dear, an' I've got no time now.

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