Recap / Mystery Science Theater 3000 S07 E06: Laserblast

Terrible name for a laser eye surgery, scares away the customers!

Film watched: Laserblast

Laserblast was featured on MST3K in what would be the last episode of its final season on Comedy Central (before moving to the Sci-Fi Channel). As such, the MST3K episode itself was something of a series finale as the staff wasn't sure it would be saved from cancellation. It also marked the final episode with Trace Beaulieu, who portrayed both longtime nemesis Dr. Forrester and the voice of Crow T. Robot.

The episode is available in the Gizmoplex here.

The Segments:

Prologue

• Crow and Servo introduce the "beyond thunderdome" zinger, and they've bound and gagged Mike to keep him from stopping them.

Segment 1

• The power on the SOL suddenly goes out, just as Dr. Forrester calls the crew. While packing his things, the doc informs them that his funding has been cut, so he's shutting down his experiments and moving out of Deep 13 to live with Pearl so he can save his finances. He further disconnects the Umbilicus, expecting the Satellite of Love's orbit to decay and the ship to fall to its demise in Earth's atmosphere, and adds one more bad movie to pass the time before leaving his former test subjects to die. The 'Bots are able to activate the rocket thrusters and escape their decaying orbit, but they don't have any control mechanisms, leaving the SOL to drift off into deep space.

Segment 2

• A pesky, imperfection-destroying MONAD satellite follows Crow onto the bridge. Mike and the 'Bots attempt to give MONAD a paradox to trick it into destroying itself, but when that doesn't really work, they mock MONAD to the point it cries before shooting it out the airlock.

Segment 3

• The SOL enters a field of Starbabies, one of which grabs onto the ship and doesn't let go. This forces the 'Bots to perform a celestial diaper change, with Mike as Mission Control.

Segment 4

• The SOL begins hurdling towars a black hole! Mike, portraying Captain Janeway, steers the ship back on course. And then Mike gets really creepy.

Segment 5

• The SOL ends its journey at the edge of the universe, giving Mike and the 'Bots the ability to become pure energy, free to leave the SOL behind and explore the cosmos to their hearts' content. In what was once Deep 13, Dr. F finds himself undergoing a random 2001 ending, aging into a bedridden old man, staring down a monolithic videotape of "The Worst Movie Ever Made", and finally being reborn as a star child. This delights Pearl, much to her son's chagrin.

The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of Laserblast contains examples of:

• Aerith and Bob: "Good shooting, Xanthar!" "Thanks, Denise."
• Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: Mike and the 'bots become pure energy after reaching the end of the universe.
• Bound and Gagged: Mike, by the Bots in the opening segment.
• Celebrity Resemblance: One of the deputies looks a bit like a fatter version of Hank Williams Jr.. The MST crew do NOT let this go without comment, see Running Gag, below.
• Continuity Nod:
  • When some guys start chasing Billy in a small airplane:
    Mike: This is so Coleman Francis right now.
    Crow: "I'm Cherokee Jack!"
    Servo: "Red Zone Cuba III: The Destruction of Cherokee Jack." ^note Also another reference to Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn.
  • Also:
    Servo: "LEAVE THE BRONX! You are ordered to LEAVE THE BRONX!"
  • Pearl finds Frank's spare head, last seen in Mitchell.
  • In the opening scene, as the guy is wandering around the desert with the laser cannon, Mike calls, "Rox-eee!"
  • When Billy's driving his van: "Hi, I'm Max Keller."
• Damned by Faint Praise:
  Gypsy: Don't worry! Mike can help us! He's kind of smart... and his arms work... and everything!
• Does This Remind You of Anything?: Invoked by Crow as a Running Gag, comparing Billy's drab The Stoner teenage life with Mike's.
• Evil Is Petty: There's the stuff in the actual film, where Billy just uses the laser gun to murder his tormentors. There's also the stuff Mike and the Bots talk about when he finds it and learns what it does.
  Mike: Yeah, I think you are gonna detail my van for $75!
• Expy: MONAD, a parody of Star Trek: The Original Series' NOMAD.
  • Even the perfection-obsessed MONAD acknowledges how easy it is to confuse it for NOMAD ("I SHOULD DESTROY YOU FOR THAT. BUT. I'LL GIVE YOU A MULLIGAN ON THAT ONE.").
• Fun with Acronyms: "Hey, Ford stands for Fix Or Repair Daily."
• I Lied: After Forrester tells Mike and the 'Bots he's going to cut the SOL loose, sending them to their deaths:
  Mike: You can't do that! We've done everything you've ever asked! We watched every bad movie you sent up here!
  Forrester: Sorry. Buh-bye.
  Crow: You said you'd let us get back to Earth!
  Forrester: Did I say that? Hmmm. Well, maybe I did. What do you want? I'm evil!
• Lady Looks Like a Dude: Pearl is dressed as a trucker, stating she's happy she never sold the "big rig". The Colossal Guide states that she resembles what cigarette companies call a "virile female".&&Invoked
• Logic Bomb: Subverted: Mike and the 'Bots try to disable MONAD with one of these but it doesn't work. So they simply throw him out the airlock, though not before taunting him over it until he cries.
• Mission Control: Mike takes on this role — headset, coffee, cigarettes and all — while walking the 'Bots through changing a spacebaby's diaper.
  • Mike's Mission Control role is a parody of Ed Harris in Apollo 13.
• Mondegreen Gag: When Chuck's car explodes:
  Chuck: Oh Jesus!
  Crow: That was Cochise's Charger?
  • Some people hear Mike's line "Let’s pop amyls and watch Days" as "watch Dazed."
• Mundane Made Awesome: "I'm gonna drink the hell out of this Coke!"
• Nerdy Bully: "It's some parallel world where the spazzes bully the cool guys."
• New Powers as the Plot Demands: Suddenly the Satellite of Love is warp-capable.
• Noodle Implements: Okay, it's a giant diaper. It's for a giant starbaby. All perfectly reasonable. The noodliness is in where it came from:
  Mike: It's a good thing I hung onto this.
• Oh, Poopie!: Dr. F's last words as Pearl cuddles his star child reincarnation and looks forward to raising him through his second childhood.
• Product Placement: The film features a lot of characters purchasing and drinking Coca-Cola, something that does not go unnoticed by Mike and the Bots.
  Mike: Pepsi gave them big bucks to place Coke in this movie.
  • Destroy the Product Placement: One infamous moment involves Billy using his laser cannon to blow up a billboard advertising "Star Wars". Most likely a Take That! from producer Charles Band, though for what reason is anyone's guess.
    Mike: There's just a sign that says "Star Wars?"
    Servo: Reminding one of the movie "Star Wars".
• Regional Riff: The film uses a few bars of what sounds like an Injun Country riff when Billy blows up Chuck's car after the party. Crow is confused:
  Crow: That was Cochise's Charger?
• Running Gag:
  • The heavyset sheriff looks like Hank Williams Jr.: "Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?"
    • From "All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight", a version of whichinvoked was the theme for Monday Night Football for decades (and as of 2017, is again).
  • References to Leonard Maltin's 2½-star review, culminating in the guys spending the credits comparing the score to other films in one of Maltin's books, coming to the conclusion that Maltin apparently considers Laserblast to be better than Hannah and Her Sisters, Taxi Driver and Being There and as good as Unforgiven and Sophie's Choice.
    • The criticism Maltin got for the reviews went mainstream, and subsequent editions of his annual review books dropped the film's rating, though it has been brought back since then.
    • Incidentally, Maltin also gave 2½ stars to The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies and three full stars to Devil Doll, both past riffs.
  • Jokes at Eddie Deezen's expense, culminating in Mike and the 'Bots urging for Billy to kill Deezen's character, only to regret it when he finally does and Deezen is replaced by an even more annoying hippie.
  • Jokes about Billy's unimpressive Seventies lifestyle and how familiar it must be for Mike.
  • Servo does a riff based on the Charlie Daniels Band's "The South's Gonna Do It Again", and Mike tries to ask Servo just what the South is going to do again.
  • Using Jim Carrey's The Mask catchphrases when Billy turns green-faced and evil.
  • Whenever Billy's mother comes up, the crew has another character claim she's unusually heavy instead of unhealthily thin.
• Sanity Slippage: Mike dressing as Capt. Janeway. Although s/he saves the S.O.L., s/he indulges herself with some "Proud Mary" afterward, Tina Turner-style.
• Series Fauxnale: At this point, Comedy Central had canceled their run and they weren't sure about their future so they set this up to be a Series Finale. Fortunately, The Sci-Fi Channel swept in and gave it three more seasons.
• Shout-Out:
  • "Neil Diamond: Hot August Nights."
  • The final scenes with Dr. F are a parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
  • Road House, which is Mike's standard of bad movies.
  • Star Trek: MONAD, Mike & the 'Bots falling into Trek mode when they take control of the Satellite of Love, and Servo imitating Scotty when he saves the satellite from falling into the atmosphere.
  • Star Trek: Voyager: Mike shows up in one sketch dressed as Captain Janeway. Things somehow drift into him singing "Proud Mary" in the style of Tina Turner.
    Crow: "Tom... just back away slowly... very slowly... now RUN!!"
  • A shot of a beach ball at a pool party leads to a joke about Rover.
  • "Can't we just get beyond Thunderdome?"^note There's also its Beyond Rangoon variation.
    • In-Joke: Best Brains had been using that line for years, and in the "finale", they wanted to somehow work it into the show.
  • Shots of the possessed Billy sporting a green face naturally invite references to The Mask.
  • Tom references Ivory Soap's slogan when mentioning his worry over potentially being "99 and 44/100%" pure energy.
    • It could also be a reference to Ronnie Milsap's song "Pure Love", given Tom spends the entire episode making shout-outs to other country music songs. (Of course, that song was itself also referencing Ivory Soap's slogan, so...)
• Special Effects Failure: In-Universe:
  Mike: Oh no, his car turned into a sedan and crashed and exploded!
• Straw Critic: The episode ends on a takedown of renowned film critic Leonard Maltin, both vicious and tongue-in-cheek, combing through his Movie Guide and pointing out the various critically acclaimed films given a worse rating than the 2½ stars Maltin gave Laserblast.
  • Maltin was mocked again for his positive review of The Undead, which the show lacerated in Season 8. He was a good sport, though — appearing As Himself in Season 9's Gorgo to help Pearl find a movie that would finally break the SOL's will.
• Take That!: When Billy's van breaks down, Mike muses, "You know Ford, Fix Or Repair Daily."
• Thrown Out the Airlock: Happens to MONAD.
• Viewer Gender Confusion: In-universe, Mike and the 'Bots seem unsure if Mike London is a man or a woman. They also compare him to Gertrude Stein, "Michael Caine's puffy sister," and even call him "Mrs. Joe Don Baker."
  Mike: [as Tony looks inquisitively at London] Are you a woman?
  Crow: [as London] Hmm, you're right, this data proves I'm a woman!
• Where the Hell Is Springfield?: Invoked:
  Mike: Uh, which Springfield? There's one in every state.
• Wholesome Cross Dresser: Mike becomes Captain Janeway. While the 'Bots are initially disturbed, they find hir to be confident in command but yet still being feminine — until s/he channels hir inner Tina Turner.

---

Pearl: Another chance to do it right! Isn't this wonderful, baby?
Star Child Clayton: Oh, poopie.

---

Van Hippie: Faaaaar out!

---