History Quotes / SnarkToSnarkCombat

'''Dorien:''' Well Sharon, rest assured - should you ever wish to dress your ''ample'' figure in leather - somewhere, someplace, there's a ''herd'' with your name on it.

->'''Dorien:''' Well, let's face it Melanie - that maroon and cream stripe does smack ''somewhat'' of the local Indian takeaway.\\

-->-- '''[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS8E16BrotherFromAnotherSeries Brother From Another Series]]''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''

-> ''If a boss was proving hard I just cast a Jedi mind trick stun thing for a free hit and then keep dodging until I could shake off my magic wanker's cramp and repeat. Meanwhile the game watched uncomfortably from the sidelines, occasionally shouting "Hey, there's all these fancy oils you could be using to get this done about .4 percent more efficiently. Maybe you could craft some from the entire Hanging Gardens of Babylon's worth of random herbs and flowers you've got stuffed down your trousers?"''\\
''"Got any upgrades for the basic healing potion?" I shout back.''\\
''"Not presently, no," replies the game.''\\
''"Then I'll stick with mashing quick attack if it's all the same to you."''\\
''"Well, if that's your attitude, your sword just broke again, har har har." Oh, bloody hell.''
-->-- '''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''', ''VideoGame/TheWitcher3WildHunt''

->'''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIII Leon]]''': Think you can handle this many?\\
'''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII Cloud]]''': Well... Might be tough if one more shows up.\\
'''Leon''': Then that'll have to be the one I take care of.\\
'''Cloud''': What, you're fighting too?

->'''Comic Book Guy''': Yes, fianlly I would like to return your quote-unquote "Ultimate Belt".\\
'''Raphael''': I see. Do you have a receipt, quote-unquote "sir"?\\
'''Comic Book Guy''': No I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door prize at the Franchise/StarTrek convention. Although I find their choice of prize ''highly'' illogical, as the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt.\\
'''Raphael''': Whoa, whoa, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''

'''Rebecca:''' Okay, between the two us, [[TheMedic WHO]] [[LittleMissSnarker has the medical degree...?]]\\

-->--''WebVideo/ResidentEvilAbridged''

'''Catherine:''' (pointing to Selena's footwear) Really? '''Those''' boots?

'''Nolan:''' [[YouHaveFailedMe Your failings will be dealt with later.]] For now ''I'm'' in charge here until the cargo is transported.\\
'''Mayday:''' [[SarcasmMode I feel safer already.]]\\

'''Nolan:''' [[ReassignedToAntarctica Yet, The Empire assigned you to this desolate rock.]] Where you let the majority of your squad get killed.\\
'''Mayday:''' Tell me Lieutenant, [[ArmorPiercingQuestion how many missions have you commanded?]] ''(Nolan just glowers)'' That's what I thought. Boys, why don't you help the ''[[EnsignNewbie New Boss]]'' get situated.
-->--''WesternAnimation/StarWarsTheBadBatch''

->'''Alfred Pennyworth''': Know your limits, Master Wayne.\\
'''Bruce Wayne''': Batman has no limits.\\
'''Alfred''': Well, you do, sir.\\
'''Bruce''': Well, can't afford to know 'em.\\
'''Alfred''': And what happens on the day that you find out?\\
'''Bruce''': Well, we all know how much you love to say "I told you so."\\
'''Alfred''': On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to. Probably.
-->--''Film/TheDarkKnight''

'''Asuka:''' No, just wondering how this country ever became important when it’s filled with morons like you.\\

'''Asuka:''' I’m a quarter Japanese, and I was raised in Germany. I think I took minimal splash.\\

'''Shinji:''' But they’re so easy! Come on, throw an Imperial Japan joke. Hell, I haven’t even tried to throw out any weird German fetish jokes cause I know you’ll have way too much tentacle demon material to work with.\\

'''Cyberman:''' [[NoYou You will identify first.]]\\

'''Dalek Thay:''' [[RabbitSeasonDuckSeason IDENTIFY!!]]\\
'''Mickey:''' ''(to Rose)'' It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock...\\

'''Cyberman:''' [[IllNeverTellYouWhatImTellingYou You have identified as Daleks.]]\\
(...)\\

'''Cyberman:''' [[DeadpanSnarker This is obvious.]]\\
(...)\\

'''Dalek Sec:''' This is not war, this is [[CurbStompBattle PEST CONTROL!]]\\

-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Doomsday"

'''Franchise/{{Superman}}:''' As a matter of fact, it was, Dev. I can lend you a few, if you'd like to take them home with you.

''([[VideoGame/FinalFantasyX Tidus]] and [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyII Firion]] exchange looks)''\\

''([[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI Kefka]] and [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyV Exdeath]] shift impatiently)''\\

-->--''VideoGame/DissidiaFinalFantasyNT'', "Sorcerous Mudslinging"

->'''Trevor''': Eat shit and die.\\
'''Alucard''': Yes, fuck you.
-->--''WesternAnimation/Castlevania2017''

->'''Beatrice''': I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick: nobody marks you.\\
'''Benedick''': What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?\\
'''Beatrice''': Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.\\
'''Benedick''': Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.\\
'''Beatrice''': A dear happiness to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.\\
'''Benedick''': God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratched face.\\
'''Beatrice''': Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as yours were.\\
'''Benedick''': Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.\\
'''Beatrice''': A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.\\
'''Benedick''': I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's name; I have done.\\
'''Beatrice''': You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

-->-- ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Message In A Bottle"

''(A screaming Calvin is [[ItMakesSenseInContext chased by his bike]], Calvin appears mangled in the final panel)''\\

->'''Chief Bogo''': We have some new recruits with us this morning, including our first fox. Who cares?\\
'''Nick Wilde''': Ha. You should have your own line of inspirational greeting cards, sir.\\
'''Bogo''': Shut your mouth, Wilde.
-->--''WesternAnimation/{{Zootopia}}''

->'''ComicBook/{{Batman}}''': You're going to go and meet with [[ComicBook/LexLuthor him]], aren't you?\\
'''ComicBook/{{Superman}}''': You know me too well. I can't just stand back and do nothing.\\
'''Batman''': Well, when it all goes south, don't count on me to save you.\\
'''Superman''': I won't. I know you pretty well too.
-->--''WesternAnimation/SupermanBatmanPublicEnemies''

->'''Alan''': Uh, how many merits does an eagle scout get for seducing a brownie?\\
'''Terry''': I don't know, you'll have to check that in your boy scout manual, under "Things To Do In The Woods".\\
'''Alan''': Clever girl.
-->--''Film/ChildrenShouldntPlayWithDeadThings''

->'''Mercedes Harbont''': Why don't we just take a picture?\\
'''Paul''': Oh, sure, let's drop it off at Jiffy Photo when we land, Einstein!\\
'''Mercedes''': Ever heard of e-mail, dick-wad?
-->--''Film/SnakesOnAPlane''

->'''Christine Everheart''': You must be the famous Pepper Potts.\\
'''Pepper Potts''': Indeed I am.\\
'''Christine''': After all these years, [[ComicBook/IronMan Tony]] still has you picking up the dry cleaning.\\
'''Pepper''': I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash. Will that be all?
-->--''Film/IronMan1''

->'''[[ComicBook/IronMan Tony Stark]]''': Am I making you uncomfortable?\\
'''Pepper Potts''': Oh, no, I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in a room full of people I work with in a dress with no back.\\
'''Tony''': Well, you look great, you smell great. But I could fire you if that would take the edge off.\\
'''Pepper''': I don't think you could tie your shoes without me.\\
'''Tony''': I'd make it a week.\\
'''Pepper''': A week, really? What's your social security number?\\
'''Tony''': Five...\\
'''Pepper''': "Five?" You're missing just a couple of digits.\\
'''Tony''': Right, the other eight. Well, I have you for the other eight.
-->--''Film/IronMan1''

->'''Phil Coulson''': Good luck. We need you.\\
'''[[ComicBook/IronMan Tony Stark]]''': More than you know.\\
'''Coulson''': Not that much.
-->--''Film/IronMan2''

->'''ComicBook/BuckyBarnes''': Don't do anything stupid until I come back.\\
'''[[ComicBook/CaptainAmerica Steve Rogers]]''': How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.
-->--''Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger''

->'''[[ComicBook/CaptainAmerica Steve Rogers]]''': You want to keep staring at the wall, or do you want to go to work? I mean, it's a pretty interesting wall.\\
'''[[ComicBook/BlackWidow Natasha Romanoff]]''': I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other's eyes. How do we look?
-->--''Film/AvengersAgeOfUltron''

->'''Loki''': I left him right here.\\
'''Thor''': You mean on the pavement outside, or actually in the building currently being demolished?\\
'''Loki''': How was I supposed to know? I can't see into the future, I'm not a witch!\\
'''Thor''': Well, you're dressed like one.
-->--''Film/ThorRagnarok''

->'''Radio''': Astro Gate toll will be deducted from your account.\\
'''Jet''': I'm gonna take a piss in transit. Wanna charge me for that, too?\\
'''Radio''': We already do, ''Bebop''. Read the fine print.
-->--''Series/CowboyBebop''

->'''Jack Walsh''': Can I get my money first?\\
'''Eddie Moscone''': Of course. What, do you think I was gonna try to stiff you?\\
'''Jack''': You? Never. You would never try to stiff me.\\
'''Eddie''': Do I detect some kind of sarcasm here?\\
'''Jack''': Never.
-->--''Film/MidnightRun''

->'''[[WhiteGangbangers Shaundi]]''': I can't believe [[ActionGirl Asha]] [[OfficialCouple sleeps with]] [[NonActionGuy you]].\\
'''[[TheCracker Matt Miller]]''': I can't believe [[ReallyGetsAround you]] [[SleepsWithEveryoneButYou don't]].
-->--''VideoGame/SaintsRowGatOutOfHell''

->'''Leon''': You wanna die? There's easier ways to kill yourself!\\
'''Red Hood''': Yeah, like yelling at the guy who's holding the AK-47.
-->--''WesternAnimation/BatmanUnderTheRedHood''

->'''Bobby Chicago''': You know, sometimes you border on competent.\\
'''Jericho Cane''': I know, it's scary isn't it?
-->--''Film/EndOfDays''

->'''Frasier''': Just excellent, Niles. Only thing missing is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head.\\
'''Niles''': I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, I was distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.

->'''Lilith''': I'm almost done defrosting.\\
'''Niles''': And the turkey?\\
'''Lilith''': Might I suggest you stuff it?
-->--''Series/{{Frasier}}''

->'''Dorien''': Well, let's face it Melanie - that maroon and cream stripe does smack ''somewhat'' of the local Indian takeaway.\\
'''Melanie''': Oh. ''Style'' notes from the woman whose ''home'' is decorated like a ''Parisian'' brothel!

->'''Dorien''': Leather is very fashionable again this year.\\
'''Sharon''': Yeah, a lot of old cows wouldn't be seen in anything else.\\
'''Dorien''': Well Sharon, rest assured - should you ever wish to dress your ''ample'' figure in leather - somewhere, someplace, there's a ''herd'' with your name on it.

->'''Sharon''': Oh look, it's... it's... it's our ''ex''-neighbour. You 'ave no idea how ''good'' that sounds.\\
'''Dorien''': Didn't notice you there, Sharon. Not easy to pick you out in a room full of so many of the larger mammals.

->'''[[WesternAnimation/{{Encanto}} Bruno]]''': Hey; I'm an old man who's had too much to eat. I get gas. Deal with it.\\
'''[[FanCreatedOffspring Stefanie]]''': Yeah, well, I'm a nineteen year old girl. I get periods. Deal with it.
--> ''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/43448503 Couch Surfers]]''

'''[[TheCracker Matt Miller''': I can't believe [[ReallyGetsAround you]] [[SleepsWithEveryoneButYou don't]].

->'''Dorien''': Well, let's face it Melanie - that maroon and cream stripe does smack ''somewhat'' of the local Indian takeaway.
->'''Melanie''': Oh. ''Style'' notes from the woman whose ''home'' is decorated like a ''Parisian'' brothel!

->'''Dorien''': Leather is very fashionable again this year.
->'''Sharon''': Yeah, a lot of old cows wouldn't be seen in anything else.
->'''Dorien''': Well Sharon, rest assured - should you ever wish to dress your ''ample'' figure in leather - somewhere, someplace, there's a ''herd'' with your name on it.

->'''Sharon''': Oh look, it's... it's... it's our ''ex''-neighbour. You 'ave no idea how ''good'' that sounds.
->'''Dorien''': Didn't notice you there, Sharon. Not easy to pick you out in a room full of so many of the larger mammals.

'''[[TheCracker Matt]] [[MeanBrit Miller]]''': I can't believe [[ReallyGetsAround you]] [[SleepsWithEveryoneButYou don't]].

'''ComicBook/PepperPotts''': Indeed I am.\\

'''ComicBook/PepperPotts''': Oh, no, I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in a room full of people I work with in a dress with no back.\\

'''Comic Book Guy''': No I do not have a recipt, I won it as a door prize at the Franchise/StarTrek conventions. Although I find their choice of prize ''highly'' illogical, as the average Treker has no use for a medium-sized belt.\\

-->--''Series/Frasier''

'''Dalek Thay:'''State your identity!\\

'''[[ComicBook/CaptainAmerica Steve Rogers]]: How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.

->'''[[ComicBook/IronMan Tony Stark]]: Am I making you uncomfortable?\\

'''Pepper''': "Five?" You're missing just a couple of digits.]]

'''ComicBook/{{Superman}}: You know me too well. I can't just stand back and do nothing.\\