Two Lumps is a webcomic about two purebred Russian Blue cats. Ebenezer Dusk, Esq. (usually referred to as "Eben" or "Benny"), is a scholarly cat with a never-fully-described position in the feline conspiracy to take over the world. His brother Snooch is overweight and not exactly bright, but gets a great deal of enjoyment out of life (aided by large quantities of alcohol). The two cats live with "Mom," their human owner provider of food and attention.
The comic is written by Mel Hynes, and drawn by James Grant. It was inspired by Mel's two purebred Russian Blue cats, Raistlin and Caramon (named for the Dragonlance characters — three guesses why they were renamed for the comic). It updates three times per week, and can be found here
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Please note: a March 2023 hosting change has broken many of these links.
This webcomic contains examples of:
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: In this strip, Eben's reaction to Snooch's scream is, "WHAT?! FIRE! LOCUSTS! BRITISH LOYALISTS!"
- Brain Bleach: A vodka variant followed one Olympics event:Snooch: Th' Men's Volleyball Teams're wearin' th' same uniforms azza Women's. It wuz Italy vs Greece...
- Brand X:
- Eben wears "Squishypaws" (real product is SoftPaws) to minimize claw damage to furniture.
- One story arc involved the cats' human "Mom" getting a "uRobot" (Roomba).
- Cone of Shame: Snooch has to wear a cone at one point and decides to use it as a megaphone.
- Did You Just Pee On Cthulhu: See the third entry under Eldritch Abomination.
- Eldritch Abomination: Automatic litter boxes possessed by demons, a gate to the Silent Hill world in the bathroom of their new home, a new mop that's a Cthuloid critter in disguise ....
- Even Evil Has Standards: The Dr. Hairiball parody arc combines this with Evil Lawyer Joke when the Council of Bad Cats emails Eben/Dr. Hairiball telling him to rename his Febreeze Ray to avoid copyright infringement.Eben: The Council is afraid of COPYRIGHT LAWYERS?!
Council: (via computer) Hey, we're merely EVIL. They're SCARY. - Extreme Omnivore: Snooch, sometimes deliberately, sometimes by accident. Among the things he's consumed are (in alphabetical order):
- Baby powder,
- A bowl of change,
- Cement,
- Chess pieces (specifically, two pawns and a bishop),
- A credit card
- Dirt,
- Fireworksnote ,
- A flashlight,
- A Kotex pad,
- Mentholated Chest Rub
- A mothball,
- Scented candles
- A urinal cake
- Baby powder
- The Faceless: Most humans ("Mom" in particular) appear either from the knees down or as voices issuing from off-panel.
- Fluffy Cloud Heaven: A tribute comic after "Eben's" death.
- "Freaky Friday" Flip: In a late 2014 story arc, the two cats wake up to find themselves in each other's body.
- Gratuitous Japanese: Neither Mel nor James know what the kanji that shows up on occasion means.
- Hulk Speak: Eben resorts to this to sum up the "moving day" story arc to Snooch:Snooch: Big words?
Eben: Sorry. Ahem. WE LIVE HERE NOW. ME ANGRY. ME GOING TO PEE ON EVERYTHING. - I Read It for the Articles: Eben's justification for reading "Cat Fancy".
- Incredibly Lame Pun: Both the cats pull these on a regular basis.
- It Tastes Like Feet: Baby powder does not taste like real babies, evidently.
- Lethal Chef: Not that either of them cooks often, but do we even want to know why Snooch's recipe for brownies includes mustard and garlic?
- Long Runner: 19 years and counting.
- Major General Song: I am the very model of a shedding individual...
- Mobile Fishbowl: The Angry Fish goes after Snooch with a water-filled (and bubble-topped) tank.
- Oh, My Gods!: "Great Bast!" among many, many others.
- Painting the Medium: The Strawman Political goldfish's speech is rendered in military-style stencils.
- Playing Sick: During a flashback sequence, kitten-Eben gets sick shortly after he and kitten-Snooch are adopted. note Once Snooch finds out that his brother is being given pureed chicken to encourage him to eat, he immediately fakes the same symptoms.
- "The Scream" Parody: One strip recreates the scene when the cats find out that the apartment has been stripped bare, even of food.
- Shout-Out: At one point Eben and Snooch encountered a street cat named Tasselhoff, a reference to Dragonlance (and the origin of the real-life cats' names).
- One pre-Thanksgiving strip parodied Jimmy McMillan when Snooch went looking for ice cream, only to discover that the freezer was instead filled with a certain kind of pastry:Snooch: The contents... of this freezer... are TOO DAMN PIE!
- And this page is the ultimate shout out to Labyrinth with Sarah's famous monologue ...Eben : Through vaccinations untold and temperature takings unnumbered....
- Snooch goes mayfly hunting with a cry of Blood For The Blood Gods!
- Archie seems to be fond of David Caruso-style "don sunglasses and quip"
- Snooch calls tech support for a problem with the computer and gets Greg from User Friendly.
- "It's a lovely morning in the bathtub, and we are horrible ducks."
- After "Mom" locks up the cat treats and food in a high cabinet, Snooch tries to find the magic words that will make them bust down the doors by yelling "Hocus Pocus! Accio gooshyfood! Fetch! Get over here!" Eben asks if he's tried "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
- Nightmare threatens to neuter Eben (who's hitting on her) here if he doesn't "cool it with the Stray Cat Strut."
- One pre-Thanksgiving strip parodied Jimmy McMillan when Snooch went looking for ice cream, only to discover that the freezer was instead filled with a certain kind of pastry:
- Strawman Political: The household recently acquired a goldfish that speaks almost entirely in stereotyped right-wing rhetoric.
- Take That!: A Filler Strip jab at Megatokyo, and the occasional poke at Garfield in earlier strips.
- They've also made jabs at Dinosaur Comics.
- Tongue on the Flagpole: Snooch manages to do this with a metal window frame.
- Visual Pun The goldfish adds tank treads and a turret to his fishbowl at one point, turning it into a Fish Tank.
- Whole-Plot Reference: They've done arcs based on:
