Passive-Aggressive (aka Negativistic) Personality Disorder
is a term used to describe a pathological attitude of fearfulness and aggression, often expressed covertly or alternating between one, the other, and other moods. Though the disorder is no longer officially recognised by the American Diagnosis and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders (it was present up to the 3rd edition, then demoted in the 4th to the "Other" section), it is still a widely recognised and used diagnosis both in the United States and abroad, though it is also frequently misunderstood.
Pop culture and media often represents this disorder as being "passively aggressive", such as being purposefully forgetful, indirectly rude, or intentionally doing a job poorly. While this is all accurate, it also only represents one side of the disorder. True Passive-Aggressive personalities can be highly and overtly aggressive; they are just also fearful of the consequences or of retribution and thus, are often only openly enraged when (they feel it is) "safe" to do so, i.e. when they do not believe their will be consequences, when they think the consequences are insufficient, when they fail to consider the consequences, or when they believe the consequences will be unjust and thus only serve to justify their behaviour.
It can occur either
a) Interpersonally (i.e. within / towards friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, "enemies", etc.),
and / or
b) Socially (i.e. politics, religion, fandoms, race, gender, business, "cliques" etc.- within or towards other groups, essentially)
Passive-Aggressive behaviour should be best understood as a spectrum disorder, with varying levels of severity. It is normal for ordinary people to be passive-aggressive when under a certain level of stress or in certain situations; however, those with the personality are like this more often than not, and the more extreme the disorder the more unhealthy and destructive their behaviour becomes. It is also frequently co-morbid with (and / or a symptom of) other disorders (including other personality disorders). It is highly associated with anxiety and depression, including major clinical depression, substance dependancy (including alcohol), and in extreme (if rare) cases, suicide and suicidal gestures. It tends to arise in conflicts about control, dependancy and / or competition.
It is important to note that passive-aggressive personalities often do "have a point", and their concerns should not be dismissed simply on the basis that they are passive-aggressive; instead, they need to understand that even if they are 100% in the right, their method of dealing with their problems is not as constructive as they believe it to be, and may in fact be counter-productive or even outright harmful.
According to DSM-IV, passive-aggressive personality disorder is "often overtly ambivalent, wavering indecisively from one course of action to its opposite. They may follow an erratic path that causes endless wrangles with others and disappointment for themselves." Characteristic of these persons is an "intense conflict dependence on other and the desire for self-assertion." Although exhibiting superficial bravado, their self-confidence is often very poor, and others react to them with hostility and negativity.
Common Symptoms
- Making / Exacerbating One's Own Misery: Prone to exaggeration, hyperbole, overreaction, overgeneralisation, double standards, excessive criticism and negativity. Often sees problems where none exists, and makes worse problems that do. Under stress, procrastinates, fails to keep promises and obligations, deceives others and self that they will eventually be met. Misunderstands and misrepresents other persons who are the objects of their anger. Wishes others to carry out tasks they can or should do themselves, even if important, holds it against them for failing to do so. Hypocrisy, justified with rationalisations (e.g. "It's okay when I do it"), breeds resentment in others.
- Inability to Analyze Problems: Does not trust own judgement, yet trusts judgement of others less. Vacillates between uncertainty and over-certainty, overrates own objectivity versus those of untrusted others. Fails to see how they create or exacerbate own problems. May offer or adopt one-sided explanations. Gets "stuck" in negative perspectives. Complains of being misunderstood, yet fails to be clear about what they are concerned about (despite believing otherwise).
- Blaming Others: Reluctant to admit fault, fearing it will be used against them in present or in future. Guilt and shame are felt but suppressed, increasing anxiety over time. Looks for "safe" ways to release pent-up guilt, such as spreading the blame (e.g. "I've done it; we've all done it"), fault-finding in others, shaming others, projection etc. Conversely, may admit fault too readily in order to avoid punishment (real or imagined), then change the subject, or apologize for faults mainly in order to avoid looking bad. Despite being critical, typically hypersensitive to criticism, whether or not they show it.
- Turning Bad Feelings into Angry Ones: Fear, doubt, anxiety, negativity, guilt etc. experienced as coming from "without" and thus turned against with hostility. Anger as defence mechanism, anger as way of relieving pent-up stress.
- Attacking People: Verbal, psychological and written assault (e.g. angry letters / e-mails, social media). Since fearful at core, overtly aggressive only when sufficiently stressed, or if feeling secure from retribution (e.g. because they are supported by others, because their target is perceived as weaker, because they are at a safe distance from target). May criticise or mock others behind their back or in public spaces (e.g. on the internet, within a social group). Can be verbally vicious and scathing. Covert aggression disguised as "constructive" criticism, backhanded compliments, "detached" analysis or through covert acts of sabotage (e.g. misplacing items, "forgetting" promises or obligations, etc.). Physical aggression relatively rare, though not unheard of. Sadistic traits- attacking others releases pent-up aggression; makes them feel empowered, righteous, vengeful; tend to believe that their targets "deserve it" or "had it coming".
- Lacking Empathy: Difficulty seeing or accepting alternative points-of-view (though may wrongly believe otherwise), viewing them as varying shades wrong by default, may also view them with suspicion or hostility, believing them to be deceptive and dangerous. Bias, selective sympathy- prefers to "pick a side" when possible at expense of fairness (though may believe self to be fair), dislikes neutrality, hidden doubts over-compensated with prejudice. Narcissistic traits- believes self to have superior insight to others (e.g. "I'm not rosy-eyed; I see things how they really are"); manipulative and self-deceptive (i.e. does not see behaviour as manipulative); belittles others they believe "deserve it" to improve self-esteem; competitive with (and neurotically dependant upon) interests, opinions and beliefs; envies or resents those seen as more fortunate or privileged.
- Using Anger to Gain Power: Anger establishes dominance in relationships (romantic, familial, social or otherwise) if angry within them. Anger to gain status and attention (private or public). "Righteous" anger or "moral" outrage used to play victim and gain entitlements.
- Confusing Anger with Self-Esteem:
- Indulging in negative self-talk
- Can be nice when they wish to be
