The cast of the first Banal Fantasy and the tropes related to them.
For the actual Final Fantasy VII characters parodied here, see its characters sheet.
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Main characters
Crade Strip
Young man with a mysterious past, he doesn't really care much about anything and lives as a mercenary.- Anime Hair: Only Kissyfrotte knows how Crade makes this haircut (after they spent a night together). They became momentarily straight after a forced bath in the Life Stream.
- Badass Biker: Subverted as he is riding a regular cycle.
- BFS: Frequently falls on the ground due to not being fixed to anything on his back and is the subject of numerous Double Entendre.
- Chick Magnet: Almost every single female character he encounters more or less hits on him.
- Classical Anti-Hero: He starts the adventure as a selfish mercenary.
- Covert Pervert: He was one in his youth.
- Demoted to Extra: He is this in Dirge of Cerberus thanks to his massive consumption of antidepressants to forget about his shitty life.
- Even the Guys Want Him: Barette, Keno, Kissyfrotte, some henchmen…
- Expy: Of Cloud Strife.
- The Leader: Imposed himself as one despite Barette's objection.
- Only Sane Man: Despite some rage outburst, he clearly is one of the most reasonable member of the team and a Standardized Leader.
- Phrase Catcher: "Crade Strip? What a horrible name!"
- Punny Name: Derived from Clad Strife (the original mistranslated name). Crade means "gross" in French.
- Small Town Boredom: Why he joined the army, though it was mostly to be as far away from Tifolle as possible.
- We Used to Be Friends: He was a really close friend with Kissyfrotte before he became a villain. It is revealed later that it was actually Jack who was his friend, and that Kissy actually raped Crade who was then a mere soldier.
- Weapon Twirling: His victory pose, used to impress a ranking officer while undercover.
Barette Wallace
A tall black guy with a multifuction arm and a somewhat feminine behaviour.- Camp Gay: Despite his hard and unsuccessful attempts to look like a Manly Gay.
- Cyborg: He has an Arm Cannon and an iron penis.
- Expy: Of Barrett Wallace.
- Hypocrite: He is an ecoterrorist... Who looks for oil deposits. Lampshaded in Advent Children.
- Knight in Shining Armor: He briefly wears one before the "big fight" against Kissyfrotte.
- Mister Muffykins: His Yorkshire, Kiki. He dies after Crade accidentally shoves his foot up his ass and drops his sword on him.
- Mister Seahorse: He is actually the mother of his daughter.
- Punny Name: "Barrette" means "hairclip" in French, hinting at his Camp Gay nature.
- Real Men Wear Pink: Buff, manly, with a deep voice… Loves wearing pink robes and sailor outfits.
- Swiss-Army Weapon: His Arm Cannon have many functions, including a radiator, a color printer and a sextoy.
Tifolle Dickhart
Crade's nymphomaniac childhood friend.- Betty and Veronica: The Veronica to Ahérée's Betty.
- Brainless Beauty: She's hot as hell, but not the sharpest tool in the shed until some Character Development.
- Character Development: She becomes way more intelligent after winning a brain at the ChocoBN races. And trying to memorize a thesaurus.
- Embarrassing Tattoo: She got a tattoo on her chest in Waïkiki's village, but only realized afterward what was actually written."I am... a... SLUT?!
- Expy: Of Tifa Lockhart.
- Generation Xerox: Her mother is implied to be as much as a nymphomaniac than she is, age be damned.
- Inconsistent Spelling: The official material sometimes spells her name as "Tifole" (minus one "l").
- Once Done, Never Forgotten: Nobody forgot how she spent the group's whole savings to buy a pair of rubber mittens in Calme.
- Punny Name: "Tifolle" is close of "T'es folle", meaning "You're crazy" said to a female.
- Really Gets Around: While Crade has top priority in her list, she won't think twice about offering herself to anybody.
- Rescue Romance: She fell in love with Crade after he saved her life. And promply rewarded him with a blowjob. While they were 12.
- Shameless Fanservice Girl: Ask politely enough and she'll rip her clothes off without hesitation. And let you cop a feel and more.
Ahérée Gainsbourg
An enthusiastic flower seller with mysterious origins.- Betty and Veronica: The Betty to Tifolle's Veronica.
- Character Development: She is just an Innocent Flower Girl in the first chapter, but then becomes the voice of reason and wise girl of the group (by default, when compared to Tifolle and Pouffie).
- Dumb Blonde: Averted, as she is pretty smart and
dyes her hair but is still cursed to slip on Banana Peels. - Expy: Of Aerith Gainsborough.
- Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: The only way Crade found to calm her when she was a too insistant seller.
- Genki Girl: Was that in the first chapter, then this trope was attributed to Pouffie.
- Half-Human Hybrid: She is the daughter of a human scientist and an Old Hag.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Serge Gainsbourg's last name. Herself lamphades that she is named like the singer "only less drunk".
- Nonindicative Name: "Ahérée" could be translated by "light-headed". She almost was at the beginning but her character eventually became one of the smartest of the group.
- Not Quite Dead: Unlike the original character, she actually survives the Banana Peel slip into the lake.
- Petite Pride: She likes and has no problem at all with her small chest (and neither does Crade) but Tifolle, jealous of her relation with Crade, often calls her a "breadboard" (to which she usually calls her back "airbags").
- Unstoppable Rage: After she was left for dead in Old Hag City, she came back really mad at Crade, persuaded that he dumped her for Tifolle.
- Weaksauce Weakness: She is cursed to slip on any banana peel she encounters because of her blonde hair.
Waïkiki
A research specimen on the anthropophagous behavior among canid species with atrio-capillary features.- Badass Bookworm: He reads Kant and can overpower Kissyfrotte.
- Catchphrase: "Excellent!" or "My balls itch !!!" followed by licking sounds.
- Expy: Of Nanaki/Red XIII.
- Intellectual Animal: It surprised Jojo who thought he was a ferocious mutant dog.
- Insistent Terminology. He is not a dog. He is "a research specimen on the anthropophagous behavior among canid species with atrio-capillary features".
- The Lancer: He is to Crade. Durendal made him this because he was one of his favorite characters in the game.
- Nice Guy: He is friendly with the whole team, and the whole team love him back.
- Older Than They Look: He is 47, but claims to actually be 16 in dog years.
- Only Sane Man: Well actually Only Sane Research Specimen. His wisdom contrast with the rest of the team despite a somewhat childish behaviour and some animal traits resurfacing by occasion.
- Punny Name: Waikiki is a brand of children streetwear popular in France in the 1990s.
- Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: His convoluted way to speech makes him difficult to understand to some members of the team.
- Talking Animal: He is despite his numerous claims that he is not an dog.
- The Smart Guy: He has an encyclopedic knowledge on several subjects he learned during his captivity by Jojo.
- You Are Number 6: Jojo gave him the codename "Violet 35" for some reason.
Pouffie
A ninja/thief/fashion victim.- Bratty Half-Pint: She is 16 but so childish looking and immature the team mistakes her for being 8.
- Defeat Means Friendship: Well, "friendship" might be to much of a word, but at least she helps them after they caught her red handed trying to steal their stuff.
- Expy: Of Yuffie Kisaragi.
- Fuuma Shuriken: Cool, but Inefficient. Waïkiki instinctively catches it like a throwing disc.
- Genki Girl: She is quite enthusiastic, and has an obsession with throwing a "giga-party".
- Laser-Guided Karma: She tries to steal her friend's materias, and ends up left alone tied up almost naked to a giant statue.
- Ninja Brat: Like the original character, she is one of the most blatant example of the trope. She is cocky, rude, not bright and not that talented to begin with.
- Punny Name: "Pouffie" is close to "pouffiasse", meaning "bitch".
- Small Name, Big Ego: She says she follows the group only because they begged her, except they didn't and they even defeated her in the first place.
Kel Shite
A robot plush who works as a fortune teller in the Saucée d'Or.- Demoted to Extra: One of the main characters in the game, but has almost no role here (Durendal didn't like the character).
- Double Agent: Kel Shite gave the Shie-Ra the key to the Old Hag City, but actually helped the heroes when he could (or rather when they allowed him) and even sacrificed himself in repentance.
- Dreadful Musician: According to him, people just don't get his art.
- Heroic Sacrifice: He accepts to answers the Black Meteria challenge and get crushed to death to redeem himself and prevent Kissyfrotte from using it.
- Killed Off for Real: You though Kel Shite's death was only temporary like in the game? NOPE! He says goodbye to the audience, sad he didn't have more lines, and we never see him again, even in the Dance Party Ending. However, he eventually comes back in Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, still with a minor role.
- Loud of War: His screams are so powerful they could kill a giant monster!
- Make Me Wanna Shout: His main attack consists of shouting really loud in a megaphone. Between this and his horrible voice, no wonder they don't allow him in the episodes.
- No-Respect Guy: Nobody likes him, even forgiving characters like Waïkiki or Ahérée.
- Not-So-Phony Psychic: Kel Shite pretends he can see the future when he first meet with the group, and actually has some real foresight about the characters they will have in their team (though it is more cases of Breaking the Fourth Wall), as well as a scary "overclock".
- Punny Name: Mixing French and English, his name could phonetically translates as "what a shit".
- Redemption Equals Death: One of the reason he volunteered for the Black Meteria challenge is to redeemed himself for his betrayal.
Vincent Time
A former popular singer who became a sort of undead vampire.- Catchphrase: "Hi!"
- Combat Pragmatist: In Dirge Of Cerberus, he gets stuck between a large group of ennemies and a laser grid and his ammo is running dry. What does he do? Why, unscrew one of the lasers from the grid and uses it as a lightsaber.
- Dance Battler: He learned tango and uses it in battle in Banal Fantasy Advent Children. When Crade asks him if he couldn't use the money to fix his voice instead, Vincent replies that it was too expensive.
- Dreadful Musician: He is to almost everyone, but he was surprisingly immensely popular when he was young.
- Expy: Of Vincent Valentine and French singer and poker player Patrick Bruel (actually his portrayal in the French show Les Guignols de l'Info).
- Flanderization: He barely talked about his former career in the main saga and was mostly annoyed by his female fans. In Dirge Of Cerberus, however, he frequently wonder who people don't recognize him anymore or why women don't go clothes-ripping crazy when they learn he is Patrick Bruel.
- Hero of Another Story: Of Banal Fantasy Dirge Of Cerberus.
- Punny Name: His name is an extremely basic French "Knock Knock" Joke.note
- Straight Gay: He ends up in a relationship with Cidre.
- Vocal Dissonance: He is Tall, Dark, and Snarky but has a horrible voice.
Cidre Hautvent
This grumpy guy is the mechanical genius behind the Highwind.- The Alcoholic: To a way lesser extent than Jojo, but still. His name means "cider" after all.
- Censored for Comedy: He is the only character censored despite not being the most vulgar to accentuate his grumpy behavior.
- Expy: Of Cid Highwind.
- Grumpy Old Man: He is despite being only 32. He is not even technically the oldest character, but Waïkiki is young for his species and Vincent is immortal. Crade calls him a "jeune vieux" (young old guy) for this.
- I Know Madden Kombat: His "clean the floor" ability with the broom.
- Improbable Weapon User: He uses a broom he found in a dump. Mostly useless since his special skill with this weapon is literally cleaning the floor, but turns very useful twice: first when he killed a boss in an ice cave by making it slip down a crevice by brooming the ice like a curling player; second when he one-shot Jenova by making her sneeze with the dust he gathered.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed. He is married with Cher. Yes, that Cher.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Not that he is extremely more vulgar than his comrades, but he swears almost everytime he talks.
- Straight Gay: He ends up in a relationship with Vincent.
Kissyfrotte
An androgynous legendary warrior who shares a common past with Crade.- BFS: His Masamune is so long it literally takes him five seconds to draw it.
- Does Not Like Spam: He doesn't like sugar waffles.
- Early-Bird Cameo: He briefly appears at the end of Chapter 1, retrieving his sword he "forgot" on the President's back. Doubles as a Mythology Gag because unless he had a spare sword, he had to retrieve it sooner or later.
- Expy: Of Sephiroth.
- Go Mad from the Revelation: When he learned that Jénova was his mom, he became literally insane, jumping around and screaming incoherent words.
- I Want My Mommy!: Every time he is in difficulty, he calls his "mommy" for help.
- Left Hanging: He claims that he is not the real Kissyfrotte, who is actually trapped in the ice. When asked who he really is, he answers: "Hehehe… I won't tell!".
- Momma's Boy: He obeys to everything Jénova says, and at the end he is seen playing video games while his mother is taking care of the team.
- Only in It for the Money: The actor portraying Kissy In-Universe, who dropped Ocean's Eleven to play this role (though he has some remorse about it, since the movie turned out to be more successful).
- Punny Name: His name is based on Sephiroth and "Qui s'y frotte s'y pique", a French idiom which could be translated as "watch out, you might get burned".
- Toon Transformation: Figuratively. He acted like a goofy Daffy Duck when he learned his true origins.
- We Used to Be Friends: With
CradeJack. - Who's Your Daddy?: Played for Laughs when Jojo and Vincent start bickering about it. Turns out Jojo is his biological father; Vincent merely let him "borrow" his wife to give birth to Kissyfrote.
Kélaj, Loose and Zazoo
Three brothers created from Kissyfrote's consciousness, looking for Jenova.- Momma's Boy: Like Kissy, they can't go 5 minutes without stating how much they love their mom.Kélaj: Jenova is the greatest of all mothers.Dréfus: And why is that?Kélaj: She can make... Sugar waffles!
- Pædo Hunt: Loose gives this vibe when taking the kids to the Old Hag City, with his creepy voice and his muttering.
- Skewed Priorities: In Advent Children Complete, Kélaj sends Loose and Zazoo pursue Crade while he "has something to do". Namely, call his phone provider to complain about a price raise of two cents on his monthly bill.
Fesse
The leader of Deep Ground. The Shie-Ra Company
Dréfus
Durendal himself in the role of the son of the Shie-Ra president.- Creator Cameo: He is voiced by Durendal with his normal and unaltered voice.
- Friendly Enemy
- Villains Out Shopping: He loves playing Battleship with Crade.
Eiguegueguer
Shie-Ra's Director of Peace Preservation.- Covert Pervert: He watches porn on the Internet while looking for the Huge Materias. And checking his accounts.
- Evil Laugh
- Evil Sounds Deep: And with a heavy German accent for increased deepness.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Squelette.
Squelette
Shie-Ra's Director of Weapons Development.- Composite Character: She is a parody of Scarlet, but appears instead of Elena (who is completely absent here) in some scenes.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Eiguegueguer.
- Idiot Ball: She suddenly thinks that the Earth is a flat square (like on a map).
- Sleeping Their Way to the Top: In her own words, she slept with her bosses for ten years to get to her actual position.
- Villainous Breakdown: She is reduced to a crying wreck when Waikiki defeats the Super Lourdaud by pissing on it's leg (because the electric components weren't waterproofed).
Jojo
The head scientist of the Shie-Ra, known as "l'homme qui boit tellement qu'il est devenu barjo".note- The Alcoholic: He is an extreme drinker and is never sober, and literally addicted to wine to the point he would let the heroes wins to obtain a rare wine bottle (actually a fake cooked up by Vincent). According to himself, he has permanently 2,5 grams of alcohol in the blood.
- Broken Record: He has the tendency to say "No!" again and again, to the point where he becomes a literal Broken Record.
- Dirty Old Man: Wants to "breed" Ahérée because she is the last Old Hag. When accused to actually wanting to shoot a porn with her, he retorts the he can if he wants.
- Mad Scientist: We see more his "mad" part, but he is a brilliant scientist who can repair the Highwind, engineered a powerful laser weapon and created Kissyfrotte in the first place.
- Overly Long Gag: His "No!" joke during the Dance Party Ending.
- Smart Ball: Despite being a brilliant scientist, he is mostly regarded as a drunkard and a silly goofball. However he is the only one intelligent enough (save for Dréfus) to pilot the Highwind while the other Shie-Ra members are claiming that Earth is a flat square.note
- Trademark Favorite Drink: His favorite beverage is Côte du Chartreux wine, but he doesn't know that it is made by Bugen Haaggen-Daaz and thus allow the team to know where he is each time he orders a case.
- The Ugly Guy's Hot Son: He is the biological father of Kissyfrotte. It is lampshaded by Tifolle.
Keno
A gay member of the Truks and Barette's boyfriend.- Dating Catwoman: He is in love with Barette, no matter if he is the leader of Chute De Gravier.
- Loose Lips: He reveals intel about Kissyfrote twice to Crade and his group in order to gain their trust (but mostly Barette's). Ting lampshades it by asking him if it's his new seduction technique.
- Straight Gay: Nothing indicates his sexual orientation in his dialog, except of course when Barette is around.
- Where Everybody Knows Your Flame: The Truks' Blue Gay, a gay bar made specially for the Truks. Keno is the owner and sole customer.
Dure
Another Truk and Keno's best friend.- Demoted to Extra: He only appears in Advent Children and Last Order and almost has no lines.
Ting
The leader of the Truks.- Asian Speekee Flench
- Asian Rudeness: He is quite rude with the team, even in contrast with the other Shie-Ra members.
- Disproportionate Retribution: He sends a tax audit as revenge for someone who called his number by mistake.
- Unexplained Recovery: He barely survived the T-Rex attack, but is seen well and alive during the Dance Party Ending to the surprise of everyone, stating that he is OK now save for a broken leg.
Supporting cast
Big, Wesh and Vessie
The members of Chute De Graviernote- Skewed Priorities: Wesh wants to destroy the first reactor before midnight because it's the first Saturday of the monthnote and Vessie stays in the reactor when it's about to blow off because her spare tampon fell down.
- Undignified Death: If their wounds sustained while fighting the Shie-Ra soldiers didn't kill them, being buried under the whole content of Midgar's septic tank counts as this.
Bugen Haaggen-Daaz
The alcoholic wise old man of the Cosmo Canyon and a wine producer on his spare time.- Mr. Exposition: He gives a long explanation about the Stream of Life and the Weapons to the heroes in the planetarium. Lampshaded, as he treats them like pupils during this scene.
- Parental Substitute: For Waïkiki since the death of his father.
Don Cornetto
The criminal overlord of the Midgar slums.- Anything but That!: The two sextoys he dreads to the point of making his confess useful intel are his electricity bill and a CD of awful French pop music.
- Bondage Is Bad: He runs a snuff porn movie studio and has interesting tastes in bed.
- Disney Villain Death: He falls to his death from the top of a giant statue after Tifolle startled him.
Durendal
Creator and narrator of the saga.- Rewriting Reality: When Vincent insulted Durendal, he gave him an even more horrible voice.
Elmyra
Ahérée's adoptive mother.- Gonk: Why she's a 56-year old virgin.
- Mama Bear: She threatens to cut Crade's dick off if he sleeps with Ahérée. And tries to kill him with a shotgun when he tries to slip away from her house (thinking he wants to sleep with Ahérée).
Germaine
The owner of the Old Hag Retirement Home.- Never Mess with Granny: She might be centuries old, but she is quite skilled with a shotgun and is the only Old Hag to survive Kissyfrote's heatwave destined to kill all the Old Hags.
Jack
A former SOLDIER and friend of Kissyfrote and Crade.- Everyone Has Standards: He thinks Kissyfrote crossed a line when he raped Crade in the back of a truck and justified himself by stating that since Crade is just a grunt, he's fair game.
- My Girl Back Home: His reason to go back to Midgar, but ultimately decides against it because Elmyra will kill him upon learning he slept with her.
Jénova
Myrlaine
Barrette's daughter.- Punny Name: Based on "Mir Laine", a French brand of wool detergent.
- Running Gag: "Never noticing that her father is 2 meters tall and black". She admits that she does it on purpose in Banal Fantasy Advent Children.
Nelson Monfaible
A sports commentator who often narrates the adventures of our protagonists.- Canon Foreigner: Of course, he is not in the original material.
- Catchphrase: "Yes Patrick! Je disais: oui, Patrick!"
- Completely Unnecessary Translator: He speaks French (most of the time), his audience speaks French and the characters he interview speak French, and yet he acts like he had to "translate" everything.
- Covert Pervert: He eventually slips really bad during a wrestling match between Tifolle and Ahérée.
- Curse Cut Short: It happens quite often to him."Look at dat booty she got!! I can't believe it, what a slu-*Tifolle punches him*"
- Department of Redundancy Department: He immediately translates some of his phrases in English, including his Catchphrase.
- Gratuitous English: He translates his own commentary in English for no reason.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: A parody of French sportscaster Nelson Monfort. This overenthusiastic journalist is known for interviewing the non-French-speaking athletes during sporting events (including the Tour de France) where he quickly alternates between French and English.
- His name is actually a pun on fort (strong) and faible (weak).
- Rage Breaking Point: His first intervention was cut short while his coverage was turning into an angry rant about doping (after all the Shie-Ra mooks died of heart attacks while following Crade on bicycle)."I remind you that the average lifespan of a cyclist is 35, beyond that he becomes a legend, and I'm sure Shie-Ra will once again deny the use of doping products, you WAFFLING WHORES!!- *the TV shuts down*"
- Strangely Arousing: Crade performence makes him hard, which he is not ashamed to say it live on TV.
- Tactful Translation: After Crade told him he was doing so great on a bicycle thanks to drugs, he "translates" that it was "the spirit of competition" and "the beauty of sport" that kept him going.
Této
Waikiki's father- And I Must Scream: He is still alive despite being turned to stone for almost 50 years. He takes it somewhat well, his main concerns being that he can't blink or piss and that his testicles itch.
- Generation Xerox: His itchy testicles, like his son.
