Web Video / Te Lo Resumo Así Nomás

"Y así, Iron Man muere. Chau Iron Man, que la fuerza te acompañe!"

Una vez, en TV Tropes, todo marchaba relativamente bien, hasta que alguien notó que faltaba cierta página, y todo empezó a marchar relativamente mal. Por eso hoy, en Te Lo Resumo Así Nomás, "Te lo resumo así nomás".

Una vez en YouTube estaba todo bien, todos estaban joya con todos los videos del mundo, desde la última película de los Vengadores -Hey, Stan Lee! -hasta la cámara de seguridad del probador del negocio de mallas. Hasta que, de golpe, empezó a estar todo mal. Las películas duraban bocha de horas. Las series duraban bocha de capítulos, y ni te digo las telenovelas. La muchachada empezó a quejarse, "Todo esto dura bocha, somos gente ocupada, no tenemos tiempo!". Así que vino un tipo con voz rasposa y armó el canal más pedido por toda Latinoamérica unida, "Te lo resumo así nomás". Pero esto genera PREGUNTAS QUE NO TIENEN RESPUESTA. ¿Con qué estan tan ocupados los yonis que ven estos videos que no pueden dignarse a ver una película entera? ¿Están tomando mate? ¿Y el loco este del canal, se fuma los trochocientos capítulos de una novela, nada más para hacer un video de quince minutos? Bueno, supongo que alguien tiene que hacerlo. [Pinocho: Okey, Polisha!] Obviamente, cuando suben los videos no les prestan atención a las advertencias de youtube sobre los derechos de autor y yo que sé, sin darse cuenta de que [Ackbard: It's a trap!], y se los borran, y parece que el canal se va a morir. Pero no se muere nada, porque unos meses después [Marty: He's alive!] y lo suben de nuevo. Eso fue todo. Péguenle una megusteada, una suscribida, una compartida, una facebokeada y una instagrameada. [Xuxa: Besitos, besitos, chau, chau!]^TranslationOnce upon a time, TV Tropes was doing relatively ok, until someone noticed a certain article was missing and everything started going relatively wrong. That’s why, today, on Te Lo Resumo Así Nomás (I sum it up simply for you), “Te lo Resumo Así Nomás”. Everything on YouTube was going well, everybody was doing fine watching all the videos in the world, from The Avengers’ last movie –Hey, it’s Stan Lee! – to the security camera from the swimsuit store fitting rooms. That was until, suddenly, things started to go south. Movies lasted long hours. Series lasted long hours. Let’s not even get to soap operas. The boys started to get cranky. “All of this takes too long to watch, we’re busy people, we ain’t got the time!” So a raspy-voiced guy went and made the channel most awaited by the whole united Latin America, “Te lo Resumo Así Nomás”. But this creates QUESTIONS THAT HAVE NO ANSWERS: What makes the Steves watching these videos so busy they can’t watch a movie? Are they drinking mate? And the dude from this channel, does he binge watch the bazillion episodes of a telenovela just to make a 15 minute or so video? Well, I guess someone has to do it. [Pinocchio: Okay, moth!] Of course, when he uploads his videos he doesn’t pay attention to YouTube’s warnings about DMCA and whatnot, not realizing that [Ackbard: It’s a trap!] and they get deleted, and you’d think the channel would die. But dying it does not because some months later [Marty: He’s alive!] they get reuploaded. That was all. Give the article a liking, a subscribing, a sharing, and an Instagraming. [Xuxa: Kisses, kisses, bye bye!]

And now that we are done with the Self-Demonstrating Article, Te lo resumo así nomás is a Youtube channel that makes short summaries of films, film series, TV series and telenovelas, always using a casual language and street lang, inserting gratuitous memes everywhere, and pointing things that do not make sense.

Tropes

• All There in the Manual: If the narrator talks about a group of films, and one of those films already got an individual video, he will just say so and go on with the others.
• Bellisario's Maxim: Invoked. Braveheart is filled with historical inaccuracies, but all those historians that protest should accept that it is a work of fiction, not a documentary!
  Pat Novak: A ustedes quiero decirles: ¡Ya basta de lloriquear! ^TranslationI want to tell you all: Stop whining!
• Blatant Lies: Sometimes, someone says something that we all know it's a lie. That guy may say it as if it was some truth, but we all know they are
  Andie Anderson: Patrañas. ^TranslationBullshit.
• Bumbling Dad: Geppetto asks a star for his toy child to become real. Of course he does... who would ever let someone like him adopt a child? He smokes drugs in the night, talks to his pets, dances with his toys, has a clock like that, keeps a gun under the pillow, and even fires it by accident!
• Call-Back: In the video about Captain America: Civil War, when The Avengers are told about the structural damage they had been causing, portions of previous summaries of The Avengers movies are visible in the scene. Doubles as a Funny Background Event.
• Creator Cameo: In every summary of a Marvel movie, the narrator will take a second or two to point out a Stan Lee cameo.
  Hey, Stan Lee!
• Death Glare: If someone tries to do something that grossly defies the Willing Suspension of Disbelief, then Conan will look down in contempt.
  "Mmmmm... mirá como te mira Conan, para mí que estás mintiendo." ^TranslationHmmm... look at how Conan is looking at you. I think you're lying.
• Dissonant Serenity: When things for the human race really go to the "mismísima m*** misma" (for example, when Skynet finally fires all the nuclear warheads of the world), we can hear Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world".
• Fandom Rivalry: Invoked. First there was a video about the whole Godzilla franchise, followed by the King Kong franchise. And once they are both done, let the fight begin in the polls! Are you "Team Godzilla" or "Team King-Kong"?
• Final Battle: Most films have a great final battle between good & evil. And because it is great, final and a battle, then it is ultraviolent. Uno, dos, ultraviolento, uno dos, ultraviolento, uno dos, ultraviolento-o! Y ahora que pasa, eh?
• Forgot About His Powers: Many good people died in the Harry Potter franchise, but tranka palanca, because Hermione can fix it, she has a time machine! Right, Hermione? Hermione? Hermione, the time machine!
  Tia Marta: Elipsis!
• Freeze-Frame Bonus: The weird doctor in "Infinity War" uses his powers to go forward and see the way the film will end. We can see flashes of scenes that have not happened yet, flashes of memes not used yet (such as Xuxa saying goodbye), and for a very brief second a text says "Se mueren todos por giles".
• Fridge Logic: Invoked. Discussed in some videos, under the title "Questions that do not have an answer".
• Giving Up on Logic: The Ice Age saga concludes in Ice Age: Collision Course, set in space. Space? Sorry, he actually meant "SPACE"! It seems that the squirrel found a spaceship left by Ancient Astronauts, flies by accident into space and creates The Solar System. THE SOLAR SYSTEM! If it was not created yet, where was everything taking place? Or is it a prequel? What the hell is happening with this saga?
  Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hercules: I-Don't-Know!
• Global Warming: That's the villain of Ice Age: The Meltdown, but initially Manny did not believe in it. Mmm, look the way Greta Thunberg is looking at you. But things are randomly solved by the squirrel. Everything is solved, there's no more global warming, and Greta is happy!
  Greta Thunberg: How dare you!
• Good News, Bad News: In "Avengers: Endgame" the Thanos from the past followed the guys to the present [Homer: That's bad...], but understood that killing half the universe was wrong [Homer: That's good!]. Instead, he wants to kill all the universe [Homer:That's bad...], but the Infinity Stones contain Potassium Benzoate [Homer: ...].
• Heel–Face Turn: More than half of Goku's teammates in the summary of the Tournament of Power arc in Dragon Ball Super are described as "the one that was bad but then became good".
• Humans Are Morons: Eternals end with the giant robot angry because the Eternals killed the newborn Celestial, but spares humanity for the time being. He will take his sweet time to decide if humans deserve to be saved, and then he will return to give his verdict. But... do we deserve to be saved? Cue several scenes of people doing stupid thing, ending with the "Thanos was right" from Hawkeye (2021) and the snap from Avengers: Infinity War.
• Lost Aesop: Pinocchio ends with Pinocchio turned into a real boy. But why? He does not deserve it! He did not help those kids who were turned into animals! And Geppetto does not deserve to be a father, he accidentally set Pinocchio on fire the first day, sent him to school on his own even if he was literally a newborn who does not know anything about anything, and when Pinocchio got in trouble he searched him in a boat and was somehow swallowed by a whale! And Pepe Grillo is awarded for his work, when he has been completely and absolutely useless the whole time! Which is the lesson here? "If you have a dream, don't worry, it'll magically happen"?
• Mundane Solution: In the first Planet of the Apes series the heroes (both human and apes) got jailed several times, and manage to escape with several ingenious tricks. (Conan's Eye Take) Well, not so ingenious, but work, they worked.
• "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Used when discussing the sequels of Ice Age, an animated series starred by animals in the Ice Age and with no humans in the setting except for some cavemen in the first one. He says, for example, that they find a pirate ship, and when says a pirate ship, he means "A PIRATE SHIP!". And there's also the Christmas short. Sorry, did he say Christmas? He actually meant "CHRISTMAS"! IN THE FREAKIN' ICE AGE!
• Not Quite Dead: One of the channel's most common memes. A character has just died, but then...
  Marty: He's alive!
• Not So Above It All: So which one is better, the original Justice League (2017) by Joss Whedon, or the Zack Snyder's Justice League? The narrator says that it is fine if you like Snyder's version, that it is fine if you don't like it, that it is fine if you don't care... what is not fine is to leave Willem Dafoe out of the film! And Superman's black suit! And Darkseid, that's like leaving Thanos out of Avengers: Infinity War! What the hell were you thinking, Whedon?!
• Once Done, Never Forgotten: The video "The 3 worst films of Keanu Reeves" starts with Johnny Mnemonic, and the narrator mocks a scene where Keanu is having some weird yoga at a public bathroom. He follows with "The Lake House" and "The Gift", and when the plot becomes too convoluted, the narrator says "Argh! This is too much! Keanu needs some yoga!". And when the video ends, he invites the people to like the video, subscribe to the channel, share it in social media... and upload videos having Yoga, Keanu Reeves-style.
• The Power of Love: "And this story proves that, no matter if you are (something about the character), the only thing that matters is love... heterosexual love!"
• The Power of Rock: What If…? (2021): Ultron has killed all people in the world, then all the people in the universe, then all the people in all the universes, and there's nothing "the bald baby" (The Watcher) can do about it. The Guardians of the Multiverse "do the Avengers circle", but can't defeat him either. But then Black Widow shoots an arrow with a USB port and uploads Indio Solari (Armin Zola, since both are bald men with glasses).
  Background music: No lo soñeeeeee-eeeeee-ee-ee-ee-ee! ^note The chorus of Solari's song "Ji ji ji"
• Previously on…: Used almost verbatim when the summary of a series takes multiple videos, albeit with a Gratuitous English pronounciation. "Priviusli, en el universe Marvel, pasaron bocha de cosas..."
• Relax-o-Vision: In the Mortal Kombat film Jax uses his steel hands to crush an enemy into a bloody pulp. A big smiley on the scene says "Oye amigo, esto no se puede mostrar".
• Revenge of the Sequel: In videos about a series of movies, instead of mentioning the actual subtitles, the subtitles are called among the likes of "Revenge of _", "Return of _" ("_" usually being an actor rather than the character they play), "_ forever!", etc.
• Seasonal Rot: Invoked. Discussed in the video that talks about the decadence of The Simpsons. According to the narrator, there was a series that premiered in the early 1990s, named "The Simpsons". At some point by the end of the 1990s it was canceled and replaced by another one, also named "The Simpsons". In the first one Homer is The Everyman, just a bit dumb; in the second he's a raving lunatic completely detached from reality. In the first one Homer and Marge keep improving their marriage, in the second one Homer shoots her with a Tranquilizer Dart. In the first one Bart played childish pranks but also revealed himself as a Jerk with a Heart of Gold; in the second he's absolutely evil. In the first one Lisa has problems to socialize and get friends, in the second she's friend with Lady Gaga. In the first one they mock the presidents; in the second one they invite the wife of the president. In the first one Homer falls from a cliff and is hospitalized, in the second one he has lots of Amusing Injuries and he's fine. WTH happened here? When did things change so much, from this to that?
  Ray Patterson: Lo arruinaron todo, gracias, adiós. ^TranslationYou've ruined everything, thank you, goodbye.
• Shoot the Television: The video for the Madagascar franchise make it too clear that the narrator hates Julien and his irritating song ("I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it, you like to move it!"). A hate that is equally high for the Latin American Spanish version ("Quiero mover el bote, quiero mover el bote, me gusta!") and for Spain's Spanish version ("Yo quiero marcha marcha, yo quiero marcha marcha, tú quieres?!"). The narration continues, and the third film has a Happy Ending when the circus animals rescue the gang, and they are all happy and celebrating... and dance a new version of the cursed lemur's song! It is followed by a computer being forcibly removed from the cables and the monitor smashed with a heavy hammer.
• Speaks in Shout-Outs: Essentially the format of the summaries. You can easily expect at least half of the video being references to memes, either from the channel itself or popular memes of the time.
• Spoiled by the Format: Invoked. Discussed in "Infinity War". Nebula has just killed Thanos, but the narrator does not buy it: we have seen just an hour of the film!
• Take That!: Politics in Argentina are highly polarizing, so the videos absolutely avoid to make any references, good or bad, to either the Kirchners (Néstor or Cristina), Mauricio Macri, or any modern political issue. The presidency of Carlos Menem, however, is absolutely free game, and it's so strongly associated to Spoiled Brats and Rich Kids that they are described as "blond(e) Menemists". That said, some memes do show lesser-known politicians saying things without political significance, such as deputy Luis Juez saying "¡No, pero este pibe es un pelotudo!" ("No, this kid is so stupid!")
• What Happened to the Mouse?: And about that character or plot detail that seemed to be so important a while ago... "Nino. [while showing a picture of singer Nino Bravo] Ni Noticias."
• What the Hell, Hero?: The Avengers and the Guardians are fighting Thanos, but suddenly Dr. Strange simply surrenders the Time Stone to him. Big "NO!" WTF, Dr. Strange?? Why the hell did you do that???!!!
  Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hercules: I-Don't-Know!

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Ya terminamos, pero no te vayas sin hacerle caso a la Tía Marta

Tía Marta: Pegale una suscribida al canal, y andá a contarle a tus amigas y amigos. Punto.

Xuxa: Besitos, besitos, chau, chau!

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