"I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible."
— Agatha Trunchbull, Matilda
"If you children are bad, or if you answer a problem wrong, I'll wiggle my ears, stick out my tongue, and turn you into apples!"
— Mrs. Gorf, Wayside School
"Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now."
— Ms. Bitters, Invader Zim
"I GET ANGRIER FOR EVERY PROBLEM YOU GET WRONG!"
"Now if I hear one more peep out of any of you scrubs, someone's going to get... A love punch! Any questions?"
— Miss Kisskillya, Detention
"Now I know you're upset, but it's been two days. You need to move on."
— Mr. Noblet, Strangers with Candy, after Jerri's father was abruptly mauled to death by vicious attack dogs.
"Your psycho-analyst may say one thing, Blatworthy, but I say another. And my treatment is free."
When we grew up and went to school
There were certain teachers who
Would hurt the children any way they could
By pouring their derision
Upon everything we did
Exposing every weakness
However carefully hidden by the kid
There were certain teachers who
Would hurt the children any way they could
By pouring their derision
Upon everything we did
Exposing every weakness
However carefully hidden by the kid
— Pink Floyd, The Wall, "The Happiest Days of Our Lives"
"I always said he'd come to no good
In the end, Your Honor!
If I had had my way, I would have
Beat him into shape!
But my hands were tied;
The bleeding hearts and artists
Let him get away with murder!
Let me hammer him today!"
In the end, Your Honor!
If I had had my way, I would have
Beat him into shape!
But my hands were tied;
The bleeding hearts and artists
Let him get away with murder!
Let me hammer him today!"
— The Schoolmaster, The Wall, "The Trial"
Snape: That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger... Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.
"Mr. Pteppic is exactly right. Especially about the over-confidence."
— Mr. Mericet, Pyramids
"Duncan, you haven't begun to learn how unpleasant I can be. Unless you want to spend the next week in my office learning a new definition of misery, get to the front of the class now!"
— Manuel "The Mancatcher" Ketchum, My Teacher Fried My Brains
Mrs. Hayfer: What language were Homer's The Iliad and The Odyssey written in? Drake?
Drake: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong! Todd?
Todd: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Correct!
Drake: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong! Todd?
Todd: Greek?
Mrs. Hayfer: Correct!
Josh: Please, please! Let me in! I'm sorry I'm late!
Mr. Roland: Mr. Nichols, you know the rule.
Josh: But you don't understand. See, I was about to come in—
Mr. Roland: I understand that you are late. And when you're late to my class, you're not welcome in my class.
Josh: But what about the exam?
Mr. Roland: You will take a make-up exam next Saturday morning at 6 AM, and you will be marked down one letter grade.
Mr. Roland: Mr. Nichols, you know the rule.
Josh: But you don't understand. See, I was about to come in—
Mr. Roland: I understand that you are late. And when you're late to my class, you're not welcome in my class.
Josh: But what about the exam?
Mr. Roland: You will take a make-up exam next Saturday morning at 6 AM, and you will be marked down one letter grade.
Fran Fine: What's with you? What, do you like to see young girls suffer?
Miss Stone (nee Wickavich): Oh, yeah! Especially if they cry.
— The Nanny, "The Gym Teacher"
"The whistle makes me their god."
— Dean Winchester masquerading as a gym teacher, Supernatural
"We don’t believe in 'Spare the rod and spoil the child.' A rod is too thin. But a baseball bat..."
— Miss Whaley, Harvester
Coach Tugnut: It has been pointed out that my obstacle course is dangerous, cruel and sadistic. It has also been pointed out that I myself am dangerous, cruel, and sadistic. So I have decided to cancel 6th period.
(kids cheer)
Coach Tugnut: Just Kidding.
(kids stop)
Coach Tugnut: I'm also funny. I should add that.
(kids cheer)
Coach Tugnut: Just Kidding.
(kids stop)
Coach Tugnut: I'm also funny. I should add that.
Terence Fletcher: (throws a chair at Andrew Neyman’s head) Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Neyman?
Andrew Neyman: I... I don't know.
Fletcher: Sure you do.
Neyman: The tempo?
Fletcher: Were you rushing or were you dragging?
Neyman: I don't know… (Fletcher quickly walks up to Neyman)
Fletcher: Start counting.
Neyman: Five, six, seven—
Fletcher: In FOUR, damn it! Look at me!
Neyman: One, two, three, four (Fletcher slaps Neyman). One, two, three four (slap). One, two, three four (slap).
Fletcher: Now, was I rushing or was I dragging?
Neyman: (looks petrified) I-I don't know.
Fletcher: Count again.
Neyman: One, two, three (slap). One, two, three (slap). One, two, three (slap).
Fletcher: Rushing or dragging?
Neyman: Rushing...
Fletcher: So you DO know the difference! If you deliberately sabotage my band, I will fuck you like a pig. Now are you a rusher? Or are you a dragger? Or are you gonna be ON MY FUCKING TIME?!?
Neyman: I'm gonna be on your time...
Fletcher: (grabs sheet music) What does that say?
Neyman: Quarter note equals 215.
Fletcher: Count me a 215.
Neyman: One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four—
Fletcher: Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't know they allowed retards into Shaffer! Am I to understand that you cannot read tempo? Can you even fucking read music?! What is that?
Neyman: Eighth note.
Fletcher: Yes, what is that?
Neyman: Dotted sixteenth note.
Fletcher: Sight-read measure 101.
Neyman: Bop-bop-ba-bop-ba—
Fletcher: What, are you in a fucking a cappella group? Play the goddamn kit! (Neyman drums the measure) Stop. Now answer my question: were you rushing, or were you dragging? (Beat) ANSWER!!!
Neyman: Rushing...
Fletcher: (Notices Neyman shed a Single Tear) Oh, my dear God. Are you one of those single tear people? Do I look like a double fucking rainbow to you? You must be upset. Are you upset?
Neyman: No... (Neiman tries to wipe his tear)
Fletcher: No, so you just don't give a shit about any of this?
Neyman: I do give a shit.
Fletcher: So are you upset? Yes or fucking no?
Neyman: (nods)
Fletcher: You are upset.
Neyman: Yeah...
Fletcher: Say it.
Neyman: (mumbling) I'm upset...
Fletcher: Say it so the whole band can hear you.
Neyman: I'm upset.
Fletcher: Louder.
Neyman: I'm upset!
Fletcher: LOUDER!
Neyman: I'm upset!
Fletcher: You are a worthless, friendless, faggot-lipped little piece of shit whose mommy left daddy when she figured out he wasn't Eugene O'Neill and who is now weeping and slobbering all over my drum set like a fucking nine-year-old girl! So for the final FATHERFUCKING time, SAY IT LOUDER!!!
Neyman: (at the top of his lungs) I’M UPSET!!!
Andrew Neyman: I... I don't know.
Fletcher: Sure you do.
Neyman: The tempo?
Fletcher: Were you rushing or were you dragging?
Neyman: I don't know… (Fletcher quickly walks up to Neyman)
Fletcher: Start counting.
Neyman: Five, six, seven—
Fletcher: In FOUR, damn it! Look at me!
Neyman: One, two, three, four (Fletcher slaps Neyman). One, two, three four (slap). One, two, three four (slap).
Fletcher: Now, was I rushing or was I dragging?
Neyman: (looks petrified) I-I don't know.
Fletcher: Count again.
Neyman: One, two, three (slap). One, two, three (slap). One, two, three (slap).
Fletcher: Rushing or dragging?
Neyman: Rushing...
Fletcher: So you DO know the difference! If you deliberately sabotage my band, I will fuck you like a pig. Now are you a rusher? Or are you a dragger? Or are you gonna be ON MY FUCKING TIME?!?
Neyman: I'm gonna be on your time...
Fletcher: (grabs sheet music) What does that say?
Neyman: Quarter note equals 215.
Fletcher: Count me a 215.
Neyman: One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four—
Fletcher: Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't know they allowed retards into Shaffer! Am I to understand that you cannot read tempo? Can you even fucking read music?! What is that?
Neyman: Eighth note.
Fletcher: Yes, what is that?
Neyman: Dotted sixteenth note.
Fletcher: Sight-read measure 101.
Neyman: Bop-bop-ba-bop-ba—
Fletcher: What, are you in a fucking a cappella group? Play the goddamn kit! (Neyman drums the measure) Stop. Now answer my question: were you rushing, or were you dragging? (Beat) ANSWER!!!
Neyman: Rushing...
Fletcher: (Notices Neyman shed a Single Tear) Oh, my dear God. Are you one of those single tear people? Do I look like a double fucking rainbow to you? You must be upset. Are you upset?
Neyman: No... (Neiman tries to wipe his tear)
Fletcher: No, so you just don't give a shit about any of this?
Neyman: I do give a shit.
Fletcher: So are you upset? Yes or fucking no?
Neyman: (nods)
Fletcher: You are upset.
Neyman: Yeah...
Fletcher: Say it.
Neyman: (mumbling) I'm upset...
Fletcher: Say it so the whole band can hear you.
Neyman: I'm upset.
Fletcher: Louder.
Neyman: I'm upset!
Fletcher: LOUDER!
Neyman: I'm upset!
Fletcher: You are a worthless, friendless, faggot-lipped little piece of shit whose mommy left daddy when she figured out he wasn't Eugene O'Neill and who is now weeping and slobbering all over my drum set like a fucking nine-year-old girl! So for the final FATHERFUCKING time, SAY IT LOUDER!!!
Neyman: (at the top of his lungs) I’M UPSET!!!
— Whiplash
Dr. Tommy Oliver: You know, I was thinking maybe we should get together. This way you can kinda fill me in on what you expect of me.
Principal Randall: I expect you to make it hard for them. Painful, if at all possible. If they smile, you know you're doing something wrong. Now, I'm off to find my first truant.
Principal Randall: I expect you to make it hard for them. Painful, if at all possible. If they smile, you know you're doing something wrong. Now, I'm off to find my first truant.
Ryuji: So the school's a castle, and the students are slaves... It's so on point that it makes me laugh. This really is the inside of that asshole's head...!
Morgana: Still, this is horrible. It must mean he treats them as slaves in the real world too.
Ryuji: In the real world too...? Wait, I know these guys... They're members of the volleyball team - the one Kamoshida coaches for!
Morgana: They must be physically abused every day... There's no way they'd be so beat up normally.
Ryuji: Don't tell me... They're going through similar shit in reality!?
Morgana: Most likely. I mean, this proves that Kamoshida thinks of them as slaves.
Ryuji: So it might be for real... I heard that Kamoshida's usin' physical punishment. They're just rumors, but... If they're true, wouldn't this be somethin' to report to the police...?
Morgana: Still, this is horrible. It must mean he treats them as slaves in the real world too.
Ryuji: In the real world too...? Wait, I know these guys... They're members of the volleyball team - the one Kamoshida coaches for!
Morgana: They must be physically abused every day... There's no way they'd be so beat up normally.
Ryuji: Don't tell me... They're going through similar shit in reality!?
Morgana: Most likely. I mean, this proves that Kamoshida thinks of them as slaves.
Ryuji: So it might be for real... I heard that Kamoshida's usin' physical punishment. They're just rumors, but... If they're true, wouldn't this be somethin' to report to the police...?
You're up, Parker! Parker! Ball in basket! (he misses) A woman! I swear to God! If I had to bet cash money, based on that throw, I'd say I was looking at a woman!
I am one of your schoolmasters, Atreides. I have only one function: I am the one who could kill you. I'd do it gladly. In this school, to graduate is to live; to fail is to be given into my hands.
—Namri, Children of Dune
At the start of every school year, I spend a week getting to know the students who will be in my care for the next twelve months. They don't realize it, but I am studying them, testing them. My purpose is to find the one boy out of thirty that seems of gentlest character. Shy, quiet boys - very often redheads - I examine with deepest scrutiny. And by the end of the week, I choose the boy that I feel will offer me the least resistance. I choose, dear reader, a boy that might even be regarded as a model student. And then, through a clever psychological trick I am proud to have taught myself, I despise that boy. I make my hatred of this boy very plain to the other boys. It is a hatred that incorporates every fiber of my being. I scream abuse at this boy for any transgression he makes, however small. I use every harsh, demeaning, terrifying curse that my biblical studies have taught me. If the boy coughs in a manner that displeases me - and it always will - I toss a handy projectile at his head. I whip this boy almost daily. He comes to live in fear of me.
—Mr Atkins, The Life Of A Teenage Body-Snatcher
Clot indeed. If I am expected to squander my genius instructing imbeciles, then they must at least know how to obey. If the dolt does not seat himself before I get to him I shall snatch him up and hurl him over the edge.
—Terser Gibble, Thorn Ogres Of Hagwood
Rygol: I fear we've been remiss into assimilating you to our ways. Because of this, I've decided on leniency. Does that sound fair, William?
William: Thank you, Mr Rygol. I'm very sorry. I'm up for detention or any kind of punishment, but I doubt it'll be much worse than the humiliation.
Rygol: Hahaha! Try to hold on to that perspective, William.
[he burns William alive with a spell, leaving him horribly wounded but still conscious]
Rygol: Gruson and Teroct, please collect the prince and deliver him to my extraction and cruciation lesson. Again, my apologies for interrupting.
This is not homework, this is sadism.
— Nash on an English teacher who assigned students to write suicide notes after reading Macbeth, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You? "I Can Get You a Toe"
You dislike me. You are sick of the sight of me, skraelings. But if you listen to me only one more time in your lives, listen to me now. Once you reach a certain level of fluency as a spellcaster, you will begin to manipulate reality freely. Not all of you — Dale, I think you in particular are unlikely to cross that Rubicon. But for some of you, spells will one day come very easily, almost automatically, with very little in the way of conscious effort. When the change comes, I ask only that you know it for what it is, and be aware. For the true wizard there is no very clear line between what lies inside the mind and what lies outside it. If you desire something, it will become substance. If you despise it, you will see it destroyed. A master magician is not much different from a child or a madman in that respect. It takes a very clear head and a very strong will to operate once you are in that place. And you will find out very quickly whether or not you have that clarity and that strength.
Age. It's wasted on the young, just like youth.
—Professor Mayakovsky, The Magicians
He doesn’t grade on a curve, but on a sharp spike instead.
— Disciplinarian Gandling's Flavor Text, Hearthstone
Mr. St. James: Well, it’s a poor life: hard work and starvation pay, as you’ll find out for yourself.
Principal McCarthy: But it has some compensations, surely you will allow that, Mr. St. James?
Mr. St. James: Has it? I never could find them. What do you call compensations?
Principal McCarthy: Even to be in the continual presence of youth is a privilege. It has the effect of keeping youth in one’s own soul, for one reflects something of their high spirits and their keen enjoyment of life.
Mr. St. James: Little beasts!
Principal McCarthy: Come, come, Mr. St. James, you are too hard upon them.
Mr. St. James: I hate the sight of them! If I could put them and their blessed copybooks and lexicons and slates into one bonfire I’d do it to-night.
Principal McCarthy: But it has some compensations, surely you will allow that, Mr. St. James?
Mr. St. James: Has it? I never could find them. What do you call compensations?
Principal McCarthy: Even to be in the continual presence of youth is a privilege. It has the effect of keeping youth in one’s own soul, for one reflects something of their high spirits and their keen enjoyment of life.
Mr. St. James: Little beasts!
Principal McCarthy: Come, come, Mr. St. James, you are too hard upon them.
Mr. St. James: I hate the sight of them! If I could put them and their blessed copybooks and lexicons and slates into one bonfire I’d do it to-night.
— The Usher of Lea House School by Arthur Conan Doyle
