Only 6 words come to mind here: Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
Crypt Keeper: (standing in front of the American flag as "Hail to the Chief" plays, dressed as Uncle Sam and giving a speech to a cheering crowd; speaking in a voice similar to Richard Nixon) My fellow Americans, I'm running for office, because I think the political process needs a little stiff competition. It needs new bleed-er-ship! It needs someone like me in the Fright House! (flashes peace signs while balloons and confetti fall from above and cameras flash; in his regular voice) But, you may ask, aren't there a few skeletons in your closet? Sure there are. And a vampire or two, and a werewolf. What of it? At least I'm not like the man in tonight's terror tale. He's a fire inspector who's about to learn the difference between rot and wrong. I call it: The Bribe.
Moralistic fire marshal/violations inspector Martin Zeller (Terry O'Quinn) springs a surprise inspection on The Naked Experience, a sleazy strip club in the middle of a busy night, outraged over nude photos of his college-age daughter Hiley that he received in the mail. He accuses the club's owner, Puck (Esai Morales), of taking the photos and orders the club to be shut down. Puck reminds Martin that the marshal before him, Nick Ciola, took easily took bribes and accepted sexual favors to leave the club alone, but the straitlaced Martin refuses any offer he's given.
Martin arrives home to find Hiley breaking up with her preppy boyfriend Ron. She reveals to her father that her college has withdrawn her scholarship due to budgetary restraints, and she will have to drop out due to the high cost of tuition. After a meeting with Nick, who bitterly points out to Martin just how little he has to show for his own career in the fire department, Martin reluctantly accepts a $60,000 bribe from Puck to help pay for Hiley's tuition, under the condition that Puck Hiley alone.
Martin tells Hiley that he managed to end their financial problems and she can stay in school, where she joyfully reconciles with Ron. As she gets ready for a date, Martin gives Hiley a gold charm bracelet that had belonged to her late mother. Not wanting to have his reputation tarnished by his bribe, Martin corners Bic, an unstable pyromaniac/arsonist, who he coerces into setting fire to The Naked Experience next Sunday, when it will be closed. Responding to the scene of the fire after the club burned down, Martin is shocked to discover that Puck had held a private party there and that he was the only survivor. The party was apparently for Hiley and Ron, and the severely burned Puck weakly hands over the bracelet Martin gave to Hiley. Heartbroken over having brought about the deaths of numerous people and his own daughter, Martin goes home and shoots himself in his daughter's bedroom.
The next morning, the phone rings and the answering machine picks up. The caller is Hiley, calling to apologize for not telling her dad that she had decided to elope, as well as to say that the family's money troubles are over. Her new husband is not Ron, but Bill, the strip club's manager and the one who took the naked photos of her. The two of them arranged for Martin to receive the photos anonymously, and for themselves to leave the party early in order to divert his suspicions. As the duo drive off, Hiley wonders where her bracelet is, but decides not to worry about it.
Tropes:
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: Hiley ends up eloping with the sleazy Bill, who took the naked pictures that Martin found in the mail. Bill himself even lampshades it at the beginning of the episode, pointing out that most girls like Hiley are attracted to bad boys.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Even though he's severely burned in the process, Puck gets away with his sleazy business practices, and manages to trick Martin into believing he's responsible for his daughter's death. His wheezing as he's loaded into the ambulance even sounds like villainous laughter.
- Being Good Sucks: Martin's predecessor, Nick Ciola, is a bitter old man suffering from severe burns and permanent internal injuries. He's pointed out to have taken bribes and accepted sexual favors to keep the strip club open, seeing as how he has nothing but life-ruining injuries to show for his 20 years in the fire department, and rebukes Martin for holding onto his strong sense of ethics in the face of the pain the job is liable to give, since to him it isn't worth anything.
- The ending shows that Hiley had shades of this mindset as well, given how she's all too happy to have naked pictures taken of herself and eloping with a sleazy strip club manager.
- Black-and-Gray Morality: While Martin shows himself to be responsible while on the job and has perfectly legitimate reasons to go after Puck and shut his club down, it's gradually revealed that he's rather self-centered and controlling about his squeaky clean ethics, and wants his daughter to be similarly squeaky clean like he is. When he's forced to accept Puck's bribe, he tricks a deranged arsonist into burning down the strip club to ensure that his squeaky clean image is kept undamaged, which ends up killing a number of people in the process.
- By-the-Book Cop: Martin is a tried-and-true straight arrow in his line of work, but he's forced by circumstances out of his control to accept a large bribe to help his daughter get into a good school. He's so horrified by the first seedy thing he's done on the job that he hires an arsonist to burn the strip club to the ground to erase the evidence of his misdemeanor.
- Chiaroscuro: The episode goes down this rather artistic route as Hiley talks to her father after breaking up with Ron, the wall dividing them fading and living room lights dimming to allow her to speak from her bedroom.
- It happens again near the end, where Martin's shadow is seen in Hiley's lit bedroom, which becomes bathed in red light just before he blows his brains out.
- Companion Cube: Bic treasures his ant farm, even if he burns the ants inside it for thrills. Martin taking it away from him forces him to cooperate with the guy.
- Crocodile Tears: Hiley pours her heart out about her revoked scholarship and her boyfriend dumping her to milk sympathy from her father and hide her true intentions.
- Cruel Twist Ending: Martin kills himself after finding Hiley's bracelet burned from the fire. The following morning, his phone rings, which then goes to voicemail. The caller is Hiley, alive and well, apologizing for running off to elope with Bill, the strip club manager who she willingly took the naked photos with.
- Daddy's Girl: Ever since his wife died, Hiley is the most treasured thing in Martin's life, and he still sees her as his baby girl even though she's all grown up and ready to go to college. Everything Martin does throughout the episode is out of love and respect for her, wanting her to get into a good school and marry a good man. The ending tragically shows that that kind of life isn't for Hiley.
- Darker and Edgier: This is one of the seedier and darker episodes of the series, given that it has numerous sleazy undertones. Even the soundtrack, performed by San Francisco-based band Pray for Rain, gets in on just how dirty and shabby-feeling the episode is.
- Dating What Daddy Hates: Hiley seems drawn into the seedy lifestyle of a stripper rather than going to college and marrying Ron, against the wishes of her straight arrow father.
- Deal with the Devil: Puck outright calls Martin's bribe one of these.
- Downer Ending: Even though the family's money problems are solved, Puck gets away, Martin kills himself, and Hiley, who was thought to be dead, elopes with the sleazy club manager who was taking the naked pictures of her from the beginning.
- Driven to Suicide: Thinking that his daughter died in the fire that he had a hand in planning, Martin returns home and kills himself with his own gun.
- Fanservice: Given how one of the episode's central elements is a strip club and a collection of naked photos, the episode is heavy on the fanservice, even for this show. Hell, the opening scene is of strippers in devil costumes shaking their money makers for the customers of the strip club. Puck also has a stripper perform for him on his desk, then has said stripper flash her ass at Martin to get him to leave the club open.
- Felony Misdemeanor: Thanks to his by the book nature, Martin thinks that taking one bribe after a squeaky-clean record on the job will automatically label him as a disgrace to the uniform, so he goes out of his way to have the scene where he took the money burned down to erase any evidence of him having done so.
- Fiery Cover Up: Martin intends to recruit deranged arsonist Bic to set the strip club on fire, hoping to frame him for doing it so the evidence of his bribe will be erased.
- Foreshadowing: One of the first things Bill says to Martin is how his daughter (a former stripper at the club) is a "good friend". The ending reveals that Hiley and Bill eloped in the hopes of fixing the family's money problems.
- Puck also tells Martin as he was storming out of the club that Hiley was "a willing participant" regarding the naked pictures, and he can't change who she truly is into what he wants her to be, which also comes back to bite him, posthumously, in the ending.
- Hiley herself says that Ron broke up with her because his parents didn't think she was good enough for her and called her a slut, which is once again revealed in the end to be true.
- Frame-Up: Not wanting to be outed for the bribe he took, Martin recruits Bic with burning down the strip club to erase the evidence, planning to frame it on Bic in the process.
- Hot as Hell: The opening scene has strippers dressed as red devils eagerly performing for the customers in the strip club.
- Ignored Expert: Puck yells after the exiting Martin that his daughter is her own person, and he can't force her to be what he wants her to be. The ending reveals that even though he was a total sleaze, everything Puck said about Hiley was spot on.
- Incorruptible Pure Pureness: No matter how often Puck tempts him, Martin is not a man who gives into temptation. When he's finally forced to accept a bribe so Hiley can get into college, he becomes determined to make sure no evidence of the transaction exists, wanting his by-the-book reputation to be upheld and untainted.
- Irony: Everything about Hiley and Bill talking about why they did what they did and hoping that Martin will come around eventually... without knowing that Martin's already blown his brains out.
- Jerkass Has a Point: Nick Ciola, Martin's predecessor, rants to him about how he easily took bribes and sexual favors from Puck and his club. He also rants about how his 20 years in the fire department left him with nothing but broken arms, second-degree burns, and permanent damage to his lungs, saying that the pain he felt and the lack of warnings he was given were worth nothing to him. He tells Martin that he has to accept Martin's bribe no matter how unethical it is, telling him that all that matters now is Hiley's future.
- Memento Macguffin: Hiley's mother's bracelet, which Martin gifts to her as she plans to makeup with Ron. Martin is given it by Puck after the fire, which makes him believe that he killed Hiley and causes him to kill himself.
- Mooning: The stripper in Puck's office seductively flashes her ass at Martin, on Puck's orders, to let him give into the temptation and leave the strip club open.
- My Girl Is Not a Slut: A familial, non-romantic version. Martin prosecutes Puck, the guy going around selling naked pictures of his college-bound daughter, refusing to believe she took the pictures willingly after listening to her sob story of her boyfriend Ron blaming her for said pictures. Then it turns out, she really does want to be a slut, she really did take the pictures willingly, and her new husband isn't Ron, but Bill, the sleazy club manager who took said pictures.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Martin, when he sees his daughter's bracelet charred from the fire, believes that he caused her death and kills himself out of remorse.
- The Nose Knows: Bic sprays air freshener throughout his "apartment" to hide the smell of smoke when Martin comes looking for him. Martin is able to detect the smoke anyway.
- Papa Wolf: The only thing that Martin adores more than his job's rules is his daughter, Hiley. Every illegal thing he does is for her own well-being, mainly so that she marries the right man and goes to a good school.
- Poor Communication Kills: Hiley is revealed to have had her own methods for solving her family's money troubles, but she doesn't tell her father because she knows how he's on the straight and narrow, and her own methods would be forbidden in his eyes. She only tells the truth over the phone the day after Martin kills himself.
- Profanity Police: Martin warns his daughter that he doesn't allow profanity at home when she drops an enraged f-bomb.
- Pyromaniac: Bic, the unstable arsonist who Martin (who thought he was cured) hires to burn down the strip club. His first onscreen action has him burning ants with a magnifying glass, just to show how obsessed with burning things he is. He's persuaded by Martin to burn down the strip club because it's full of bugs.
- Pyrrhic Victory: Puck ends the episode victorious, but with severe burns in the process.
- Red Herring: Given how Puck was delivering naked pictures of his daughter, who used to work in the strip club he owns, Martin suspects that Hiley's been having an affair with him. The end of the episode reveals that she's actually been in love with, and has since eloped with, Bill, Puck's friend and the strip club's manager who took the naked photos of her that were anonymously given to Martin.
- Rugged Scar: Nick has them on both arms, the result of severe burns and the bones broken from a collapsing building.
- Scary Black Man: Nick Ciola, the fire marshal before Martin, who was given severe injuries and burns during his service as a fire marshal. We're shown that he broke both arms and sustained severe burns in a building collapse, then had his lungs permanently seared by dirt and chemical exposure during the LA Riots.
- Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: Martin initially tells Puck to shove the bribe up his ass when he presents the offer to him. When Hiley is at risk of losing her education due to tuition costs, he sings a different tune, albeit reluctantly.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Puck and Bill keep their club open by bribing every inspector looking to close them down with cash and sexual favors. Martin follows his predecessors when he desperately needs to get Hiley a new college tuition.
- Sex for Services: Nick Ciola almost closed down Puck's club many years ago, but he was persuaded into letting it stay open after being given sexual favors, along with loads of cash.
- Shameless Fanservice Girl: Hiley is rumored (and then confirmed) to be one of these, wanting to live the sleazy and sexualizing life of a stripper instead of being a morally upstanding college girl like her father wants her to be.
- Slimeball: Puck is one of these, to the point where Bill has had to previously warn Hiley about him.
- Solar-Powered Magnifying Glass: Bic is seen frying ants with a magnifying glass when he first appears, showcasing that he's a pyromaniac who enjoys burning insects. Martin lies to him that Puck's club is full of bugs, giving him an incentive to burn it down.
- Struggling Single Father: Martin's wife died sometime before the episode begins, and he's had to deal with the fact that his daughter isn't being allowed to attend her dream college, so he ultimately has to resort to shady deals to help her get into said school.
- Tragic Keepsake: The bracelet Martin gives to Hiley, which belonged to her late mother and was given to her by Martin on their wedding day. He goes mad with grief and kills himself when Puck gives it to him, believing that he accidentally killed his own daughter in the fire he helped plan.
- Unwitting Pawn: Bic is planned on being one of these for Martin, being tricked into burning down the strip club and arrested for doing so, simply to erase the evidence of Martin's bribe.
- Villain Has a Point: For all of his sleazy ways, Puck turned out to be completely right that Hiley is her own person, and Martin can't mold her into what he wants her to be.
- Villain Respect: Puck says this about Nick Ciola, claiming that he was a good marshal even though "his flesh was weak."
- Was It Really Worth It?: Nick has this opinion after retiring, showing that the worth of the money he made is vastly outweighed by the pain of the permanent injuries he got from his many years on the job. It's for this reason that he encourages Martin to take Puck's money even though he thinks it isn't right, saying that his daughter's future is far more important than himself.
- Well-Intentioned Extremist: Martin accepts a $60,000 bribe from the sleazy Puck to ensure that his beloved daughter gets accepted into a good college and marries a responsible man who will make her happy.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Bic disappears after he burns down the club, so it isn't known if he was brought into custody.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Bic shows that he fears and/or hates bugs, so much so that he's burned at least one house down to get rid of them. Martin persuades him into burning down the strip club by lying that it's full of bugs.
Crypt Keeper: Poor Zeller. Tries to give his kid a shot, and it winds up going to his head. Which is better than if it went to his pocketbook! (the crowd begins waving signs and cheering louder; he keeps banging his fist on the table every so often) Because government needs to do more and ghost less! We have to make horrid choices, and back them up with spending guts! We should demand that- (he hears a chopping sound and finds that his hand has been lopped off) Oh. Now, that's what I call a stump speech. (cackles)
