Life: the Game
is an online video game about getting through a man's life from birth to death.
There are nine levels. They are:
- Get born: You must click while the cursor is in a certain spot to help a woman give birth. Failure to do so results in a message saying that your mother gave you up for adoption after labour took three days.
- Study: You have to correctly answer some mathematics questions. Failure results in a message saying that you dropped out at eight years old and was rejected for a job flipping burgers due to being "overqualified".
- Puberty: The boy breaks out in pimples which you have to pop before they explode. If you fail, it says that you got a scar from your pimple and your cousin Alan tried to remove it but killed you by accident.
- Date: You need to accept or reject different dates on a dating app. There are different ways to fail, including rejecting a cute girl, dating a psychopath, and adopting too many cats due to seeing an old lady with one. Eventually, you find a match with a redhead.
- Intern: You need to make coffee. If you fail, you lose your job due to accidentally poisoning your boss.
- Get married: You need to put a suit on the man. If you put silly clothes on him instead, the bride will get scared and run away with Alan.
- Get kids: Similar to 'get born' except it's the player character's wife and she gives birth to quintuplets. There is no special consequence of losing on this level.
- Midlife crisis: You need to buy a car, travel ticket, and weights. If you don't, your character will fall into a slump.
- Grandchildren: You need to keep your grandchildren safe from the fire, poison, and electricity.
- Stay healthy: You have to sort the pills. If you fail, you pass out and die.
- Die: You're dead, so you do nothing.
Life: the Game provides examples of
- Accidental Murder: If you lose on puberty, Alan will accidentally kill you trying to remove the scar.
- Amazing Technicolor Population: The psycho lady has green skin.
- Barbie Doll Anatomy: When the babies are born, the boys are indistinguishable from the girls.
- Big "NO!": Losing at 'grandchildren' results in the protagonist shouting, "NO!".
- Comedic Underwear Exposure: "Your" grandson wears only underpants.
- Crazy Cat Man: If you date the old woman, you'll end up adopting sixteen cats and doting over them.
- Downer Ending: Even if you win the game, you have to die. Losing results in different levels of downer from having your wife run off with Alan to dying because he tried to give you surgery.
- Embarrassing Nickname: If you lose at puberty, you get known as the "nipple-faced guy".
- Everybody Hates Mathematics: If you fail at 'study', it'll say that you hated maths so much that you dropped out of school.
- Fainting: Losing at 'stay healthy' results in slipping into a 'drug withdrawal coma'.
- Fell Asleep Crying: If you reject the cute girls, you will end up crying yourself to sleep two days a week.
- The Ghost: Alan is never seen.
- Have a Nice Death: If you lose, there will be a different message depending on which level you lost on, explaining what happens to the protagonist.
- Lethal Chef: If you fail on 'intern', your bad coffee will make the boss sick, so much that you'll be charged for attempted murder.
- May–December Romance: On 'date', you're a teenager, and one option is an old woman.
- Mid-Life Crisis Car: Buying a new car is something you need to do on the midlife crisis level.
- Oh, Crap!: Sometimes, when you lose, the protagonist will make an 'uh-oh' face.
- Phrase Catcher: When Alan is mentioned, the phrase, "Goddammit, Alan!" is shown.
- Shout-Out: One of your possible dates is Zoidberg from Futurama.
- Surprise Multiple Birth: When the player character's wife gives birth to quintuplets, the text on the screen reads, "It's a boy. Twins. Triplets. Quadru—wait, what?! Hmm..." indicating that the father is shocked and unsure at having that many.
- Uncertain Doom: If you lose on grandchildren, they will get poisoned, set on fire, and electrocuted respectively, but it never states whether they lived or died.
- Vomit Indiscretion Shot: If you fail to make coffee for your boss, he will throw up onscreen.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: "Your" grandson doesn't wear a shirt... or pants or shoes.
