Christmas Special:
The Nativity
The CPDS decides to have another crack at a Christmas production for Play of the Week, staging the classic Nativity story of the birth of Jesus Christ. However, by now the BBC has finally grown sick of their incompetence and is refusing to commission any more shows.
This time around, the cast is constantly interrupted by fire alarm tests, Robert takes the definition of 'fallen angel' rather too literally, and Jonathan becomes more bare-bodied than he'd like. Meanwhile Trevor does a half-job of painting the sets, the donkey can't figure out where it starts or ends, and a last-minute sponsorship deal with Brookshaw Corporate Finance leads to some heavy product placement.
“The Nativity” contains examples of:
- Actor/Role Confusion: Dennis gets confused between playing a wise man, a shepherd, the innkeeper and Chris calling him “an idiot”.Dennis: Hello, I’m a stupid shepherd. Here’s your myrrh.
- Agony of the Feet: Trevor's foot gets caught in the set, leaving him trapped for the innkeeper scene. Later, when Chris has had enough of Dennis mucking up his innkeeper role, Sandra-as-Mary's pregnancy bowling ball falls out and hits his own foot.Chris: [agitated] You two go and have your baby in the sodding manager!Max as Joseph: Manger.Chris: Aaarrgghhh!
- Anachronism Stew: In a rare non-disastrous mixup, King Herod's palace is decorated with Babylonian religious imagery, despite Herod being a Jewish monarch under Roman rule.
- Buffy Speak: After a long while of misunderstandings, Robert eventually asks for his "round sparkly hat" — only for Trevor to bring him a glittery red bowler hat, which is apparently Robert's personal headwear.
- Call-Back:
- Robert as the Angel Gabriel drops his halo and tries to get the cast to pick it up, in a scene fairly reminiscent of when Robert as Starkey drops his sword in Peter Pan Goes Wrong.
- When Dennis is trying to portray the innkeeper, confused by Chris' direction, he begins yelling "GET OUT!", calling back to his role in The Lodge.
- Creator Breakdown: In-Universe, Chris audibly struggles to keep his composure as the mistakes pile up. He is left with an uncanny grin on his face by the end of it.
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Cut Song: When someone mentions Jesus Christ, some actors will appear from behind the set and start singing "For Unto Us a Child Is Born". Chris has to remind them that the song was cut, presumably for time constraints. - Duct Tape for Everything: Instead of using a wire harness to allow the Archangel Gabriel to fly (perhaps remembering their previous attempts with wires), the crew duct-tape Robert to a cloud set piece. It goes about as well as the CPDS' other special effects.
- Gravity Screw: Near the end, the storybook set falls on its back, forcing everyone to act out the last scene lying down on the set while they're filmed from directly above the stage.
- Hand Blast: The Virgin Mary's impregnation is depicted in Cornley's version of the story as the Archangel Gabriel shooting a laser beam from his outstretched hands towards Mary's stomach. A baby bump is visible in the immediate next shot.
- Hand-or-Object Underwear: Jonathan's wild ride on the malfunctioning throne leaves him wearing nothing but his pointed shoes. He ends up crossing his legs to cover his genitalia. To add insult to injury, the throne gets stuck and he has to turn it by hand, still bare-all.
- Lame Pun Reaction: The cast are rather uncomfortable to be shilling for a bank in the middle of a serious Christmas play, and it shows on their faces after each hackneyed pun.Annie as a Wise Man: I bring you gold standard accreditation for all your business loans.
Vanessa as a Wise Man: I bring you frankin-sensible advice on saving money.
Dennis as a Wise Man: And I bring you low cost, disposable myrrh-gage rates. - Lazy Bum: Trevor really doesn't seem to be on board with the team for this round. He adds paintings of desserts when asked to fill a desert backdrop and uses the space to complain that this isn’t his job. He also doesn’t cut face holes in the cactuses, instead saying that it’s actually cacti. Then he rudely tells Chris to bugger off when asked to put glitter paint on the star.
- Literal-Minded: When the piano catches fire as Chris is playing, Dennis runs in with an acetylene torch, thinking 'fighting fire with fire' applies to the situation at hand.
- Mondegreen Gag: Robert as the Archangel drops his halo on the stage where Dennis, Annie and Vanessa are standing as the shepherds. However, when he asks the others to retrieve it for him, they keep misinterpreting his cries of "Halo!" as a cheerful greeting of "Hello!" Eventually, he ends up asking for his "round sparkly hat".
- Pantomime Animal: Vanessa and Annie both portray the donkey. They are provided with a two-part donkey costume to accomplish this, although they can't agree on who's wearing the head half and who's wearing the arse half. This results in one scene where they both come on as the head, and another scene where they both come on as the arse.
- Pillow Pregnancy: The CPDS have apparently learned the wrong lessons about using easily-fragile balloons as baby bumps. To portray the Virgin Mary, Sandra uses a bowling ball under her costume... which falls out and lands on Chris's foot.
- Playing a Tree: Two actors dressed as cactuses are supposed to run across the stage during the "Little Donkey" number. However, because Trevor forgot to cut out eye holes in the cactus costumes, the cactuses blindly shamble along and run into Mary, Joseph and the Donkey, knocking them down.
- Product Placement: Due to the BBC cutting funding for Play of the Week, the CPDS have struck a sponsorship deal with a corporate bank to keep the lights on. Unfortunately, this means the script is filled with shilling and financial puns, and the setting of ancient Judea features an ATM."Brookshaw Corporate Finance, even Jesus loves cash!"
- Rage Breaking Point: By the play's end, the storybook set is on its back and the cast have to act out the last scene lying down. Fed up with Chris' constant haranguing, Trevor slams the set closed, trapping the cast inside.
- Rescue Equipment Attack: The production goes horribly wrong when a candle falls over and ignites Chris Bean's piano right when the cast is in the middle of singing "Silent Night" — not long after Chris ordered the fire alarms to be disabled. Luckily, there's a working fire extinguisher on hand. Unfortunately, it's being wielded by Robert, who after trying and failing to get the extinguisher to work, just lobs the whole thing at Chris, bowling him head over heels in the process, then runs off.
- Running Gag: This time, Jonathan’s spinning throne malfunctions, and when it does allow him to appear on screen, it spins so fast that his clothes are removed completely.
- Screwed by the Network: After five spectacularly disastrous performances, the BBC has become fed up with the Cornley troupe's incompetence. They don't just refuse to fund Play of the Week, they schedule two fire drills during taping because, as Chris puts it, "they'd rather disturb our broadcast than one of their empty studios."
- That Came Out Wrong: When Mary (Sandra) says that she is a virgin and shouldn't be able to have a child, Archangel Gabriel (Robert) says she has been "impregnated remotely." Max cringes, and Robert instantly apologizes for the way the line came out.Robert as the Angel: I'm sorry. That came out wrong. It's a good thing.
- To the Tune of...: The Cornley troupe's performance of "O Little Town of Bethlehem" is sung, variously, to the tunes of "Funeral March", "Camptown Races", "Auld Lang Syne" and "Infernal Galop" thanks to a mix-up of music sheets.
