Video Game / Coffee Crisis

When two baristas are humanity's last hopes against an Alien Invasion...

Not so long ago in a galaxy kinda close to us...
The evil Smurglien race has taken notice of Earth's World Wide Web and has begun stealing WiFi.
They have created their own version of the internet and hid it deep within the earth's deep web called the Smurnet.

Coffee Crisis is a 2017 Beat 'em Up action game developed and published by Pittsburgh's Mega Cat Studios for the Sega Genesis, in which an alien race intending to invade earth have their plans thwarted by – wait for it – a couple of baristas.

An alien race called the Smurgliens, having detected Earth's wi-fi on their network, took an interest in human's heavy metal music, cat videos, and most important of all, coffee. After years observing humanity from outer space, the Smurgliens decide to launch an invasion.

In the Black Forge Coffee House, two nerdy baristas, Nick Miller and Ashley Corts, learns beforehand of the invasion when a trio of Smurgliens attempt to invade their shop, and realizing the Smurgliens have infiltrated human society, brainwashing numerous members of the public, the two hypercaffeinated baristas decide to take on the Smurglien invasion by themselves.

Fun Fact: The two main Player Characters are based on two real-life coffee shop employees from the Black Forge Coffee House, an actual shop that does exist in Pittsburgh. Yes, really.

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Time to load up on Caffeine:

• Alien Invasion: The Smurgliens are invading Earth to steal our rock music, cat videos, and coffee.
• Aliens Steal Cable: The backstory of this game involves the Smurgliens, after watching cat videos and listening to rock music from intercepting Wi-Fi from earth, deciding to launch an invasion to steal all of earth's facilities for themselves.
• Alliterative Title: Because the protagonists are baristas, and they're in a crisis.
• Anal Probing: In a flashback cutscene, it turns out the Smurgliens have abducted humans before, specifically a punk rocker during a concert, with a still showing Smurgliens doing... things to the rocker who's held down on a bed with his backside upwards.
• Batter Up!: Heavy baseball bats are one of the obtainable weapons for bashing the heads of alien mooks.
• Battle in the Rain: The second stage in the streets of Pittsburgh has Nick and Ashley fighting Smurgliens and possessed humans in the middle of heavy rain.
• Body of Bodies: The true form of the Smurglien Commander, Darth, who is a literal wall made of various limbs, organs, tentacles and eyeballs all over the place. There are only two specific weak points Nick and Ashley must target, that the game will indicate with the monster vibrating - hit it enough and it'll collapse and die.
• Cyclops: The one-eyed Smurgliens which are the second-most recurring enemy. Their heads are just a single eyestalk and their mouths on their torsos. They attack by launching their sole eyeball like projectiles, regrowing a new eye after losing their previous one in seconds.
• Drinking Contest: Nick and Ashley would binge-drink entire gallons of coffee after each stage, restocking their caffeine level after beating up tons of alien mooks. The ensuing drinking mini-game is a contest where the players (or against an AI in single-player mode) tap the "Jump" button as many times as possible within 15 seconds to swallow as much coffee as possible.
• Game-Over Man: Run out of lives or choose not to continue, and you get a screen of the Smurglien overlord looming over to enslave the rest of earth.
• Giant Mook: The overweight, blob-like Smurglien brutes are larger than the regular Smurglien varieties, and can tank a lot of hits before going down (at which point it dissolves back to a blob puddle). It's primary attack have it expelling blobs of goo from it's oversized belly as projectile weapons.
• The Greys: The basic Smurglien invaders resembles the archetypical grey alien - bulging heads, lanky arms, huge almond-shaped eyes, and whatnot. They're also the first enemies encountered and The Goomba which Nick and Ashley can beat up with ease.
• Harmless Enemy: There's a purple Smurglien who doesn't have abilities to attack Nick and Ashley, and instead runs around the area carrying a sack of coffee beans on its back. Attacking it will make the alien drop beans which can be collected for points, and defeating it nets a huge point bonus.
• Improbable Weapon User: Nick and Ashley starts the game with their default weapons, in order, being a coffee maker and a sack of coffee beans. Which works amazingly well as bludgeoning weapons on alien mooks.
• Instrument of Murder: One of the possible weapons the game gives out are electric guitars, which Nick and Ashley can grab and smash them on skulls of enemies in punk rocker fashion.
• Level Ate: One stage have a stage where Nick and Ashley overdosing on coffee, and hallucinating themselves in a land of giant food and snacks, with floors made of whipped cream and coffee beans, while volcanoes shaped like coffee cups in the background erupts geysers of coffee.
• Mercy Invincibility: There's a power-up that makes Nick and Ashley glow in multiple flashes of colors, which makes them invulnerable to enemy attacks for a few seconds.
• Mugging the Monster: Early in the first stage, a trio of Smurgliens (the lowest-level Goomba variety) tries hijacking the Black Forge Coffee House, believing it to be another easy target. They learn beforehand that the two caffeine-obsessed baristas, Nick and Ashley, are NOTHING like the civilians they just brainwashed as the two baristas quickly wipes the floor with the Smurgliens, before uncovering the invasion plot.
• Must Have Caffeine: Both Nick and Ashley, naturally, they're baristas fending off an Alien Invasion. The end of each stage have them partaking in coffee-drinking contests which have them swallowing cup after cup of coffee to boost their strength, and halfway through the game they can pick up extra coffee beans to boost their attack.
• Ominous Fog: The stage after Nick and Ashley returns to earth, having defeated Commander Darth inexplicably have a fog hitting the city streets, obscuring much of the player's view while they're controlling Nick and Ashley in beating up aliens.
• Pillar of Light: Every now and then, the game will dispense Smurglien mooks or possessed humans by beaming them downwards on pillars of light. After their defeat, they're then beamed upwards.
• Red Eyes, Take Warning: Humans controlled by Smurgliens have eyes that glows red. Nick and Ashley, as well as other uninfected human NPCs have regular-looking eyes.
• Retraux: The game is a massive Genre Throwback to old-school arcade games dominating the arcades of the past. Heck, in one cutscene it's mentioned the Smurgliens have been observing mankind ever since seeing footage of old video games, back during the 80s and 90s, and have been planning their invasion from that point!
• Shout-Out: There's quite a few:
  • When Nick and Ashley lands on Planet Smurglien, they took the time to reference The Wizard of Oz, for some reason.
  Ashley: [realizing they're on another planet] I don't think we're on Kansas anymore.
  Nick: You mean Pittsburgh?
  Ashley: Yeah, thanks Dorothy.
  • Towards Star Wars, as Nick and Ashley confronts the second Smurglien commander — named Darth — after defeating General Duke, where it turns out Duke is the son of the grand Smurglien commander:
  Darth: I am his father! Search your feelings, you know it to be true...
  • One of the higher-level grey-type Smurglien mooks seem to be cosplaying Professor Charles Xavier. This particular mook wears a suit similar to the Professor's (unlike the other naked Smurgliens), rides a wheelchair (with an "X" on it's spokes cover) and attacks by using his mental powers fire a mental energy bolt from his forehead.
• Starfish Aliens: The Smurgliens' Elite Mooks, octopi-looking aliens with bulging eyes and Combat Tentacles who can put up quite a fight compared to the lower-level Smurgliens or possessed humans. They sometimes use a Spin Attack which have their tentacles slapping everything surrounding them at rapid speed.
• Token Heroic Orc: The baby Smurglien is the sole alien who oppose his race's plans to invade planet earth for their rock music, even narrating to Nick and Ashley the reason behind the invasion and the Harvester's attack.
• True Final Boss: Turns out defeating the two Smurglien leaders - General Duke and his father, Commander Darth - isn't enough. The Smurgliens have planted a Harvester, an elite Smurglien specimen which grows stronger by absorbing rock music, and is targeting a concert in Pittsburgh. Cue Nick and Ashley rushing to the concert and fighting the Harvester. Then the game finally ends if they win.
• When Elders Attack: While the Smurgliens have invaded and possessed most of the population, there are possessed elderly mooks attacking Nick and Ashley at various points, namely old men with walking sticks and old women who use their walking frames to smash and jab.

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