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Anime & Manga
"It is to protect justice from evil."
— Tamaki Kawazoe on why she joined the kendo team, Bamboo Blade
"Who cares if he's richer than me? And so what if he's more powerful? I'm really good at playing card games! And that's what life is really all about, anyway!"
— Chazz, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX (English dub)
"Being a House Husband ain't no joke."
— Tatsu Kuroda, The Way of the Househusband
"To be killed by ramen is the most honorable death for a ramen connoisseur."
— Takahiko "Hermit of Sugamo" Tanuma, Kaguya-sama: Love Is War
Fan Works
"I, Emperor Pandinus Imperator The First, Ruler of the Crystal Empire And All Who Doth Dwell Within, do hereby grant you permission to go jump up and down atop the royal bed like a little madpony for the next five minutes."
Climb higher! Faster! I'll not be mocked by a rodent! I'm in jumping distance of the creature! It expects me to repeat my mistake? It DARES insult my intelligence?! I leap, shrieking a mighty war shriek! The squirrel runs out onto the edge of the branch! Excellent! I connect with the branch and with all of my strength, I yank!
The branch breaks! The squirrel is falling!
No wait, no it's not falling.
Wait, yes it is! I'm just falling with it! Luckily for me, I can land on my feet! HAHA! Your body will shatter like gl-!
The squirrel just landed on its feet. That vile rodent just survived my attack!
HOW DARE HE!!!
I land on the ground and dash off after it! He'll not escape his just desserts! With thine heart, thou dares laugh at I, the mightiest huntress! Thou shall be nothing short of CRUCIFIED for these actions against me!
The branch breaks! The squirrel is falling!
No wait, no it's not falling.
Wait, yes it is! I'm just falling with it! Luckily for me, I can land on my feet! HAHA! Your body will shatter like gl-!
The squirrel just landed on its feet. That vile rodent just survived my attack!
HOW DARE HE!!!
I land on the ground and dash off after it! He'll not escape his just desserts! With thine heart, thou dares laugh at I, the mightiest huntress! Thou shall be nothing short of CRUCIFIED for these actions against me!
— Of Cats And Rats
, a RWBY fic
, a RWBY ficWattson: (At the end of a hurricane of electricity-based puns) You're not bad! I'm positive you'll go far! Get it? Because electricity is positive!
Douglas: (Eye narrows) You what?! The charge on electrons is -1.6x10^-19 coulombs! That makes electric current negative, not positive! AAAAAARGH! (Megaton Punches Wattson's Manectric into the wall) You can attack me, you can steal my puns, but don't you ever mis-apply fundamental scientific principles in the name of comedy.
Films — Animated
"Why on earth do you take snack food so seriously!?"
— Jonah/Archibald Asparagus, Jonah A Veggietales Movie
Pavitr Prabhakar: Quick break for a cup of chai with my Maya aunty...
Miles Morales: Oh, I love chai tea!
Pavitr Prabhakar: What did you just say? Chai tea?! "Chai" means "tea", bro! You're saying "tea tea"! Would I ask you for a "coffee coffee" with room for "cream cream"?!
Miles Morales: No, no...
Miles Morales: Oh, I love chai tea!
Pavitr Prabhakar: What did you just say? Chai tea?! "Chai" means "tea", bro! You're saying "tea tea"! Would I ask you for a "coffee coffee" with room for "cream cream"?!
Miles Morales: No, no...
"It's no game, it's a sport. Games are for people who don't care enough. In sports, you compete to win."
— Kazuma Ikezawa, Summer Wars
Films — Live-Action
"Look at that subtle, off-white colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God! It even has a watermark."
— Patrick Bateman, describing Paul Allen's business card, American Psycho
"This is a ship's dance, Mr. Hornbeam, not an excuse for loafing and idleness."
— Captain Wentworth Hogg, Doctor at Sea
Literature
"Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She -er- got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about you staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first."
Wood shook his head in disbelief.
"Honestly, the way she was yelling at me... you'd think I'd said something terrible..."
Wood shook his head in disbelief.
"Honestly, the way she was yelling at me... you'd think I'd said something terrible..."
— Oliver Wood, Quidditch team Captain, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
continuing [sic] the detailing of my explanation: Think about this, your favorite story that go against canon and everytime another author a fanfiction author a writes a story that goes against canon storylines and canon ships as well, each time those stories are written every piece of your flesh is felt like being on fire and chest tightening because it's destroying the canon world itself.
Live-Action TV
Glenn: Story of my Goddamn life! I try to live right, pay my bills, big believer in paying it forward, help your fellow man. Oh, God. I just don't have any luck. I have nothing to believe in, nothing to love, nothing to care about. Our souls are but shadows of our failed selves!
Chris: Jesus, Glenn. It's just lunch.
Chris: Jesus, Glenn. It's just lunch.
— Big Lake
"There is nothing ironic about show choir!"
— Rachel, Glee
This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us through food.
— Marshall on the best burger in New York City, How I Met Your Mother
Carly: Sam and Spencer have been playing a little game this week.
Sam: (holds up paintball gun) It's called Assassin, and it is not a game.
Sam: (holds up paintball gun) It's called Assassin, and it is not a game.
— iCarly
Freddie: Good, Carly's here. Let's ask her.
Sam: (while walking towards the kitchen) After I get some ham.
Freddie: (starts following Sam) Some things are more important than ham.
Sam: (stops walking, and turns to Freddie) ...Don't you ever say that to me.
Sam: (while walking towards the kitchen) After I get some ham.
Freddie: (starts following Sam) Some things are more important than ham.
Sam: (stops walking, and turns to Freddie) ...Don't you ever say that to me.
— iCarly
"Forty million, son! Do you have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high score? People died!"
— Dr. Kelso, Scrubs
Castiel: Where's the pie?
Cashier: I think we're out.
Castiel: (grabs cashier by the shirt and pulls him close) You don't understand. I NEED. PIE.
Cashier: I think we're out.
Castiel: (grabs cashier by the shirt and pulls him close) You don't understand. I NEED. PIE.
— Supernatural, "Clip Show"
"Mrs Doyle, there is nothing stupid about football! And there is certainly nothing stupid about the All-Priests, Over-Seventy-Five, Five-Aside Indoor Football Challenge Match, against Rugged Island!"
— Dougal, Father Ted
Britta: Doesn't it seem like everyone is taking this game way too seriously?
Jeff: Seems normal enough for a school that's on 911's blocked caller list.
Jeff: Seems normal enough for a school that's on 911's blocked caller list.
— Community, "Geothermal Escapism", during a game of "The Floor is Hot Lava"
"The next person I catch whistling a pagan interval, I'M REPORTING HIM TO THE POPE!!!"
—Father Blaise concerning the inclusion of tritones in music, Kaamelott
Terry: Can you think of anyone who might want to harm you?
Duncan Traub: Pfft. Yeah. I mean you don't get into this line of business to make friends
Jake: Really I would think making Chocolate Milk is a great way to make friends.
Duncan Traub: Pfft. Yeah. I mean you don't get into this line of business to make friends
Jake: Really I would think making Chocolate Milk is a great way to make friends.
"Don't test me, Kirk! I will break you!"
— A currently human Spock when Sam Kirk refuses to clean up his mess, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, "Charades"
Music
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
This ain't no fooling around
No time for dancing, or lovey-dovey
I ain't got time for that now
This ain't no fooling around
No time for dancing, or lovey-dovey
I ain't got time for that now
— Talking Heads, "Life During Wartime"
Newspaper Comics
"I'm sure the glory makes it all worthwhile in the end."
— Hobbes on Calvin's intense bubble gum chewing regimen, Calvin and Hobbes
Video Games
Undyne: ANIME'S REAL, RIGHT?!?!
(Dialogue prompt shows up. If the player responds with "Anime is NOT real"...)
Undyne: No...NO!!!! I CAN FEEL MY HEART BREAKING INTO PIECES!!!
(Dialogue prompt shows up. If the player responds with "Anime is NOT real"...)
Undyne: No...NO!!!! I CAN FEEL MY HEART BREAKING INTO PIECES!!!
"Well, yeah! Think I'd give up my Employee of the Month streak OR take a pension cut? NO WAY."
— Flux:, Crashlands note
"But for us at AMS, being able to touch-type or not is a matter of life or death."
— James Taylor, The Typing of the Deadnote
"I'll have you know some of us take matters of fishing very seriously, sir!"
— Zagreus, Hades
"Everything revolves around Puyo..."
— Ringo Ando, Puyo Puyo 7
Web Animation
When running a tabletop RPG, there is one big misconception that I must dispel first. That we are all here to have fun. Fun is the worst thing that can happen in a tabletop RPG! This isn't fun, this is my life, my master work tale! Any players having fun are ruining your masterpiece artwork and should be forced to feel the full wrath of the Dungeon Master, or DM for short. We are all here to play a hardcore game of make-believe.
— Terrible Writing Advice; Dungeon Master's Guide
Rock Lee: (after eating a curry) I refuse to eat this! It's far too mild, lacking in the fiery youth of true spicy curry!
Sanji: Mild? This is the most perfectly balanced curry around!
Sanji: Mild? This is the most perfectly balanced curry around!
Webcomics
"Hairstyle continuity and logic is serious business."
— Dan Shive of El Goonish Shive, the rant on this page
pageThe mail is sacred, and sacred is the trust between the Post Man and the recipients of his precious parcels. You have made a solemn pledge to deliver this letter to the doctor, just as soon as you determine where this address is, or find any sort of discernible mailing address in this wasteland, for that matter. The mail is freedom. The mail is life. The mail is civilization. The mail is the one final hope for resurrecting a dead planet from its ashes, and the letter carriers are the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade. They are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. They are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet."
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
MAIL
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
— Peregrine Mendicant, Homestuck
"Yer welcome t' stick around fer karaoke with us, but yer gonna wanna gear up for th' inevitable fallout when all th' cyborgs start fightin' over "Mister Roboto"."
— Commander Badass (while donning full riot gear), Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Lisa: Fanfic doesn't count.
Monette: I don't shit on your religious beliefs.
Monette: I don't shit on your religious beliefs.
Claire: Oh, there was arguing [at Literature Camp]. Mary Bateman threw a chair at Emily Gordon for saying Charlotte Brontë was the "basic" Bronte.
Clinton: We didn't... throw chairs... either?
Claire: Literature people don't fuck around, Clinton.
Clinton: We didn't... throw chairs... either?
Claire: Literature people don't fuck around, Clinton.
Web Original
"When I was a kid, my abuelita would drag me to Christmas Eve mass at her Catholic church and it was at one of those masses where I learned the important skill of sleeping with my eyes open. Shit was boring. What those Christmas Eve masses really needed was a yodeling priest on wheels...Diocese of San Pablo suspended Rev. Albert and released a statement where they threw holy water at his ass for being so disrespecting the church. So yeah, when it comes to child touching, the Catholic church is like, “err, nothing to see here, move along,” but when it comes to a priest singing on a death trap, they’re like, “SANTO DIOS! Condemn his ass!”"
—Michael K., "The hoverboarding holy chanteuse from the Philippines!"
, "The hoverboarding holy chanteuse from the Philippines!""Why do I sound so serious? Because Mario Kart violence is SERIOUS BUSINESS. That's why."
"Your chances of being invited to join a play group are slim, and even if you get there, your chances of enjoying yourself are even slimmer. You see, every game, even cooperative ones like Dungeons & Dragons, becomes a poisonous competition designed to ruin friendships before they even begin. It's the scorched earth method of social interaction, which is what happens when aggressively antisocial people are forced to be around each other for an entire evening."
"Pray that there's a Taco Bell in Hell! (BANG)"
— Souichiro Yagami, when family fights go wrong, Death Note: The Abridged Series (Team Dattebayo)
"No rational person would get this upset about a soup getting ruined. It's just a soup bro, chillax! But Remy can't chillax. This is his greatest passion, his entire universe. The restauran't he's always dreamed of seeing for himelf. And to watch someone desecrate the sanctity of Gusteau's name by (dolphin chirp)ing up a soup this badly? he cannot stand for this!"
"Captain, couldn't you have chosen a more... dignified... game as your primary conflict resolution method? Seeing two grown men in all-black tactical gear taking a children's card game so seriously is... off-putting."
— O5-11 of the SCP Foundation, on SCP-514
GOD DAMMIT! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!
SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! (unintelligable) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! FUCK YOU!!
Hey! I know you're part of the motherfuckers who FUCKING STOLE MY CLOUDSONG! IF I EVER FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!
SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! (unintelligable) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! FUCK YOU!!
Hey! I know you're part of the motherfuckers who FUCKING STOLE MY CLOUDSONG! IF I EVER FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!
Yami Yugi: Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean, it's just a card game.
Kaiba: Card games are serious business!
Kaiba: Card games are serious business!
You can't rhyme "delicious" with "ravenous!" Emphasis is on the wrong syllable! YOU FUCK!
(You don't fuck around at my poetry slams, mate.)
(You don't fuck around at my poetry slams, mate.)
acceptingmyinsanity: This generation has a nice looking plane movie While our generation found entertainment through this manufactured horror.
mauridianhallow: Don’t you insult Jay-Jay the Jet Plane you piece of shit fuck you
: This generation has a nice looking plane movie While our generation found entertainment through this manufactured horror.mauridianhallow
: Don’t you insult Jay-Jay the Jet Plane you piece of shit fuck you— A series of posts on Tumblr
"I don’t remember when it was decided that the all black Air Force 1 was the signature shoe of the degenerate. I just remember nobody wore them on purpose unless they either worked in a kitchen, did robberies for a living, or were dopeheads."
— Angel Diaz, talking about shoes
, talking about shoes"Australia’s unemployment rate had soared to nearly 35 per cent; a figure that was second only to Germany’s in severity. Unlike the Germans, however, South Australians did not turn to fascism. No, we had more pressing concerns to attend to: the government was making us eat mutton, and we wanted to eat beef. Goddamn it, we wanted to eat beef."
— Owen Lindsay, explaining the Adelaide beef riots
, explaining the Adelaide beef riotsYou may use White-Out to cover the boat’s name in logbooks, engine and maintenance records, ship's library books, etc. But it is much easier to simply remove the offending document from the boat and start afresh. Don’t forget the life rings. Do not, under any circumstances, carry aboard any item bearing your boat’s new name until the renaming ceremony has been completed!
Western Animation
"Yes! We have defeated you for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation! (Beat) Well, that was fun."
Mom: Darling Hubie, I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers.
Farnsworth: No, it was silly of me to object. One-foot tall, eight-feet, fifteen-feet, what does it matter?
Mom: You should see the new sixteen-foot models.
Farnsworth: SIXTEEN FEET?! GO TO HELL!
Farnsworth: No, it was silly of me to object. One-foot tall, eight-feet, fifteen-feet, what does it matter?
Mom: You should see the new sixteen-foot models.
Farnsworth: SIXTEEN FEET?! GO TO HELL!
Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate: Pitiful ball players of Earth! I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, commander of the Harlem Globetrotters! For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter homeworld. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor on the basketball court! Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic earthlings game?
Fry: What happens if we lose?
Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate: NOTHING! There's nothing at stake and no threat, beyond the shame of defeat!
Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate: NOTHING! There's nothing at stake and no threat, beyond the shame of defeat!
(A teammate passes a basketball painted like Earth to him, which he promptly dunks in a trashcan)
Farnsworth: THIS WILL NOT STAND!
Bender: The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the— Hey. What's my grand prize gonna be?
Randy: Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy. Unless you count the satisfaction of winning.
Bender: It will be mine.
Randy: Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy. Unless you count the satisfaction of winning.
Bender: It will be mine.
— A tap-dancing tournament on Futurama, "Stench and Stenchibility"
Honeybee: What does the winning town get, a million dollars?
Moon: Better than a million dollars. A plaque that says "Best Boat Town".
Honeybee: So it's a silly contest with a meaningless prize, but we all care an insane amount about it?
Beef: You just described all of sports, every competitive reality show, and life itself. But, that said, yes.
Moon: Better than a million dollars. A plaque that says "Best Boat Town".
Honeybee: So it's a silly contest with a meaningless prize, but we all care an insane amount about it?
Beef: You just described all of sports, every competitive reality show, and life itself. But, that said, yes.
—The Great North, Season 3 "Woodfellas Adventure"
Pinkie Pie: And losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!
Twilight Sparkle: But—
Pinkie Pie: FOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVEEEEERRR!!!
Twilight Sparkle: But—
Pinkie Pie: FOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVEEEEERRR!!!
"APPLEJACK! YOU PINKIE PROMISED!"
— Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Lisa: I'm going into the gold medallion club, with silver level membership! (laughs)
Airport Worker: The hell you are! (grabs a gun)
Airport Worker: The hell you are! (grabs a gun)
— The Simpsons, "Catch Em If You Can"
"Do you know what this is?! This is the mace that they use on bears, faggot! NOW LET ME SEE YOUR HALL PASS!"
— Cartman, South Park, "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy"
