Quotes / Space Pirates

"SPACE-YAAARRRR!"

— Space Pirates, Captain SNES: The Game Masta

Reach for the whiskey, boys.
Reach for the stars.
They won't stop us drinking on Venus or Mars.
Reach for the whiskey, boys.
Reach for the sky!'
The vacuum of space sucks the bottles all dry!

— The Senate, "Space Shanty"

Interplanetary buccaneering is, as you know, financially unprofitable, which no doubt accounts for the fact that it hardly exists.

—Ijon Tichy, The Star Diaries, "The Twenty-eighth Voyage"

Watney: I've been thinking about the laws on Mars. There's an international treaty saying no country can lay claim to anything that's not on Earth. By another treaty, if you're not in any country's territory then maritime law applies. So Mars is international waters. Now, NASA is an American organization, it owns the Hab. But the second I walk outside, I'm in international waters. So here's the cool part; I'm about to leave for Schiaparelli Crater where I'm going to commandeer the Ares IV lander. No one gave me explicit permission to do this, and they can't until I'm on board Ares IV. So I'm going to be taking over a vessel in international waters, which by definition... makes me a pirate. Mark Watney: Space Pirate.
[later, at NASA]
Kapoor: How's he doing?
Park: Okay, I guess... a little stir-crazy. He asked us to call him "Blondbeard."
[beat]
Kapoor: Actually, maritime law—
Park: No, yeah, he explained it.

— The Martian

Fifteen Orks on a ded mens hulk,
Lookin’ down da barrel of a gun,
Gruntin’ ta eech uvva
troo big, sharp teeff,
Sayin’ “dis one’ll give us some fun”

Forteen Orks on a humie’s ship,
Killin’ anyfin' dat izn’t green,
Gruntin’ ta eech uvva
troo big, sharp teeff,
Sayin’ “Times be gettin’ leen”

Firteen Orks wiv' da Kaptins chest,
Hopin’ to kwench deir greedy first,
Gruntin’ ta eech uvva
troo big, sharp teeff,
Sayin’ “I was da wun dat saw it first”

Wun lone Ork left to steel da loot,
Wishin’ it 'adn’t turn'd out so,
Gruntin’ ta 'imself
troo big, sharp teeff,
Sayin’ “I shoulda let da pilot go!”

— Ork Space Shanty, Battlefleet Gothic: Armada

"This is all ridiculous, this is a space ship. This is the Swinetrek, bound for the other side of the universe. You're supposed to be on an ocean someplace!"

Captain Hogthrob, The Muppet Show, "Pigs in Space"

"But how—how—can legal processes work efficiently—work at all, for that matter—when a man can commit a murder or a pirate can loot a space-ship and be a hundred parsecs away before the crime is even discovered? How can a Tellurian John Law find a criminal on a strange world that knows nothing whatever of our Patrol, with a completely alien language—maybe no language at all—where it takes months even to find out who and where—if any—the native police officers are?"

— Virgil Samms, First Lensman

"[...]And finally, pirates. These are self-explanatory and quite consistent with their ideology. You have stuff I want, so I'm going to kill you, or you don't; I'm going to kill you anyway for the hell of it".

— Ssethtzeentach on Star Sector's factions

"'Space pirates'...mmm. Call them what you wish. Their actions are piratical and they operate in space—you name them."

— Peewee, Have Spacesuit Will Travel

"Space pirates?" queried Janeway. Such crimes happened more in tri-vid melodramas than in real life. Robbery on the spaceways was usually an inside job, or privateers for governments trying to muscle out rivals in their never-ending cold wars. The few criminal syndicates that could afford to buy and maintain rocketships preferred to spend their money on more cost-effective ventures.

— Rocketship Voyager

"On the clearest of nights when the winds of the Etherium were calm and peaceful. The great merchant ships with their cargoes of Arcturian sura crystals felt safe and secure Little did they suspect that they were pursued by... pirates!''"

— Treasure Planet

"We're futuristic pirates—ruthless scumbags who will do anything to raise cash! We used to work for America Online, but now that every Earthling has been duped into signing up, we've set out on our own to dupe and screw entire galaxies!"

— Johner, MAD parody of Alien: Resurrection

This is the sort of spaceport you picture in your head when you think of pirates. Half the storefronts are bars, and rum seems to be on the menu everywhere. It is almost like the stories of ancient Earth, except that the eye patches are cybernetic implants and the peg legs are motorized prosthetics. Swarthy, dangerous-looking women glance at you as you pass by, and scantily clad men crowd around the bars.

— Buccaneer Bay description, Endless Sky

"Gimmie yer money or eat cold hard vacuum!"'

— Space Pirates, Endless Sky

The Space Pirates were interstellar nomads, technologically advanced in both space travel and weaponry. When they plundered the Metroid population that had been discovered by the Galactic Federation on SR388, they recognized in them massive military and energy resource potential. They immediately invaded the nearby planet of Zebes, wiping out all life (including most of the indigenous Chozo) and building a massive network of research facilities below the planet's surface.

—Metroid Prime manual

You decry our fight, you deny our due
Well, we can learn from every mistake
You'll repay what we spent in blood
What you won't give us freely, we'll take

We'll contest each star Union wants
This is war and not some bureaucrat's game
And we hear you're calling us pirates now-
Well, screw you all, we'll earn the motherless name!

— "Mazianni", lyrics by Mercedes Lackey, based on the Alliance/Union universe by C. J. Cherryh.

Concept weak: This whole story opening reeks too much of "space pirate" or similar bad science fiction.

— Writers/Directors Guide for Star Trek: The Original Series

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