Considering Calvin is only six years old in spite of his intellect, you can expect that he does some stupid stuff throughout the comic's run.
- Calvin gets attacked by his "killer" bicycle whenever he attempts to ride it.
You'd Expect: His parents would realize that the bike is too big for him, and get him a smaller one.
Instead: This never happens, and the bike continues to attack Calvin. - In one strip, Calvin asks Susie if she dares him to eat a worm that he has dug up, and if she thinks that that would be disgusting.
You'd Expect: She'd tell him that it's a bad idea, and make him put the worm back in the dirt.
Instead: She tells him that eating five worms in one sitting would be disgusting ("I don't know about just one").
Later: Calvin digs up four more worms, and agrees to eat them if Susie pays him 50¢ for it. Susie, however, says she'll give him a nickel to eat them, and Calvin asks in response, "What if I have to go to the hospital because of this?".
You'd Then Expect: After realizing that he might have to go to the hospital, Calvin would refrain from eating the worms.
Instead: Susie agrees to pay him another 5¢ if he has to go to the hospital, and then he appears to be satisfied. She still doesn't try to talk him out of it.
Fortunately: Calvin's Mom walks by, and stops him from eating the worms. She tells Susie that "it's mean to take advantage of kids with no common sense". - The way that the family vacations go. Because Dad is the breadwinner and Mom is the homemaker, he always wants to go camping. There's little to no variety. Mom also isn't a fan of camping.
You'd Expect: The parents would compromise once in a while. Mom says she'd want to go on vacation once to a place with a newspaper and good coffee.
Instead: Despite her annoyance at her husband, he always has his way. The exception was when they were attending one of her friend's weddings.
The Result: Dad is the only one who enjoys the camping trips. - A consistent Running Gag throughout the strip's run is that Calvin will launch an unprovoked attack on Susie playing outside (be it with snowballs or water balloons, depending on the season) or mess with her in general, prompting her to strike harder in turn.
You'd Expect: Calvin would learn from these incidents that Susie is always going to fight back and just leave her alone.
Instead: Calvin never does and keeps attacking Susie time and time again.
The Result: Calvin suffers considerable indignation for it. - After Calvin proves that he can't be left alone by himself, his parents get him a babysitter named Rosalyn. Rosalyn is gruff and has heard about Calvin's reputation as a Bratty Half-Pint and a loudmouth.
You'd Expect: That for their first meeting, she would try to get on Calvin's wavelength to ensure his best behavior, and that Calvin's parents would brief her on some of his interests, such as tigers, dinosaurs, playing games with cardboard boxes, and discussing the world's problems.
Instead: She locks him up in the garage for whatever he did to annoy her. It couldn't have even been big since only an hour passed.
The Result: Calvin detests Rosalyn after every subsequent visit, even when she tries to be nice and offer to make popcorn. He's, in no order, called the cops, tried to run away from home, tried to tie her up, locked her out of the house, and threatened to flush her homework down the drain. After several arcs of this, only then does Rosalyn get the idea to bribe Calvin by offering to play his favorite game after he finishes his homework. While he's upset that she wins because they're playing Calvin Ball, and she's better at making up rules, it's the only time they mutually enjoy each other's company. - In one arc where Rosalyn babysits, she has to study for a science test the following day.
You'd Expect: Knowing the previous times she has babysat Calvin, for her to realize that this is a bad idea. She needs complete concentration so she can do well on her test and she would be risking another restless night if she watched over Calvin.
Instead: She comes over anyway with the promise that she'll have an easy night because Calvin's hiding from her.
You'd Then Expect: Calvin's parents to postpone their evening out after Rosalyn informs them of her test.
Instead: They don't and leave her alone with Calvin.
The Result: Calvin eavesdrops on this and declares "The Revenge of the Baby-Sat". He slips downstairs after his parents leave, steals Rosalyn's science notes and threatens to flush them down the toilet. - The first complete camping arc has a lot of these.
- Dad is excited about yet another camping trip. He's packed fishing gear, waterproof ponchos, and the works.
You'd Expect: He would also do one more ever-important task: check the weather.
Instead: Dad apparently only packed camping gear and didn't factor in a backup plan for bad weather.
The Result: A downpour ambushes the family right when they're crossing a river, where their campsite is on an island. It stops raining literally the minute that Dad realizes it's time to go home and starts rolling up the tents a week later. Cue the angry Face Palm from Dad. - While Calvin is excited, Mom grouses about how there won't be good coffee for a week. She's not thrilled that her husband believes in roughing it out. When they get caught in a downpour, Mom immediately wants to backpaddle. She says, "We're turning around and going to a hotel!"
You'd Expect: Dad would agree with Mom that if it's pouring rain this bad, going back and finding a hotel is a better idea. Sometimes you have to Know When to Fold 'Em, especially when you're in the middle of a river in a rainstorm with a six-year-old in tow. It's a safety and comfort issue.
Instead: He makes her and Calvin reach the island, unpack, and mount the tents. Calvin is relieved that at least the tents inside are waterproof, but he and Mom aren't thrilled that the only food to eat is canned pasta, spam, and raw fish after they run out of canned food. They also can't do much in the rain, with the river being too cold for swimming.
The Result: Dad is the only one who finds some joy in fishing in the pouring rain, as Mom and Calvin hole up for the week, and he admits the week was rotten while packing up. They aren't able to light a campfire for seven days in a row, meaning they're all freezing when dressed in ponchos outside. He attempts to apologize on the drive back but to justify that at least they built character and grew together as a family. Mom is furious and implies that if they do another trip like this, she's divorcing him.
- Dad is excited about yet another camping trip. He's packed fishing gear, waterproof ponchos, and the works.
- Dad isn't that much better in the second camping arc. The family arrives at the same rock, and Dad instructs his wife and Calvin to get out of the canoe. He then prepares to pass the family's gear onto dry land.
You'd Expect: Dad to hand everything to Mom.
Instead: He trusts Calvin to take possession of their belongings, only warning him about the weight of the first bag.
The Result: Calvin is unable to handle said bag, and he drops it into the water. Dad has to dive deep down to salvage as much as he can. If that isn't bad enough, he accidentally stacks his tackle box and some other gear on top of his glasses. - In an early Sunday strip, Calvin asks his Mom if he can have a cigarette.
You'd Expect: She'd say no, lecture him about how unhealthy cigarettes are, and tell him how bad they are for the environment.
Instead: She lets him have one as long as he smokes outside (there is a pack of cigarettes lying around, left there, according to her, by Calvin's Grandpa).
The Result: Calvin smokes the cigarette, and becomes sick as a result, which was Mom's intention all along. He learns from this that "trusting parents can be hazardous to your health".
You'd Wonder: Why Calvin's parents didn't discard the pack of cigarettes, and left them within their six-year-old son's reach. - Calvin and Hobbes want to set up their G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) headquarters in the garage where a car is taking up most of the room. Hobbes suggests that to Calvin that he could ask his mom to move the car out of the garage.
You'd Expect: Calvin to do just that. If Mom says no, they can set up their club somewhere else (subsequently, they do so in their treehouse).
Instead: He and Hobbes push it out of the garage where it rolls down the driveway and ends up in a ditch.
The Result: Calvin goes My God, What Have I Done? and runs into the woods after making sandwiches. It turns out his parents were more worried about him than the car. - Calvin finds Susie's Binky Betsy doll on the sidewalk and decides to hold the toy for ransom. He drafts an "anonymous" ransom note demanding $100 if Susie wants to see Binky Betsy again. He and Hobbes write it with cut and pasted letters from the newspaper.
You'd Expect: Calvin to avoid drawing attention to himself on the ransom note or to at least figure out that "anonymous" means nameless.
Instead: He closes the note with "Sincerely, Calvin", presumably also in cut and pasted letters.
The Result: Susie, upon reading the note, quickly realizes that Calvin stole Binky Betsy, and decides to steal Hobbes in retaliation. Luckily for Calvin, he and Hobbes reunite by the end of the story arc. - Calvin completely forgets his class's insect collection assignment and he tries to enlist Susie's aid (despite her objections) when he hastily puts it together without much success. He then asks her to assist in making up scientific names for his four "bugs" (only the ant and the fly are true insects) without drawing attention to the teacher.
You'd Expect: Susie to simply ignore him since she knows his "project" is going to fail anyway or raise her hand to notify Miss Wormwood since she usually does this.
Instead: She shushes him, drawing Miss Wormwood's attention to her and getting her sent to the front of the classroom.
Thus: Susie is (understandably) ticked about this and feels Calvin should have received this penalty instead. She receives a note from Calvin passed to her and isn't pleased with what it says.
You'd Then Expect: Susie to either quietly discard the note and, once again, either ignore him or raise her hand and show the teacher the note (after all, it does have Calvin's signature).
Instead: She starts to write a hateful note back to him, only to get caught by Miss Wormwood again and sent to Mr. Spittle's office.
Luckily: Mr. Spittle bails her out and Calvin gets in a ton of hot water for it. - When the family goes to the zoo, Calvin and Hobbes get separated from Mom and Dad. Calvin then accidentally leaves Hobbes behind at the nearby benches and follows a woman whom he mistakes for his Mom. He goes Oh, Crap! when she says he was with the wrong person. She then kindly asks if he's lost and what his mom looks like.
You'd Expect: Calvin would stay with her until she can get a zoo employee to watch him and call his parents.
Instead: He wanders away trying to find Hobbes and his parents. Then he goes to the tiger pit to ask them if they've seen their "relative" Hobbes.
The Result: Parental worries ensue for Mom and Dad, especially when they find Hobbes on the bench and note that Calvin goes everywhere with him. Dad fortunately through logic figures out that Calvin must be at the tiger pit, sprinting when he considers the possibility that Calvin may have climbed into the area to find Hobbes. After they are reunited though Dad is sarcastic, Mom tells Calvin that he should have gotten an adult for help rather than ask for advice from a bunch of tigers. - In the duplicator arc, Calvin creates a clone of himself using his cardboard box. The duplicate then makes four other copies without his knowing, and the doppelgängers get Calvin in a heap of trouble with his mother. Calvin later decides to send one clone to school five days of the week.
You'd Expect: Calvin to brief his duplicates on what they should do in school. When they are addressed there—or anywhere else for that matter—they shouldn't reference that they're clones. The duplicate who attended should detail everyone else on Miss Wormwood's lesson plan for that day. Finally, Calvin should give his clones directions to his classroom and locker.
Instead: Calvin apparently doesn't do either of these. The duplicates insist on being called their numbers which gets all of them sent to the principal's office. This only dawns on Calvin after a clone gets sent there for the third day in a row, to which he says this doesn't happen even to him every day.
To Make Matters Worse: Number two asks Susie if she and Calvin go to the same class and where Calvin's locker is instead of Calvin himself. He also doesn't tell number five about what Miss Wormwood taught or assigned that day. - In one Rosalyn arc, Calvin tries to prevent his parents from leaving the house for Rosalyn to watch over by hiding his mother's shoes.
You'd Expect: Calvin to keep quiet about it and pretend to be oblivious to what's going on.
Instead: He tries to shoo Rosalyn out but when his dad questions him, he points out his mom cannot leave with her shoes missing. Cue stern look from his Dad and an "Oh, Crap!" Smile from Calvin.- Shortly after that, Rosalyn sends Calvin to bed earlier than usual, prompting Calvin to get back at her with a prank. He goes downstairs pretending to have heard a thump from outside and asks her to check.
You'd Expect: Rosalyn, knowing Calvin's a little terror for her to put up with, to see through his trick and send him back to his bedroom.
Instead: She goes outside to investigate and doesn't realize she had been duped until Calvin locks her outside.
Eventually: Calvin's parents return and let Rosalyn back into the house. His mother then scolds him in that locking Rosalyn outside could've put him in danger.
- Shortly after that, Rosalyn sends Calvin to bed earlier than usual, prompting Calvin to get back at her with a prank. He goes downstairs pretending to have heard a thump from outside and asks her to check.
- In the baseball arc, Calvin finds out the boys had recently begun playing baseball at recess. In a rare case of civil interaction, he confides in Susie his dislike of organized sports (also, they ride on the see-saw together) and later signs up under protest when Moe teases him. At home, Calvin's father tries to convince him to see value in the sport but he still continues to object.
You'd Expect: Calvin's father to properly teach him how baseball works and offer some basic tips (e.g. that players are out after three strikes, one should never catch their own team's ball etc.).
Instead: He simply does a practice run without actually teaching him anything, which results in Calvin getting a nosebleed on his first try, upsetting him further. At recess the following day, he introduces himself to Mr. Lockjaw, the coach, who recognizes he had signed up late.
You'd Then Expect: Mr. Lockjaw to brief Calvin on how baseball works and what he's expected to do for the team, especially since he's a six-year-old with no athletic experience and had just signed up for the sport.
Instead: He doesn't instruct Calvin either and just sends him out to play left field. Sure enough, Calvin is bored and perplexed as to what he should do until someone calls for a left-fielder to catch the ball. He does so by mistake and ends up getting his own team out, which results in the boys openly berating and insulting him for it, one of them even going so far as to ask the coach if he can hit Calvin with a baseball bat.
You'd Then Expect: Mr. Lockjaw to demand the boys to stop harassing Calvin and/or threaten to cancel recess baseball if it persists.
Instead: He does nothing about it and when Calvin tells him he wants to quit, he calls him a "quitter", thus both he and the boys get away with it.
Afterwards: Calvin is understandably dejected following the incident. However, it does result in him and Hobbes creating Calvinball, which goes on to become one of the more beloved parts of the comic strip. - In a Sunday strip, Calvin and Hobbes are camping in the backyard when Calvin's dad goes to check on them. Calvin and Hobbes are reading a scary story, and they both are frightened by noises outside the tent.
You'd Expect: Calvin's dad to say something to the effect of "Calvin? It's me, your Dad" before opening the tent.
Instead: He unzips the tent without a word. Calvin and Hobbes mistake him for the monster in the story, shine their flashlight in his face, knock down the tent and run to their house. While Calvin clings to his mother and Hobbes, his father can only let out an exasperated scream of "WHERE'S THAT KID?!".
