SMG4's Mario Bloopers Characters index
SMG4's Gang (Mario) (Modern) | SMG3's Gang | Other Mario characters | Other characters (Non-Mario Characters - Minor — Original Characters - Major) | Guards N' Retards
SMG4's Gang (Mario) (Modern) | SMG3's Gang | Other Mario characters | Other characters (Non-Mario Characters - Minor — Original Characters - Major) | Guards N' Retards
Overall
- Synthetic Voice Actor: Everyone except the Crazy Raisin Lady, Morgan Freeman, and Ivan have text-to-speech voices.
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Protagonists
Christopher "Chris" Gordman
Voiced by: Microsoft Mike
First appearance: "Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory" (2014)
One of the main protagonists of the "Guards N' Retards" along with his partner Swag who work as guards in a Spaghetti Factory. Uses the "Arctic Commander" model from GoldenEye (1997). He's much more competent and sane than Swag is. He and Swagmaster69696969696 have been playing more antagonistic roles in the main SMG4 series recently.- Anti-Hero: Though he's a lot nicer than Swagmaster, he can be just as violent and reckless as the latter is.
- Art Evolution: Originally animated in GoldenEye, as of "Mario Saves Anime" he and Swagmaster are animated entirely in Garry's Mod.
- The Artifact: One of the only two recurring characters to keep appearing after the spinoff discontinued.
- Ax-Crazy: Just like Swagmaster, he has a tendency to shoot people who annoy him.
- Berserk Button: Everything Swagmaster does.
- Butt-Monkey: Even more so than Greg, simply because he has more screen time. He usually has to suffer along with Swag whenever they screw up. Which happens very often.
- Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: Functions as this to Swagmaster.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: While Swagmaster has the lion's share of moments in "Mario's Prison Escape", he assists him by disarming Saiko of her shotgun with a magnet.
- Dark and Troubled Past: According to "Mario Tries Life Hacks", Chris' parents were brutally killed in a horrific accident. And Mario was using the only CD of them as a coffee mug.
- Deadpan Snarker: Especially around Swag. But tends to be sarcastic towards most of the workers.
- Drowning My Sorrows: In "Mario Goes on Death Row", he takes on alot of alcohol as his last meal as he awaits his death.
- Expy: His Microsoft Mike voice and more down to earth and cynical personality make him similar to The Arbiter from Arby 'n' the Chief.
- The Heavy: Of the Anime Arc, along with Swagmaster. After Peach bans anime, the A.S.S. do most of the heavy lifting, prior to their Heel–Face Turn.
- Nice Guy: Well, nicer than Swagmaster at least.
- Not So Above It All: He's shown on occasion to join in on Swag's antics. One example would be the end of "Prisoners" where he happily agrees to Swag's idea of drawing penises all over Sergeant Mark's desk.
- Only Sane Man: He's the only one who takes his job as a guard seriously and believes that pretty much everyone working there acts like a mental patient.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The serious Blue Oni to Swag's Red.
- Straight Man: Serves as a foil to Swag's antics.
- Unexplained Recovery: He commits suicide at the end of "Le train breach", only to show up alive and well next episode.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With his partner Swag. Despite being the victim of Swag's antics, he does care about him, even saving him from getting shot by Saiko in "Mario's Prison Escape".
Swagmaster69696969696
He's probably thinking about banging Your Mom.
Voiced by: Microsoft Sam
First appearance: "Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory" (2014)
One of the main protagonists of the "Guards N' Retards along with his partner Chris who work as guards in a Spaghetti Factory. Uses the "St. Petersburg Guard" model from GoldenEye (1997). He's very unintelligent and often causes a lot of the problems in the series.- All Men Are Perverts: Has an unhealthy obsession with breasts and is even the main conflict in "Guards N' Retards: Pointy Things".
- Ambiguously Bi: He's clearly a pervert with a dangerous obsession with women's breasts, but he also shows signs of being attracted to men such as going to gay bars, flirting with a man in a bathroom stall and having a crush on Sonic as of "If Mario was in The Sonic Movie". He denies it, however.
- Anti-Hero: He is a violent and reckless character who tends to shoot people annoying him.
- Armored Closet Gay: He is canonically married to Sonic the Hedgehog, yet he still insists he's straight as long as he says "no homo."
- Art Evolution: Same as Chris.
- The Artifact: One of the only two recurring characters to keep appearing after the spinoff discontinued.
- Ax-Crazy: Very much yes. Points for actually wielding an ax in "Mario's Prison Escape".
- Berserk Button:
- If he is not invited to a swag party...
- Hurting Chris. Francis' anime replicas learned this the hard way.
- Don't you dare say your penis is bigger than his.
- Beware the Silly Ones: He's a massive Cloudcuckoolander and rather incompetent besides, but when he puts his mind to something, be very afraid. A good example is "Mario's Prison Escape"; he chases Mario and friends through the vents with an ax and even takes their getaway vehicle out with a rocket launcher, despite being as much of a manchild as usual.
- Cloudcuckoolander: So very much.
- Cold Ham : His Microsoft Sam voice doesn’t give him a wide range of emotions, but thanks to his inflated ego, he is still very much a Large Ham who will steal the spotlight with his overly dramatic performances and Badass Boasts whenever he has the opportunity.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: As of "Mario's Prison Escape", while he's still very much a moron, he's capable of tanking Meggy's attacks with nothing more than a complaint that she shot off his pelvis, and landed a direct incapacitating shot on the Tari-boosted escape truck.
- The Determinator: Dodges every attack and kills every one of Francis' anime replicas once Chris is shot.
- The Ditz: How he got the guard job in the first place is questionable since he's possibly mentally challenged.
- Expy: His Microsoft Sam voice and his extreme lack of intelligence or morality make him just like Master Chief from Arby 'n' the Chief, only with better grammar.
- Gratuitous Spanish: On occasion as of "Mario goes to the dentist", after he and Tari decide to flee to Mexico.Swagmaster: Hola Tari, ¿cómo estás disfrutando de nuestra nueva vida?
- The Heavy: Of the Anime Arc, along with Chris. After Peach bans anime, the A.S.S. do most of the heavy lifting, prior to their Heel–Face Turn.
- Informed Attribute: During his debut, Swagmaster said his name comes from his YouTube channel, yet this channel has never been seen, not even outside of Guards 'n Retards either, or even the "MarioTube" videos which actually have characters uploading YouTube videos.
- Insistent Terminology: Regardless of him falling in love with a male hedgehog, Swag is not being homosexual.
- Jerkass Has a Point: During the episode Mario Works at Mcdonalds Chris insists the disaster Mario caused would've been avoided if Swagmaster had just done his job. However, as Swagmaster stated it was Chris' idea to hire Mario in the first place knowing how dangerous he can be.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: A selfish, boorish and very violent individual. But make no mistake; he does truly care about Chris, as shown in World War Mario. It's also shown one of the things that truly pisses him off is when Chris gets hurt.
- Know When to Fold 'Em: 2022 has seen Swag recognizing when he can't win a fight and preferring to stay out of the conflict, in opposition to his usual character.
- Laser-Guided Karma: One day, he kicked some aliens into the sand and ruined their ice cream. The next day, the same aliens shoot a door to pinch his "swag willy".
- Lethally Stupid: His general reaction to a lot of the situations is to use explosive weapons to the point where Chris can't trust him to go out on his own.
- Let's Get Dangerous!: After Mario and co. escape from prison, he and Chris chase them down and despite some setbacks, almost catch them. Swag gets another one of these moments in "World War Mario" after Chris gets shot, going full Leeroy Jenkins on the anime replicas that did it and capturing that bunker in the process.
- LOL, 69: It's in his name.
- Never My Fault: Whenever he does something extraordinarily stupid, he will blame Chris for it.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: So far, Swagmaster has only been addressed by his supposed YouTube username, and his real name hasn't been revealed as of late.
- Only Sane Man: No really. In 2022 videos such as "Mario Waits For The Bus" and "Mario's Bus Trip", Swag has been shown to put his Ax-Crazy tendencies aside when he knows that it's pointless to get in a conflict. He's also disturbed when Shroomy makes him run over a bear.
- Pet the Dog: Don't be fooled, he actually has moments of this
- In "World War Mario", when Chris gets shot (he survives, thankfully), Swagmaster gets enraged and goes after the anime girl drawings who shot his best friend.
- In "The Totally Legit Learning Show With SMG4" Just when Chris was about to walk out thus ending his friendship with him, Swagmaster remembers a memory of when he invited everyone he knew to a New Year's Eve party, no-one apart from Chris came and brought a box of sponge cake, which Chris points out was so many years ago (unknown how many), Swagmaster then tells Chris that while he may not have any good memories of him and Swagmaster, Swagmaster admits that he does, they share a hug afterwards.
- Plucky Comic Relief: Serves as this in the more serious SMG4 story arcs like the Anime Arc and the Genesis Arc.
- Psychopathic Manchild: He's a grown man who causes a bunch of senseless destruction, and generally acts like an undisciplined six-year old.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The overly excited and reckless Red Oni to Chris' Blue.
- Rhyming with Itself: Once won a rap battle only using "Your Mom"
- Small Name, Big Ego: Very stuck-up, but has nothing to back up his supposed skill.
- Somewhat subverted, as when he's actually focused enough, he's much more capable of backing up his ego.
- Taught by Experience: You'd expect him not to learn anything useful, but he learned from the Genesis Arc that trying to fight immortals with bullets is pointless and will actually avoid combat with them, something unexpected from an Ax-Crazy guy like him.
- Too Dumb to Live: He often causes dangerous situations in his and Chris' lives due to his habit of doing things a sensible person wouldn't do. He seems to have gotten over this as of "Mario Waits For The Bus".
- Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Full stop. His stupidity and ego are just there for comedy, though he does show some good qualities, mainly his genuine care for Chris.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: With his partner Chris.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Swag is absolutely horrified of dentists. As revealed in "Mario Goes to the Dentist", he hasn't gone in for an appointment in 4 years, Chris has to physically restrain him with a straitjacket to even get him into the reception area, and his first instinct upon breaking out is to flee the country with Tari.
- Your Mom: Does this a lot, and at one point he even defeats Skid and Pump in a rap battle via rapping almost nothing but "your mom" over and over.
Admiral Greg
First appearance: "Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory" (2014)
Admiral Greg is one of Chris and Swag's superiors, along with Sergeant Mark and Tubbie Wonka. Greg has a "no nonsense" attitude, and always puts following the rules ahead of everything else, and because of this, nobody really likes him. Despite this, he has been shown to be very polite and forgiving, as well as very responsible and concerned. Uses the "Russian Soldier" model from GoldenEye (1997).- The Bus Came Back: Makes a cameo in the "World War Mario" segment of the 5,000,000 subscribers special and later in a bus in "Mario Reacts To Nintendo Memes 2."
- Butt-Monkey: He often gets nipple twisted by Swagmaster.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Thanks to his no nonsense attitude.
- I Am Very British: He speaks in a British Accent.
- Lethally Stupid: He thought the TNT in "da bomb" was a pack of hot dogs. Needless to say when he tried to cook them...
- Nice Guy: He's always friendly and polite.
- The Voiceless: In all of his cameo appearances after the side series ended, he never speaks.
Sergeant Mark
First appearance: "The Butt Ninja" (2014)
Sergeant Mark is one of Chris and Swag's superiors, along with Admiral Greg and Tubbie Wonka. Uses the "Moonraker Elite" model from GoldenEye (1997).- The Bus Came Back: Makes a cameo in the "World War Mario" segment of the 5,000,000 subscribers special and later in a bus in "Mario Reacts To Nintendo Memes 2."
- Drill Sergeant Nasty
- Mean Boss: He is quite abrasive towards Chris and Swagmaster. Not that they're any better than him.
- Pointy-Haired Boss: He's got shades of this. In "Swag Party Hostages", he accidentally sent nuclear missile codes to Chris and Swagmaster, the latter of whom is a impulsive dumbass with the maturity of a ten-year-old. That alone says enough.
- Straight Gay: He states "Jackpot" upon seeing a naked Mario at the end of "Swag Party Hostages."
- The Voiceless: In all of his cameo appearances after the side series ended, he never speaks.
Tubbie Wonka
First appearance: "Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory" (2014)
The owner of Fresh Spaghetti Tubbie in "Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory".- The Bus Came Back: "Le Train breach" marked his first actual appearance since the pilot.
- Shout-Out: To Willy Wonka. He wears the same hat worn by The Cat in the Hat.
- Unexplained Recovery: After being ground up into Tubby Custard by Mario, he reappears in the series perfectly fine.
Antagonists
The Butt Ninja
First appearance: "The Butt Ninja" (2014)
Uses the "Terrorist (Multiplayer; with Dinner Jacket)" model from GoldenEye (1997).- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: the butt ninja.
- The Dragon: To the Terrorist in Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages.
- Heel–Face Turn: Joins Swagmaster and Chris' party at the end of Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages.
The Terrorist
First appearance: "Swag Party Hostages" (2014)
Uses the "Valentin Zukovski" model from GoldenEye (1997).- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Swag Party Hostages.
Agent Biker
First appearance: 'Le train breach' (2015)
A spy who works under Raymond who steals the briefcase that Chris and Swagmaster were supposed to protect. Uses the "Biker" model from GoldenEye (1997).- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Le train breach until it's revealed that he is working for Raymond.
- The Dragon: To Raymond in Guards N' Retards: Le train breach.
Reymond D. Gai
First appearance: 'Le train breach' (2015)
The French-like boss of a rival spaghetti company who wishes to obtain the secret spaghetti formula of Fresh Spaghetti Tubbie in order to bring his spaghetti company rise back into the limelight. Uses the "Oddjob" model from GoldenEye (1997).- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Le train breach.
- French Jerk: Has a thick French accent.
- The Napoleon: The Big Bad of "Le train breach" and a really short guy. He can even put up with Swag in a fist fight.
- Punny Name: His name is a mondegreen of "Reymond the Guy".
Ivan
Voiced By: Garrett Menshew
First appearance: 'Swag Magic' (2015)
A creepy wizard dude who offers to help Swagmaster and Chris, but at a price.- Big Bad: Of Guards N' Retards: Swag Magic.
- Tom the Dark Lord: He can make portals to different worlds and can summon dangerous(?) minions and his name is Ivan.
Side characters
Crazy Raisin Lady
First appearance: 'Super Mario 64 Christmas Special 2011'
A crazy old lady who tends to shoot anything that moves. Uses the "Civilian (a)" model from GoldenEye (1997). She made a couple appearances in this series and also appears in the main series with her design being changed into a Pokémon sprite. See this page for her presence in the main series.- Ax-Crazy: And HOW!
- Character Catchphrase: "RAISINS!"
- Trademark Favorite Food: Take a guess.
Titty Sprinkles
First appearance: "Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory" (2014)
A man with Morgan Freeman's voice who tends to explode a lot. Uses the "May Day" model from GoldenEye (1997).The Pointy Boob Lady
First appearance: 'Pointy things' (2014)
A lady with pointy, uh, boobs, who Swag gets creepily attracted to. After Swag accidentially kills her, she is revealed by an oblivious Mark to be his mother.- The Bus Came Back: After over seven years at that, finally reappearing in "The Floor Is Lava".
- Not Helping Your Case: When her charred body is found by Mark, Swag denies to have killed her since she looks nothing like the pointy boob lady. He then proceeds to put two party hats on what was once her breasts.Swag: There, now she does.
