Quotes / Svengoolie

Screaming Yellow Theater (1970-1973)

The time has come for scary things
Like vampires, ghosts, and vampire wings
Like horrible movies, all drippy and drooly
And horrible hosts like me, Svengoolie!

—The weekly opening. In later years, everything after "movies" would be altered each show and the poem would describe that week's special guest(s).

Son of Svengoolie (1979-1986)

Jerry G. Bishop: Good evening. I'm Jerry G. Bishop, and this is the famed split-level dungeon studio where many years ago, the legendary Svengoola—Svengoolie burst into television prominence. Even today, many fondly remember Svengoolie providing the same classic entertainment as such time-honored shows as Hello, Larry, My Mother the Car, Our Celebrity Pin-spying. But then, one day, at his peak, Svengoolie simply dropped from sight. The rumors were many—that he'd dyed his hair and changed his name to Phil Donahue, that he'd gone on to a rewarding career in motel management. No one knew for sure, and yet one rumor still is whispered among an uneasy populace: what if there were the same situation as in the past with the Son of Frankenstein, the Son of Dracula, Sanford and Son? Could there exist—somewhere, somehow... the Son of Svengoolie?

Son of Svengoolie: Hey, dad, can I borrow the keys to the hearse tonight?

—The intro to Son of Svengoolie Show #1 (The Year 2889), June 16, 1979

Son of Svengoolie: Well, hello again Tombstone.

Tombstone: Now, you doesn't has to call me Tombstone!

Son of Svengoolie: Oh, Here We Go Again!. He does this every week.

Tombstone: My name is Zombie T. Tombstone, Jr.! Now, you can call me Z, or you can call me T, or you can call me Z.T., or you can call me Z.T.T., or you can call me Z.T.T. Jr.! But you doesn't has to call me Tombstone.

Son of Svengoolie: He's been hanging out with Sha Na Na again.

—Son of Svengoolie Show #19 (Dracula Dracuthon), October 27, 1979

Svengoolie (1994-present)

• "But remember: NO. PERSONAL. CHECKS!"
• Oft-used voice clips:
  • Used whenever Sven sings at the wrong possible time... "Ahhhh, enough with the singing, already!"
  • Whenever a geographic location (or sometimes Kerwyn's name) is mentioned... "BER-WYN?!"
  • Whenever food is mentioned... "MMM-mm-MMM-yum-yum-SLUUURP!!!"
  • "Mmmm, that's goooood!"
  • "Uh... I dunno." / "What's that supposed to mean?" / "Hey, baby."
  • "Who's this? Sure is ugly."
  • "Ow OWWW OWWWWWWW!!!"
  • (old man voice) "I think I'm gonna be sick."
  • "What? Hold it right there!"
  • "Oh, uh, uh, yeah..."
  • "And keep your hands to yourself."
  • "Tactless, yet rude." / "Oh, beautiful." / "Now THAT'S comedy." / "Spew!"
  • "THAT'S it."
  • "I wish I was dead. Oy."
  • "Whoo-eee! Doggies, that stuff sti-i-i-i-inks to high heaven!"
  • "Can't argue with that; it's too stupid."
  • "Oh, I HATE when that happens! Narf!"
  • "Not in THIS life, bub!"
  • "OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod!"
  • "Eeeeeewwwww!"
  • "Yes, well, this is all tremendously boring." / "Oh, VERY funny. A million laughs."
  • "Uh, rrr-rank you, rank you!"
  • "No, you fathead!"
  • "Uh, no. (nervously laughs) Sorry."
  • "Everybody: HA. HA. HA."
  • "That sucked."
  • "No, it was worse than that."
  • "Nice to have some good, wholesome heroes the kids can look up to."
  • (singing) "Solid Gold!"
  • "He's history's greatest monster!"
  • "Whoooooo wants to have some FUN?"
  • "HELL NO!"
  • "That's IT! We're outta here!"
  • "Call the satellite hookup and pull the plug on this travesty!"
  • "So long, jackass!"
  • "Ehhh, so long, screwy! See you in St. Louie!"
  • "Oh we're the boys of chorus, we hope you'll like our show, we know you're rootin' for us, but now we have to gooooo!"
  • "Good night, everybody!"