"I was there. I could taste it. I was gonna save the princess, man! And then one of my fuckin' kids kicked out the plug."
Link! He come to town,
Come to save, the Princess Zelda!
Come to save, the Princess Zelda!
— Joe Pleiman, "The Legend of Zelda", from The Rabbit Joint.
Yeah, Mario's back
Out to save that crazy Princess Daisy
By now he's sick of this
Princess fake-out bullshit
Out to save that crazy Princess Daisy
By now he's sick of this
Princess fake-out bullshit
They kidnapped the Princess
Ruined my picnic
They kidnapped the Princess
Ruined my day
They kidnapped the Princess
They wrecked my picnic
They kidnapped the Princess
They have to pay
I am the knight who lives in your nightmares
Cross me and I'll cross out your eyes
They ruined our picnic in the cemetery
Asutorato, get ready to die
Ruined my picnic
They kidnapped the Princess
Ruined my day
They kidnapped the Princess
They wrecked my picnic
They kidnapped the Princess
They have to pay
I am the knight who lives in your nightmares
Cross me and I'll cross out your eyes
They ruined our picnic in the cemetery
Asutorato, get ready to die
"The words of guidance you have been hearing since your awakening are from Princess Zelda herself. Even now, as she works to restrain Ganon from within Hyrule Castle, she calls out for your help. However, my daughter's power will soon be exhausted. Once that happens, Ganon will freely regenerate himself and nothing will stop him from consuming our land. Considering that I could not save my own kingdom, I have no right to ask this of you, Link... But I am powerless here. You must save her... my daughter."
— King Rhoam, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Yo! I kidnapped the princess while you were running around. She's here in my castle if you dare to try and rescue her.
—Bowser, Super Mario Bros. 3
ALERT...Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom has apparently been kidnapped...AGAIN.
Mei Ling: But still, don't you think it's romantic? I mean, to have a guy who's always there for you?
Snake: If he was smart, he'd tell her to stop getting kidnapped.
Mei Ling: ...You don't get a lot of dates, do you, Snake?
Snake: If he was smart, he'd tell her to stop getting kidnapped.
Mei Ling: ...You don't get a lot of dates, do you, Snake?
"Help! I'm being, like, stolen or something!"
— Alison, Totally Rad
Talon: Pay no attention to this lovely but pitiful creature. Any attempt to come to her aid will result in certain termination...THIS GALAXY IS MINE!
Ursula Skye: Who can stop this mad pirate?
Ursula Skye: Who can stop this mad pirate?
— Space Pirates (1992)
"Sadly, the princess has no hope of rescue from anyone. Except for you, Tak. And if you should save her from her plight, happiness will be restored to her kingdom and the powers of darkness will be forever diminished. What say you, great and mighty warrior of the Pupanunu people? Will you bring your wits, your strength and your courage to bear on this sacred mission?"
— Dream Juju, Tak 2: The Staff of Dreams
"There are three entities: Mario, Princess Peach, and Bowser (the ego, the superego, and the id). One of these entities kidnaps another and the third has to go in pursuit of them. See if you can figure out which is which. This game made me realize that the plot of many Mario games can be enlivened somewhat by assuming that 'cake' is the Mushroom Kingdom word for "sex" The Princess invites Mario over for some cake, but Bowser kidnaps her so she can make some cake for him, instead. Only now he's 500 ft tall and emperor of the universe, so she'd better make sure her cake is spread quite wide."
None of this is because you want it. You had what you wanted, before that damnable Red Arremer swooped down to take her. Your armor sitting there, mere feet away, crumbled in a post-coital heap as she was stolen. Now you have no choice but this endless forward march. No second thoughts or hesitations, compelled by lust or duty not to avert your eyes, you march on, up these horrific towers, pushing desperately for an unnecessary redemption.
I dream of a world where Maya Fey can walk down a street without being accused of murder.
— Blogger 'Tenouttaten
"There's Mr. Big, I think his name is 'Roland' or something like that. Anyway, he's like, 'Billeh! I got yo' gurr-friend, ah guarantee Imma gonna take 'er back to mah estate n' make 'er mah bitch 'til you come on down 'dere n' beat up mah henchmen, mm hmm, an' I got a helicoptah.'"
