Title: Stress Analyzer
Directed by: Bruce Bilson
Written by: Nat Mauldin
Air Date: November 26, 1981
Previous: Possession
Next: Games
Guest Starring: James Gregory, James Cromwell, Phil Leeds, Florence Halop, James Murtaugh, Ann Guilbert
"Stress Analyzer" is the fifth episode of the eighth season of Barney Miller.
Mrs. Wanda LaMear comes into the 12th to demand action about her husband. When Harris asks what the problem is, Mrs. LaMear says her husband is cheating on her with a neighbor. Mrs. LaMear is dismissed. The second wacky case involves a Peace Corps recruiter named Vincent Bondell, who attacked another recruiter at a job fair. It seems that Mr. Bondell, whose offers of spiritual fulfillment through irrigation of Kenyan villages can't compete with the high salaries other recruiters are offering, snapped.
Meanwhile, Inspector Luger drops by to pester Barney. Luger, who a couple episodes ago said he's looking for a Mail-Order Bride and pestered Barney into writing a letter for him, doesn't like the letter Barney wrote. He wants Barney to punch it up and make him sound more exciting.
While all that's going on, the squad room is visited by Dr. Edmund Danworth, a cardiologist working with the NYPD. Dr. Danworth (future A-lister James Cromwell making his fourth and last Barney Miller appearance) is running a project in which NYPD cops wear stress analyzers to monitor their vital signs while they're out on calls. Dietrich, who previously volunteered, puts on the vital signs monitor, and soon after responds to a report of a disturbance in an apartment building. Back in the squad room, the detectives watch Dietrich's vital signs spike wildly—and then flatline. Is Dietrich dead?
Tropes:
- Accidental Misnaming: As usual, Inspector Luger calls Sgt. Levitt "Levine".
- The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: The guy arrested for assault and battery and destruction of property at a job fair is a recruiter for—the Peace Corps.Barney: Apparently you people have changed your methods!
- Continuity Nod: Another reference to the Season 8 plotline about Luger seeking a Mail-Order Bride, as he continues to pester an embarrassed Barney about the introduction letter.
- Flatline: Dietrich volunteers to test out a stress monitor and then goes out on a call. The monitor soon starts going haywire, and then it goes completely flat, with the requisite steady tone, to the horror of everyone in the squadroom. And then Dietrich walks in wearing police sweats—Mrs. LaMear, wielding a fire hose, had shorted out the sensors.
- Home Nudist: Mrs. LaMear zeroed in on Ms. Swallock as the person Mr. LaMear was supposedly cheating with, because Mrs. LaMear saw Ms. Swallock vacuuming in the nude. Ms. Swallock says she does it because it helps with her diet.
- Mistaken for Cheating: It turns out that Mr. LaMear and Ms. Swallock, the lady in the next building who goes around nude at home, haven't even met. Mr. LaMear has just been preoccupied at work.
- Mood Whiplash: The usual silliness turns on a dime to drama when the stress monitor seems to indicate that Dietrich has died.
- Percussive Maintenance: The stress measurement device is strapped to Dietrich just before he goes to investigate a disturbance with Levitt. After he has been gone for a while, the monitor to which the device sends its signal goes haywire and then flatlines, leading the personnel of the 12th to believe Dietrich has been killed in action. At one point, Luger pounds the top of the device; Dr. Danworth, who is running the stress measurement test, tells him he already tried that. Luger asks, "Did you try this?", and kicks the desk in anger. When Levitt returns and reveals that Dietrich is alive and unharmed, Danworth takes a moment to absorb the news, then tries kicking the desk.
- Remote Vitals Monitoring: An experimental stress monitor is being tested at the precinct, which Dietrich wears while on assignment. At one point, the readings start displaying erratic numbers followed by a Flatline. Everyone fears the worst until Dietrich returns to the station. It turns out he had encountered Mrs. LaMear with a fire hose, and she shorted out the monitors.
