"The sophomore year! Yeehaw!"
Kinga Forrester: Now, we know Wizards of the Lost Kingdom was a hard experience for you. Good news! Today, you're watching the sequel.
Jonah Heston: That's not good news!
Kinga Forrester: Yeah, I didn't say it was good news for you.
Jonah Heston: That's not good news!
Kinga Forrester: Yeah, I didn't say it was good news for you.
Film watched: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II
The Segments:
Prologue- Jonah and the bots are feeling down because it's raining. In space.
Segment 1
- Kinga and Max are feeling down as well. Turns out it's raining on the moon too, so invention exchange time. Jonah and the bots invent GIF Notes: classic literary works, summarized in emojis. Kinga invents Punt Bunnies: adorable bunny rabbits, genetically engineered to want you to kick them across the room.
Segment 2
- Jonah and the bots present a franchisee orientation video for Dark One's Renaissance Inn & Grille. "If your customers survive, you're doing it wrong!"
Segment 3
- Jonah explains the context behind this movie's comedy: the "wizard humor" craze of the 80s. He even reads a few selections from a You Might Be a Crummy Wizard... book.
Segment 4
- Moon 13 gets another surprise visit from Pearl Forrester, Observer, and Bobo. Against Pearl's advice, Kinga decides she will have it all: a billion dollar media empire and a family. Which means Kinga is going to get married. After some thought, Kinga realizes the perfect sucker to marry... is Jonah Heston.
Segment 5
- "Doctor Jonah" suggests good movies to wash away the lingering pain of specific scenes from today's bad movie.
Tropes used in the MST3K presentation of Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II:
- Adaptation-Induced Plot Hole: Moon 14 had another movie leak, so the scene of The Dark One fighting a tentacle monster ("the Protector") is missing from this presentation. The lead-up to the fight is still there, and becomes a minor Aborted Arc.
- Air-Vent Passageway: Crow adds this upon seeing Caedmon enter a castle this way:Crow: If I owned a castle, first thing I'd do: put padlocks on the human sized grates that clearly lead somewhere else!
- Artistic License – Music:Jonah: That fiddle player in the back is the real talent. I mean, how's he getting all these sounds from one instrument?
Crow: And the fiddler's doing all that without even touching the strings! Bravo! - Artistic License – Space: In the opening segments, it's raining in space. And on the Moon. Played for Laughs, of course.
- Bad Guy Bar: Combined with You All Meet in an Inn in the movie itself, and parodied with Tom and Crow's orientation video; apparently, it's company policy at Dark One's Renaissance Inn & Grille to threaten to stab your customers to get a good tip, and then stab them anyway (but only after they've paid).
- Buffy Speak: When noting that the two arm-wrestling guys in the bar look an awful lot like the Mael brothers from Sparks, Jonah just calls them "guy from Sparks" and "other guy from Sparks".
- Call-Back:
- "Samurai Manos?"
- "Now he can use the amulet to contact Bigfoot!"
- "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2 was brought to you by America's Poultry Farmers—sponsors of the Chicken of Tomorrow!"
- Captain Morgan Pose: One of the bandits is introduced making this pose. "Now that's what I call a power posture."
- Captain Obvious: "If everyone says, 'Man, that's a crummy wizard,' when they see you... You might be a crummy wizard!"
- "Could Have Avoided This!" Plot:Jonah: The foolish thing is, all of Donar's initiatives were on the November ballot, so if they'd just mobilized their voter base, they wouldn't have to have this whole battle.
Crow: Yeah, but I like the battle. - Deadpan Snarker: The bots aren't impressed with The Dark One's sardonic wit:Servo: How do you deal with someone that sarcastic? It's like he's afraid to feel anything real.
- Department of Redundancy Department:General: Let me slice him open and gut him, Master.
Crow: Aren't those kind of the same thing? - Designated Hero: As Jonah notes, The Dark One and Idun contribute more to the final fight than the wizard heroes do. "So, wizards: not defending themselves. Dancer: into the fray."
- Dolled-Up Installment: Jonah accuses the movie of being one, stating with tongue firmly in cheek, "And this is definitely a sequel, not a completely unrelated movie that we slapped the beloved Wizards brand on."
- Double Standard Rape: Female on Male: Jonah points out this trope during the scene where Freyja is trying to seduce Tyor, on how much creepier it would be if their genders were reversed.
- Dull Surprise: "Uh, guys, we're still rolling. Everyone needs to keep acting, not just Terrence in the wolf suit there."
- Dude, Not Funny!: When evil wizard Donar punches Freyja for leading Tyor to the magic sword, Jonah and the bots all boo him.Crow: Aw, man, I really wanted to like this villain.
- '80s Hair: "Her clothes say, 'Medieval peasant,' but her hair says, 'I'm going to a Whitesnake concert!'"
- Elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors: "So it's basically rock-paper-scissors. Fire destroys amulet. Amulet freezes legs. Legs stomp out fire. Yeah."
- Elephant in the Living Room: Jonah and the Bots notably avoid making any jokes about (or even alluding to) David Carradine and Lana Clarkson's tragic deaths.
- Fat Slob: Lots of jokes about Caedmon's health problems from being overweight. "2 p.m., time for my daily heart attack!"
- Fix It in Post: "You'll speed this up in post so it looks like we're actually fighting, right?"
- Flynning:
- When Erman leads a revolt against Loki's forces:Servo: They're not so much sword fighting as high-fiving with swords.
Jonah: Taste the wrath of my gentle nudging! - When two thieves fight among themselves, they literally do nothing but overhand sword swings.Servo: You defeated my overhand, sir knight, but can you handle— PSYCH! Overhand!
Jonah: Okay, so it's not the greatest fight scene ever, but you really gotta give them credit. This was made in the days before talent or staging.
- When Erman leads a revolt against Loki's forces:
- Follow the Leader: "They're just throwing in moments from Star Wars and hoping it all works out somehow."
- The Guards Must Be Crazy: The guards in Zarz's throne room don't even move when Tyor waltzes in with a sword. "Hey, guards, this is kind of your moment. You gonna do anything, or just see how this plays out? Guards?"
- Happy Ending Override:Servo: So what [the narrator's] saying is, everything accomplished in the first movie was meaningless.
Crow: And all the characters, even that white Chewbacca knock-off thing, are dead. - Inept Mage: Caedmon's status as this gives rise to the "You Might Be A Crummy Wizard If..." segment.
- Inferred Holocaust: It's nice that the citizens of Donar's kingdom get their drinking water back, but... "Great. Nobody's following proper water-sanitation procedure, and now the whole village is gonna have cholera."
- Kick the Dog: The Punt Bunnies are an almost literal example of this. Notably, Kinga lights up with pure, unbridled joy every time she or Max kicks one of them — while Max cringes in horror.
- Mêlée à Trois: "So it's gladiators versus guards versus wizards versus Maccabees?"
- Mondegreen Gag: Crow mishears Caedmon of Nogg as "Caveman Eggnog".
- Money, Dear Boy: The first appearance of David Carradine's character prompts Crow to quip, "Ah, somebody had a house payment."
- No Budget: The last shot is of four copper coins. Jonah quips, "The film's actual budget."
- No Yay: Crow has this to say during the final host segment:Crow: What about when all the heroes start kissing at the end, and you thought for just one moment that Caedmon and Tyor might start kissing, too?
Jonah: Ugh, my stomach. - Noodle Incident:Max: You'll have to groom me in person someday, Professor Bobo, as long as you don't bite off my face.
Bobo: Ahh... I've learned not to promise that. [chuckles] - Offscreen Moment of Awesome: The fight between the Dark One and the Protector, which was cut from this version of the movie.Ardy: Actually pretty cool. Maybe could have saved the whole movie. Sorry about that.
- The Oner: Mocked during the long, long, long scene of Amathea stalking deer, walking uphill, away from the camera, in her Stripperiffic miniskirt (which is most likely the reason for the whole scene in the first place).Tom: An experienced director has the confidence to stay with the scene, even with a single shot, when the situation really calls for it.
- Recycled Set: Tom Servo notes that the interior of Zarz's castle looks remarkably like the interior of Donar's castle. "Now this is a castle hallway we definitely haven't seen before."
- Robosexual: Kinga considers marrying one of the robots before she considers marrying Jonah. Bobo has to remind her that it's still not legal.
- Running Gag: Literally running, too: Jonah and the bots point out the numerous times that Tyor runs or walks weird.Crow: Could you move like a human, kid! Just once!
- Russian Reversal: As a pig-demon attacks: "In Lost Kingdom, ham spiral-cuts you!"
- Scooby-Dooby Doors: A chase scene features a doorway connecting two parallel hallways, with mooks running back and forth in each. "Oh, we've wandered into a Scooby-Doo chase scene."
- The Scrappy: In-Universe, Jonah's reaction to Tyor and Caedmon: "Guys, I never thought I'd miss Simon and Kor so badly."Crow: Can somebody magically transform their hand into a fist and just punch [Tyor] already?
- Shout-Out:
- An extended one involving a comedy book by the great wizard Caedmon Worth-a-Fox, founder of the Blue Cauldron Comedy Tour. Also probably a Take That!, given the divisive nature of what they're referencing and lackluster nature of the "You Might Be A Crummy Wizard If..." jokes.
- Tyor is being chased by guards, who fall all over themselves. Jonah and the bots supply a "HUT HUT HUT".
- "Nigel Tufnel? They've got all of Spinal Tap down there!"
- "You guys smash these pots, in case they have Rupees or hearts."
- "The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo!"
- At the sight of a big bald guy: "Time for go to bed..."
- Stock Footage: The SOL crew pick up on the fact that all the large-scale battles are footage from other Roger Corman films.Jonah: I'm starting to think this might be footage from another movie.
Crow: Why, because our actual protagonists are nowhere to be found, and Amathea's wearing different clothes? - Stripperific: Upon seeing that Amathea fights in a leather miniskirt and bikini top: "You know, I question the practicality of her battle wear."
- Surprisingly Improved Sequel: Tom Servo's reaction to the opening titles is "This movie's already so much more awesomer than the first one!"
- Talking the Monster to Death:Caedmon: Use your powers!
Jonah: Of persuasion! - Tempting Fate: During a host segment:Crow: Jonah, do you feel like the Mads have been shortening our segments?
Jonah: Oh, why would you say that—
[Cut to Moon 13. The rest of the segment is about Kinga.] - Try to Fit That on a Business Card:Vanir: You must travel on, Tyor of Eedok.
Crow: Grower of Turnips, Annoyer of Audiences, Maker of Chickens.
Servo: Going Through-er of Awkward Stages, Speaker of Gibberish, Looker-At of Bottoms.
Jonah: Screwup in Extraordinary to their Royal Majesties, Whatever Their Names Were. - Uncertain Audience: Lampshadeed, as the bots get confused by the presence of a Family-Friendly Stripper early in the movie.Crow: So who exactly was the intended audience for this scene?
Servo: Oh, you know—shut-ins, dogs in front of the TV that were accidentally left on. - Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: Kinga's logic for marrying Jonah. "But wait, a beautiful, sarcastic woman married to a big oaf. Oh, whoa! That is TV gold!"
- With Catlike Tread: "Clomp! Clomp! I'm stealthy!"
