History SelfDemonstrating / Deadpool

** While different people have different opinions, personally I think they could have settled in for that [[VideoGame/StreetFighterAlpha Dan]] guy, I mean he's a rip off of [[ArtOfFighting two characters]] of a [[{{SNK}} rival company]] that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named ''"Saikyo"'' (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become ''the sexiest mercenary alive''?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with [[XMen Wolverine's]] man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. [[AccidentalInnuendo Perv]]). Suddenly... ''-insert Dramatic Fanfare here-'' No, wait, let's go with that old SixMillionDollarMan thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. ''Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP''... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got [[HealingFactor the ability to heal quickly]], so that whenever the cancer shows up it ''instantly'' gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly ''after'' it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am [[PunctuatedForEmphasis just. That. Charming]].

* ShapeshiftingSquick: Ah [[http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/thumb/b/b3/Copycat233.jpg/200px-Copycat233.jpg Vanessa]], the great love of my life and best thing that ever happened to me; always seeing me as her KnightInShiningArmour after I rescued her from slavery, prostitution, and various assassins; always appreciating my awesome sense of humour; [[StalkerWithACrush always knowing that the proper way to a man's heart is through seduction as random drop-dead gorgeous bombshells]]; [[AllMenArePerverts always willing to fulfill my fantasies in ways that would let me blackmail every superheroine on the planet, if I could find wherever I put the pictures]]; always too [[GirlsNeedRoleModels politically incorrect]] to be allowed to exist, or the writers get beaten by their wives; taken from us far too soon... in a [[http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/378/523291-deadpool05922wj6_super.jpg way that totally didn't make any sense]], since she can [[MeaningfulName copycat]] abilities like healing factors, and [[http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20061110144114/marveldatabase/images/thumb/b/be/Copycat_(Vanessa_Carlysle)_Deadpool-TheCircleChase(20).jpg/200px-Copycat_(Vanessa_Carlysle)_Deadpool-TheCircleChase(20).jpg I saved her from exactly this type of damage before]]. Remind me to go desecrate that <anatomically impossible explicitive deleted> [[ImAHumanitarian Sabretooth's]] grave by selling his [[OffWithHisHead carcass]] as dog food. [[CallingTheOldManOut Oh, and Tieri]]! [[OldShame Since you wrote it before you became a rock star]], better make up [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous all the lost nookie]] to me by making me super-ultra-special-with-cookies-on-top-uber-pwnage-awesome in [[CapcomVsWhatever that whatevah game]] [[SarcasmMode you never bother to market]]!

* EverythingsBetterWithBob, agent of HYDRA!

* CareerKiller: Obviously. But [[CaptainOblivious the]] [[{{Hobos}} D-Man]] is the best at what he does, [[MoneyDearBoy and what he does depends on how much money you can pay up front]].

* HeroicComedicSociopath: In my very best mood. In my worse moments I'm paid to be an assassin and torture artist, and have personally eviscerated thousands of people for cash, kicks, and [[CompleteMonster giggles]]. And lo, do I giggle.
** ...although, wait. ''Heroic?''

* LoudOfWar: I once thought Cable was going to transmit an endless loop of the Backstreet Boys. When he found out, he almost [[MoralEventHorizon did]]. Later, I did the same thing to Black Swan, [[CompleteMonster with country music. (I kill me)]]

* TakeOurWordForIt: In a recent issue, I was hired to kill a man by an old girlfriend whom he spread a rumor about. The rumor is so terrible, even [[CompleteMonster Bullseye]] wanted the guy dead.

[[WolverinePublicity I appear in many different comics]] in the MarvelUniverse. Besides my own series -- which I'm pretty sure came with foil alt-covers ''and'' a collector card -- the biggest mutie badasses they've got are lining up to team with the dude who went toe-to-toe with the IncredibleHulk and came out in one piece. Yep, that's me! I can beat anyone! Well... except that '''[[SymbolSwearing #$@#%#$%$]]''' SquirrelGirl. She kicked the ''mucus'' out of me constantly. But hey, that's OK! She did that to [[DoctorDoom everybody]]. Truly, she's the single greatest threat to the multiverse. Well, except maybe Galactus[[hottip:*:Wait, didn't she beat him too? Yes she did, thank you bullet point!]]... and clowns. Never forget clowns.

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become ''the sexiest mercenary alive''?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with [[XMen Wolverine's]] man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. [[AccidentalInnuendo Perv]]). Suddenly... ''-insert Dramatic Fanfare here-'' No, wait, let's go with that old SixMillionDollarMan thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. ''Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP''... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got [[HealingFactor the ability to heal quickly]], so that whenever the cancer shows up it ''instantly'' gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly ''after'' it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am [[PunctuatedForEmphasis just. That. Charming]].

Anyhoo, after a few zillion rounds of this, I became [[BodyHorror so goddamn handsome]] that '''[[GoMadFromTheRevelation my brain exploded]]'''. Eventually, my magical insanity powers allowed me to figure out that [[MediumAwareness I'm a comic book character]]. From then on, I became [=BFFs=] with my thought bubbles, exposition panels, and StanLee. My fellow Weapon X classmates had run a '''pool''' to figure out which one of us would be '''dead''' first, so I naturally named myself [[AwesomeMcCoolname Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman]]. Then I realized that I couldn't spell it, so I went with [[MeaningfulName Deadpool]] instead.

Also, you better never mistake me for [[TheJoker that other psychotic, fourth-wall breaking clown]] who sided with those DC fellas. You know how many of my stupid {{Facebook}} friends ask me to "do that pencil trick"? '''''EVERY SINGLE ONE'''''.

* ''ComicBook/{{Cable and Deadpool}}'': After Cable went bye-bye, I had to find some new apprentices to [[HoYay fill the hole in my heart]].

* ''[[Film/{{X-Men}} X-Men Origins: Wolverine]]'', although Wade Wilson was more in character when he was a normal person than the abomination I can only describe as [[FanNickname Dudepeel]] (eew!). The actor who humbly played me, RyanReynolds ([[OneOfUs himself a fan of yours truly]]), seems determined to do a more true-to-the-comics version for my new spin-off movie. Because of his portayal, People Magazine named him (and by association, moi) Sexiest Man Alive. What a guy!

* I also decided to drop into ''[[MarvelVsCapcom3 Marvel vs. Capcom 3]]'', with Nolan voicing me again. '''[[MemeticMutation F*@# THE KNICKS!]]'''

* AssShove: I have to use ''a lot'' of lube to hold all of my weapons.

* BunnyEarsLawyer: I mentioned the whole "batshit-crazy and immortal badass" thing right?
* ButThouMust: After the whole [[MoralEventHorizon "I Screw Weasel"]] arc, some [[ExecutiveMeddling Vegas Executives]] wanted me to be an enforcer full time... [[DefiedTrope but]] [[CurbStompBattle I begged to differ]].
* ButterFace: Nice, saliently muscled body (under the spandex anyway) but the face is... not that attractive to say the least.

** In Deathstroke's own early 90s book there was a "long lost half-brother" named "'''Wade''' Le Farge", who showed up wanting to become Deathstroke, and take away everything that belonged to him in gruesomely irrational fashion. Although I borrowed almost as heavily from that [[TheJoker crazy-but-not-as-crazy-as-me-in-the-slightest clown]] and Spidey.

** The fact that a side effect of an indestructible face was an indestructible body allowed me to survive an explosion that litterally left me as the only thing remaining in one piece in the middle of a huge crater. However, Loki removed the curse immediately after I figured out how awesome this is.

* {{Dark And Troubled Past}}: I don't wanna talk about it...

** Not just other characters. During my face off with the Punisher in issue #55, I said that I even get tired of my own talking.

* DeathActivatedSuperpower: How I got my Spiffy [=McSpiff=] HealingFactor! Wait a minute, does this mean I'm a zombie?! No wonder I find [[MarvelVsCapcom3 Hsien-ko]] so adorable!

* {{Defictionalization}}: No, not a product I sold or anything like that. ME. [[http://www.wenatcheeworld.com/news/2011/may/25/self-appointed-superhero-watches-over-wenatchee/ I escaped the comic book world, you guys!]] Let's see Wolverine do THAT! And they say HE's the best!

* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: I do this a ''lot'' (for all you know, this whole thing might have been transcribed from me babbling in the ear of one o' you tropers for a few hours). My internal yellow caption box monologue is often 'broken', usually without me realizing it, meaning everyone else on the page can hear what I think. Sometimes, I only think I'm doing an internal monologue, when I'm really talking. Also, I tend to have very disturbing dreams, plus a habit of sleeptalking just before I wake up, creating very embarrassing moments for everyone involved.

* FauxAffablyEvil: I am "sadistic, evil, but charming as hell."
* EmbarrassingNickname: Nate does not like it when I call him Priscilla. It's not my fault I can't keep track of all his damn names!

-->'''Me''': [[TheGreatestStoryNeverTold No one remembers]] [[YouSuck but us]].
-->'''Me''': [[MythologyGag The guy who made next issue's cover]] seems to remember though.
** One time I was mashed to a pulp by ''Mighty Thor!!!'' (fanboy squeal)

* FourthWallObserver: Fabian Nicieza usually makes a recap page that isn't in continuity, which means that blobs like [[ComicBook/{{XMen}} the Blob]] can break the fourth wall at will during the recap page. One recap page had Cable hinting to me that he'd infected me with subliminal messages. Since the recap page wasn't in continuity, I didn't know about the meeting, which didn't stop me from, in the story, saying these words:

* {{Freudian Excuse}}: I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!

** I'm not GenreSavvy! I'm DangerouslyGenreSavvy!
** Sometimes it becomes WrongGenreSavvy but I'm never wrong... Right?.

* TheHeart: I function as this in Uncanny X-Force. When you got me as TheHeart, something is seriously wrong with the team.

* HeroWithAnFInGood: F as in fantastic! Wait, that's not what it stands for...?
** I mean, how could anybody pass if even copying off that geek Spidey doesn't help?

** Also with CaptainAmerica!

* LawyerFriendlyCameo: A Superman/Batman special featured a snarky, motor-mouthed, katana-wielding, regenerating costumed super-hero (that's basically a PaletteSwap of Deathstroke) "trying" to save the life of Bruce Wayne from a bunch of assassins. A RunningGag throughout the comic is that the "mysterious hero" keeps trying to say his name, but never manages to. Did I mention that [[MyRealDaddy Joe Kelly]] wrote this annual?

* LethalJokeCharacter: [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin You read that right kiddies]].

--> '''Me''': [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Duh]]! ''-kicks zombie in the head-''

* NaughtyTentacles: I, a hideously deformed, twisted, lecherous, perverted, and amoral deviant freak of nature in good standing, was [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WZdQD2kEk4 flagrantly]] [[MarvelVsCapcom3 felt up]] by a [[AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles sexy and nubile]] [[ReallySevenHundredYearsOld young]] [[VideoGame/{{Darkstalkers}} Scottish woman]]! Is no [[{{Hentai}} tradition]] [[RuleThirtyFour sacred]] [[JustTheIntroductionToTheOpposites anymore]]?

** Also what is implied to happen in the ''MarvelVsCapcom3'' cinematic intro. Thank god that game is rated T, otherwise that huge comedy yell wouldn't have been acting. Honestly Morrigan, [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy learn to aim!]]

** It gets to the point were I'm the ''only one'' in the entire Marvel universe that knows about [[OneMoreDay Spider-Man's deal with Mephisto]]... er, besides Mephisto that is.

* NoodleIncident: You'll never know my ultimate diss, a diss so potent it makes Marines weep and women lose function of their pancreas... Mamageddon.

* NotSoDifferent: I can't believe that those {{Capcom}} guys honestly think that [[DevilMayCry some wussy named Dante]] [[MarvelVsCapcom could go toe-to-toe with me]]! There's only ''one'' gunslinging, sword-wielding, snarky crimson-clad mercenary in this game, and it's definitely not [[VideoGame/DantesInferno some emo with a cross tatoo and a scythe]]! Wait, you say I'm confusing characters now?

* {{RetCon}}: My past is very colorful, but Marvel made it so that whatever backstory Deadpool:Origins has becomes canon. Then again as I have mentioned in the comics, my origin depends on the writer, so I stopped caring. MultipleChoicePast and all that.

* TheScream: I love screaming, and I'll never miss the chance for one. Especially [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl like a little girl!]] Here, listen on this one I recorded in tape when I met Sabretooth...

* TooSpicyForYogSothoth: Galactus fired me because I was just too ''awesome'' for him to handle. It's [[BlatantLies definitely not]] because he wanted me to [[MotorMouth shut up]].

* WhatCouldHaveBeen: I nearly was ''left out'' of ''MarvelVsCapcom3'' because some moron "accidentally" put me on the "no go" list. If it wasn't for the attention of the other people outside of that single moron, I wouldn't be hitting people with my life bar left and right. Now, to go find that idiot...

* WhoWantsToLiveForever: Turns out to be what I've been obsessing about in the Daniel Way arc.

** Glad to see that you're all suggesting her as DLC in "Marvel Vs Capcom 3". I'll let her know about it the next time I see her, probably before I knock her unconscious.

* YourHeadAsplode: Nate did this to me with his uber psychic powers. Twice. I was not amused.

* DependingOnTheArtist: My stunning mug has ranged from "slightly bad acne" to "pure NauseaFuel" to "oddly enough resembles [[FantasticFour The Thing]]". Usually I'm somewhere in between, with a somewhat [[NightmareOnElmStreet Freddy Krueger]]-like appearance. On the other hand, my body is constantly in flux, so my appearance does change from time to time. At least, I hope that's what's happening...

** Apparently someone at Marvel reads this page, because they went and got [[Webcomic/TheAdventuresOfDrMcNinja some guy named Chris Hastings]] to write a new miniseries for me! I went and read up on the guy and lemme tell ya, [[AndTheFandomRejoiced I think I'm in good hands]].Here's hoping I meet the good doc.

** Combinedth with WhatDoYouMeanItsNotAwesome, as mine exploits with thine "hammer" involve ordering ye olde disproportionately hugeth amount of foode from Tacoe Belle, using thine hammer as a baseballe bat in thost majore league game (I ''still'' striketh oute), and attacking a MichaelJackson CaptainErsatz. Eth.

* [[DeadpanSnarker Dead]][[AWorldwidePunomenon pool]] [[DeadpanSnarker Snarker]]: The one and only. Everybody comments on my wit.

* I also drop by in that '''"DOOMWAR"''' BlackPanther event. Apparently, my unscrupulous mercenary nature, healing factor and screwed-up-mind are needed to stopping that crazy Von Doom. [[WolverinePublicity What can I say, they need me]]. [[MoneyDearBoy And the paycheck is HUGE]]. [[HotAmazon And I also have hot girls backing me up]]. BEST. JOB. '''EVER'''.

* IndyPloy or XanatosRoulette: So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they [[{{Irony}} they don't have cancer]], I could then steal the information. None of this was [[spoiler:Nick Fury]]'s plan, but damn it was fun.
* XanatosGambit: "X Marks the Spot", looking to do somethin' heroic, I convinced Cyke to allow me into the X-Men as a probationary member, then went and "attempted" to kill the guy who was all over TV saying the X-Men were keeping his daughter hostage (while wearing the X-Men uniform I made myself), failed, tried again, resulting in the X-Men showing up to take me out. There, Wolverine grabbed the camera guy to film the X-Men saving The Asshole from Deadpool, including Cyclops saying I wasn't an X-Man, the little Indian giver (that was offensive to our native peoples and I apologize). Immediately after the camera stopped rolling, Wolvie, who ain't as dumb as he looks, revealed that he figured out I had set the entire thing up myself, all to put the X-Men back in good standing with the American Public ''and'' to get The Asshole to reveal that Osborn had paid him off to claim the X-Men had kidnapped his daughter. I called it... Operation Moves, and I did it to make X-Men realize how wrong they were for denying me entry into their ranks the ''first'' time. And to make Cyclops admit that yes, I did have some pretty good moves. Apparently, if I put this amount of thought into everything I did, I'd probably rule the world. (Though who can say for sure that I haven't and don't?)

Yes, yes, I'm getting to that: "How could a dweebish square like Wade Wilson ever become ''the sexiest mercenary alive''?" Tricky question. Best I remember is some nice ice-cream salesmen told me they could fix my terminal cancer by injecting me with [[XMen Wolverine's]] man-juice (and by that I mean his DNA. [[AccidentalInnuendo Perv]]). Suddenly... ''-insert Dramatic Fanfare here-'' No, wait, let's go with that old SixMillionDollarMan thing instead. Yeah, I like that better. ''Bip-bip-bip-bip-BIP''... I became better, faster, strongerer and even got [[HealingFactor the ability to heal quickly]], so that whenever the cancer shows up it ''instantly'' gets fixed... which is good, because it keeps showing up. As in instantly ''after'' it gets fixed. Yeah, you ladies knew it, right? I am [[ThisIsSparta just. That. Charming]].

* EvenEvilHasStandards: I might be a merc and an assassin for hire, but I tend to only accept contracts on really bad people (and the occasional superhero) and as the above example with the psychiatrist proves, [[ThisIsSPARTA "Kids. Are. Off. Limits!"]]. In fact, once, when a bunch of mercs broke me out of a jail and murdered several cops in the process, I turned on them and killed the whole lot of them.

* ThisIsSPARTA!: Must... use... [[Franchise/StarTrek Shatner]]... voice... to... reach... STATUE!!!

** While [[YourMileageMayVary different people have different opinions]], personally I think they could have settled in for that [[VideoGame/StreetFighterAlpha Dan]] guy, I mean he's a rip off of [[ArtOfFighting two characters]] of a [[{{SNK}} rival company]] that ripped Capcom off kinda like what I am, but the only difference between me and him is that I break the 4th wall, while his fighting style sucks that's ironically named ''"Saikyo"'' (That means "The Greatest" in moon words people).

* IndyPloy or XanatosRoulette ([[YourMileageMayVary depends on reader]]): So get this: I was attacking a ship of Skrulls and Super Skrulls, then offered 'em my services, then got captured, tortured, cloned for Super Deadpool Skrulls, then convinced the scientist to let me train the Deadpool Skrulls so they can kill all the other Skrulls on the ship. Knowing that the Deadpool Skrulls were all doomed because they [[{{Irony}} they don't have cancer]], I could then steal the information. None of this was [[spoiler:Nick Fury]]'s plan, but damn it was fun.

* ChekhovsGun: Daniel Way loves to write these in my stories. In one story, I had [[spoiler:Chekhov's Exploding Chair, Chekhov's Buttloads of Cash, and Chekhov's Russian Nuclear Submarine... or is that Chekhov's [[StarTrek Nuclear Wessel?]]]]

* ThisIsSPARTA!: Must... use... [[StarTrek Shatner]]... voice... to... reach... STATUE!!!

* ''CableAndDeadpool'': After Cable went bye-bye, I had to find some new apprentices to [[HoYay fill the hole in my heart]].

* PaintingTheFourthWall: In a lovely shade of narration-box yellow, with flecks of blood red, to be precise.
** In ''Marvel Vs. Capcom 3'', I can beat people up with my lifebar. I call it... "Fourth Wall Crisis!"

* DerivativeDifferentiation: I used to just be [[TeenTitans Deathstroke]] in red, until they made me insane and gave me my own fighting style.

* ImplausibleBoardingSkills: I surf on [[AceAttorney Phoenix Wright's OBJECTION! speech bubble]] in the ''Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3'' opening! In the air! With lots of debris and paper around me!

* [[CatGirl Cat Girls]]: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in ''[[MarvelVsCapcom MvC3]]''...

* CatGirls: Not me, but I do have my eyes set on one in ''[[MarvelVsCapcom MvC3]]''...

* {{Kavorka|Man}}... '''[[ChickMagnet CHICK MAGNET:]]''' Aww hells yeah, you know it, ladies. [[ShapeShifter Vanessa]], [[{{Yandere}} Typhoid Mary]], [[HeroesWantRedHeads Siryn]], [[BettyAndVeronica Dr. Betty, Professor Veronica]],[[DistaffCounterpart Lady Deadpool]], [[MostCommonSuperpower Outlaw]], [[NaughtyTentacles Morrigan]], [[CatGirls Felicia]], and not to mention the [[FanGirl millions upon millions of others]], who have succumbed to my [[DungeonsAndDragons 25 Charisma stat]].

** In TheRandomverse, where the Fourth Wall is already in pieces, I broke it even harder. Everyone in the videos knows that we're comic book characters, but only ''I'' know I'm an action figure ''representing'' the character. And to break it BeyondTheImpossible, I begin, in my yellow thought bubbles, to complain about the poor animation quality, and wonder why the creators didn't use a better editing software. As if a simple action figure can capture my awesomeness!

* RedAndBlackAndEvilAllOer: Deadpool's red suit with black stripes and matching red and black hood.

* RedAndBlackKeepBack: Deadpool's red suit with black stripes and matching red and black hood.

* HulksCooldownHugCorollary: I ticked off a calming Hulk ''intentionally!''

* ImageSong: My [[MarvelVsCapcom MVC3]] theme song has managed to capture [[AntiRoleModel my essence]]: "[[HypocrisyNod DON'T BE A FOOL, STAY IN SCHOOL]]."
* ImplausibleBoardingSkills: I surf on [[AceAttorney Phoenix Wright's OBJECTION! speech bubble]] in the ''Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3'' opening! In the air! With lots of debris and paper around me!

* CakeEater: Oh Bea Arthur, my angel, my star, no man can love you like I do... I also have an on-off thing with [[AnthropomorphicPersonification Death]], but that's a bit more complicated. [[FunnyAneurysmMoment Too bad both of them are together now]]... [[GirlOnGirlIsHot or is it]]?