They say adding a third can spice up a relationship, but they don't usually mean it like this.
Crypt Keeper: (sitting at his table, which holds a banner reading "KRPT On The Air"; dressed as a sportscaster and wearing a toupee and an earpiece, seated in front of a TV set and a microphone, holding a pair of binoculars) Welcome back, spurts fans, to game seven of the World Scaries. It's the Fright Sox versus the Boo Jays. I'm your announcer, Vin Skull-y. Can the Sox keep their winning shriek alive? That's the big question today. Wait a minute! (glancing at his TV set with the binoculars) Looks like there's going to be a pitching change. The Jays are bringing in their rot hander, and while they do that, we'll take another look at the defense. (a diagram of a baseball diamond with the names "Gaines", "Feldstein", "Ooze", "Guts", and "Terror" appears next to him) We have Ooze on first, Guts on second, and tonight's "Terror" tale on third. (the diagram disappears) It concerns a young lady who's pretty fond of die-amonds herself. And doesn't mind a little squeeze play to get 'em. I call it: Till Death Do We Part.
Johnny Canaparo (John Stamos) is a gigolo who primarily makes a living as the lover of Ruth Rossi, the widow of a powerful mob boss who took over her late husband's racket after she killed him. Ruth also has a habit of having Johnny’s previous lovers killed after they provoke her furious jealousy. Johnny's latest affair is with Lucy Chadwick, a waitress who works at the club Ruth owns, where Johnny also works as manager. As Johnny and Lucy prepare to empty the vault of loot Ruth keeps locked in her office, they're found out by Ruth herself, who Lucy taken to the woods and stripped, after which she orders Johnny to shoot Lucy himself. The final choice is up to Johnny, who has to decide once and for all which woman he wants to be with.
Tropes:
- Actor Allusion: After Ruth kills Willard, played by Johnny Williams, she refers to his corpse as "meatloaf". This is likely a nod to Williams' earlier role as Johnny Roastbeef in Goodfellas. Willard's corpse is also locked in the trunk of Ruth's limo, not unlike Billy Batts, and Frank and Tony argue about cleaning it out, like Henry does after Batts' rotting corpse is placed in it.
- Affably Evil: Frank Bobo is easily the nicest character in the episode, as he shows patience with Lucy, wipes up her vomit, shares her sadness regarding Johnny, and even apologizes for swearing when in earshot of her. At the same time, he's holding her at gunpoint and forcing her to strip as he participates in Ruth's plan of killing her, but mainly because it's just business.
- Alliterative Name: Ruth Rossi.
- All Just a Dream: The entire last third of the episode turns out to be a "What if?" scenario dreamed up in Johnny's head, considering the pros and cons if he chose to be with Lucy instead of Ruth.
- Ambiguous Situation: Did Lucy really love Johnny? Or was she only ever interested in Ruth's vault? Even though the events in the woods suggests the former, Johnny ultimately assumes the latter and puts a bullet in her head. Even then, Johnny framed Lucy for trying to break into the vault without hesitation when Ruth found her, so she may have had a good reason to turn on him in the fantasy.
- Anachronic Order: The story shifts between the middle and the beginning to describe how Lucy's affair with Johnny started and how they were found out by Ruth. It happens again at the climax to reveal that Johnny's revolt against Ruth was all in his head.
- Astonishingly Appropriate Interruption: While in the woods, a radio broadcast is airing that day's baseball game (with Tony commenting that if they finish their business fast enough, they should be able to catch the last few innings on the Sports Channel). At certain points, the broadcast indirectly chimes in on the actions of Ruth's men:
- When Tony cracks his back taking a practice swing of his axe:
Broadcast: Here's the pitch! (crack!) Ooooh, swing and a miss...- When Johnny finally kills Lucy (after his fantasy ends with her turning on him and holding him at gunpoint):
Broadcast: Strike three! Outta there! Whoooooooooo, doggie! - Back-to-Back Badasses: Johnny and Lucy display this trope during their shootout in Ruth's club.
- Bad Guy Bar: The club owned by Ruth, where she and her goons hang out, Lucy works as a waitress, and Johnny acts as manager.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Ruth ends the episode coming out on top, getting away with having Willard and Lucy killed, and keeping Johnny all to herself. As Johnny himself puts it: "Ruthless Ruth always wins."
- Baseball Episode: The Crypt Keeper's framing segments appear as this, with him playing a sportscaster in the intro, and a pitcher in the outro.
- Betty and Veronica: Johnny finds himself torn between his boss Ruth (The Veronica) and his lover Lucy (The Betty). As always, according to Johnny, "Ruthless" Ruth (The Veronica) always wins, especially when he comes to the realization that Lucy seemingly never loved him and only wanted him to raid Ruth's vault for her.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Lucy reveals at the end of Johnny's fantasy that she only wanted him to open Ruth's vault for her, pointing her gun at his face as soon as his job is done. Of course, it could've been revenge after Johnny sold her out.
- Black Widow: The bartender at Ruth's club strongly hints to Lucy that Ruth killed her husband and took over his syndicate after he got on her shit list.
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Lucy the waitress, womanizer Johnny, and his lover Ruth.
- Bookends: The episode begins, reaches its halfway point, and ends, in the woods.
- Boom, Headshot!: How Johnny finally kills Lucy in the end.
- Break the Haughty: Ruth is portrayed as a helpless, blubbering mess near the end of Johnny's fantasy. This is notably the only instance in the episode where she's not in a position of total control.
- Bullying a Dragon: Willard hurls insults at Ruth and flaunts that he doesn't fear her largely because she's a woman. Ruth promptly stabs the guy repeatedly, killing him.
- Card-Carrying Villain: Ruth and her men give signs about how much they actively enjoy their life of crime.
- Clingy Jealous Girl: Ruth ritualistically orders her boyfriend Johnny's mistresses to be murdered whenever he gets caught cheating on her.
- "Could Have Avoided This!" Plot: Ruth would've likely never known what Johnny and Lucy were up to if the two of them decided to have sex anywhere other than her office.
- Crusading Widow: Ruth can be seen as an evil one, since she took over the crime syndicate after killing her husband, and personally orders any mistresses of her lover Johnny to be killed, intending to keep him all to herself.
- Daydream Surprise: A variation of the trope, if it wasn't clear enough as is that Johnny suddenly sparing Lucy and then running off with her was just a fantasy he was having, the hard cut from Lucy's Motive Rant as she holds Johnny at gunpoint to Johnny shooting her in the woods should be the clear sign that the last third of the episode never happened.
- Despair Event Horizon: The trope can be detected on Johnny's face after the fantasy ends, coming to the conclusion that Lucy was most likely using him to clean out Ruth's vault, so he shoots her dead before she can do so, resigning himself to being Ruth's sex toy as long as he keeps breathing.
- Disposing of a Body: Ruth has Johnny and her goons drive to the middle of the woods to chop up and bury the corpses of her victims, including Willard and Lucy.
- The Dog Bites Back: In the fantasy, Lucy makes Ruth give her all of her jewelry and her fancy clothes, like Frank Bobo did earlier, before she's shot dead. She even repeats the line Ruth used when she herself killed Willard. She then pulls her gun on Johnny after he loots Ruth's vault for her, possibly as revenge for him selling her out to Ruth.
- Downer Ending: Johnny realizes, at the end of his fantasy, that Lucy never loved him and only wanted the riches in Ruth's vault, killing him when he decides to spare her life, so he puts a bullet in her skull. By doing this, he's lost his chance at happiness and freedom from his life as a servant/kept boy with a woman who (outside of his mind) seemed to truly love him, and he's stuck with being Ruth's personal sex toy for the rest of his life, which he's clearly not happy about.Ruth: (from her limo; sweetly) Johnny...Johnny: (attempts to light a cigarette)Ruth: Darling...Johnny: (removes cigarette; clearly apprehensive) Coming, sweetheart...
- The Dreaded: "Ruthless" Ruth, head of the local crime syndicate, is feared by almost everyone in the episode. True to their word, we soon find out that there's a very good reason why she has the nickname.
- Evil All Along: Lucy, or at least Johnny's fantasy version of her, reveals that she never actually loved Johnny and only wanted the treasures inside Ruth's vault. This prompts Johnny to kill her before he lives the fantasy himself.
- Fantasy Twist: Johnny's fantasy of him and Lucy getting back at Ruth by shooting up her club, killing her men, and then raiding her vault and killing her, has Lucy turn on him after Johnny gives her the vault's contents. Believing that this is what the future would be like if she were allowed to live, Johnny kills Lucy and sacrifices his freedom in the process.
- Faux Affably Evil: Lucy disguises her true intentions impeccably, only revealing that she intends to kill Johnny as the fantasy ends.
- Forced to Watch: Ruth's men chop Willard's body to pieces and force Lucy to watch. They forced her to help carry him to a clearing in the woods beforehand.
- For Want Of A Nail: Lucy is forced to hide behind the curtains in Ruth's office, where she and Johnny were preparing to have sex, when Ruth has Willard killed. She reveals herself by making a gasp in response to the violent act, which alerts Ruth to the discovery of Johnny's latest side piece. If Lucy hadn't gasped, or if the two of them had chosen another place to have sex, they could've continued their affair and likely escaped Ruth's clutches.
- Gold Digger: Johnny's fantasy version of Lucy turns out to be one, holding him at gunpoint when the vault is opened up. Assuming that the real Lucy was like this all along, Johnny kills her before he can act on his fantasy.
- Greed: Lucy shows heavy shades of it in the fantasy, turning on Johnny when they open Ruth's vault.
- Gut Punch: Johnny's triumphant victory over Ruth ends on a sour note when Lucy turns on him out of nowhere. The episode then smacks right back to Lucy in the forest, Johnny shooting her in the head, revealing that he had merely fantasized his escape from Ruth, and is aware that he's never going to escape her clutches.
- Heartbeat Soundtrack: Lucy's heart is heard thumping furiously when she sees Ruth kill Willard.
- He-Man Woman Hater: Willard, having previously worked with Ruth's husband, shows that he doesn't take her for a threat because she's a woman. Ruth stabs him to death afterwards.
- He Who Fights Monsters: Throughout the process of her and Johnny shooting up Ruth's club, cleaning out her vault, making her fork over her clothes and jewels, and then shooting her dead, Lucy essentially transforms herself into a second Ruth that's more evil than the original, wearing her clothes and turning on Johnny when he goes for the vault, even taking on her phrasing and tone of voice. Johnny decides to kill her when the fantasy ends so she won't get one over on him.
- Homage: The episode is one to Goodfellas, given that it has a strong mafia theme and focuses on a man who decides whether to devote himself to love or "business". Johnny Williams, who played Johnny Roastbeef in the film, even appears as one of Ruth's victims.
- How We Got Here: The episode begins with Ruth's men preparing to shoot Lucy dead and chop up her corpse, along with the corpse of Willard. When Frank notices the watch Lucy got from Johnny and demands she gives it to him, she then flashes back to the day she and Johnny met, showing how they became attracted to one another.
- Interrupted Intimacy: Before Johnny and Lucy have sex, Ruth and her thugs enter her office to murder Willard, forcing Lucy to hide.
- Ironic Echo: "Now that's meatloaf!" Ruth says it to Willard after she stabs him dead for his woman-bashing and insults, and Lucy throws it back to her in Johnny's fantasy, just before he shoots her dead.
- Lucy also forces Ruth to hand over her jewelry and her fancy clothes in the exact same manner Frank Bobo told her to do so, then tells Johnny to kill her in the same way Ruth told him to kill Lucy.
- A more tragic example of the trope is Johnny's line "Sweet dreams, baby.", just before he kills someone. He says mockingly to Ruth in the fantasy, before he shoots her, and then says it morosely to Lucy in the real world, after he kills her.
- Large Ham: Everyone in the episode gets pretty hammy at times, but Willard stands out, Ruth even calling him "meatloaf" when she kills him. Given that he's played a character named "Roastbeef", she wasn't that far off. If that isn't enough, everyone manages to get even hammier during the fantasy.
- Likes Older Women: This is implied with Johnny, given his relationship with Ruth. It's actually revealed that he doesn't have a choice in the matter because he did something that landed him in hot water with Ruth and her gang.
- Longing Look: Lucy gives one of these to Johnny, during a flashback of how they met.
- Lovable Sex Maniac: Johnny, who makes money as a gigolo. Ruth grows very upset with him when he sees other women, and it's revealed that she's had every one of his mistresses killed.
- Love at First Sight: Johnny and Lucy fall in love right when their eyes meet.
- Love Triangle: The central plot of the episode features one between Lucy, Johnny, and Ruth.
- The Mafia: Ruth's late husband was a mafia boss, and she took over his crime ring after she killed him.
- Mafia Princess: Ruth was the wife of a powerful mob boss, and she evidently took over his empire after he died.
- Match Cut: Ruth being ordered to take her shirt off at gunpoint has the scene cut to her taking it off to have sex with Johnny a short while ago.
- Mr. Imagination: Johnny, as revealed in the ending.
- Mrs. Robinson: Ruth, who's a few decades older than her lover Johnny.
- Murder the Hypotenuse: Ruth's solution for her recurring dilemma with Johnny is to kill his every new Girl of the Week he begins courting with. Lucy is only the latest in a long line of women that Ruth's had killed.
- Mythology Gag: The Crypt Keeper's diagram in the intro features the names "Gaines" and "Feldstein" on it, a reference to the writer, artist, and publisher of the original "Tales From the Crypt" comic book.
- One of the pitchers mentioned during the baseball game on the radio is Scott Nimerfro, a writer and associate producer of the series.
- Never My Fault: Johnny never evaluates that him instantly ratting Lucy out to Ruth and framing her for trying to steal the contents of her vault could've played a part in her betrayal in his fantasy.
- No Honor Among Thieves: When Johnny's affair with Lucy is found out, he sells her out to Ruth and paints it so that she was hiding there to empty her vault with no hesitation. As a possible act of revenge in the fantasy, Lucy herself pulls her gun on Johnny after he cleans out Ruth's vault for her.
- Noodle Incident: According to Ruth, Johnny's frequent womanizing with other women (since he's a gigolo) is what got him in trouble with her in the first place, always earning him a scathing punishment from her as a result. We're given no details of how exactly it all started between them.
- Pretty in Mink: Ruth is usually seen wearing a mink coat in addition to her blood red outfit. Lucy forces her to give it to her in the fantasy.
- Punk in the Trunk: Willard's body is kept in the trunk of Ruth's limousine.
- The Queenpin: Ruth, who killed her husband, took over his crime ring, and seems to have near-absolute power over the criminal element of her town.
- Red Is Violent: Ruth, a highly sociopathic crime boss, always wears a red outfit in all her scenes.
- Riddle for the Ages: What could Johnny have possibly done that essentially sentenced him into being Ruth's love slave?
- Roaring Rampage of Revenge: In Johnny's fantasy, he and Lucy engage in one to get back at Ruth for all the suffering she's caused them. The rampage, as well as the fantasy itself, comes to an end rather... poorly.
- Shameful Strip: Ruth's mobsters force Lucy to strip off her clothes at gunpoint in the woods.
- Shout-Out: Johnny and Lucy's (imaginary) shootout at the club is a near-identical recreation of the shootout from the opening scene of The Killer (1989). For example, Johnny enters by knocking on the door, shooting someone in the stomach, forcing his way in by using two guns (one in each hand) simultaneously, and then shooting the bartender (who is armed with a shotgun). There is also a Mexican standoff between Lucy and Ruth, which is very common in a John Woo movie.
- The song "Hey! Pachuco!" by the Royal Crown Revue can be heard playing in Ruth's club during the flashback. Unfortunately, there's no sign of a dancing, green-faced Jim Carrey in a zoot suit. And there won't be until seven months after the episode airs.
- The Sociopath: Ruth is an utter sadist who achieved her position as a mob boss after killing her own husband. She also routinely kills every new mistress that Johnny, her kept boy, keeps seeing behind her back.
- Stay in the Kitchen: Willard has this attitude regarding women, and he doesn't take Ruth seriously for one bit because of her gender. She immediately proves him wrong.
- Tempting Fate: Willard's constant ridiculing of Ruth, to almost no one's shock, gets him killed.
- Vomit Discretion Shot: Lucy vomits at the sight of Willard's body being chopped to pieces.
- Wham Shot: The moment where Lucy holds Johnny at gunpoint after he empties the vault for her, followed by the Smash Cut to Johnny shooting her in the woods, revealing that their Roaring Rampage of Revenge never happened.
- Woman Scorned: Lucy becomes one of these in the fantasy, after Johnny instantly sold her out to Ruth. She holds him at gunpoint after gaining everything in Ruth's vault, so Johnny kills her in the real world before she can kill him in the fantasy.
- Work Off the Debt: Johnny apparently did something that got him in trouble with Ruth and her gang, and has evidently been forced to become her personal sex toy in order to pay off his debt.
- World of Jerkass: Every character in the episode turns out to be evil in someone else's eyes. Ruth, the head of a crime ring, is a dead giveaway, Johnny, her boy toy, turns out to be one himself when he shamelessly rats Lucy out, and Lucy herself turns out to have never loved him and only wanted his help in emptying Ruth's vault, though that last part may be debatable.
- Yandere: Ruth has a strong habit of killing Johnny's mistresses.
- You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: The end of Johnny's fantasy has Ruth holding him at gunpoint after giving her access to everything in Ruth's vault, likely as revenge for selling her out. He kills her in the real world before things go that far.
Crypt Keeper: (dressed as a baseball player and standing on the mound) That Lucy! What a cutup! (snickers) I'll bet she wishes she were the one on the chopping spree! (tossing a baseball against his mitt) Well, kiddies, looks like I've got to work myself out of a jam. Two on, two out. The tie run's in the s-gore-ing position. Spatter up! (he throws the ball, knocking the skulls off of the skeletal catcher and umpire in the process) What do you know? A double be-header! (cackles)
