Anime and Manga
Karane: Uh... the other day... I kinda bopped [Rentarou] one, out of embarrassment... but... he wasn't mad at me at all...
Interviewer: Aww, what a kind-hearted man! Brushing off his girlfriend being a little rough with him! Aren't kind boyfriends just the best?!
Karane: No, I mean... I kinda gave him, like... full-body compound fractures...
Interviewer: Yes, a kind-hearted monster!
Interviewer: Aww, what a kind-hearted man! Brushing off his girlfriend being a little rough with him! Aren't kind boyfriends just the best?!
Karane: No, I mean... I kinda gave him, like... full-body compound fractures...
Interviewer: Yes, a kind-hearted monster!
Comedy
"I mean this... I mean this guy was a real jerk!"
— Norm Macdonald on infamous serial killer Albert Fish
Comic Books
Wasp: If you respected human life you wouldn't have been propping up the Nazis. Did nobody ever tell you about the death camps?
Herr Kleiser: Well, Adolf's inner circle were such enthusiastic advocates of our drive for order, Ms. Pym. I think we can forgive their little eccentricities, don't you?
Kowalski: How did you say you knew this guy again, Bucky?
Bucky: Believe it or not, I used to save him from getting his butt kicked three times a week on our way home from Saint Mary's Youth Club.
(Captain America is kicking serious Nazi ass)
Bucky: Lucky for us, he's kinda filled out a bit since then.
Fanworks
Sabrina: Okay so slight problem.
Adrien: That's usually what people say right before an Akuma fight happens.
Sabrina: Yeah Rogercop is back. I thought he went on patrol to cool off but nope!
Adrien: That's usually what people say right before an Akuma fight happens.
Sabrina: Yeah Rogercop is back. I thought he went on patrol to cool off but nope!
"I am supposed to call for help, if I run into trouble I can't handle on my own. Being captured by the Volturi and likely to be Chelseaed at any moment seemed like it might be that sort of trouble."
— Elspeth, Luminosity
Film — Animated
Batgirl: How could you help Joker do it, Harley?
Harley Quinn: Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right.
Batgirl: Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year!
Harley Quinn: Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right.
Batgirl: Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year!
Homer: Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
Marge: It's huge! WE'RE HOMELESS! OUR FRIENDS WANT TO KILL US!
Marge: It's huge! WE'RE HOMELESS! OUR FRIENDS WANT TO KILL US!
Rabbit: Oh, dear. Oh, j-just... Just look at my beautiful garden!
Tiger: Yuck! Messy, isn't it?
Rabbit: Messy? Messy?! It's RUINED! It's ruined, Tigger! Oh, why don't you ever stop bouncing?!
Tiger: Yuck! Messy, isn't it?
Rabbit: Messy? Messy?! It's RUINED! It's ruined, Tigger! Oh, why don't you ever stop bouncing?!
Fritz: [upon seeing Blue beating Harriet with a chain] Hey, guys, that's uncool. Don't do that.
Film — Live-Action
"Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops."
— General Buck Turgidson, Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
"Our situation has not improved."
— Professor Henry Jones, on being trapped between a room on fire and a room full of Nazi soldiers while tied to a chair, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Egon: Don't cross the streams.
Peter: Why?
Egon: It would be bad.
Peter: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, 'bad?'
Egon: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Ray: Total protonic reversal.
Peter: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.
Peter: Why?
Egon: It would be bad.
Peter: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, 'bad?'
Egon: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Ray: Total protonic reversal.
Peter: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.
Rowan: The dead will return to pester the living.
Erin: Pester, that doesn't sound so bad.
Rowan: They will pester the living with torture, death, and carnage.
Erin: Okay, I was using a different definition of "pester."
Erin: Pester, that doesn't sound so bad.
Rowan: They will pester the living with torture, death, and carnage.
Erin: Okay, I was using a different definition of "pester."
"Is that a monkey?"
— Soldier, Kong: Skull Island
Mills: We just got taken down by a monkey the size of a building!
Cole: Yeah. That was an unconventional encounter.
Mills: Is that all your brain is telling you right now?
Cole: [shrugs] There was no tactical precedents. We did the best we could in the situation.
Cole: Yeah. That was an unconventional encounter.
Mills: Is that all your brain is telling you right now?
Cole: [shrugs] There was no tactical precedents. We did the best we could in the situation.
"If we don't get out now, they'll come up here and tear us all to pieces. And that is really going to exacerbate things for everyone."
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
"I don't like people trying to kill me, hurting my family and my friends, and destroying the whole world as I know it. That just doesn't sit well with me."
— Leslie Zevo, Toys
"Fact is, Chief, the only thing we really do know is that we've got a very strange person on our hands."
— Deputy Norman Ramsey on the Phantom Killer, The Town That Dreaded Sundown
"I will NOT calm down! This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head and I DON'T LIKE IT!"
— Kelly Scott, Lake Placid
Literature
"To call it an understatement would be an understatement."
— Sarah Vowell, Assassination Vacation
"Not even Spock had stayed aboard for that — he found breathing vacuum for any length of time to be aesthetically unpleasant."
"The Joker is a tricky foe. His jokes are never funny. Sometimes they hurt people."
— Catherine Hapka, I Am Batman
"Collecting customs duties in America had not been one of Britain's glorious successes in the eighteenth century."
— Robert Middlekauf, The Glorious Cause: the American Revolution 1763-1789
Live-Action TV
"You know, there are certain flaws in this movie."
— Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000, "Manos: The Hands Of Fate"
Enemy Agent: You killed two of my men.
Hetty: It was an overreaction.
Hetty: It was an overreaction.
"My parents died... in a fire."
— Kara Zor-El, last survivor of Krypton, Supergirl (2015)
Kryten: You're good friends with the Hitlers?!
Future Kryten: It's just a social thing; we don't talk about his work. We just have a few laughs, play canasta and enjoy some mixed doubles with the Goerings.
Kryten: I don't believe what I'm hearing!
Future Rimmer: Look, you have to understand. We travel back and forth throughout the whole of history, and naturally we want to sample the best of everything. It's just a bit unfortunate that the finest things tend to be in the possession of people you would judge to be a bit dodgy.
Kryten: Hermann Goering is "a bit dodgy"?!
Future Kryten: It's just a social thing; we don't talk about his work. We just have a few laughs, play canasta and enjoy some mixed doubles with the Goerings.
Kryten: I don't believe what I'm hearing!
Future Rimmer: Look, you have to understand. We travel back and forth throughout the whole of history, and naturally we want to sample the best of everything. It's just a bit unfortunate that the finest things tend to be in the possession of people you would judge to be a bit dodgy.
Kryten: Hermann Goering is "a bit dodgy"?!
— Red Dwarf, "Out of Time"
Radio
Ford: I rescued you from the Earth.
Arthur: And what's happened to the Earth?
Ford: It's been demolished.
Arthur: Has it.
Ford: Yes. It just boiled away into space.
Arthur: Look, I'm a bit upset about that.
Arthur: And what's happened to the Earth?
Ford: It's been demolished.
Arthur: Has it.
Ford: Yes. It just boiled away into space.
Arthur: Look, I'm a bit upset about that.
— The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1978) radio series
Tabletop Games
"Stalin's policies, including the murder of millions of his fellow countrymen, were not universally beloved."
— Gurps, "Cliffhangers"
Video Games
"The great eastern city of Caldeum has fallen under the sway of Belial, a lord of Hell. I'd like to have words with him."
— Crusader, Diablo 3
"You killed my mom! You're not very nice!"
— Goten to Super Buu, Dragon Ball Xenoverse
Atton: I'm guessing that Republic ship that just docked isn't carrying friends of yours.
Kreia: I hope your talent for understatement is offset by your skill with a blaster. If not, then I fear our time together will be short indeed.
Kreia: I hope your talent for understatement is offset by your skill with a blaster. If not, then I fear our time together will be short indeed.
Dave: Some of the government... Some of it is pretty corrupt.
[Michael, Trevor, and Franklin all do the Monkey Morality Pose, complete with silent "are you fucking kidding me?"]
[Michael, Trevor, and Franklin all do the Monkey Morality Pose, complete with silent "are you fucking kidding me?"]
Webcomics
Xykon: What happened?
Redcloak: Yeah, uh we had a small problem with the Gate.
Xykon: The forest is on fire.
Redcloak: I just said we had a small problem! Geez!
Redcloak: Yeah, uh we had a small problem with the Gate.
Xykon: The forest is on fire.
Redcloak: I just said we had a small problem! Geez!
"[A] District Attorney in Texas is on trial for building himself a sweet rig on the county dime. The machine in question sports 'two hard drives, seven fans, high-end video and audio cards, a wireless Internet connection and cables that glow under ultraviolet light.'... 'I would not configure a backup computer in that way,' says Mr. Gregg, FBI senior forensic examiner and reigning Understatement King."
— Tycho Brahe, commentary
on The Case of Texas vs. KryoLord
on The Case of Texas vs. KryoLordRaven: Grace killed Damien!? We're talking about the girl who ran out of my classroom crying after reading about World War II!
Noah: World War II was kind of a bummer...
Noah: World War II was kind of a bummer...
Web Original
''"Bushi Takada Shinobu was known in his time for having leeched off his old mother, killed his half-brother to steal twenty bu from him, decapitated a comrade who had accused him —rightly— of cheating at cards, ransomed the peasants of three villages, poisoned his master and engineered the death of the latter's son by spreading scandalous rumors on him, cowardly fled the fields of the three battles he had been invited to before the swords were even drawn, pillaged a monastery and burned the monks to death after having promised to spare their lives, sliced off a beggar's hands for fun, and lied to his own sons even on his deathbed. I am not convinced he had fully grasped the spirit of bushido."
— Les Aventures de Morgoth L'Empaleur chapter 12-10 epigraph
"To say I 'love' Eternity Forever is like saying that chocolate cake with chocolate chip cookies drowning in chocolate syrup is merely sweet. I feel for Eternity Forever with the burning heat of a thousand radiant suns! Lucas and I are going to live in a giant castle one day."
— Sally, Growing Around ("Eternity Forever 4Ever")
"In topology there's a longer kind of line, very appropriately yet confusing called the 'Long Line'. The Long Line is so long that you can't stretch a finite line segment to be a long line, even if you stretch it infinitely long. And likewise, the Long Line is not contractible, like here's one part of the Long Line and here's another but even if you grab them and stretch them twords each other forever you can never get them from here to there. Infinite stretching isn't enough, so these points are part of the same line but they kinda don't connect to eachother. That's how long the Long Line is, I mean it's like really long."
— Vihart, Vihart
"She was so into hunting that she began hunting anything that moved (travelers, sheperds, villagers, you know). Now, the inhabitants of her kingdom weren't exactly peachy-keen about this..."
— Entry on Harpalyce, here
Emperor: So anyway, these Tyranids come from the eastern fringe of the galaxy in large bugflesh ships and chomp the fuck out of everything they see, yes?
Custodekitty: Correct my lord.
Emperor: And every encounter recorded with them describes them as insect-like creatures with biological weaponry and that they are countless in number, right?
Custodekitty: Yes that is right my lord. They come in endless streams too numerous to count with beasts both minuscule and massive, all killing in their unique, painful ways!
Emperor: Has anyone ever considered fucking bugspray?
[...]
Custodekitty: Well my lord, if it’s a Biochemical weapon you’re referring to I can say that it’s not of much use. Regenerative power is something the species seem to have picked up on and many of them have extremely advanced immune systems so not much will work. In addition, the race is very adaptable and if we were to concoct a poison against them and used it, they would most likely gain a resistance to it soon after!
Emperor: That is quite the fucking pickle.
"...I don't usually review Xbox Live Arcade games on their own. They tend to be shorter, so I usually review them in pairs and try to find some connecting theme between them[...]But I'm afraid I couldn't find any XBLA games that could be meaningfully linked to Amy, because there aren't any games about making your way down a corridor dragging a large steel safe chained to a metal ring around your throat, or any games about smashing your head into a septic tank until blood and shit runs down your face into your screaming mouth and down your throat until you choke and puke and it all comes out your nostrils.
Basically, what I'm saying is that it isn't very good. Did that come across? It isn't very good!"
Basically, what I'm saying is that it isn't very good. Did that come across? It isn't very good!"
— Zero Punctuation, on Amy
Western Animation
"Adolf Hitler was a very naughty man."
— Educational Video, South Park
Other
"The war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage."
— Emperor Hirohito's 'Jewel Voice Broadcast', August 1945
Major-General Robert H Soule, US Army: How are the Glosters doing?
Brigadier Thomas Brodie, British Army: A bit sticky, things are pretty sticky down there.
Brigadier Thomas Brodie, British Army: A bit sticky, things are pretty sticky down there.
— Said whilst 650 British soldiers from the 1st Battalion, the Gloucestershire Regiment were deployed on a crossing on the Imjin River during the Korean war and fighting over 10,000 Chinese troops.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."
— Captain Eric Moody, British Airways Flight 9, shortly after flying through a cloud of volcanic ash.
, shortly after flying through a cloud of volcanic ash."The above proposition is occasionally useful."
— A.N. Whitehead and Bertrand Russell, Principia Mathematica, on their proof that 1 + 1 = 2.
[loud explosion is faintly heard over background static]
Lovell: [as if reporting an odd sensor reading] Okay, uh, Houston? [...] I believe we've had a problem here.
[several seconds of silence]
Mission Control: This is Houston, say again please.
Lovell: Houston, we've had a problem.
Lovell: [as if reporting an odd sensor reading] Okay, uh, Houston? [...] I believe we've had a problem here.
[several seconds of silence]
Mission Control: This is Houston, say again please.
Lovell: Houston, we've had a problem.
— James A. Lovell, Commander of Apollo 13note
