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* In "How Bleen Was My Kelly" the B-Plot involves Peggy searching the internet trying to find a profession more useless than shoe salesman. She can't find one, but in the end, Al does when he takes a turn at the keyboard:
--> '''Al:''' You know Peg, there's gotta be someone out there even more worthless than me.
--> '''Peg:''' Well I'd like to meet him.
--> '''Well here it is, Peg! Occupation: None. Skill: None. Use: ''None''. Peg, say hi to Public Loafer Number One!
--> ''A picture of Peg appears on the monitor!''
--> '''Al:''' [[WhosLaughingNow AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]]
--> '''Al:''' You know Peg, there's gotta be someone out there even more worthless than me.
--> '''Peg:''' Well I'd like to meet him.
--> '''Well here it is, Peg! Occupation: None. Skill: None. Use: ''None''. Peg, say hi to Public Loafer Number One!
--> ''A picture of Peg appears on the monitor!''
--> '''Al:''' [[WhosLaughingNow AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]]
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Changed line(s) 465 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Al:''' Now, it may appear that I enjoyed that, but in actuality ''[[CallingYourNausea I'm choking on my own bile.]]''
to:
--> '''Al:''' Now, it may appear that I enjoyed that, but when in actuality ''[[CallingYourNausea I'm choking on my own bile.]]''
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Changed line(s) 465 (click to see context) from:
---> '''Al:''' Now, it may appear that I enjoyed that, but in actuality ''[[CallingYourNausea I'm choking on my own bile.\\''
to:
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* In "Shoeless Al" Al demonstrates his ability to decieve a private investigator by laying Peg across his lap and giving her a lingering kiss that leaves her swooning.
---> '''Al:''' Now, it may appear that I enjoyed that, but in actuality ''[[CallingYourNausea I'm choking on my own bile.\\''
---> '''Al:''' Now, it may appear that I enjoyed that, but in actuality ''[[CallingYourNausea I'm choking on my own bile.\\''
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Changed line(s) 335,337 (click to see context) from:
** [[spoiler:Bud goes sky-diving with his new girlfriend Kara, who has an adventurous streak, and before he can kiss her, he's accidentally pushed out of the plane by the instructor's pat on the back, ScreamsLikeALittleGirl, and while asking the instructor questions, Kara cheats on him.]]
--->'''Bud:''' [[spoiler:Instructor? Kara?? MOMMY!!! ''(desperately flaps his arms as he falls)'']]
*** [[spoiler:Al later goes on that same plane that Bud and Kara were on to avoid kissing Marcy or Jefferson.]]
--->'''Bud:''' [[spoiler:Instructor? Kara?? MOMMY!!! ''(desperately flaps his arms as he falls)'']]
*** [[spoiler:Al later goes on that same plane that Bud and Kara were on to avoid kissing Marcy or Jefferson.]]
to:
** [[spoiler:Bud Bud goes sky-diving with his new girlfriend Kara, who has an adventurous streak, and before he can kiss her, he's accidentally pushed out of the plane by the instructor's pat on the back, ScreamsLikeALittleGirl, and while asking the instructor questions, Kara cheats on him.]]
him.
--->'''Bud:'''[[spoiler:Instructor? Instructor? Kara?? MOMMY!!! ''(desperately flaps his arms as he falls)'']]
falls)''
***[[spoiler:Al later goes on Al, who has been stuck playing a board game with Peggy and the D'Arcys for most of the episode, claims that he'd never jump out of an airplane like Bud did. However:
--->'''Peg:''' Al, you landed on "Kiss the Neighbor."
--->(''Al [[AsideGlance looks to the camera]], then the [[GilliganCut scene cuts to him being on the same planethat Bud and Kara were on to avoid kissing Marcy or Jefferson.]]was on]] and approaching Biff, the instructor'')
--->'''Biff:''' Don't you want your last-minute instructions?
--->'''Al:''' (''insanely'') Hahahahaha!
--->(''Al jumps right out the plane without any hesitation'' )
--->'''Bud:'''
***
--->'''Peg:''' Al, you landed on "Kiss the Neighbor."
--->(''Al [[AsideGlance looks to the camera]], then the [[GilliganCut scene cuts to him being on the same plane
--->'''Biff:''' Don't you want your last-minute instructions?
--->'''Al:''' (''insanely'') Hahahahaha!
--->(''Al jumps right out the plane without any hesitation'' )
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** When Peggy draws a card from the "Sexual Intimacy" deck and reads it.
--->'''Peg:''' If your lover suddenly was unable to perform anymore, and was a shoe salesman, and named Al-"
--->'''Al:''' Gimme this card! It couldn't possibly say that. ''OH MY GOD IT DOES!''
--->'''Peg:''' If your lover suddenly was unable to perform anymore, and was a shoe salesman, and named Al-"
--->'''Al:''' Gimme this card! It couldn't possibly say that. ''OH MY GOD IT DOES!''
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*** This is apparently one of Katey Sagal's favorite lines from the show.
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Deleted line(s) 610,621 (click to see context) :
** Don't forget the Bundy version of "The Night Before Christmas:"
---> "Bundy," He said, "You only sell shoes,\\
Your son is a sneak thief, your daughter's a flooze;"\\
"Ho ho," Santa said, "Should I mention your wife?
"Her hair's like an A-Bomb, her nails like a knife."\\
He climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung,\\
He mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue;\\
I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee,\\
"You're married with children! You'll never be free!"
---> "Bundy," He said, "You only sell shoes,\\
Your son is a sneak thief, your daughter's a flooze;"\\
"Ho ho," Santa said, "Should I mention your wife?
"Her hair's like an A-Bomb, her nails like a knife."\\
He climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung,\\
He mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue;\\
I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee,\\
"You're married with children! You'll never be free!"
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Changed line(s) 610 (click to see context) from:
to:
** Don't forget the Bundy version of "The Night Before Christmas:"
---> "Bundy," He said, "You only sell shoes,\\
Your son is a sneak thief, your daughter's a flooze;"\\
"Ho ho," Santa said, "Should I mention your wife?
"Her hair's like an A-Bomb, her nails like a knife."\\
He climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung,\\
He mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue;\\
I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee,\\
"You're married with children! You'll never be free!"
---> "Bundy," He said, "You only sell shoes,\\
Your son is a sneak thief, your daughter's a flooze;"\\
"Ho ho," Santa said, "Should I mention your wife?
"Her hair's like an A-Bomb, her nails like a knife."\\
He climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung,\\
He mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue;\\
I heard him exclaim, as he broke wind with glee,\\
"You're married with children! You'll never be free!"
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** Bud & Kelly build a catapult to fling trash bags at the D'Arcy's house.
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* In "T*R*A*S*H" Marcy shows up with a trash bag to hector the Bundys about the garbage they've let pile up. She should've known better.
---> '''Marcy:''' But, on behalf of the entire neighborhood, I demand that you do something to improve the look of things around here!
---> ''Al gets up, puts the trash bag on Marcy's head, and throws her out of the house.''
---> '''Al:''' Now I've done my part.
---> '''Marcy:''' But, on behalf of the entire neighborhood, I demand that you do something to improve the look of things around here!
---> ''Al gets up, puts the trash bag on Marcy's head, and throws her out of the house.''
---> '''Al:''' Now I've done my part.
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[[folder:Season 11]]
* In "Grime and Punishment" Al is confined to the basement via a shock collar after refusing to make repairs in exchange for Bud paying rent. To Bud's frustration, Al decides he likes it down there and refuses to buckle on the repairs, even when Bud sends down Marcy to read her feminist poetry, then Kelly to re-enact "the history of America." Then they send Peg down for a conjugal visit, which starts with a horror movie chill tone and the lights going dim, and then a Nosferatu-esque shadow of Peg appears at the top of the stairs. Al frantically tries to get away, only for the shock collar to go off and drive him into Peg's embrace.
---> '''Peg:''' Shut up, Al! You're ''my bitch'' now.
[[/folder]]
* In "Grime and Punishment" Al is confined to the basement via a shock collar after refusing to make repairs in exchange for Bud paying rent. To Bud's frustration, Al decides he likes it down there and refuses to buckle on the repairs, even when Bud sends down Marcy to read her feminist poetry, then Kelly to re-enact "the history of America." Then they send Peg down for a conjugal visit, which starts with a horror movie chill tone and the lights going dim, and then a Nosferatu-esque shadow of Peg appears at the top of the stairs. Al frantically tries to get away, only for the shock collar to go off and drive him into Peg's embrace.
---> '''Peg:''' Shut up, Al! You're ''my bitch'' now.
[[/folder]]
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Changed line(s) 366 (click to see context) from:
-> '''Al:''' Ew, sex in the morning. Ew, sex with Marcy! ''Ew, sex in in the morning with Marcy!''
to:
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* In "Assault and Batteries" Al notes the trifecta of things he finds unpleasant.
-> '''Al:''' Ew, sex in the morning. Ew, sex with Marcy! ''Ew, sex in in the morning with Marcy!''
-> '''Al:''' Ew, sex in the morning. Ew, sex with Marcy! ''Ew, sex in in the morning with Marcy!''
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** Al shows Aaron the mall waiting area (AKA "the Valley of the Shadow of Death") to convince him marriage is a bad idea. There's even a song. Immediately after that, Aaron's fiance Angie comes to drop off his lunch, and she's such an absolute catch that even ''Al Bundy'' is instantly romantically smitten with her. But later that evening, Aaron comes by the house and announces he broke off the engagement with Angie and went back to his old girlfriend. Al [[AndIMustScream looks on in horror]] as Aaron introduces him to ''Meg'', an African-American version of Peg virtually identical to the original, including the bouffant red hair, the way she dresses, walks, and even the way she sits... next to Peg Prime to watch Oprah.
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* In "Scared Single" Al becomes a mentor to Aaron, a newly-graduated football prodigy from Polk High, Al's alma mater. Al is something of a hero to Aaron, which leads to this exchange:
--> '''Aaron:''' Wait a second. Al Bundy? The ''All-State'' Al Bundy?
--> '''Al:''' I was.
--> '''Aaron:''' I thought you died in 'Nam!
--> '''Al:''' Well... well uh, actually, I started that rumor. Yeah, see, I died here at home, victim of Agent Red.
--> '''Aaron:''' Wait a second. Al Bundy? The ''All-State'' Al Bundy?
--> '''Al:''' I was.
--> '''Aaron:''' I thought you died in 'Nam!
--> '''Al:''' Well... well uh, actually, I started that rumor. Yeah, see, I died here at home, victim of Agent Red.
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** Death spends the entire episode hanging out on Al's couch, messing with his head for her own amusement. She plays a game with Al where if a member of his family says they need him, she won't take him.
--> '''Al:''' All my family has to do, is say they need me?
--> '''Death:''' That's right.
--> '''Al:''' Just once?
--> '''Death:''' Just once.
--> '''Al:''' ...Then I'll get my suitcase.
** When Kelly finally says she needs Al (to identify if a roll of toilet paper used to teepee the Village People is one or two-ply), Death keeps her word and leaves, but not without messing with Al one last time:
--> '''Death:''' You know, you are a lucky man, Bundy. But I'll see you. Day after you win the lottery.
--> ''Al startles''
--> '''Death:''' Just kidding! ...Maybe.
--> ''Death vanishes in a gout of fire while [[EvilLaugh giggling maliciously]]''
--> '''Al:''' All my family has to do, is say they need me?
--> '''Death:''' That's right.
--> '''Al:''' Just once?
--> '''Death:''' Just once.
--> '''Al:''' ...Then I'll get my suitcase.
** When Kelly finally says she needs Al (to identify if a roll of toilet paper used to teepee the Village People is one or two-ply), Death keeps her word and leaves, but not without messing with Al one last time:
--> '''Death:''' You know, you are a lucky man, Bundy. But I'll see you. Day after you win the lottery.
--> ''Al startles''
--> '''Death:''' Just kidding! ...Maybe.
--> ''Death vanishes in a gout of fire while [[EvilLaugh giggling maliciously]]''
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* "Eatin' Out" has plenty of gems:
** When Bud and Kelly want to use the inheritance money to go see a rock band called Tears & Vomit, Al has this to say:
--->'''Al:''' You can see that anytime your mother cooks.
** When eating at the fancy restaurant, the family shows off their JabbaTableManners, to the abject horror of the staff.
** When Al and Peg are dancing, he initially tries to dance with a younger, sexier woman at another table, Bud and Kelly mistakenly think that [[AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther they really do love each other...]] only for them to be trading barbs with each other about the other one's hygiene, and Peg [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment breaking out into a chorus of "Moon River",]] embarrassing the rest of the family.
** When Al forgot the money and Peg sends the kids to pick it up (only for them to use it to go to the concert anyway), Al fails at collecting enough money by hustling. Then when Peg asks what will happen to them since they can't pay:
--->'''Al:''' Ah, well since this is a high-class joint, they'll probably [[BaitAndSwitch beat the hell outta me]] [[MenAreTheExpendableGender and then throw me in the dumpster,]] but you, you'll probably just be made to wash some dishes.\\
'''Peg:''' ''[outraged] Dishes?!'' Uh-uh, this stops right here!
** Her bizarre yet effective way to leave without paying: hold up Al's extremely smelly shoes like a loaded gun.
--->'''Female diner:''' Oh, my God! She's got a shoe!
** When Bud and Kelly want to use the inheritance money to go see a rock band called Tears & Vomit, Al has this to say:
--->'''Al:''' You can see that anytime your mother cooks.
** When eating at the fancy restaurant, the family shows off their JabbaTableManners, to the abject horror of the staff.
** When Al and Peg are dancing, he initially tries to dance with a younger, sexier woman at another table, Bud and Kelly mistakenly think that [[AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther they really do love each other...]] only for them to be trading barbs with each other about the other one's hygiene, and Peg [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment breaking out into a chorus of "Moon River",]] embarrassing the rest of the family.
** When Al forgot the money and Peg sends the kids to pick it up (only for them to use it to go to the concert anyway), Al fails at collecting enough money by hustling. Then when Peg asks what will happen to them since they can't pay:
--->'''Al:''' Ah, well since this is a high-class joint, they'll probably [[BaitAndSwitch beat the hell outta me]] [[MenAreTheExpendableGender and then throw me in the dumpster,]] but you, you'll probably just be made to wash some dishes.\\
'''Peg:''' ''[outraged] Dishes?!'' Uh-uh, this stops right here!
** Her bizarre yet effective way to leave without paying: hold up Al's extremely smelly shoes like a loaded gun.
--->'''Female diner:''' Oh, my God! She's got a shoe!
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** A season later, it's revealed what Jefferson did to cover up for the fact he stole Marcy's tax refund: told her she owed.
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* In "If Al Had A Hammer", Bud introduces his new rapper persona of Grandmaster B, which leads to this exchange:
--->'''Kelly''': What does the "B" stand for?\\
'''Bud''': [[StealthInsult "Brother of an idiot."]]
--->'''Kelly''': What does the "B" stand for?\\
'''Bud''': [[StealthInsult "Brother of an idiot."]]
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Changed line(s) 482 (click to see context) from:
* The season starts with Peg's mom moving in with the Bundys after a fight with her husband, much to Al's dismay. This becomes the source utter hilarity throughout the season.
to:
* The season starts with Peg's mom moving in with the Bundys after a fight with her husband, much to Al's dismay. This becomes the source of utter hilarity throughout the season.
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not a trope anymore
Changed line(s) 511 (click to see context) from:
* The entire episode of "Bud Hits The Books", starting with Bud being caught having ADateWithRosiePalms in the library...
to:
* The entire episode of "Bud Hits The Books", starting with Bud being caught having ADateWithRosiePalms masturbating in the library...
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Changed line(s) 331 (click to see context) from:
** And the very last scene, where Al ends up in chains in a dungeon for the crime of stealing a hotel towel. Upon being told by a gray-bearded fellow prisoner that they get fed bread and water, he happily comments that makes this his best vacation ever.
to:
** And the very last scene, where Al ends up in chains in a dungeon for the crime of stealing a hotel towel. Upon being told by a gray-bearded fellow prisoner (who [[WhatAreYouInFor stole an ashtray]]) that they get fed bread and water, he happily comments that makes this his best vacation ever.
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Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* During the opening song, when everyone starts their day, Al, without even looking, defeatingly gives them each money (whether they asked for it or not), including Buck (and later Lucky).
to:
* During the opening song, song when everyone starts their day, Al, Al without even looking, defeatingly gives them each money (whether they asked for it or not), including Buck (and later Lucky).
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Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* During the opening song, when everyone starts their day, Al, without even looking, defeatingly gives them each money (whether they asked for it or not), including Buck.
to:
* During the opening song, when everyone starts their day, Al, without even looking, defeatingly gives them each money (whether they asked for it or not), including Buck.Buck (and later Lucky).
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Changed line(s) 469 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Al''': It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. ({{beat}} Of course, I don't have to.
to:
-->'''Al''': It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. ({{beat}} ({{Beat}}) Of course, I don't have to.
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Changed line(s) 472 (click to see context) from:
[the two men stare at each other]
to:
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Changed line(s) 467,471 (click to see context) from:
-->''Al'': Size 5. Why can't women ever admit to being anything over a size 5?
-->''Griff'': Yeah.
-->''Al'': It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. ({{beat}} Of course, I don't have to.
-->''Griff'': Neither do I.
-->''Al'': Well... neither do I.
-->''Griff'': Yeah.
-->''Al'': It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. ({{beat}} Of course, I don't have to.
-->''Griff'': Neither do I.
-->''Al'': Well... neither do I.
to:
Changed line(s) 473,478 (click to see context) from:
-->''Griff'': Contest?
-->''Al'': Let's rock!
(Al produces a foot-measuring instrument as Griff prepares to unzip his pants… just as a young, attractive woman walks in. [[{{Beat}} Cue everyone freezing and an awkward silence]])
-->''Al'': May I show you something?
-->''Connie'': It better be shoes!
-->''Al'': Let's rock!
(Al produces a foot-measuring instrument as Griff prepares to unzip his pants… just as a young, attractive woman walks in. [[{{Beat}} Cue everyone freezing and an awkward silence]])
-->''Al'': May I show you something?
-->''Connie'': It better be shoes!
to:
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* “Business Sucks” has Al and Griff sitting down after another encounter with a woman in denial over her shoe size.
-->''Al'': Size 5. Why can't women ever admit to being anything over a size 5?
-->''Griff'': Yeah.
-->''Al'': It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. ({{beat}} Of course, I don't have to.
-->''Griff'': Neither do I.
-->''Al'': Well... neither do I.
[the two men stare at each other]
-->''Griff'': Contest?
-->''Al'': Let's rock!
(Al produces a foot-measuring instrument as Griff prepares to unzip his pants… just as a young, attractive woman walks in. [[{{Beat}} Cue everyone freezing and an awkward silence]])
-->''Al'': May I show you something?
-->''Connie'': It better be shoes!
-->''Al'': Size 5. Why can't women ever admit to being anything over a size 5?
-->''Griff'': Yeah.
-->''Al'': It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. ({{beat}} Of course, I don't have to.
-->''Griff'': Neither do I.
-->''Al'': Well... neither do I.
[the two men stare at each other]
-->''Griff'': Contest?
-->''Al'': Let's rock!
(Al produces a foot-measuring instrument as Griff prepares to unzip his pants… just as a young, attractive woman walks in. [[{{Beat}} Cue everyone freezing and an awkward silence]])
-->''Al'': May I show you something?
-->''Connie'': It better be shoes!
