Q: How do you know that a politician is lying?
A: He opens his mouth.
A: He opens his mouth.
—Old joke
"Those who have respect for either the law or sausage should not see how either one is made."
—Anonymous
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Audio Plays
"Good grief. Who needs Daleks when you have politicians?"
—Mel, Big Finish Doctor Who (We Are the Daleks)
Comic Books
"What, they give me shit in the poll booth and I should give them someplace nice to live? Eat me."
— President, Transmetropolitan
Comic Strips
Democracy: Noun. Informal. A form of government in which people, faced with the prospect of self-rule, cast the job into an exclusive mire of unskilled panderers.
— Thorax, 9 Chickweed Lane
Fan Works
"A nurse comes in to check if Kiyomi has died, but she hasn't and the nurse looks visibly disappointed. She doesn't comment on my rule breaking either, so that's proof that the civilised world has laws for the masses and laws for me. I ask her for today's papers, which she brings quickly, bowing like she has a spinal problem which won't allow her to stand straight."
Film — Live-Action
"The appearance of law must be upheld. Especially when it's being broken."
—Boss Tweed, Gangs of New York
Literature
Nixon's first official act as president was to sneak out behind the White House and bury his secret peace plan to ensure that nobody would ever find out what it was, which would have been a breach of national security. With that important task accomplished, he swung into action, working feverishly to accomplish his most important objective, to realize the cherished dream that had driven him through all these years of disappointment, to reach the long-sought goal that, thanks to his election, was finally within his grasp, namely: getting reelected.
—Dave Barry, Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States
Live-Action TV
"I was born for politics. I have great hair, and I love lying.”
—Esmé Squalor, A Series of Unfortunate Events
Vir: I thought the purpose of filing these reports was to provide accurate intelligence!
Londo: Vir, intelligence has nothing to do with politics!
Londo: Vir, intelligence has nothing to do with politics!
"Because when you are not talking about ideas, world views, and agendas, when you are talking about character and personality, it makes it very easy for for someone to float through the process, without ever having to explain themselves or demonstrate what they know."
"FDA regulation can really stop up your profits, jamming up your whole money-making system, which can lead to painful effect on the company's bottom line. But with Lobbying (Somehow) Legal Process™, all those pesky regulations just melt away into nothingness, giving you that comfortable corporate feeling of shitting money almost uncontrollably! Ask your lawyers if Lobbying™ is right for you."
—Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on
herbal supplements
herbal supplements"The Romney campaign's "reboot" was spoiled by footage from last May of Governor Romney at a $50,000 a plate fundraiser talking to rich people about poor people in a manner you'd imagine cartoon rich people talk about cartoon poor people."
— The Daily Show on Mitt Romney's "47%" speech.
"If elected, I will raise your taxes!"
— Whammy, Press Your Luck
Music
What you see is what you get
You've made your bed, you better lie in it
You choose your leaders and place your trust
As their lies wash you down and their promises rust
You'll see kidney machines replaced by rockets and guns
And the public wants what the public gets
But I don't get what this society wants
You've made your bed, you better lie in it
You choose your leaders and place your trust
As their lies wash you down and their promises rust
You'll see kidney machines replaced by rockets and guns
And the public wants what the public gets
But I don't get what this society wants
—The Jam, "Going Underground"
Stand-Up Comedy
The opposite of pro is con
The fact is clearly seen
If progress means "move forward"
Then what does congress mean?
The fact is clearly seen
If progress means "move forward"
Then what does congress mean?
—Nipsey Russell
Theatre
"Gentlemen, the festering tides of radicalism are upon us. But before I yield up our glorious South—and her sister commonwealth, the U.S. of A—I will lay down my life. I will do more: I will ''filibuster!"
—Sen. Billboard Rawkins, Finian's Rainbow
Video Games
"Looks like I have to resort to the politician's golden rule: 'If they can't prove it, deny, deny, deny.'"
— Etna Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Maurice Chavez: Mr. Shrub got elected because he has great hair and says things that make you nod your head. His campaign appealed to the wealthy because he set all of us at ease by confirming, "It's okay to be rich, as long as you say you care about the children." Mr. Shrub, welcome.
Congressman Alex Shrub: That's not entirely true, Maurice. My campaign also appealed to the poor— who were too stupid to understand what I'm saying, so I held up pretty pictures and then gave out candy bars to appeal to their most base instincts.
Congressman Alex Shrub: That's not entirely true, Maurice. My campaign also appealed to the poor— who were too stupid to understand what I'm saying, so I held up pretty pictures and then gave out candy bars to appeal to their most base instincts.
—Pressing Issues, GTA Radio
Politician makes polygraph machine explode
— News ticker update in Plague Inc.
Visual Novels
Trucy Wright: I guess he's one of those people who only hears what they want to hear.
Apollo Justice: In other words, he's a model politician.
Apollo Justice: In other words, he's a model politician.
— Conversation referring to Paul Atishon, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice
Webcomics
Peculiar to any campaign for office is the practice among candidates of hurling dread accusations at their opponents. The practice has achieved such a degree of ordinariness, that the exercise of mudslinging is expected. It's a kind of etiquette, like good manners. Each candidate, according to the other's advertised assertions, possesses not only the mendacity of Baron Munchausen and a concern for one's fellow citizens normally ascribed to Dracula; he is unrivaled in moral turpitude, avarice, misanthropy, corruption, criminality, cheating, stealing, child-starving, puppy-stomping, kitten-drowning and, on a grand scale, just plain old down-and-dirty psychopathy. Fundamentally, each candidate recognizes in his opponent a depravity of personal and professional conduct that not only would make him unfit for public office, but, in the real world, unsuited for anything better than maximum security—the very worst example of human sludge ever to have flushed from his sewer with the sinister desire to uphold, protect and defend the laws of the land.
—A Demon's Nest of Sentiments, Pibgorn
Web Original
Magicians. Take exceedingly increasing amounts of money from citizens annually and not only make it disappear, but manage to create black holes and fluctuations in the entire space-time continuum with it (see national debt clock).
It’s easy to understand the subconscious rejection of practiced and considered oratory when the people who should arguably be advancing it more than any others simply find a way to say nothing in as many words as possible.
Raiden: Land of opportunity, American Dream... it's all bullshit! The success of a nation is determined by materialistic and socioeconomic factors. Read a fucking book!
Armstrong: Eh, heh, heh... The truth, then. Us politicians... aren't so trustworthy. We'll steal, make shit up, even lie to our voters.
Raiden: That's crazy!
Armstrong: I know, it's very hard to believe.
Armstrong: Eh, heh, heh... The truth, then. Us politicians... aren't so trustworthy. We'll steal, make shit up, even lie to our voters.
Raiden: That's crazy!
Armstrong: I know, it's very hard to believe.
Western Animation
Dennis: How come you don't cut your own hair?
Mayor: Cut my own hair?
Dennis: Sure, my dad says you're great at trimming the public.
Mayor: Cut my own hair?
Dennis: Sure, my dad says you're great at trimming the public.
"Universe, what's this thing in the sky? As a politician, pointing fingers make me verrrry nervous."
— Mayor Dewey talking about a giant hand ship from space, Steven Universe, "The Return"
