Blog / Texts from Dog

Texts From Dog is a series of images created by October Jones that are composed entire of text conversations... that October ostensibly has with their pet bulldog, Dog. It also depicts the antics that a dog owner would commonly have to deal with with the animals under their care.

It's also totally hilarious. You can find it here.

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Texts From Dog provides examples of the following tropes:

• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Dog will completely lose track of a conversation at the mere mention or even picture of a ball.
• Attention Whore: Dog.
• Bad Liar: October.

  October: Tomorrow, we're going to see The Vet. 'The Vet' is like a theme park for dogs. It's going to be lots and lots of fun.

  Dog: You must think I'm a fucking idiot.

• Big Eater: Dog.

  Dog: What's 'fat'?

  October: It's what happens when you eat too much food.

  Dog: Fat sounds awesome. Let's get fat.

• Big "OMG!": October does this a lot, in response to Dog's crazier antics.
• Bros Before Hoes: Or, as Dog puts it, "pets before sex" and "owner before boner."
• Cloudcuckoolander: Dog.
• Cloud Cuckoolanders Minder: October, who goes through a lot dealing with the bulldog.
• Crazy Jealous Guy: Dog, when October pets another dog on a train.

  Dog: Did you stroke him?

  October: Little bit

  Dog: DON'T BOTHER COMING HOME.

• Comedic Sociopathy: Dog occasionally thrives on this.

  Dog: Buy me an iPhone immediately.

  October: It has a finger print scanner.

  Dog: I know.

  October: You don't have fingers.

  Dog: I have a finger.

  October: Whose finger?

  Dog: I want a gold iPhone because I'm sassy.

  October: Whose finger!?

  Dog: For fuck's sake, the postman's, but he's got like 9 more, so just get me the goddamn phone!

• Conservation of Ninjutsu: lampshaded, discussed, and averted, as Dog gets into a fight with a bunch of squirrels who beat him.

  Dog: Remember that scene in The Matrix where Neo fights loads of Smiths?

  October: Yeah

  Dog: It was nothing like that. They totally beat the crap out of me.

• Damned by Faint Praise: Dog hates being called adorable, and thinks of himself as the living incarnation of canine badassery.
• Deadpan Snarker: October mostly, but Dog gets in some good snark from time to time.
• Death from Above: Dog does this to the mailman once or twice, namely by bellyflopping him, to October's shock and horror.
• Et Tu, Brute?: Dog imagines himself a loyal guard dog. But he admits quite bluntly that he can be bribed.

  Dog: Burglars watch out, I'll kick your ass, like the Balrog, you shall not pass.

  October: What if the burglars have sausages?

  Dog: I'll help them carry the TV.

  October: Thanks, Gandalf.

• Extreme Omnisexual: Dog continuously has sex with October's belongings, including pillows and once a stuffed animal monkey that was meant for October's niece.

  Dog: I accidentally had sex with it. Now we're in love.

  • Dog also admits to being attracted to man dogs, lady dogs, chairs, pillows, ducks, and goes on to say that he wants to make love to the whole world. October calls him globalsexual.
  • Dog even admits to shagging cats.
• Genius Ditz: Dog claims all dogs only pretend to be afraid of vacuum cleaners to avoid doing housework. October is suitably impressed.
• Groin Attack: Dog threatens these a lot.
• Heroic Dog: Subverted. Dog fancies himself this, calling himself Batdog, but the only thing he does is attack the mailman, fight squirrels, and change his owner's Twitter name to 'Commander Twatpants.'
• Humans Are Bastards: Dog ostensibly thinks this, except when it comes to his owner.

  Dog: Too many countries... Why not just have one country? Humanland. "The Shittiest Place On Earth."

• Insane Troll Logic: Dog exhibits this from time to time. Justified, however, by the fact that he's a dog.

  October: Stop wasting toilet paper!

  Dog: I'm using it to fuel my imagination. You're using it to wipe your ass. Which of us is 'wasting' toilet paper? CHECK. MATE.

• Intellectual Animal: Dog is apparently able to work a cell phone, text in English, operate musical devices, operate the television, and change his owner's Twitter account name.
• Interspecies Romance: One-sided. Benedict likes to hit on October, and October is not receptive.

  Dog: Can my friend sleep over?

  October: Which friend?

  Benedict: Haylo hooman. I sleepe in ur bed. We make sexi musik.

  October: Definitely not.

• Jerkass: Dog.

  October: Why do I even try to bond with you? It's like we're from two different worlds.

  Dog: I know. I'm a dog. You're an asshole.

• Primal Fear: For Dog, heights, which is Played for Laughs.
• Servile Snarker: October, who is put in the inenviable situation of dealing with his crazy pet's antics.
• Serial Escalation: When Dog stops to ask October who would win in a fight, him or some other animal, the animals he chooses are shark, bear, tiger, and Tyrannosaurus rex.

  October: Pick. Smaller. Animals. You. Idiot.

• Shut Up, Kirk!: In a way. When Dog breaks a lamp, October asks why Dog keeps breaking all of his stuff, either by accident or otherwise... right before Dog reminds his owner that October paid a veterinarian to neuter him. October backs down.

  October: Remember when you cracked the TV screen? Remember when you shredded my mattress?

  Dog: Remember when you paid someone to cut my balls off?

  October: I'll just buy a new lamp.

• Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: The postman, whom Dog purports to have attacked numerous times, including bellyflopping him from a window.
  • And recently, the man who drives the ice-cream truck.
• Smarter Than You Look: Dog. He gets confused chasing his own tail and looking at pictures of tennis balls, but he's smart enough to foil some of October's efforts to Troll him, and to hack October's Twitter account.

  October: How did you get my password!?

  Dog: Dammit Twatpants, I'm Batdog, that's how.

• Talking Animal: Guess.
  • Now there's two, with the addition of Benedict, because Dog taught him to text. October does not like Benedict.
    Benedict: Haylo hooman.
    October: Benedict. Please fuck off.
    Benedict: Why for?
    October: You just freak me out.
    Benedict: Bennedick just want make sweet love
    October: FUCK OFF. PLEASE.
    Benedict: You want touch Bennedick's pennis?
• This Is My Human: As far as Dog is concerned, October is not so much Dog's owner as his butler.
  • Dog even outright says it, and requests that October call him Master Woofington von Barkshire.
• Troll: Dog.

  Dog: Are you in the supermarket?

  October: Yes.

  Dog: There's a woman waiting for you outside. She is going to kick your ass.

  October: What!? Why?

  Dog: Because you left me in the car with the windows shut. She loves dogs.

  October: I left a window open!

  Dog: I know. I closed it. Then laid down like I was dying, lol. Game. Set. Match. Dog.

  • Not that October is innocent.
    Dog: Chasing tail!
    October: Get it. Get that tail!
    Dog: Almost got it... Almost got it... Almost got it... Almost got it..
    October: Try changing direction.
    Dog: OMFG Tail changed direction too!
    October: That sneaky bastard.
• Tsundere: Both October and Dog, but Dog especially - for all Dog's verbal abuse, he is always happy when his owner comes home, and once buried all of October's clothes to keep his owner home for the day.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: Half the time the case.

  Dog: How come humans get to name their dogs, but dogs can't name their humans?

  October: What would you call me?

  Dog: Thunder Twonk, the two legged twat monkey.

  October: That's why.

• Weaksauce Weakness: Dog considers the postman to be the scourge of the earth, and constantly makes plans to attack him... until October tells the him to rub Dog's belly to pacify him.

  Dog: Did you tell him to do that?

  October: I might've mentioned it.

  Dog: You've revealed my weakness to my greatest enemy.

  October: He's not your enemy.

  Dog: I've been betrayed by my own butler!

  October: I'm not your butler!

• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Dog apparently hates squirrels, and they hate him - to the point where they form a mafia that he's afraid of.
• You're Insane!: October says this to Dog more than once, in response to his antics.

  Dog: He drives around in a Donald Duck van. Playing music to lure kids into his web of evil.

  October: He sells ice cream, dickhead.

  Dog: Yeah? Well Batdog sells ass kicking and he just bought one.

  October: Stop acting like a psycho twat monkey!