The Simpsons
"The Reason You Suck" Speech in this series.- An early example occurs in "Moaning Lisa", when Homer — after losing to him so often in the game — has a nightmare about engaging in a Super Slugfest boxing match with Bart, with themselves in the roles of the characters. Bart mercilessly lays into him both verbally and physically the whole time; with Homer waking up screaming just as Bart finishes him off with a huge windmill punch.Bart: Put up your dukes, Homer! (swings a left hook at him)Homer: (he screams and ducks the punch) Bart...! (cowers) Go easy on me, I'm your Dad!Bart: I am going easy on you. (begins laying into Homer with a barrage of punches) But you're just so old. (punches him hard each time) And slow! And weak!Homer: (is sent flying backward) No!Bart: And PATHETIC! (winds up for his finishing punch)Homer: NO! BART! NOOOOOOOOOO!(Bart throws the final punch; right as it hits, Homer wakes up screaming loudly)
- Ned Flanders of all people gives a brutal one in "Hurricane Neddy". After his life falls apart, he snaps and lets loose on the whole town. The implication later on is that his sudden outburst came from his years-long suppressed anger at his parents for not raising him properly.Ned Flanders: Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best...shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly...aw, hell-diddly-ding-dong CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!
(the crowd gasps)
Marge Simpson: Ned, we meant well! And everyone here tried their best!
Ned: Well, my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Ohhh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have goooooood intentions!
Bart: Hey, back off, man!
Ned: Ohhh, okay duuuude, I wouldn't want you to have a cow, maaaaan! Here's a catch phrase you better learn for your adult years; Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER!?
Bart: I am shocked and appalled.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.
Ned: Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfield's answer to the question NO ONE ASKED!
Chief Wiggum: Ha! Ha-ha!
Ned: Whadda we have here, the long flabby arm of the law? The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars!
Krusty the Clown: Mallomars, oho, that's going in the act.
Ned: Oh yeah, the Clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! (turns to Lenny) And as for you, I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!
Lenny: Hey, I've only been here a few minutes, what's going on?
Ned: (to Moe) You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I -- uh — what was the third thing you said?
Ned: Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met.
Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy.- In an deleted scene he includes Milhouse in his rant too:Ned: What are you looking at, four-eyes?!
Milhouse: But... you wear glasses, too. - After failing to get Ned to express anger openly, Homer gives up and starts accusing him of being afraid to be human.Homer: Aw that's it, you just can't insult this guy. You call him a moron and he just sits there, grinning moronly.
Flanders: Hi, neighbor!
Homer: You know what your problem is, Flanders? You're afraid to be human.
Flanders: Ho ho, now why would I be afraid of that?
Homer: Because humans are obnoxious, sometimes. Humans hate things.
- In an deleted scene he includes Milhouse in his rant too:
- In "Homer's Enemy" Homer gets a scathing one from Frank Grimes:Grimes: God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase, and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
Homer: What?
Grimes: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factorynote ! Fancy clothes and (sniffs air) lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
Homer:(gasps) What are you saying?
Grimes: I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
Bart: He's got you there, dad.
Grimes: You're a fraud. A-a total fraud. (walks out, pokes his head back round the doorway, and speaks to Marge and the kids) It was nice meeting you. - Marge give a very brief but effective one to Artie Ziff after he lets Homer go to jail for a crime he committed in "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner".Marge: Do you know why no one likes you?
Artie: Anti-semitism?
Marge: No. Your problem is you never think of anyone besides yourself!
Artie: Marge, I think about a lot more than just moi. (Imagine Spot of female Arties dancing the Can-Can while singing his first name along with the music as male Arties with mustaches clap while singing his last name) Oh... my... God. She's right. - Stephen Hawking gives one to the Springfield members of Mensa in "They Saved Lisa's Brain", when they begin making outlandish proposals:Professor Frink: You should all do what I say! My IQ is 199, for crying out glavin! (tries to lean against a pillar, but misses, hitting his head instead) 198, 197...
Stephen Hawking: (offscreen) Big deal. My IQ is 280.
(the crowd gasps when Stephen Hawking enters)
Mensa Members: Stephen Hawking!
Principal Skinner: The world's smartest man!
Lisa: What are you doing here?
Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia. But now, I see, it is more of a Fruitopia.
Skinner: (chuckling) I'm sure what Dr. Hawking means is...
Hawking: Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me, except this voicebox. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.
Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!
(the crowd cheers in agreement)
Hawking: I don't know what the bigger disappointment is: my failure to formulate a unified field theory, or you.
Skinner: I don't like your tone...
Hawking: If you're looking for trouble, you've found it.
Skinner: Just try me, you-Ow!
(Hawking presses a button that deploys a punching glove hitting Skinner in the face) - Marge gives a huge one towards the whole town in "The Boys of Bummer" for continuing to harass Bart for losing a baseball championship even when he tried to kill himself because of it.Marge: YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED! Passing judgement on a child for a sports boo-boo! What have you people ever done!?
Lenny: Well, I write a bestselling series of mystery novels. Stephen King called it "Scary, good fun".
Marge: Besides that.
(The townspeople lower their heads in shame)
Marge: Now, thanks to you, my special little guy will be haunted by this for the rest of his life. I always thought that was just a slogan to attract small businesses. (points to a billboard reading "Springfield: Meanest City in America") But now I know it's the truth! - The episode "Mypods and Boomsticks" has Bart cutting off a speech from Mapple CEO Steve Mobs to tell Mapple users how stupid they are for buying Mapple's incredibly expensive products.Steve Mobs: I am speaking to you from Mapple Headquarters deep below the sea, with an announcement that will completely change the way you look at everything. And that announcement is-
Bart: (cutting Mobs off) You're all losers! You think you're cool because you buy a $500 phone with a picture of a fruit on it? Well, guess what: They cost 8 bucks to make, and I pee on every one! I have made a fortune off you chumps, and I've invested it all in Microsoft. Now, my boyfriend Bill Gates and I kiss each other on a pile of your money! - In "Trash of the Titans", Homer gets elected sanitation commissioner, but messes up so badly that Springfield tries to bring back Homer's predecessor, Ray Patterson, who Homer defeated. Ray, however, has some choice words for the people who ignored his warnings of Homer being ignorant about the position.Ray: Oh, gosh, you know, I'm not much on speeches, but it is so gratifying to... leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
- The Movie contained a spicy one that Marge delivered to Homer after he caused his family to be run out of Springfield due to him being responsible for the town being trapped in a dome (due to dumping a silo with pig and human excrement into the lake, causing its overpollution):Homer: Hey, guys? What's the secret knock again?
[family opens door, each with their arms crossed and giving him furious looks]
Homer: Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
Marge: It’s huge! We're homeless! Our friends want to kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you, I need to know what was going through your mind when you didn't listen to me and dumped that silo in the lake! - Lisa Goes Gaga has one from Lisa to Lady Gaga:Lady Gaga: Lisa. Lisa! Listen to me! This pity party's being shut down by the smile police. Here's what you gonna do...
Lisa: Why do you keep telling me what I'm gonna do? This isn't about me!
Lady Gaga: Well, who else would it be about?
Lisa: You! It's about "Hello! Hello Springfield! It's me, Gaga! why is everyone looking at my purple hair full of blue birds?" Well, I denounce thee!
Lady Gaga: Wha...?
Lisa: I denounce thee for giving people ambitions they cannot fulfill. And I denounce thee for positing a world where social acceptance and walking on heels are easy!
Lady Gaga dancer: Please, may we kill the kid? (Another dancer shakes his head negatively)
Lisa: I denounce thee! I denounce thee! I denounce thee!
Lady Gaga: Whoa, easy little monster.
Lisa: Don't "Monster" Me!
Lady Gaga: Whatever you say. - In "Bart Gets a 'Z'", Bart spikes Mrs. Krabappel's drink with alcohol to get her to loosen up, but it works so well that it costs her her job. When Bart confesses, Mrs. Krabappel is outraged and lays into him.Mrs. Krabappel: You ruined my life! It's your fault I have to work at this stupid muffin store.
Bart: But this place was your dream!
Mrs. Krabappel: My real dream was to be a teacher, and you got me fired! Now I'm up to my eyeballs in debt with this stupid store, and four more muffin stores just opened on this block!
Bart: B-b-but you found The Answer!
[Mrs. Krabappel destroys The Answer with a cake mixer]
Bart: No! I wrote a phone number in there!
Mrs. Krabappel: No matter what you've done, I always thought there was a spark of decency in you, Bart Simpson, but I was wrong. I never thought I'd say this to a child, but you are bad on the inside. - In "You Won't Believe What This Episode Is About – Act Three Will Shock You!" Homer gives one to the church after the town treated him like a pariah after Santa’s Little Helper was locked in the car (despite the dog locking the car and rolling up the windows himself). It would end up backfiring when he accidentally pushed Reverend Lovejoy out the window, causing him to be treated like a pariah for that instead.Homer: I'm Homer Simpson, and I'm truly sorry.
Crowd: [chanting] Tsk, tsk, tsk!
Homer: Sorry if you pee-pee babies were offended by something that was no big deal and everything's fine. So what's the issue?
Bart: [to Lisa] Amazing job, you really got his voice down.
Reverend Lovejoy: Okay, Homer, I think you've made your point.
Homer: I'm sorry that you don't have enough things to get mad at. I'm sorry that you all have skin thinner than gas station toilet paper. And I'm sorry that your lives are so boring that you take a man who left his rescue dog for two minutes to buy him organic ice cream from a woman-owned local business, and you crucify him! [accidentally pushes Reverend Lovejoy out window]\\
