History Funny / TheSmeetSeries

! The Smeet

** After Purple leaves a bag of donuts near her crib, Ilk has a sugar rush and ends up piloting the ''Massive'' with a remote controller and everyone on board is thrown around, just like in ''Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars''.

----> '''Purple:''' I'm feeling something humid...
----> '''Red:''' Don't tell me that when we're so close!
----> '''Purple:''' Not ''that'' type of humidity, I think I fell on top of your drink!

----> '''Red:''' SOMEBODY CUT IF OTT!
----> '''Comms Officer:''' ''tries and failds to end the call'' T-THERE SEEMS TO BE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, MY TALLEST!
----> '''Red:''' WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'A PROBLEM'?!
----> '''Comms Officer:''' ''keeps pressing the button'' THE BUTTON ISN'T WORKING!
----> '''Zim:''' GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, DIB-WORM!
----> '''Dib:''' WHAT?!
----> '''Purple:''' ''presses button to end the call, but it doesn't work'' WHAT IN IRK IS WRONG WITH THIS BUTTON?!
----> '''Red:''' WHERE'S THE REMOTE?! WHOEVER CAN FIND IT BEFORE ILK WAKES UP WILL GET A FREE DONUT!
----> '''Purple:''' WHAT?!
----> ''Everyone starts looking around the bridge''.
----> '''Zim:''' ''finally notices the call'' M-My Tallest!
----> '''Red:''' ABOUT TIME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
----> '''Zim:''' N-nothing to worry about, My Tallest! Everything's under control! ''throws hatchet away and it accidentally cuts Dib's hair''
----> '''Dib:''' NOO! My hair!
----> '''Purple:''' ''keeps pressing button to no avail'' ARGH, STUPID BUTTON!
----> '''Red:''' ZIM, END THE TRANSMISSION NOW!
----> '''Zim:''' WHAT?! WOULD YOU MIND SPEAKING A LITTLE LOUDER, MY TALLEST?!
----> '''Red:''' END THE TRANSMISSION!
----> '''Zim:''' MEND MY ADMISSION?!
----> '''Dib:'''YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, ZIM! ''tackles Zim''.
----> '''Red:''' EVERYBODY QUIET!
* Red and Purple make a bet over who will be Ilk's first word, with each wagering their exclusive snacks from their personal stashes. To their dismay, though, Ilk's word was 'Zim'.

* One of Zim's attempts at earning the Tallest's favor was sending them an earthen cat as an 'offering', but instead of sending a domestic cat he sent them a full-grown tiger that attacked them and even ended up eating a table drone, but the Tallest don't really care about the latter.
----> '''Red:''' Who did he eat?
----> '''Random Irken:''' A table drone, my Tallest!
----> '''Red:''' Someone send his widow a doughnut!
** Afterward, Purple made a pajama with its hide.
* Ilk receives a golden fish from Zim, but Purple finds it funny to tap on the glass to scare it until he unintentionally drops the tank off the table and it breaks. Larb catches inside a soda vase, but the liquid kills it. Just as Ilk is approaching the bridge, Purple momentarily panics and the fish's corpse slips from his hands and unto one of the consoles, where it's electrocuted. Red and Purple hastily make a replacement fish with stuff from their pockets while the Invaders go buy a new one. When they do get it, the replacement fish dies of old age soon after.

----> '''Zim:''' You'll never know, Dib-stink! You shall never find the identity of Ilk-smeet, the almighty daughter of my Almighty Tallest Red!
----> ''Ilk facepalms''.
----> '''Dib:''' You just told me.
----> '''Zim:''' LIES!

----> '''Red:''' ZIM, I SWEAR, IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ILK-!" ''realizes he's talking to Ilk'' ILK! AREYOUOKAY?! IVEBEENWORRIEDSICK! ITHOUGHTTHOSEDAMNREBELSHADCAPTUREDYOU! HOWONIRKDIDYOUENDUPONEARTH?! AREYOUHURT?! DIDZIMHURTYOU?!

* The introduction exchange the Tallest and Captain when they ask the latter his name is amusing, as they keep mistaking his name for his rank. Even after he clarifies it, Red and Purple make fun of it.
* Skoodge and Bob's make brief attempt at a bravado while trying to distract the indokuro and lead him away from Ilk, but they quickly panic and run away as soon as it shifts its attention to them. Then again, it's not that surprising considering that we're talking about a three-meter-tall monster with sharp teeth, claws and short fuse.

! Lost

* As the Ibris shuts down, everyone asks Masouri what's happening, much to his chagrin as he doesn't really know the answer to that. He finally loses patience when Blue's about to ask him the same thing.
----> '''Masouri:''' I swear, if I hear 'what's going on' one more time I'll throw myself out of the airlock!

----> ''Red regains consciousness after crashlanding and calls out to Purple''.
----> '''Red:''' Purple, are you okay?
----> '''Purple:''' The donuts are alright!
* After their capture by the Sobrekt, Purple is gagged because the Sobrekt didn't like his 'blabber'. Later on, he's gagged again, this time by the Hothians, ''twice''. Guess they don't like the sound of his voice either.

----> '''Captain:''' Okay, now that we've settled it, let's go look for that escarpment.
----> '''Red:''' Wait, what?
----> '''Captain:''' I said we should get going and find that escarpment. Should I write it down for you?
----> '''Red:''' You mean that you intended to go look for that escarpment all along?!
----> '''Captain:''' "What did you think, Irken? We don't have any tools to climb down, and even if we did the rock is probably slippery from so much ice.
----> '''Red:''' Let me get this straight. We've wasted half an hour here playing a stupid game because you didn't agree with my decision of going down the escarpment, and now you tell me that you intended to do precisely that?!
----> '''Captain:''' "Yeah, that's right.
----> '''Red:''' THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO FROM THE BEGINNING?!
----> '''Captain:''' You never asked.

** Even the Irkens and Kryvtors find his head too big, and is often teased about it, much to his annoyance.

----> '''Red:''' Oh, sweetie, it's...!
----> '''Lena:''' Not what you think!
* Lena ends up on top of Red after their attempt at pulling Echo's weapon from the tree it was stuck in just as Blue and Ilk return. They are deeply embarassed by the event, especially after Captain makes a comentary.

* When they finally manage to communicate with Tallest Red, the Invaders lunge at Dib in desperation after hearing their leader's voice, and end up falling on top of Purple and Foxtrot while Dib jumps out of the way. Purple sends all of them to the corner like scolded children; Masouri and Echo get the same punishment even though they weren't part of the 'ambush'.

* Lena's lack of battle experience and little physical strenght give her some hilarious moments, such as when she clumsily moves through a battlefield trying to dodge plasma shots or falling on top of Red while trying to pull Echo's blade from a tree.

* Red is utterly dismayed that the only person with the same blood type as Ilk as Zim himself; he'd rather have Bob or Skoodge as blood donors than Zim.
* Masouri downloaded his personality into the Ibris's computer interface. This leads to frequent arguments between the two since they're practically one and the same and are too alike to agree on something.

----> '''Captain:''' See ya later.
----> '''Red:''' What makes you think we'll see each other again?
----> '''Captain:''' Ah, believe me, I wish it wasn't the case, but by now it's evident that the universe conspires against us to make sure we re-encounter each other endlessly in a cycle of never-ending annoyance.
----> '''Red:''' That was deep, Captain. I didn't think you'd have a knack in poetry.
** Unfortunately, Captain's right.

! Indokani

----> '''Red:''' Oh, don't worry! I think I broke my spine and got internal bleeding, but I'm fine! How nice of you to care!

** ----> '''Purple:''' Someone bring a doughnut!
----> '''Lena:''' Think it'll wake him up?
----> '''Purple:''' No, I'm hungry!
----> '''Lena:''' Purple!

* The navigator who opened the first mail realizes that it was supposed to be opened ''second'', and the one they were supposed to read first had the label ''THIS ONE FIRST, DAD'. Red has that navigator thrown out of the airlock.

''I guess you're wondering why I sent a written irkmail instead of sending a transmission. No offense dad, but knowing you you'd probably keep interrupt me while trying to explain, something you can't do with a letter.''

* Red completely loses it when he sees Sendou seating in ''his'' chair. Captain tries to silence him, but the two end up wrestling on the ground while Lena, ''Shuryo'' and Sendou watch in annoyance.

----> '''Red:''' If you hadn't taken that thing outside, to begin with, it wouldn't have been taken in the first place! Oh, even better, if you hadn't spoiled it rotten-! Would you stop eating when I'm trying to scold you?!
----> '''Purple:''' I eat when I get stressed*!
* Red does something he's never done before in his life: beg.
----> '''Red:''' I can't believe I'm doing this. '''*snaps his fingers*'''.
----> '''Random Irken soldier:''' *gets down on his knees* Please! We're desperate, we're running out of snacks and we're stuck in a filthy alien planet! I'll give you anything, but please help us!

----> '''Red:''' Come on, Lena, you get intimidated by a shorter hyo- Hey, what are you-?! Unhand me, you nasty-! I'm going to kill you-! OKAY, OKAY, I'M WALKING, BUT LET GO OF MY LEKKU!

* Red screams a big 'what' when he learns that the ''Massive'' is being painted in Sobrekt colors.

* Zim doesn't understand that the 'shower' in 'baby shower' actually refers to showering the future mother with presents and not an 'actual' shower, instead thinking they're going to bathe the smeet. He even gifts Lena with soap, shampoo and a small bathtub.
** Red briefly believes that the 'smeet shower' is for Ilk. Thankfully, that isn't the case.

* ''Shuryo'' is ''naked'' when Red enters his bedchambers to talk about Purple. While he's too worried about his co-ruler to mind, Lena, Captain and the guards are deeply embarrassed.

* After recovering the ''Massive'', all the irkens hug and kiss every single inch of the flagship as soon as they get back on board, Red included, to Captain's amusement.
* Zimkro crashes into the 'Zim is gone' party and swallows Ilk, to the horror of Red and Blue. To the former's greater dismay, Zimkro expels both her ''and'' Zim via vomiting on top of his floor.
* When he learns that Ilk is supposed to be naked in the wedding, Red chases after Blue with his Pak-cannons.

! Pre-Parental Panic

* Purple orders Bob to bring him a refill, forgetting the fact that he was fired. He has to be reminded of it, and he shrug it off.
* The Vortians are anything but threatening. While holding Lena at gunpoint in the bathroom, one accidentally blows their cover by replying to the guards. In the end, they are taken out by Lena herself when her water breaks and maternal instinct kicks in.

* Lena constantly eats the meat-based Sobrekt food due to the cravings of the pregnancy. Wouldn't be so bad if they didn't eat literal brains as a dessert or live bugs as an entrée.

* The Vortians are anything but threatening. While holding Lena at gunpoint in the bathroom, one accidentally blows their cover by replying to the guards.

* Red and Captain engage in a game of rock-paper-scissors to decide which way to go. Captain wins, but it turns out he was going to pick Red's suggested path in the first place. When Red calls him out on it, Captain states that he never asked ''his'' opinion.

* The semi-antagonistic relationship between Red and ''Cheesecake'' is one of the main sources of humor in the story. Red can't stand ''Cheesecake's'' out-of-control, pampered behavior and ''Cheesecake'' likewise hates the 'red tall one' who's always hitting Purple or locking him (''Cheesecake'') in a wardrobe.

* Purple's understandable reaction to learning that Red put a tracking device on Ilk.
* Masouri's frustration when everyone asks him what's wrong with the Ibris when he doesn't know what's going on.
* Masouri 'mourning' the ''Ibris'' and his reactions to Ira claiming it as his own.
----> '''Masouri:''' It's not your ship!
* After entering Hoth's atmosphere, Larb momentarily leaves the cockpit to inform the Tallest and the other Invaders, only to realize that he's supposed to be ''driving'' as the ship falls into the planet. What happens next is the 'everyone panics' scenario.
** Additionally, Purple is far more concerned about the well-being of his snacks than that of the Invaders or even the ship.
* Despite Purple being gagged, Red can tell what he wants to say and points it out to the Sobrekt, to Captain's disbelief.
* Purple having an abstinence syndrome-like episode that lasts all night after ''Fury'' eats all of the donuts.

! Pre-Parental Panic

** Red tries to change Ilk's diaper for the first time but ends up releasing the awful smell inside the bridge, prompting everyone (except for Bob) to evacuate.
*** Red previously had a navigator sniff the diaper to see if it needed to be changed, and the poor fella faints from the awful smell.

** While trying to feed Ilk smeet food, Purple ends up eating a whole jar because he liked it.
** After entering a sugar rush thanks to Purple leaving a bag of donuts near her crib, Ilk ends up piloting the ''Massive'' with a remote controller and everyone on board is thrown around, just like in ''Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars''.
*** Bonus for Ilk inadvertently tying up both Tallest together with the least she had been slipped into, and Purple making an uncomfortable commentary.

----> '''Purple:''' Not that type of humidity, I think I fell on top of your drink!
* The whole commotion in the second chapter when Zim calls by accident and everyone has to shout due to loud music on the background.

----> '''Comms Officer:''' T-THERE SEEMS TO BE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, MY TALLEST!

----> '''Comms Officer:''' THE BUTTON ISN'T WORKING!

----> '''Zim:''' N-nothing to worry about, My Tallest! Everything's under control! ''throws hatchet away''

* Red and purple make a bet over who will be Ilk's first word, but to their dismay her first word is 'Zim'.
* The Tallest having an Irktube (parody of Youtube) channel known as ''1000 Ways Zim Ruins Anything''.
* Baby Ilk's shenanigans in general.
* When the Invaders go to look for ingredients to make the cure for Ilk, they all encounter trouble and some even end up in the infirmary afterward.

* Purple's uproar when he learns Ilk has gone into the pool by herself, only for Skoodge to point out that they are in the shallow part of the pool.
* Red and Ilk's disastrous camping trip.
* The failed attempts at getting rid of the space roaches in the ''Massive''.
* Zim's failed attempt at earning the Tallest's favor by sending them a tiger that proceeds to eat a member of the crew.
* Purple's accidental killing of Ilk's goldfish and the attempt at replacing it.
** Bonus: the bridge of the ''Massive'' floods and is overrun by earth aquatic creatures as a present from Zim to Ilk.
* How Zim treats Ilk like an actual smeet during her visit to Earth, even ordering diapers, smeet food, and carrying her around in a baby carrier in baby clothing, ignoring the fact that she's outgrown all of those phases.
* The Skool children not noticing anything odd about Ilk talking like a normal person and instead finding her cute despite Dib pointing out that babies don't talk.
* Red yelling as soon as Ilk takes the call from the ''Massive'', thinking it was Zim, then instantly going into overprotective-dad mode once he notices it's Ilk.
* Purple, Invaders Skoodge and Tenn, and a few others eavesdropping on an intimate conversation between Red and Ilk, and then falling on top of each other when the former opens the door.
* The introduction exchange the Tallest and Captain when they ask the latter his name.
* Skoodge and Bob's brief attempt at a bravado while trying to distract the indokuro and lead him away from ilk.

[[folder: The Smeet]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Lost]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Indokani]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder: Pre-Parental Panic]]

[[/folder]]

* Purple having an abstinence syndrome-like episode after ''Fury'' eats all of the donuts.
* The Invaders try and fail to start a small bonfire, only for Bob to realize that his pants are burning. He runs around in a panic and tries to put it out by sitting down, not realizing he sat on top of the wood; this causes him to jump high in the air.
* Zim's arrival and the reactions this elicits from both parties. The Irkens are dismayed and Red tries to attack Zim after learning he didn't inform the Armada of their location, while the Sobrekt lift up Zim in the air and laugh, elated to see him.
* GIR clings to Foxtrot

* Cap

* Masouri 'mourning' the ''Ibris'' and his reactions to Ira claiming it's ''his'' ship.

* En route to Hoth,

*** Bonus

**

Funny