Recap / Strong Bad Email E 93 Army

Airdate: Monday, January 5, 2004

Sender: Hank Toler

Strong Bad: (enters, notices that the Compy's screen is covered in dust and cobwebs) Whoa. Guess it's been a while. (wipes some dust away) Sorry about that, Compy. Need to get some... Endust.

After literally dusting off the old Compy, Strong Bad answers an email from Hank Toler, who wants to know if Strong Badia has a standing army.

Strong Bad: Does Strong Badia have an army? Strong Badia needs no army, Hankatola. Me and that one big guy and that one little guy... we're a one man army. Er, a three man one-y. Three-to-one-marny?

Strong Bad declares that there isn't anyone around who could possibly oppose them, and right on cue Homestar barges in to declare he's recruiting troops for the "Homestarmy" to invade Strong Badia.

Homestar: Do you has what it takes to join the Homestarmy? Will you bring a sack lunch and some orange slices for me and serve your country? Will you, stupid?!
Strong Bad: Um... no. I don't really have any interest in invading my own—
Homestar: Ten-hut! Draft dodger, eh? We'll see if those trees you're always hugging save you when Gordon Lightfoot's creeping round your back stair.

After Homestar leaves, Strong Bad decides to send The Cheat (AKA "Firebert") to the Stick to spy on the rally Homestar's having. Homestar is addressing his troops, all of whom are "sick and tired of playing second fiddle to a two-bit wrestleman and his yellow dog" and are ready to lay their five bucks on the line... all four of them: Strong Sad, Homsar, the Painting of a Guy with a Big Knife, and a hot-air popcorn popper named Frank Benedetto. The loud chorus of "YEAH!"s that punctuate Homestar's every statement are actually being played on a tape recorder by Strong Sad.

As the Homestarmy marches off to war, they stumble upon Strong Bad and Strong Mad preparing for a game of badminton. While Homestar is initially prepared to unleash "the fluoride sting of the Homestarmy", it doesn't take much for Strong Bad to persuade Homestar not to invade. The Homestarmy is sent into ignoble retreat, with Frank Benedetto falling in battle after a swift kick from Strong Bad.

Strong Bad: And that, my dear Hankerin', is why Strong Badia will never need an army. Though we are in dire need of a copy of the official rules of badminton. No idea what we're doing. None.

(The Paper comes down.)

Strong Bad: "Firebert." It's terrible!

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Tropes:

• Armed Farces: Colonel Homestar's "Homestarmy" consists of himself and four other guys (two of which are inanimate objects) wearing orange plastic bowls on their heads. Then they end up retreating in a panic when Strong Bad tells them he's got no time for Homestar's nonsense.
  Strong Bad: I thought I knew what ridiculous was until this day.
• Atrocious Alias: Strong Bad is not impressed by the Cheat's "commando name", Firebert.
• Calvinball:
  • Discussed: The email ends with Strong Bad admitting that no one in Strong Badia knows how to play badminton.
  • An easter egg features the rules for "Three-to-One Marny":
    Pick three (3) cards.
    Roll one (1) die.
    Whoever has the best hand, move ahead one (1) space.
    The player to reach the endzone first, wins.
• Comically Missing the Point: Homestar attempts to recruit Strong Bad into the Homestarmy... for an attempt to invade Strong Bad's own country.
  Homestar: Strong Bad! So I see you decided to join the other side, eh?
  Strong Bad: What joining? I am the other side.
• Companion Cube: The Homestarmy's "soldiers" include a popcorn popper and the Painting of the Guy With the Big Knife.
• Continuity Nod:
  • As mentioned above, the Painting of a Guy With a Big Knife originally appeared 84 sbemails earlier in "i love you".
  • Homestar stands on the soapbox from "fingers", though it now says "TWELVE OF THEM" instead of "ELEVEN SOAPS".
• Died in Your Arms Tonight: Parodied when Homestar rushes to the side of the fallen Private Benedetto... an inanimate popcorn popper.
• Misplaced Sorrow: After Benedetto "falls in battle", Homestar tells him "Don't you die on me, Bennedetto! Not on my watch! Don't you give up! You never gave me the five bucks..."
• Orphaned Punchline: As it cuts to Strong Badia, Strong Bad is seen telling Strong Mad "I dunno, maybe there is a good-minton..."
• Rousing Speech: Colonel Homestar is seen giving one to his troops... all four of them.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: When the Homestarmy shows up at Strong Badia, Homestar boasts they're gonna take it from Strong Bad. And once Strong Bad bluntly states that there isn't going to be an invasion^note as he and Strong Mad are about to play badminton, Homestar immediately calls for a retreat.
• Shout-Out:
  • Homestar tells Strong Bad not to complain when "Gordon Lightfoot comes creeping 'round your back stair!", a nod to Lightfoot's 1972 song "Sundown".
  • Homsar's line "You gotta get yours, I gotta get mine!" is a possible nod to "Gotta Get Mine" by MC Breed feat. Tupac Shakur.
• Spotlight-Stealing Squad: Discussed as one of Colonel Homestar's grievances with Strong Bad.
  Homestar: Are you sick and tired of playing second-fiddle to a two bit wrestle-man and his yellow dog?
• Swiper, No Swiping!: Strong Bad thwarts the "invasion" of Strong Badia by telling Homestar that he and Strong Mad are too busy trying to figure out the rules of badminton.
  Homestar: Retreat! Fall back men! We're in over our heads!
• Take That!: Strong Bad's floppy disk container shows a disk labelled "Seicross", with "(suckcross)" written underneath.
• You Say Tomato: Homestar insists on pronouncing "colonel" phonetically, as "Col-o-nel".

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Homestar: (in his military "garb", walks up to Marzipan's microwave) Mrs. Bennedetto, my name is Co-lo-nel Homestar Runner. I served with Frank in the Homestarmy at the battle of Strong Badia. (becoming distraught) I hate to give you this news... Frank was one of the finest friggin' soldiers I ever met! (no longer upset) Aaannd, he still kinda owes me five bucks. So if you could just fork it over...