History Quotes / SeriousBusiness

->It is to protect justice from evil.

->Who cares if he's richer than me? And so what if he's more powerful? I'm really good at playing card games! [[LampshadeHanging And that's what life is really all about, anyway!]]

->Being a HouseHusband ain't no joke.

->''To be killed by ramen is the most honorable death for a ramen connoisseur.''

->I, Emperor Pandinus Imperator The First, Ruler of the Crystal Empire And All Who Doth Dwell Within, do hereby grant you permission to go jump up and down atop the royal bed like a little madpony for the next five minutes.

->Why on earth do you take snack food so seriously!?

->It's no game, it's a sport. Games are for people who don't care enough. In sports, you compete to win.

->There is nothing ironic about show choir!

->Forty million, son! Do you have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high score? People died!

->''"Mrs Doyle, there is nothing stupid about football! And there is certainly nothing stupid about the All-Priests, Over-Seventy-Five, Five-Aside Indoor Football Challenge Match, against Rugged Island!"'

->The next person I catch whistling a pagan interval, I'M REPORTING HIM TO THE POPE!!!

->Don't test me, Kirk! ''I will break you!''

->I'm sure the glory makes it all worthwhile in the end.

-> ''When running a tabletop RPG, there is one big misconception that I must dispel first. That we are all here to have fun. Fun is the worst thing that can happen in a tabletop RPG! This isn't fun, this is my life, my master work tale! Any players having fun are ruining your masterpiece artwork and should be forced to feel the full wrath of the Dungeon Master, or DM for short. We are all here to play a hardcore game of make-believe.

->Hairstyle continuity and logic is serious business.

-> Yer welcome t' stick around fer karaoke with us, but yer gonna wanna gear up for [[BarBrawl th' inevitable fallout]] when all th' cyborgs start fightin' over [[{{Music/Styx}} "Mister Roboto"]].

->When I was a kid, my ''abuelita'' would drag me to Christmas Eve mass at her Catholic church and it was at one of those masses where I learned the important skill of sleeping with my eyes open. Shit was boring. What those Christmas Eve masses really needed was [[BadassPreacher a yodeling priest on wheels]]...Diocese of San Pablo suspended Rev. Albert and released a statement where they threw holy water at his ass for being so disrespecting the church. So yeah, when it comes to [[PedophilePriest child touching]], the Catholic church is like, ''"err, nothing to see here, move along,"'' but when it comes to a priest singing on a death trap, they're like, ''[[SkewedPriorities "SANTO DIOS! Condemn his ass!"]]''

->Why do I sound so serious? Because ''VideoGame/MarioKart'' violence is SERIOUS BUSINESS. That's why.

->Your chances of being invited to join a play group are slim, and even if you get there, your chances of enjoying yourself are even slimmer. You see, every game, even cooperative ones like ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'', becomes a poisonous competition designed to ruin friendships before they even begin. It's the scorched earth method of social interaction, which is what happens when aggressively antisocial people are forced to be around each other for an entire evening.

->[[DisproportionateRetribution Pray that there's a Taco Bell in Hell!]] ''(BANG)''

->[[DisproportionateRetribution Now all Paris is burning because you don't know your alphabet!]]

->No rational person would get this upset about a soup getting ruined. It's just a soup bro, chillax! But [[WesternAnimation/{{Ratatouille}} Remy]] ''can't'' chillax. This is his greatest passion, his entire universe. The restauran't he's always dreamed of seeing for himelf. And to watch someone desecrate the sanctity of Gusteau's name by ([[SoundEffectBleep dolphin chirp]])ing up a soup [[LethalChef this badly]]? ''he cannot stand for this''!

->Captain, couldn't you have chosen a more... dignified... game as your primary conflict resolution method? Seeing two grown men in all-black tactical gear taking a children's card game so seriously is... off-putting.

->I don't remember when it was decided that the all black Air Force 1 was the signature shoe of the degenerate. I just remember nobody wore them on purpose unless they either worked in a kitchen, did robberies for a living, or were dopeheads.

->Australia's unemployment rate had soared to nearly 35 per cent; a figure that was second only to Germany's in severity. Unlike the Germans, however, South Australians did not turn to fascism. No, we had more pressing concerns to attend to: the government was making us eat mutton, and we wanted to eat beef. ''Goddamn it,'' we wanted to eat beef.

->[[UnsportsmanlikeGloating Yes! We have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!]] (''{{beat}}'') Well, that was fun.

->APPLEJACK! '''''YOU PINKIE PROMISED!'''''

->Do you know what this is?! This is the mace that they use on bears, faggot! NOW LET ME SEE YOUR HALL PASS!

-->-- ''Webcomic/SomethingPositive'' [[http://somethingpositive.net/sp10032017.shtml on whether or not]] the cast of ''WesternAnimation/ScoobyDoo'' were sexually active.

->It's no game, it's a sport. Games are for people who don't care enough. In sports, you compete to win.
-->-- '''Kazuma Ikezawa''', ''Anime/SummerWars''

-->--''[[FanWorks/NuzlockeComics Goddamn Critical Hits]]''.

-> '''[[Manga/{{Naruto}} Rock Lee]]:''' (after eating a curry) I refuse to eat this! It's far too mild, lacking in the fiery youth of true spicy curry!

-> '''[[Manga/{{Naruto}} Rock Lee]]:''' (after eating a curry) I refuse to eat this! It's far too mild, lacking in the fiery youth of true spicy curry!\\
-> '''[[Manga/OnePiece Sanji]] ''' Mild? ''[[BerserkButton This is the most perfectly balanced curry around!]]''

'''[[Manga/{{Naruto}} Rock Lee]]:''' (after eating a curry) I refuse to eat this! It's far too mild, lacking in the fiery youth of true spicy curry!\\
'''[[Manga/OnePiece Sanji]] ''' Mild? ''[[BerserkButton This is the most perfectly balanced curry around!]]''

'''Pavitr Prabhakar:''' ''[[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand What did you just say?]]'' '''''Chai tea?!''''' "Chai" means "tea", bro! You're saying "tea tea"! Would I ask you for a "coffee coffee" with room for "cream cream"?!\\

->'''Flux:''' Well, yeah! Think I'd give up my Employee of the Month streak OR take a pension cut? NO WAY.
-->-- ''Crashlands'' [[note]]All caps is how the words are rendered in canon[[/note]]

->But for us at AMS, being able to touch-type or not is a matter of life or death.

->Being a HousehHsband ain't no joke.

->Being a {{househusband}} ain't no joke.

->'''Mike''': Hi.. Well, as unpleasant as this whole mess is, we have to address Crow's cheating. I call this meeting to order --\\
'''Tom:''' Guilty, guilty! Guilty, guilty! Guilty, guilty!\\
'''Gypsy:''' Tom! C'mon, Tom. Sure Crow's made a mistake, but we should have compassion. Remember, my gumball-headed young friend, [[Theatre/TheMerchantOfVenice The quality of mercy is not strained; It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath.]]\\
'''Servo:''' Gypsy, he ''stole from YOUR essay.''\\
'''Gypsy:''' [[LateToTheRealization Really?...]] [[SuddenlyShouting FRY HIM!!!]] [[DisproportionateRetribution FRY HIM!!!]] [[Film/TheUntouchables I WANT HIS FAMILY DEAD!!! I WANT HIS HOUSE BURNED TO THE GROUND!!!!]]''
->'''Mike:''' Gypsy, calm down. [[OnlySaneMan This isn't getting us anywhere]].
-->-- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'', "[[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S05E15TheWildWorldOfBatwoman The Wild World of Batwoman]]"

->'''Mom:''' Darling Hubie, I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little [[HappyFunBall Q.T. McWhiskers.]]\\
'''Farnsworth:''' No, it was silly of me to object. One-foot tall, eight-feet, fifteen-feet, what does it matter?\\
'''Mom:''' You should see the new sixteen-foot models.\\
'''Farnsworth:''' SIXTEEN FEET?! ''GO TO HELL!''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', [[Recap/FuturamaS2E14MothersDay "Mother's Day"]]

->'''Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate:''' Pitiful ball players of Earth! I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, commander of the Harlem Globetrotters! For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter homeworld. But now, ''for no reason,'' we challenge you to defend your honor on the basketball court! Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic earthlings ''game?''
->'''Fry:''' What happens if we lose?\\
'''Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate:''' ''NOTHING!'' There's nothing at stake and no threat, beyond ''the shame of defeat!''
->''(A teammate passes a basketball painted like Earth to him, which he promptly dunks in a trashcan)''
->'''Farnsworth:''' ''THIS WILL NOT STAND!''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', [[Recap/FuturamaS3E14TimeKeepsOnSlippin "Time Keeps on Slippin'"]]

->'''Bender''': The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the-- Hey. What's my grand prize gonna be?\\
'''Randy''': Oh, there is ''no'' prize, Dorothy. Unless you count the satisfaction of winning.\\
'''Bender''': ''It will be '''mine'''.''
-->-- A tap-dancing tournament on ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', [[Recap/FuturamaS7E25StenchAndStenchability "Stench and Stenchibility"]]

->'''Pinkie Pie:''' And losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!\\
'''Twilight Sparkle:''' But--\\
'''Pinkie Pie:''' FOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVEEEEERRR!!!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''

->APPLEJACK! '''''YOU PINKIE PROMISED!'''''
-->-- '''Pinkie Pie''', ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''

->'''Lisa:''' I'm going into the gold medallion club, with silver level membership! (''laughs'')\\
'''Airport Worker:''' The hell you are! (''[[DramaticGunCock grabs a gun]]'')
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "Catch Em If You Can"

->Do you know what this is?! This is the mace that they use on bears, faggot! NOW LET ME SEE YOUR HALL PASS!
-->-- '''[[EnfanteTerrible Cartman]]''', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark,'' "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy"

'''Mike:''' Gypsy, calm down. [[OnlySaneMan This isn't getting us anywhere]].