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Films
"KaiserRollSöze92 asks, 'Can you kill your mom?' You actually can Kaiser, but you'll lose, so you want to avoid that."
— Blair Trigger, Final Deployment 4: Queen Battle Walkthrough
Live-Action TV
Brian: What are you playing?
Tim: Tomb Raider III.
Brian: She's drowning.
Tim: Yeah.
Brian: Is that the point of the game?
Tim: It depends what mood you're in, really.
Brian: What sort of mood are you in, then?
Tim: Well, I got a letter from my girlfriend this morning three months too late explaining why she dumped me. It was full of "You'll always be special" and "I'll always love you" platitudes designed to make me feel better while simultaneously appeasing her deep-seated sense of guilt for running off with a slimy little city boy named Duane and destroying my faith in everything in the world that is good and pure.
Brian: So it didn't really work, then.
Tim: No, it made me want to drown things!
Tim: Tomb Raider III.
Brian: She's drowning.
Tim: Yeah.
Brian: Is that the point of the game?
Tim: It depends what mood you're in, really.
Brian: What sort of mood are you in, then?
Tim: Well, I got a letter from my girlfriend this morning three months too late explaining why she dumped me. It was full of "You'll always be special" and "I'll always love you" platitudes designed to make me feel better while simultaneously appeasing her deep-seated sense of guilt for running off with a slimy little city boy named Duane and destroying my faith in everything in the world that is good and pure.
Brian: So it didn't really work, then.
Tim: No, it made me want to drown things!
— Spaced
Music
You can show your neighbors you love them
Or just beat the dogshit out of them
Or just beat the dogshit out of them
Video Games
As a Pyro, you can often set enemies on fire and retreat, leaving them to die from the burning.
— Team Fortress 2 Player Tip
Zat was doctor-assisted homicide!
Ouch! Mario, you did that on purpose, didn't you?! THAT'S! JUST! MEAN!
— Kooper, Paper Mario 64
"If you whack a Whacka, they drop a Whacka Bump. Those are supposed to be delicious. They fetch a high price in gourmet auctions, too. Yup, super-precious delicacies. Still, whacking a defenseless creature to get one... You'd never do that, right, Mario?"
— Goombella, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
Make poor Luigi lose a life...
— NES Remix, Mario Bros. stage objective
"I thought I was a moral person. I was wrong."
Don't you hate it when you go to Cool Beans, and they don't got your strawberry chino... So you gotta blow they fuckin' head off?
That was uncalled for! But a lot of fun to watch!
— The announcer, NFL Blitz
You're a disgrace to your mother!
— Ninten when using the Bullhorn on Giegue, EarthBound Beginnings
It's a lovely day in the village, and you are a horrible goose. Make your way around town, from peoples' back gardens to the village green, setting up pranks, stealing hats, honking a lot, and generally ruining everyone's day.
— Nintendo Switch news ad for Untitled Goose Game
"During winter, it pleads with you not to cut off its fur with big, watery eyes. You do it anyway... because that's how you roll. You Monster!."
— In-game description of Woolies in Rune Factory 4
And that's how I sold an empire's own people back to them as food.
— This Reddit user
, playing Stellaris
, playing Stellaris"Somewhere in the galaxy a future Space Hague just spontaneously appeared and they don't know why... yet"
— Another Reddit user, responding to what the last guy did playing Stellaris
"You've got some nerve... Bringing out [Ogerpon] NOW of all times?!"
"PLEASE NOTE THAT I WOULD NORMALLY NEVER DO THIS KIND OF STUFF WITH MY SIMS!! I ONLY GOT BORED OF THE SIMS 1!!!" reveals a disclaimer on one video created by the unnervingly-named user StarSweetieSqueaker, who forced eight Sims to wet themselves before setting them alight in a single room decorated with circus wallpaper. StarSweetieSqueaker is probably not a deranged psychopath living out sick, twisted fantasies of murder and torture. They are, most likely, an ordinary person — or at least, an ordinary The Sims player.
Web Animation
"Switch up your protagonist as much as you like, they're still controlled by a player; an entity as ethically restrained as Joseph Stalin playing with his bath toys."
"If you give them guns, they will shoot old ladies. If you give them cars, they will run over old ladies. If you give them aircraft, they will ascend to the highest possible height and hurl themselves out onto an old lady. And if you give them customisable outfits, their first instinct will be to take off all their clothes and run around the streets hip-thrusting in the faces of old ladies. If you try to stop them doing all this, they'll hate you for it. Not only does Saints Row 2 not stop you, but it keeps score! Every single one of my examples has a little mini-game attached."
—Zero Punctuation
"I don't wanna successfully slalom anything! I wanna gravely injure my skier!"
Webcomics
Ken: Everyone seems to agree Grand Theft Auto V is pretty damn awesome, though there are some questions about general misogyny and depictions of torture.
Arnold: Those are some pretty high-minded concerns for a guy who's currently driving a taco truck in circles in a stadium parking lot, purposefully running over pedestrians.
Ken: Because that's my decision, not the game's.
Arnold: Those are some pretty high-minded concerns for a guy who's currently driving a taco truck in circles in a stadium parking lot, purposefully running over pedestrians.
Ken: Because that's my decision, not the game's.
"I don't know why you'd include a riot gun and a zebra in the same game if you don't expect me to interact with both of them at the same time."
Web Original
The name, dating as it does to the late 70s, is not directly tied to video games, but rather the larger tradition of the penny arcade. And yet there is something damningly on point in the link between sadistic depravity and playing games...at the end of the day, when it comes to Arcade, you’ve got to admit: he’s the very image of a gamer.
God, look at me. This was supposed to be my quest for peace, and I've becomes addicted to destroying suns.
— Tom Francis playing Galactic Civilizations II
playing Galactic Civilizations III got scared when I tied a pleading woman to the train tracks, watched her turn into a cloud of chilli and then realized that was a secret achievement. It felt like the game was saying, "Ha! I knew there was as much wrong with you as there is with me!"
You can even simulate 9/11 if you want, which a disturbingly large number of people have done. Everyone grieves in their own way.
—Drew Magary on Minecraft
on MinecraftYou know, the game where y'all make me levels, tweet them to me, I play them and then I rage the fuck out!
The game loaded levels with civilian scientists, told us not to shoot them, then gave the scientists guns and grenades because it knew exactly how much was wrong with us. It was like telling someone not to think of a pink elephant after giving them a pink elephant gun. It was a psychology test the entire generation failed.
You are in a verdant forest. All around you are the sounds of small animals rustling in the bushes, creating an orchestra of ambient, peaceful sounds. The gentle morning sun turns the dew into a soft steam rising from the blades of grass. A young doe eyes you warily in the distance but, sensing your kindness, slowly approaches. All is as it should be.
>kill deer
Wh...why?
>murder the shit out of deer
You slaughter the deer in the most horrible fashion you can think of, for absolutely no reason. The gentle silence is broken by painful screams and the misty grass is tinged red with blood. You are soaked in its entrails.
>frolic
Wow. There is something really wrong with you.
>kill deer
Wh...why?
>murder the shit out of deer
You slaughter the deer in the most horrible fashion you can think of, for absolutely no reason. The gentle silence is broken by painful screams and the misty grass is tinged red with blood. You are soaked in its entrails.
>frolic
Wow. There is something really wrong with you.
The most useful part of sneaking is undoubtedly the 'stealth throw'. While firing a missile weapon or attacking in melee will get you noticed immediately, throwing things at people will not. Stock up on dead enemies' weapons, clothing and severed body parts and you can pretend you're some gruesome comedy version of Sam Fisher. You know you want to.
— The Dwarf Fortress wiki, on Adventure Mode.
.If Agent 47 is a scalpel, Agent 32 is several dozen scalpels glued to an angry bear. Watch out, targets (and also anyone else within a couple of hundred metres).
—YouTube comment, "Playing Hitman 2 with Agent 47"
The reason anyone goes for master rank Dark Magic in Might and Magic 6 or 7? One word: Armageddon. Hell, that's the only reason I use dark magic in those games anymore.
— Raekuul
These types of items can be used to destroy objects or even other summoned items (e.g., a club can be used to hit an animal; steak can be attached to a baby to attract lions; rockets can be lobbed at a man).
Montezuma and Shaka are angels compared to us!
— Shirastro of Civilization Fanatics
of Civilization FanaticsNow I’ve taken nearly everything from Nazeem. I’ve taken away his political affiliations, his income source, his wife, his sleep, and all his worldly possessions. What more could I take from him at this point? His soul.
"You are all horrible awful people and I love it"
— A Twitch chatter's response to Shenpai and co laughing about throwing a baby, "IMMATURE GAMER HOURS | Jackbox Party Pack"
" Web Videos
Mayor of SimCity: We have tornadoes, and earthquakes, and giant radioactive lizard monsters that destroy our buildings!
Mayor of Cities: Skylines: None of those things are good.
Mayor of SimCity: No, they're not. I know they're not. Why do I always try to use that as a selling point?
Mayor of Cities: Skylines: None of those things are good.
Mayor of SimCity: No, they're not. I know they're not. Why do I always try to use that as a selling point?
"Play a Sim game for a couple of years and you'll really reconsider the concept of a kind and loving god."
"It's more fun to break the windows, anyway, so fuck it. 'EXTRA! EXTRA! Paperboy goes MAD! Here's some ASS-ifieds! Here you go, Daily Douchebag! 10% off your next purchase of FUCK YOU! Cloudy with a chance of ASS-KICKING! Dear Abby: Make 'em eat shit! Crosswords: can you spell C-U-N-T? Horoscopes: You will achieve greatness — in HELL!!"
—The Angry Video Game Nerd on Paperboy
Nerd: Why is everyone in the entire airport tryin' to kill you? What did Kevin do to instigate all this?
Macaulay Culkin: I mean, maybe because they had me pelting innocent businessmen with baseballs? "Here comes Kevin McAllister! He gives 'em a big ol' concussion with a fuckin' baseball!" Right to the dome, look at that! BAM!
Macaulay Culkin: I mean, maybe because they had me pelting innocent businessmen with baseballs? "Here comes Kevin McAllister! He gives 'em a big ol' concussion with a fuckin' baseball!" Right to the dome, look at that! BAM!
—The Angry Video Game Nerd on Home Alone games
Darla: Ashamed you got beat up by a girl? I'm just gonna back run home to daddy!
Dunkey: Oh really? *fires bazooka at her knee* How're gonna do dat?
Dunkey
: Oh really? *fires bazooka at her knee* How're gonna do dat?"Invade peoples' privacy 10 times and you get a new car!"
— George Weidman on Watch_Dogs
Watch_DogsJack: Don't do it man! He's your buddy! He takes you places! He goes — he goes, "Hey, Friend! Why're standin' way over there, Friend? That seems really weird, hm. Imma just gonna eat some hay and think about my wife and *horse gets hit by falling box* -GOH!"
Rich: *maniacal laughter*
Jack: You horrible dickhead.
* -GOH!"Rich: *maniacal laughter*
Jack: You horrible dickhead.
"Being a merchant was surprisingly fun and exciting — especially when you found out that you could land on pirate starbases and become an illegal drug dealer. Hell, you could traffic in human slavery if you wanted. You could even tractor beam in ejected pilots that you shot down into your cargo hold and then later sell them as human slaves! JESUS! Talk about adding insult to injury. It's that kind of freedom, that little personal touch of pointless cruelty that makes you feel like a real, authentic space bastard."
"I know I'm supposed to be all 'the one', but I have too much fun killing everyone."
"Did I do something nice? That's not what you're supposed to do in video games! Quick, how do I bring the car in here to run you over?"
— Marik, Marik Plays Bloodlines
"You're an Aspirant, are you? That is oh-so-very-close to a certain drug you would take for a pain of the head. Allow me to remedy that situation where you don't have one already. *Proceeds to bludgeon him with a chain-covered bat*
*—Tear of Grace playing Fallout 4
Steve the Avatar: You guys just have to have the right perspective on this. We're in a new world! A new place! A world where nobody knows us. A world whose problems we aren't indirectly responsible for. A world not full of the vengeful ghosts of our dead relatives and lovers. A world we probably won't destroy. Do you understand what this means?
Iolo: You'll finally stop—
Steve: Nobody's gonna see it coming.
Iolo: You'll finally stop—
Steve: Nobody's gonna see it coming.
"They probably never intended for a cynical guy in his 20s to play this game. This game is clearly for kids. This is the game that parents can pick up for little Timmy and be like: 'You can be creative! You can learn vocabulary as you go! It's educational!" And there's me: trying to shoot people to get business for my graveyard."
Get ready to hug, compliment, and pet your way through a harmonious world full of peace and friendship...or just brutally slaughter everything in sight until the streets run red with monster blood! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
— Honest Game Trailer for Undertale
Alright, so we're checking out the only game where you can torture a hundred people by forcing them to live their entire lives in an underground bunker in order to see what sort of terrible human beings they grow up into...it's The Sims 4!
—GrayStillPlays, "i made 100 kids spend 50 years underground"
It's amazing, how quickly this game turns you into a monster.
— SsethTzeentach on Rimworld after just describing how he created a colony staffed completely by psychopaths, and sets them to work turning raiders and even useless colonists into furniture after harvesting their organs.
Rimworld after just describing how he created a colony staffed completely by psychopaths, and sets them to work turning raiders and even useless colonists into furniture after harvesting their organs. Real Life
"I'm going to go for violence, 'cause I know that works."
— Peggy Schroeck, during her first ever role-playing game session, 1988
