"And I've never hoist the mainstay,
and I never swabbed the poop deck,
and I never veered to starboard 'cuz I never sail at all!
And I've never walked a gangplank,
and I've never owned a parrot,
and I've never been to Boston in the fall!
Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,
we just stay at home and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you, 'We don't do anything!'"
and I never swabbed the poop deck,
and I never veered to starboard 'cuz I never sail at all!
And I've never walked a gangplank,
and I've never owned a parrot,
and I've never been to Boston in the fall!
Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,
we just stay at home and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you, 'We don't do anything!'"
"You say you're nasty pirates
Scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers?
From what I've seen I tell you
You're not pirates! You're just slackers!"
Scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers?
From what I've seen I tell you
You're not pirates! You're just slackers!"
— Guybrush Threepwood, The Curse of Monkey Island, "A Pirate I Was Meant to Be
"
""On Mondays, I never go to work
On Tuesdays, I stay at home
On Wednesdays, I never feel inclined
Work is the last thing on my mind
On Thursdays, it's a holiday!
And Fridays I detest
Oh, it's much too late on a Saturday
And Sunday is the day of rest"
On Tuesdays, I stay at home
On Wednesdays, I never feel inclined
Work is the last thing on my mind
On Thursdays, it's a holiday!
And Fridays I detest
Oh, it's much too late on a Saturday
And Sunday is the day of rest"
— They Might Be Giants, "Seven Days of the Week (I Never Go to Work)"
"We're whalers on the moon,
We carry a harpoon,
But there ain't no whales,
So we tell tall tales
And sing our whaling tune!"
We carry a harpoon,
But there ain't no whales,
So we tell tall tales
And sing our whaling tune!"
— The Space Whalers, Futurama ("The Series Has Landed")
"He's got a nerdy shirt
And a pocket pouch
(Although I've never seen him write anything down…)"
And a pocket pouch
(Although I've never seen him write anything down…)"
— Kyle Justin, "The Angry Video Game Nerd Theme (Full Version)"
"Exploring the seas, and home renovation
Feather collecting and art ecollection
We're the assassins and we're here to stay!
(We might have to phase out the stabbing, OK?)"
Feather collecting and art ecollection
We're the assassins and we're here to stay!
(We might have to phase out the stabbing, OK?)"
"Whatever happened to 'we rape, we pillage'?"
— Jason, The Ice Pirates
"Are we still in the Army?"
— CPL Derrick Hill, Enlisted
"[The Ambassador] is particularly charming, and it seems churlish to ask him whether he's the ambassador of anywhere in particular."
— Sidebar Snippet, Fallen London
"So they inwardly resolved that so long as they remained in the business, their piracies should not again be sullied with the crime of stealing."
"Pirates who aren't evil end up at theme parks. It be a terrifying fate!"
— Captain Plankbeard, Chibi-Robo!
"Oh, hi, Mr. Thief-Who-Doesn't-Take-Anything."
— Linda, Mother 3
Cory: Wait, there's pirates in this game?
Luke: You didn't tell us there'd be pirates. I wanna play a pirate.
Narrator: You can't play a pirate. They're the bad guys in this game.
Cory: Lemme see that book for a sec.
Luke: I could be a good pirate.
Narrator: You'd have to actually pirate to be a pirate.
Luke: You didn't tell us there'd be pirates. I wanna play a pirate.
Narrator: You can't play a pirate. They're the bad guys in this game.
Cory: Lemme see that book for a sec.
Luke: I could be a good pirate.
Narrator: You'd have to actually pirate to be a pirate.
Frylock: Look, Shake. We're gonna have to get jobs.
Master Shake: What, are you nuts? What about that big, fat welfare check we get every month?
Frylock: It doesn't come until next Thursday. Now, either I pawn this TV or we're not gonna have money for food.
Shake: But we're detectives, remember? Remember I made the T-shirts? I bought the T-shirt cannon, remember? I've been firing T-shirts all over the neighborhood that say we're detectives! Now we're gonna look like fools.
Frylock: We haven't "detected" anything in three years, Shake!
Master Shake: What, are you nuts? What about that big, fat welfare check we get every month?
Frylock: It doesn't come until next Thursday. Now, either I pawn this TV or we're not gonna have money for food.
Shake: But we're detectives, remember? Remember I made the T-shirts? I bought the T-shirt cannon, remember? I've been firing T-shirts all over the neighborhood that say we're detectives! Now we're gonna look like fools.
Frylock: We haven't "detected" anything in three years, Shake!
— Aqua Teen Hunger Force, "Robositter"
Professor Farnsworth: My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James.
Hermes: Didn't we used to be a delivery company?
Hermes: Didn't we used to be a delivery company?
— Futurama, The Duh-Vinci Code
It only took 193 chapters of serialization for them to be shown working.
About half of them.
— Pope John XXIII, in reply to a reporter's question, "How many people work in the Vatican?"
You will probably meet one or more Police investigators, artists, bakers, sculptors, or rock musicians. They will be able to ditch their jobs easily to give you advice, comfort you, or join you on your Tour, and they will always answer their cell phones when you call, unless you happen to be in dire peril.
"You know, dude... Sometimes I wonder if we're even SPACE PIRATES anymore. Ever since that SWEETHEART came along, we haven't done anything cool! We should just quit and get real jobs."
— Space Pirate Dude, OMORI
Reviews
"Clark wanders in the front door, only to reveal that, oh no, he has lost his powers! Now who will stand around moping while others save the world?!"
— Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Smallville ("Collateral")
Smallville ("Collateral")Jon: I think Conan's feelin' real baaaad today! "Attack"!
Conan decides not to attack the merchant
Jon: Conan also decided to file his taxes quarterly to avoid overages and remain cash-solvent. What is this, "Conan decided not to attack the merchant"?!' Get outta here, I'm CO-NAN! I'm a BARBARIAN! It's in the TITLE! IT'S INNA TITLE!!''
Conan decides not to attack the merchant
Jon: Conan also decided to file his taxes quarterly to avoid overages and remain cash-solvent. What is this, "Conan decided not to attack the merchant"?!' Get outta here, I'm CO-NAN! I'm a BARBARIAN! It's in the TITLE! IT'S INNA TITLE!!''
— JonTron playing the Conan the Barbarian DOS videogame
"Conan's recorded history mentions him as being prominently involved, at one time or another, with four different pirate fraternities, on two different seas, as well being a noted leader of land robbers at three different locales. Yet, we hardly ever see him involved in, well, robbing people. To be sure, he speaks about it often and with complete candor: "We Kozaks took to plundering the outlying dominions of Koth, Zamora, and Turan impartially" he says in "Shadows in the Moonlight". But that was before the story began. And 'We're bound for waters where the seaports are fat, and the merchant ships are crammed with plunder!' Conan declares at the end of "The Pool of the Black One". But this plundering will take place after the story ends. When we see Conan onstage, we see him do many other things: he intervenes in the politics and dynastic struggles of various kingdoms; he hunts for hidden treasure; he explores desert islands and lost cities; he fights countless terrible monsters and evil sorcerers; he saves countless beautiful women and makes them fall in love with him... What we virtually never see Conan do is engage in the proper business of an armed robber, on land or by sea— which is to attack people who never threatened or provoked you, take away their possessions by main force, and run your sword through them if they dare to resist. A bit messy business, that. Armchair adventurers, who like to enjoy a good yarn in the perfect safety and comfort of their suburban homes, might not have liked to read it."
— George Baxter, "Heroic Fantasy and Mundane Reality"
"Thanksgiving gave the X-Men the chance to finally get back to what they do best: hang out around the mansion, play sports and have sweet character moments."
— Matt on Uncanny X-Men #308
on Uncanny X-Men #308"When you love being on boats not doing crime, that's called sailing. You want to be King of the Sailors."
