Quotes / Stupid Evil

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Comic Books

Dr. Sivana: This is why you're always losing money, getting thrown in jail and killing each other!
Shimmer: Why, because we're evil?
Dr. Sivana: No, because you're schmucks.

— Outsiders (2003)

Film — Live-Action

Viggo: It's not what you did that angers me so... it's who you did it to.
Iosef: Who? The fuckin' nobody?
Viggo: That "fuckin' nobody"... is John Wick.

— John Wick

Seth: Do you know what the words "low profile" mean? Let me tell you what low profile is NOT! Low profile is NOT taking girls hostage! It is NOT blowing up a gas station! It is NOT shooting a cop in the fucking head!
Richie: (Bitch, bitch, bitch...)

— From Dusk Till Dawn

Literature

"I can't beat your band of heroes, true, but what if there were another eight bands also out for my blood? Ha! What are you going to do, form a line?"
—
"Ah, but being defeated was always part of my plan! Yet another glorious victory for the Empire."
—
"Ah, but every palace you destroy has to be rebuilt! You've single-handedly pulled the Empire out of a slump, hahaha. Once again sweet victory is mine."

—Dread Emperor Irritant I, the Oddly Successful, A Practical Guide to Evil

Careful prior planning wasn't Visser One's usual MO. He usually jumped in with both feet and a lot of noise. And if the details didn't work themselves out, he just ripped a sub-visser's head off and plowed ahead with his next maniacal plan.

—Animorphs #51: The Absolute

[Hrolf Wyrdulf] and his mount sat a few miles from the keep, in a rough camp that Canto had insisted they set up. Hrolf saw little need for a camp; if men suffered in the weather, then they would take the walls all the quicker. The camp was by the river, "close to a water source" as Canto said. Why they needed water when blood was readily available, Hrolf didn't know.

—Road Of Skulls

Live-Action TV

Clearly your father didn't beat you hard enough cause you're still a f—king idiot!

—Bryce Walker to Monty de la Cruz, 13 Reasons Why

We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't think we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!

—Tyrion Lannister on King Joffrey, Game of Thrones

Video Games

Arcade Gannon: What are you thinking?! Do you want to see Vegas turned into the new slave capital of the west?!
Courier: Actually, yes. I would like to see New Vegas turned into a slavery hub.
Arcade Gannon: Great. You're either unimaginably cruel or profoundly insane!

— Fallout: New Vegas (if the player gets the Enclave Remnants to fight for Caesar's Legion)

"Are psychotic urges all that drives you?"

—Kreia, Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords if the player decides to go Stupid Evil

You ask me, the Sabbat makes no sense. They couldn't care less about the Masquerade, and they seem to care even less about themselves. It's like, "Hey! Let's all spread Hell on Earth so we can feel big and bad and— oops! I'm dead! How did that happen?"

—Bertram Tung, Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines

I write looking for clarification of recent perplexing reports on your conduct. Is it true that you have been incarcerating and tormenting humans? What is the purpose for this? It would seem that your host's predilections are affecting your own behavior. You must bring this under your control and cease this superfluous activity. Your role is to facilitate our laboratories with the collection of corpses. Limit yourself to the parameters of this task or you will be recalled.

—Missive to Warden Krieg written by another Aetherial, Grim Dawn

"We need a new driver, this one is dead!"

—Khornate Berserkers leaving a transport, Dawn of War

Web Animation

"Weyland-Yutani now of the opinion that an uncontrollable biological weapon that reliably wipes out their science teams en masse is totally worth openly declaring war on their own country's military for. Christ knows how Weyland-Yutani spent their time before the Aliens were discovered; probably threw children on piles of burning money!"

— Zero Punctuation on Aliens: Colonial Marines

"With this and RERevelations, we now learn that the world has an inexhaustible supply of cartoonishly-evil dipshits in inexplicably lofty positions of power who regard zombie apocalypses as the sanest way to avoid potential intelligence leaks, and no-one's learnt a fucking thing! And doesn't this render all the hardships and struggles of the previous games completely pointless? If I were Chris Redfield, I'd fucking give up. 'Well,' I'd say. 'Guess the human race is just determined to wipe itself out. Let's gather up every other Resident Evil protagonist and found our own city on the moon!' But you just know Leon will insist on bringing his dumb friend Keith who forgets to file his tax return one year and tries to cover it up by causing a zombie apocalypse."

— Zero Punctuation on Resident Evil 6

Web Comics

"I theorize that the halfling does not possess a true sentient brain, like you or I, but rather a simple, primitive 'proto-brain' that can only process two emotional reactions to people: Hate or Lust.

— Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick #335

Bongo: This Doyt Gyo is going to be a tough one to bring back alive. I've pulled in my top four bounty-hunters to extract him. Obviously, we'll have to resort to taking a few hostages for bargaining chips. An' there's definitely gonna be some collateral damage during the operation. Still, you said 'spare no expense.' I'm ready to send the team out on your word.
Agent: Right. And do you know what my word is?
Bongo: Um... 'Lock and load?'
Agent: Nope, it's 'idiot.' I took it from the following statement: 'The obvious way to get Mr. Gyo back in our employ is to offer him his job back, complete with back pay and a signing bonus. Of course, it's only obvious if you are not an IDIOT.'

— Schlock Mercenary

Web Original

Just because my character is evil doesn't mean I want to slaughter my party. They're a means to an end — it's a lot of work recruiting a group of grunts, and why would Suleidan waste time doing that when he has perfectly good damage sponges already living in his manor?

— I Have a Secret article on Wizards' site.

The Iron Warriors have been one of the more popular legions in fluff over the past few years. While some have put this down to them being 'grittier' or more realistic than the others, the truth is probably more functional then fanciful: The Iron Warriors are for the most part not gibbering madmen. This might seem a dumb reason but it's actually important. To write a good character they need to make sense to the reader, even when we don't agree with them we need to understand why they want to do it. The other legions kinda lack that. Why did you attack that planet? 'Because it turns me on' doesn't really make for an interesting character, nor does being told to by demons, wanting to kill everything all the time or just really digging dead stuff. So that leaves the Iron Warriors as being just about the only generally sane legion who do things for reasons normal people can understand.

— 1d4Chan on the Iron Warriors

"Oh, just like Captain Bladefoot... we couldn't ask to borrow the opera, nope, we had to kidnap them. Pirate way!"

— Kiwi, The Unexpectables

Even though such a thing had happened in Hungary, Mussolini did not believe Hitler would do something so insane. Hungary was a small, easily conquerable country with half of its troops still in Russia. Hitler knew that if he attacked Italy, he would be declaring war on Spain, Bulgaria and Croatia, and those were just the nations he and his allies bordered. How was he going to hold France (as he was doing quite successfully, all things considered) if he was suddenly going to open a gigantic front on the Pyranees? What about the Ploesti oil that would be easily attained by Bulgarian assault? And for what? So he could kill Jews? No one believed Hitler could be that stupid. What they had forgotten was, as the famous Jew Albert Einstein had said, “Only two things are infinite: the Universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the Universe.” Perhaps ‘stupidity’ isn’t the right word – perhaps it’s ‘evil’.

— The Footprint of Mussolini

"All they know is how to hurt and destroy and kill. Admirable when you need someone hurt, destroyed or killed, but what about the times when you just want them to sit down and shut up? Oh, FORGET that. 'I wanna go to Earth.' 'I want to kill my old girlfriend.' 'I want to eat my family's flesh and drink their marrow.' 'I want to blow up my school.' 'I want to anally penetrate my kindergarten teacher.'"

— Dark General Cobalt, Sailor Nothing, about the problems with working with Yamiko

"I think my favourite take on the dichotomy between the scriptural Devil and the folkloric Devil is "the Devil is fully capable of kicking your ass, but he chooses to act like a cowardly dumbass because wisdom and courage are virtues"."

— David J Prokopetz

Web Video

So the guy with no legs gets to learn the ways of these smurfy-cats, but the BIG, BAD MILITARY along with the BIG, BAD CORPORATION want to tear their village down!
And the scientists are like, "No, no, you can't do this!"
"Why?"
"Because the trees have some sort of energy! And they can communicate with the energy! And this energy will change the world!"
"Bah! Who do you think you are, some kind of scientist?"
"Yes!"
"You think we pay you millions of dollars to tell the truth?"
"Yes!"
"And you think that because you have a brilliant mind and years of loyal experience that we're going to listen to you?"
"...Yeah!"
"Well we're not!"
"Why?!"
"Because we're the BIG, BAD MILITARY! (along with the) BIG, BAD CORPORATION! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"That makes no sense-"
"Crush 'em!" [explosion]

— Bum Reviews on Avatar

"Let me ask what may be a dumb question: WHY DOES HE WANT TO KILL HER? Dude, you're married to a highly attractive woman, and have access to billions of dollars! You have a comfortable life in a mansion, and you got away with massive amounts of crime! It's not like you have a psychological compulsion like The Riddler has, you're not The Joker-level crazy; clearly you were stealing things to get money, and with money comes comfortable living! You don't have a sick child you're trying to save with an expensive operation, you clearly have enough mental faculties to train in martial arts, develop technology, and hone yourself to physical perfection! Why are you trying to kill her? WHY ARE YOU SCREWING WITH A GOOD THING HERE?

You know, this is the DC Universe. An alternate version of it, yes, but still the DC Universe. This is a world that features talking apes that fight flying robots, little kids who yell, 'Shazam!' and get magical powers, and the universe reboots itself every few years. Even in a world that has all of that, you do not make sense! This is the worst kind of villain, folks: He has no motivation, no credible backstory, no emotional connection that makes us sympathize or understand why he does the things that he does — he's just some asshole who wants to kill the hero Because He's The Villain!"

— Atop the Fourth Wall on the Elseworlds comic Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham's version of Batman

"I've got nowhere to go! I burned my house down once it had enough swans inside, and I used up the rest of my savings buying the swans."

— Carl, Llamas with Hats

A friend of their asks for help in raising funds for her father's expedition to search for the sunken ship, since a group of thugs have been smashing their equipment. In addition, they're clearly spying on them to try to steal the treasure once her father finds it.

Yeah, and I'm sure they'll find it in a big hurry after you've smashed all their equipment! [throws up hands]

— Atop the Fourth Wall on All-Star Comics #3

"Starling can not only project the Doctor into his office, but also has enough programming abilities to torture him for information. Wow. With that kinda hacking ability, you'd think he could reprogram the Doctor to be helpful. But that's a lot less evil than torturing him so, y'know, no-brainer there. Plus, I mean, a physician with medical knowledge centuries more advanced? I think you could probably make a few bucks, since you'd now have the cure for, well, everything. But it's that or the torture, come on."

— SF Debris on Star Trek: Voyager, "Future's End Pt. 2"

"This isn't even the kind of thing Ramsay Bolton would do because he'd run out of people to fucking torture."

—Mau Ler on the infamous scene from Game of Thrones, "The Bells"

Western Animation

Zim: I blew up more than all the other Invaders!
Tallest Red: You blew up all the other Invaders!

—Invader Zim

Lord Boxman: This will surely destroy the Plaza!

Dr. Blight: And the world!

(both start laughing only for Boxman to stop)

Boxman: Uh... Wh-why would we want to destroy the world, exactly? We do live on the world...

(Beat)

Blight: WHO CARES?! (starts laughing again as Boxman and his robots look on awkwardly)

—OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes

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