"Nick Gomez. Johnny Diamond. Come out with your hands up. More full-frontal nudity on basic cable? I warned you guys... Take 'em down!"
—Mary-Lou Higgins
The twelfth episode of the second season of Celebrity Deathmatch, also known as Censoring Problems.
This episode consists of three pre-determined fights. The first undercard fight features adult film star Ron Jeremy taking on Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee after his leaked sex tape outsells any of the former's previous works. The second undercard fight is a charity-based ladder match featuring Alaskan singer Jewel and Canadian vocalist Alanis Morissette. The main event of the night features a three-on-three brawl between opera powerhouse group The Three Tenors, and the legendary comedy trio The Three Stooges.
This episode contains examples of:
- Airborne Mook: Both Jeremy and Lee are able to fly in their cockerel costumes by continually flapping their arms/wings.
- An Arm and a Leg: Jeremy uses the beak of his cockerel costume to peck off Lee's arm.
- And Now for Someone Completely Different: The main event is spectated by referee Mills Lane, and correspondent Stacy Cornbred, after Nick and Johnny are taken into custody.
- The Baroness: Mary-Lou Higgins exhibits the Rosa Klebb kind.
- Battle Discretion Shot: During the main event, the camera switches to the announcer's booth where Mills is giving an over-exaggerated commentary of what he believes is going on in the ring, much to Stacy's confusion.
- Berserk Button: Morissette is enraged after Jewel rips off most of her hair, considering how long she claims it took her to comb.
- Blind Without 'Em: Mills is unable to clearly make out what's going on in the ring from the announcer's booth during the main event without his glasses.
- Brawn Hilda: Midway through the main event, both Carreras and Pavarotti don opera-themed battle gear. Pavarotti's gear, including a Viking helmet with braids, gives him an uncanny resemblance to this trope.
- By the Hair: Jewel manages to rip out a good chunk of hair from the top of Morissette's head.
- Cocky Rooster: In the spirit of the theme of cockfighting, and considering what they are best known for (mostly), Jeremy and Lee are dressed in cockerel outfits for their fight.
- Double Entendre: Nick and Johnny's commentary contains a lot of this during the first fight, given the backgrounds of both Jeremy and Lee.
- Embarrassing Initials: Broadcasters Opposing Offensive Behavior.
- Eye Pop: Jewel pushes Morissette underneath the ladder and repeatedly closes it on her head, causing her eyes to bulge out each time.
- Eye Scream:
- Jeremy is killed when Lee's penis impales him through the eye.
- Moe is also accidentally impaled through the eye with a plunger handle.
- Facial Horror: Curly manages to rip Pavarotti's face clean off of his head, killing him instantly.
- Fight Clubbing: Worried that the first fight will cause them legal issues, Johnny and Nick decide to host the first outside of the typical Deathmatch arena in an "undisclosed location"...which turns out to be the arena's basement, thanks to Nick accidentally announcing where they are when introducing the fighters.
- Gag Penis: It's heavily implied that Lee manages to kill Jeremy by stabbing him in the eye with his penis.
- Gimmick Matches: Jewel and Morissette are competing in Celebrity Deathmatch's first ever ladder match.
- Glass-Shattering Sound: Not long after an audience member gives Mills Lane his glasses, they are shattered due to Pavarotti's Instant Soprano moment.
- Godiva Hair: After winning the fight, and in a parody of her music video for the song "Thank U", Morissette strips naked and covers her breasts with what's left of her hair.
- Gory Discretion Shot: The camera cuts to Nick and Johnny's reaction just seconds before Jeremy's death (see Gag Penis above).
- Groin Attack: Curly hits Pavarotti in the groin with a mop, turning the tenor into an Instant Soprano.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Larry, as a living sperm cell, saves Curly from Pavarotti's sword by launching himself directly into his eye, blinding Pavarotti but effectively killing himself in the process.
- Instant Soprano: Pavarotti lets out a high-pitched wail after being hit in the groin.
- Karmic Death: At the beginning of the fight, Carreras headbutts Larry and breaks his nose. At the end of the fight, Carreras is killed when Curly pulls off a reverse headbutt and crushes his face.
- Lives in a Van: The charity that Jewel is fighting for is the League of Women Van-Dwellers.
- Money Mauling: Morissette manages to climb the ladder and untie the large sack of money, causing it to drop directly on top of Jewel and crushing her into the shape of a hockey puck.
- The Napoleon: Mary-Lou Higgins is quite short compared to the likes of Nick and Johnny, but still manages to user her short temper and no-nonsense attitude to her advantage when it comes to disciplinary action.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Nick accidentally reveals that the first fight is taking place inside the basement of the Deathmatch arena. This results in the B.O.O.B. tracking them down and confronting them over the amount of nudity and offensive material being broadcast.
- Overly Long Name: The charity that Morissette is fighting for is the Greater Toronto Association to Clothe the Homeless Recovering Alcoholic Harp Seals.
- Prefers Going Barefoot: Morissette is shown to be fighting completely barefoot, when Jewel points out that she's only wearing dirt.
- Prison Episode: Nick and Johnny are arrested during this episode.
- Put Their Heads Together: Moe does this to Curly and Larry during a mid-fight argument.
- Rapid Aging: Moe shoves Domingo into the Deathmatch time machine and somehow uses it to rapidly age him until Domingo is reduced to a decayed skeleton.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The second fight between Jewel and Morissette is promoted as a "sweet vs sour" match-up, with Jewel's blue to Morissette's red.
- Averted because, despite this, Jewel is wearing a red dress and Morissette is wearing a blue tank top and jeans.
- Seize Them!: After the first incident with Tommy Lee's Gag Penis, and the second incident with Alanis Morissette's Godiva Hair moment, a modernized version of this stock phrase is used when Mary-Lou Higgins has Nick and Johnny arrested.
- Shock and Awe: Jewel is electrocuted and explodes after she is launched into one of the lighting rigs above the ring.
- Sperm as People: Larry plans to use the time machine to de-age himself by a decade, but accidentally de-ages himself to before he was born...and exits the time machine as a sentient sperm cell.
- Take That!: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, while activating the time machine to bring the Three Stooges to the arena, announces that he was able to extract the three right out of one of their episodes, while also remarking that he managed to exclude Shemp.
- The Tooth Hurts: After Morissette pulls the ladder out from beneath her, Jewel falls to the ground face-down. This results in the teeth in her upper jaw becoming embedded into the ring canvas and pinning her to the ground.
- Prior to this, Morissette does punch Jewel in the mouth, but ends up cutting her knuckle on Jewel's snaggle tooth instead.
- '20s Bob Haircut: Mary-Lou Higgins sports one of these.
- Wrench Whack: Domingo is struck over the head with a monkey wrench by Moe quite early in the fight.
