"Suzy Brockleman, please report to your mommy. She's waiting for you at the ticket booth, and she loves you very much."
—Mills Lane
The eighth episode of the first season of Celebrity Deathmatch, known as The Missing Girl.
This episode consists of three predetermined fights. The first undercard fight has Puff Daddy battling Trent Reznor for musical supremacy. The second undercard fight sees David Hasselhoff and John Tesh deciding whose turf they'll be fighting on. The third fight and main event sees a battle royale between couples Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.
This episode provides examples of:
- A Lady on Each Arm: After killing their respective partners, Nicole Kidman and Demi Moore both swoon over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and the three of them leave the arena together in this fashion.
- All Love Is Unrequited: Nick is shown pining over the affection of both Nicole Kidman and Demi Moore, knowing that neither of them would be interested in him.
- Battle Couple: The main event features two of these...even though one of them had previously separated at time of this episode's conception.
- Battle Strip: Demi Moore takes off her jacket just as Mills is about to start the main event, and starts putting on a show for the men in the audience until Bruce Willis asks her to stop.
- Beach Episode: The fight between David Hasselhoff and John Tesh has the ring decorated to look like a beach.
- The Blank: While trying to remove the opened parasol from his mouth, David Hasselhoff ends up ripping off his entire face in the process.
- The Cameo: This episode features appearances from Steven Seagal and David Spade.
- Car Fu: David Hasselhoff calls upon KITT to help him during his fight against John Tesh. KITT responds by launching himself into the ring from the audience and crushes John upon landing.
- Cool Car: KITT.
- Deadly Disc: Puff Daddy manages to cut Trent Reznor into pieces by throwing vinyl records at him.
- Duel to the Death: While Stacy is interviewing Steven Seagal, he is interrupted by David Spade. The two are about to break into a fight when Stacy suggests they settle their differences in the ring in an officially sanctioned fight. The two accept the challenge.
- Eldritch Abomination: After the two manage to cut each other to pieces, Mills tries to reassemble Puff Daddy and Trent Reznor back together...except he mixes up their body parts and accidentally creates two completely different beings as a result.
- Fiery Redhead: Nicole Kidman is portrayed as this.
- Hangover Sensitivity: During a pre-fight interview with Stacy, Bruce Willis is shown to be taking a nap while he recovers from a heavy night of drinking the day before.
- Hidden Heart of Gold: Stone Cold Steve Austin, a prolific wrestler known for his tough attitude and demeanor, is the one who ultimately saves the missing child Suzy Brockleman from Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise when they start fighting over her to the point where they start entering Would Hurt a Child territory.
- I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder: When assessing the carnage from the fight between Puff Daddy and Trent Reznor and trying to clean up the mess, Mills laments that he's a referee, not a doctor. It doesn't stop him from trying to put them both back together.
- Improbable Infant Survival: Little Suzy Brockleman falls from the catwalk high above the ring, plummeting several feet in the air, and lands on top of both Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise. While the two men are obviously knocked flat from the impact momentarily, Suzy literally survives the fall unscathed."Oh, I'm ok. Hooray!"
- Inflating Body Gag: After Trent Reznor jumps on him from behind, Puff Daddy starts sucking in air, causing his body to swell up, until he exhales and sends both of them flying like a deflated balloon.
- Losing Your Head: Despite being decapitated, Trent Reznor's head is still able to talk and move around.
- Missing Child: Throughout the episode, a girl by the name of Suzy Brockleman is reporting as missing and several announcements are made for her to return to her mother. She's later discovered at the end of the episode, about to fall from the catwalk above the ring.
- Noodle Incident: While it's mentioned from the beginning of the first first about the missing child Suzy Brockleman, what we don't see is the reported verbal abuse that her mother gave her at some point prior. It's only hinted at when Stone Cold Steve Austin makes the second announcement about her absence and tells her that her mother doesn't think she's a Spoiled Brat anymore.
- Parasol of Pain: John Tesh manages to shove a beach umbrella down David Hasselhoff's throat and opens it while it's still inside him.
- Playing with Syringes: David Hasselhoff steps on a syringe during his fight with Josh Tesh. This is because the sand that is used for their fight came from a beach known for it's heavy pollution and littering.
- Put Their Heads Together: Stone Cold Steve Austin personally takes out both Tom Cruise and Bruce Willis via this method after they fight over who rescued a child that had fallen from the catwalk above the ring.
- Saved by the Platform Below: After falling from the catwalk above the ring, missing girl Suzy Brockleman is only spared from death thanks to her landing on Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise.
- Sexy Man, Instant Harem: David Hasselhoff is supported by a group of blonde women who are constantly at ring side.
- Spike Shooter: After his head and hands are disembodied, Trent Reznor somehow manages to turn his Wolverine Claws into this in order to take out Puff Daddy.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: David Hasselhoff is seen only wearing a pair of red shorts similar to his iconic look in Baywatch.
- What the Hell, Hero?: After cushioning the fall for little Suzy Brockleman, both Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise start fighting over which of them actually saved her, to the point where they both start a tug-of-war with the child. Watching from the ring, both Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman pull this attitude as they wonder why their respective husbands are fighting over the child. Even Stone Cold Steve Austin pulls this when he goes to intervene.
- Wolverine Claws: During the fight, Trent Reznor manages to produce literal nine inch nails from his fingers and thumbs, and uses them to slash Puff Daddy. After Trent is cut into several pieces, his disembodied head is able to launch said nails at Puff Daddy in retaliation, resulting in him also being cut into several pieces.
- Would Hurt a Child: Whether they meant to or not, Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise start pulling on little Suzy Brockleman's arms in a tug-of-war fashion as they argue over which of them saved her from falling to her death.
