The Bishops are female
Why, you may ask? Well, I just think so for some reason and it's Wild Mass Guessing.- Then why do they look like penises?
- Penis Envy.
- Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the term bishopric.
- Penis Envy.
- Even weirder when you consider that historically, women have been barred from becoming actual bishops.
The King is married to the Queen and every other piece is a member of his Harem
Yes, the King. My theory is he is married to the Queen, but every other piece is a female member of his harem. The fact that pawns can promote to Queens as well as any other piece may lend some support to this. And, when the King loses, the game is automatically over. Why? Because the opposing side takes the other pieces for their King's harem.- First argument doesn't quite work for Russia, through, as Queen is called Ferz'(Ферзь), or "vizier".
The Chess was invented by a Feminist
- How else can the Queen - the only unambiguously female piece in the game - be the most powerful piece in the game?
- Britain, of course, where powerful queens are not atypical. (In early versions of the game such as shatranj, the queen was the fers or "vizier" and could only move one space at a time, diagonally, making her even weaker than the king.)
- Chess was not invented by English-speakers, therefore it's of no relevance how that piece is called in English. In many languages, including languages where Chess was developed, that piece is called a vizier or a commander.
- Extra ironic when you realize modern Chess culture takes a lot of heat for being such a male dominated game, especially at higher levels.
After the Bolivian Army Ending the winning side spares the life of the loser for him to live with the shame.
At least until they meet again for the rematch.- They're actually all friends, and the matches are just battle simulations. After one, they go back to the box, where they drink, mingle, and exchange stories, such as "Remember when you tripped me when I tried to rush forward to support my Bishop? Well played, friend, well played!" And sometimes, unbeknownst to us but knownst to them, they switch clothes while hidden in the box, and change teams to experience the game from the other side.
The King is an Amazon Chaser
Hence why he's married to one of the most blatantly overpowered individuals around, rivaled only by her black/white counterpart. A promoted pawn is one who has shown off an incredible ability to survive the heat of battle, so the king marries her straight away (regardless of whether there's another queen or not). Heck, that might even be the cause of the conflict between White and Black... each king chasing after the other's wife (and going on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge if she's ever captured, or subjecting the queen to a Scarpia Ultimatum if Checkmate occurs before then). The Pawns can't move backwards because they'll be executed if they retreat
...Because if they could, the first thing they'd do is turn around and kill their kings.- Then why wouldn't they kill their kings after promotion?
- Well, they're now part of the aristocracy instead of a peasant conscript...
The various ways that Pawns are promoted In-Universe
- They become Queens through marrying the King
- They become Knights through being, well, knighted by the King
- They become Bishops through being ordained by the Church
- They become Rooks / Castles through gaining peer status (this one is rarer, but does happen in real life)
The Pawns suffer from gender dysmorphia
Pawns are the only Chess piece that do not have a specific gender. Could it perhaps be because they suffer from gender dysmorphia? This is not a fringe theory; there is evidence supporting it. Pawns can be promoted to Knights and Queens, who are male and female respectively. Thus, a Pawn transitions to another gender whenever they are promoted.