Captain Janet: You know, That's some negative stereotyping. Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I'm a thief.
Sally Speed: You're a pirate!
Captain Janet: A valid point.
Susie Bell, an ordinary secretary on Earth, attracts attention of an alien raiding party of lesbian Space Pirates, who believe that she is the long-lost princess of their planet and abduct her. That's pretty much it for the main story.
I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space (IWKBLPFOS for short) is a webcomic written and drawn by Ro Salarian and first published on The Duck in March 2007. It started off as a cheesy parody/affectionate pastiche of 1950's sci-fi pulp paperback comics featuring pirates, aliens, and lesbians. It later suffered from Cerebus Syndrome and has since gathered a large fandom, thanks to its regular updates (which isn't the case with so, so many other webcomics) and well, it has alien lesbian pirates from space!
Unfortunately, the creator had to end the comic and take it offline
due to some stressful rights issues with Platinum Studios (as explained in that post). The archives currently have no official home, but they can still be found on file-sharing sites.
Provides Examples of:
- Alliterative Name: Sally Speed and Male Man.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Susie tells Janet she loves her because she's brave and loyal — and their feet are the same size.
- Badass Finger Snap: The newly youthful Queen Penny uses one to destroy the fleet of enemy ships hovering above her planet.
- Beehive Hairdo: Marge, in reference to the aforementioned pulp novels.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Quisp demands you have a cup of tea!
- Birthmark of Destiny: The heir of Lesbos-1 has a distinguishing birthmark on her stomach.
- Bizarre Alien Senses: The main characters tend to have antennae.
Word of God is that these are for some bizarre sixth sense which humans don't understand. - Breaking the Fourth Wall: References to the Fourth Wall and talking to the audience are sprinkled throughout the comic, but the most obvious is the intermission "The Search For The Fourth Wall".
- Bridal Carry: The cover of the first issue shows the heroine being kidnapped by the eponymous lesbian space pirate this way.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Dr. Wendy never finished medical school and mainly uses devices meant for children instead of professional equipment. Somehow she still remains the doctor for the crew. However, when she decides she should go back and finish med school the other agree that it's probably a good idea.
- Cast Full of Gay: The point when there's a whole planet of lesbians who go around kidnapping lesbians from other planets to join them.
- Casual Danger Dialogue: Marge and Velma seem more concerned about the definition of cannibalism than the fact that they are about to be dinner.
- The Cavalry Arrives Late: Male Man doesn't get to the bank until after the girls have robbed it and gone.
- Chekhov's Gun: Susie is kidnapped just after the Gaydar is explained to her. She starts thinking pervy lesbian thoughts to lead the pirates to her.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Dr. Wendy is out there, even for a mad scientist.
- Combat Stilettos: The pirates all wear sexy high heels. Janet's crew wears thigh high red boots.
- Cyborg: Quisp and her mechanical husband Dronx somehow managed to birth a natural cyborg.
- Damsel in Distress: Susie has a knack for getting kidnapped.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: The comic being set in the 1950s, Susie makes the mistake of assuming a black pirate is a maid.
- Distinguishing Mark: A specific birthmark is how to identify the missing princess.
- Eskimos Aren't Real: "Pirates. Aliens. Lesbians. None of those things are real! Everyone knows those things are only found in pulp novels. Especially lesbians."
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Space Pirates. Who are lesbians. That kidnap the main character.
- Expressive Hair: The lesbians' antennae serve this purpose.
- Faint in Shock: The first time anyone points a stun gun at Susie she just faints dead away, to the bemusement of the woman intending to achieve the same result by force.
- Fountain of Youth: Queen Penny is shoved in one by Betty, so she can save the planet.
- Glad-to-Be-Alive Sex: Ursula jumps Susie after she saves her.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Susie talks this way while the pirates curse like, well, sailors.
- Got Me Doing It: Janet's uncharacteristic "golly" after having sex with Susie conveys an awful lot in just one word.
- Green-Eyed Monster: Susie only realizes she has feelings for The Captain when she sees her pursuing another woman.
- Handsome Lech: Velma is a rare female example with her dedication to bedding girls.
- Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Susie, until she finally accepts her feelings for the Captain. She didn't even believe lesbians were real until the pirates kidnapped her. She thought they had been made up for pulp comics.
- Human Aliens: Except for the antennae, the aliens look mostly human.
- Hunting the Most Dangerous Game: Commander Shaw from the Intergalactic Justice Force enjoys the hunt for criminals so much, he lets the girls slip away when they are weakened and won't provide a good enough challenge for him. He even mentions the trope by name.
- If I Can't Have You…: Calypso is rather Yandere for Betty.
- Immortality Seeker: Betty is one by proxy — she wants to find the Fountain of Youth so that her mother can achieve immortality and stay queen forever.
- Innocent Bigot: Susie thinks the first black alien she meets is a maid.
- It's What I Do: The girls often remind people that they are pirates to explain their behavior.
- I Was Quite a Looker: The younger queen Penny looked just like Betty.
- The Lad-ette: Marge drinks, fights, and swears like a man. She also wears a badass eyepatch.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Susie thinks it all sounds like something from a comic. A good one, mind.
- Lesbian Vampire: Eventually there are vampires, who are also lesbians.
- Mad Doctor: Word of God is that Dr. Wendy is one, though it doesn't show much.
- The Main Characters Do Everything: Spoofed when the main characters are having a Mission Briefing, and someone points out that if everyone's here, who's flying the ship?! They promptly crash into a planet.
- Modesty Bedsheet: Susie and The Captain use one. Velma later uses one to wander the ship after sexy-time with Marge.
- My Life Flashed Before My Eyes: Ursula says hers did when she was hanging from the cliff.
- My Sensors Indicate You Want to Tap That: The spaceship comes fitted with a state of the art Gaydar which can detect lesbian thoughts on the other side of a solar system.
- Naked People Are Funny: The Captain is so excited to tell the others she's figured out Susie is the princess, she runs off without her clothes to gather them and tell them.
- Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: Lesbian pirate kidnappers from outer space.
- Noodle Implements: A garden hose is somehow involved in Captain Janet's theory of why Susie could be one of them but not have antennae.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Sally calls Male Man on his pathetic alter ego disguise.Sally: Is everyone you know really dumb?
- Pirate Girl: Lesbian ones from outer space.
- Planet of Hats: Lesbos-1 is entirely populated by lesbians.
- Put on a Bus: Male Man was put in an escape pod and launched onto a planet. People have noted his disappearance, but no one seems too concerned about looking for him.
- Really Gets Around: Velma is a shameless womanizer. Marge gets her share of the action too. They constantly "break up" whenever they feel like picking up some chicks and then get back together right after.
- Recycled In SPACE: According to the Word of God, the Return to Lesbos arc is at least partially inspired by Homer's The Odyssey. And it's set in space.
- Retirony: Lampshaded and subverted. After the oft-mentioned Redshirt finally gets off Sally's ship, he walks off into the sunset. Sally counts down, expecting him to be hit by a falling satellite.
- Sci Fi LGBT: The kind of work it was originally parodying (proving the trope), featuring Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space.
- Short Cuts Make Long Delays: During the space race, Marge takes a short cut and gets them 12 trillion miles off course.
- Shout-Out:
- The Lesbian Vampire doctor's name is Carmilla.
- The captain's name is Janet, possibly a Shout-Out to School House Rock's Interplanet Janet.
- The Talk: The Captain explains to Susie how lesbians have babies.
- Testosterone Poisoning: The idea behind Male Man, as he fails horribly at being manly.
- Theme Naming: All the lesbian pirates have five-letter names.
- Thief BagCashier: How will you be paying for these shoes?Susan: Sacks of money with dollar signs on them.
- Title Drop: Once an Episode, always by Susie, which makes sense because she's the one it applies to.
- Tribal Carry: Susie, Velma, Marge and a Redshirt when captured by natives.
- Unsound Effect: Fortunate Coincidence!
- Vampire Vords: The vampires speak in stereotypical fashion.
- Work Off the Debt: Betty is rescued by the "hero" Male Man, who promptly presents her with a bill for his services. As she cannot pay, Betty ends up working as his maid/slave for years until she runs away with the pirates.
- Worth It: Lesbian sex with a god's harem was worth having to run for their lives.
- Writers Cannot Do Math: When Alice tells the Captain all of Susie's new shoes won't fit on the ship, she asks her to change her calculations so it will work. Alice gives a very confused "No. It- it just... math doesn't work like that Cap'n."
- You Didn't Ask: Why the Captain didn't tell Marge about the prophecy involving the Sun God. "How were we supposed to know to ask?!"
