(For full effect, read in the voice of your choice of Arleen Sorkin (RIP), Tara Strong, Hynden Walch, Jenny Slate, Kaley Cuoco, Melissa Rauch, Lady Gaga, or Margot Robbie.)
OKAY, BOZOS, LISTEN AND LISTEN GOOD, 'CUZ I AIN'T GONNA REPEAT MYSELF!!
Ahem. Name's Harleen Quinzel. Call me Harley. Everyone does. Anywho, I was Mr. J's number one gal, right hand psychopathic bitch, and Perky Female Minion since The '90s. I was brought in in Batman: The Animated Series in 1992 so he could have him a female minion. From there, I started appearing more and more until finally I got into the comics themselves (Eeeee!). And I've been part of the DC menagerie ever since.
Buuuuuut if you wanna get all the backstory stuff, fine. My real name is Harleen Frances Quinzel, fresh outta psychiatry school, I was transferred to Arkham Asylum. Once there, I was made the personal therapist to Mr. J. Best day of my life! Once we started talking, we realized there was a connection between us, and I dropped my dreams to be with the guy. No regrets!note
Anyway, ever since, it's been me and Mr. J... okay, sometimes I go solo, but I ain't ever gonna leave my man for good. No matter HOW bad he treats me. Okay, so my relationship with Mr. J ain't all sunshine and lollipops, but hey, what relationship is? There've been times when Mr. J did stuff I wasn't exactly on the ball with... Aaaand there have been times where Mr. J's gotten physical with me... but he's my puddin' through and through, and we stick together like glue.
'Course, my whole life don't revolve completely around Mr. J, I gots a girlfriend (FRIEND WHO'S A GIRL... maybe a lil more than that... A girl's gotta eat!) in Poison Ivy. When I ain't hangin' around Mr. J, you can find me with Pam. We're pretty close, too.
Anyway, since I been 'round the DC world so long, I've appeared in plenty of DC works too. I even got some big, important roles. Like the time I tried to avenge Mr. J's death in a DLC for Batman: Arkham City. Or the time I had to work with Batman, or those two times I was doin' hero duty with some other villains (and that time I 'adopted' a diamond thief). Oh! Can't forget my own show! So, yeah, as you can tell, soon enough, DC realized I can be more than just arm candy.
Oh and one last thing! You betta not confuse me for either the only guy who can be an animal pageant star or whatever while dressed like a cactus and pull it off fabulously, or Kevin Smith's rugrat that he named after me (your poppa's got great taste in role models kiddo and you're doin' amazing yourself sweetie!). What? THAT'S IT?! Mista J's got a list of knockoffs & wannabes longer than his rap sheet, while I start a whole freakin' character trend and all I got to show for it is two people sharing my name? You're all lucky I'm a glass half full kinda gal. Guess everyone knows that there ain't no beating the original Harley!note
Here's some tropes that apply to me
- Acting for Two: In that one cartoon, Tara Strong voices both me and Batgirl! Since our civilian identities are besties, we talk to each other a lot!
- Adaptational Heroism:
- In the first version of DC Super Hero Girls, I'm actually one of the good guys and even part of the main team! Who'da thunk it? I was a baddie in the reboot, but I was just waiting for my "bad guy turns good" moment that time.
- I was also one of the good guys working for Bats after Superman started causin' chaos in my town, our town, Gotham... just so he can rule it along with the rest of this rotten world with an iron fist after killing Mr. J!
- Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Me and Red are either lovebirds, BFFs, bitter exes or whatever else Depending on the Writer. I'd ask those guys to keep it straight, but I'm worried they'll split us up altogether if they take "straight" too literally.
- Adaptational Skimpiness: The usual spoilsports musta had a fit when they saw me prancing around Arkham Asylum in that nurse's outfit. Well if you were trying ta impress your Puddin', you'd maybe try to get him to notice ya too! I musta liked it, since I ditched the old ensemble and started wearing stuff that showed off a lot more of me than I ever did.
- Affectionate Nickname:
- I gave one to Mr. J — he's my Puddin' and no one else's!
- Red happens to like it when I call her Red.
- Ascended Fangirl: How awesome was it that I actually got to work with Wonder Woman herself! The real Wonder Woman! Too bad that one version of me kinda learned what it meant about meeting your heroes.
- Bare Midriffs Are Feminine: I'm one of the girlier villainesses out there, starting out as Mr. J's Perky Female Minion. Once I ditched the harlequin suit, I started wearin' crop tops that show off my abs. Like what ya see?
- Battle Rapping: Can't forget the time that nice Dustin fella set me up in verbal scrap against that kooky computer virus and her weepy friends. Hoo boy, you wanna talk about a Suicide Squad...
- Batter Up!: Another of my weapons of choice. Anything that's good to do some damage, I'm game.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Psycho though I may be, I didn't go through all that college just to let my psychology degree go to waste! While we're on that subject, let me sit down with ya and discuss how often you've been visiting this site.
- Canon Immigrant: Can you believe some guy made me for a cartoon? Then it turns out the people loved me, and they thought I'd be a perfect fit for Batsy's home turf! Ahh, Hollywood. Talk about a stroke of brilliance.
- Carry a Big Stick: Like I said on New 52, nothing says 'l'chaim' like a girl dressed in a stripper clown outfit wielding a hundred-pound mallet.
- Crusading Widow: No way I was lettin' Bats get away with letting Mr. J die!! Sure it was in one of Batbrain's games, but I missed him.
- Cute, but Cacophonic: WHAT WAS THAT?! ...Ahem. Well, sure, some of the girls who lend me their voices do play me high an' loud thanks to dear Arleen's defining portrayal of myself, but call me that again and we'll see who's cacophonic!
- Defecting for Love: I quit bein' a goody two-shoes thanks to Mr. J.
- Does Not Like Spam: Yck! Do not try and feed me any fish! No! No no no no no! I'll puke my guts out from one bite of that stuff!
- The Dog Bites Back: Now don't get me wrong, I've put up a lot with Mr. J, but that doesn't mean I ain't afraid to get rough when push comes to shove. Even he knows I got a mean right.
- Empowered Badass Normal: Not to toot my own horn, but I did get into college on a gymnastics scholarship. Could have gone to the Olympics if I wanted. Anyway, Red gave me this mean shot of Super Serum that made me even better! Stronger, more agile, and immune to most poisons on the planet.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Okay, maybe I don't have a problem with blowing up people, trashing property, using Smylex on some squirrels, or occasionally speeding through downtown. But you so much as hurt one of those cute little critters, and I'll make you wish it was Batbrain whacking you!
- Expy: I was based on a gal named Calliope Jones, who had a dream version that was dressed as a harlequin. Get it?
- Face–Heel Turn: Mr. J convinced me to give up the psychiatry gig and be a villain.
- Heel–Face Revolving Door: That's not to say I haven't given the hero thing a try or two. Bats' even been letting me join in on his little crime-fighting family gatherings lately!
- Fluffy Tamer: Aww, how could anyone not love my babies? Bud and Lou are such good boys for me! I mean, they'll eat your face if they don't like ya, and they don't like most people, but still!
- Fountain of Expies: Wouldn't ya know it, I managed to inspire a bunch of imitators to capitalize on my gig! From some flexible gal from a world where people can move rocks, water, fire, and tornadoes to a smaller version of my Suicide Squad version that's cyberized.
- Girlish Pigtails: I sometimes wear my hair like that to go with the cap. You like it?
- Handy Feet: Go ahead and chain me up if you want! I'll just use my toes to pick the lock and escape!
- Has a Type: Wait, you think Ivy's manipulating me too? ...Eh, I don't really care that much. Pretty sure that only applies to my original version anyway.
- Insistent Terminology: Look. Things with the Joker weren't great. I wised up eventually. So get it right; these days, I'm Mr. J's ex-girlfriend.
- Lady Swears-a-Lot: In my own cartoon and movie, I sure love to curse. Did you know that Batbrain likes to #^%& bats?
- Large Ham: Well, you can't blame me for wanting to be the fun in the room! Wait, You did? BOOORING!
- Love Interest: I'm Mr. J's. Ain't he the bee's knees? And as it turns out, Red's got it for me too! Ain't life just romantic?
- Love Martyr: So what if Mr. J has abused me both verbally and physically, and tried to get me killed more than once? I'd still do anything for my Puddin'! Except when it gets so much that I wouldn't.
- Miniature Senior Citizens: Seems I become this in my old age in one movie. Ah well, least my grandkids inherited my gorgeous good looks.
- Ms. Fanservice: And you better believe it buster! Sure my classic outfit wasn't exactly an eye catcher, but did ya really think it wasn't gonna show anything? I mean, ya can't stop drooling over my new ensemble! Might as well show Mr. J what he's missing out on...cause he ain't getting any! And if ya know what's good for ya, you'd better not either!
- The Nicknamer: What? Ya saying just because I don't always call Mistah J, Red, or B-Man by their usual handles that I got a habit? So what? That's how you know I like ya. Even Batsy's okay sometimes.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: So my college days were a little hit or miss (my OG self was a gym scholar and my self on young Batsy's show learned through a Correspondence Course), but I got my psychology degree! I just don't like to flaunt how smart I am all the time like some people.
- Pay Evil unto Evil: Sure, a lot of guys I kill tend to be cops and the occasional super creep, but sometimes you just gotta do your civil duty and take on the filth of society. Ask Mr. J just how that worked out for him.
- Perky Female Minion: I started out as one of these for Mr. J. I may be solo now, but that don't mean I had to give up bein' perky.
- Red and Black and Evil All Over: I'd like to see YOU rock a red and black harlequin outfit better than I can!
Deadpool: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
- Steven Ulysses Perhero: No, seriously, with a name like Harleen Quinzel, it's a wonder the cops don't catch on when I decide to do some psych practice!
- Super Serum: So the first time I ever visited Ivy's hideout, she whipped up this nasty little booster shot to give me as much poison immunity as she's got so I wouldn't die from all the nasty mutant pollen or toxic waste (depends on where she was set up at the time). Had a bunch of other great side effects that made me even better than an Olympic-grade gymnast.
- Trapped in Another World: Like Mista J says, all good comedians gotta know their current audience. Apparently you dorks are really into something called "Eee-seh-kay", which means I get to go on a little getaway with Mr. J and my Squad buddies! The destination's a frickin' cliche and the locals are kinda assholes who don't make a good first impression, but me and the gang can all have our own fun down there...
- Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: One time, I duked it out with this crazy broad callin' herself Jinx at the carnival! She mighta won in the end, but at least I went out with a bang!
- Unwitting Pawn: I still remember that one time Mr. J abused me! I was blinded into believing he loved me. But NAH, he tossed me just because he can! I revealed my plan to go against Mr. J in secrecy, and he pushed me off his office room? I gotta say, I should consider myself lucky since Bats gave Mr. J an ass-kicking of a lifetime.
- Villainous Harlequin: Well DUUUUUH! I AM called Harley Quinn. I'm the freakin' go-to for any wannabe who came after me!
