Fiction
Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
'Next week on FOX, watch Lions Eat Christians!'
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
'Next week on FOX, watch Lions Eat Christians!'
— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Couch Potato"
Time now for Life on Tatooine, brought to viewers everywhere in the hope that our own lives may be uplifted by the comparison and enriched with the gratitude of relief.
— TV announcer, The Star Wars Holiday Special
They're like onlookers at a car crash. As long it's not happening to them, they're dying to get a closer look.
— Yosuke Hanamura on everyone's interest in the string of murders.
Look around. We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don't have to achieve anything; you just gotta have fucked up-shit happen to you.
— Jill Roberts, Scream 4
Why is everybody we know depressing?
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy'', "Grumpy Old Man"
Real Life
It is not enough for me to succeed. Others must fail.
One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in 'blood and guts', and in living color, you are going to see another first — attempted suicide.
—WXLT anchorwoman Christine Chubbuck, before fatally shooting herself (1974)
...thousands of people are waiting to see if we could successfully land. And although we go there for the science questions, I don't think they were there at 1:30 in the morning because they're dying to know about the pH and salinity of the ancient aqueous environmental stability of Mars.
—Adam Steltzner, Mars Science Laboratory lead engineer for Entry, Decent and Landing on why the Curiosity Rover Landing was so popular.
New Jack and Vic Grimes fell 20 feet! They aren't stuntmen. They're on concrete, it should've killed them! And what would've happened if they would've died? They'd have moved 'em over and kept goin'. Y'know, to me, two guys almost die, that's a big deal. And it's not a big deal to the fan, because they're so MTV-minded, they're gonna say "What's next?". Unless you slow things down to show them the gravity of what they just saw.
—Terry Taylor, former Talent Relations for ECW, on the Danbury fall (Forever Hardcore: The Documentary)
"Every now and then I'll be right in the middle of it and just go 'What the fuck am I doing? There's a girl with a mouthful of animal dicks, and I'm telling her 'you can get more in there', and she's listening to me.' That's my job? Oh, my guidance counselor owes me a fucking apology. That dude lacked vision."
—Joe Rogan on Fear Factor
As expected, Dr. Phil’s “intervention” with Bobbi Kristina Brown’s boyfriend Nick Gordon was an erratic, fame whore train wreck that ended with the lukewarm butt plug of smug Dr. Phil patting himself on the back. If Everlast sold punching bags with Dr. Phil’s face on it, they would become the richest company in the world and we’d all have arms as thick as Jon Hamm’s dick.
Million Dollar Drop was a short-lived game show where couples had $1,000,000 they wagered on trivia knowledge. They placed stacks of bills on trapdoors that of course clanked open when they got a question wrong. It was crushing for people to watch their actual dreams fall away, but the demilich beneath FOX studios demanded a sacrifice of cash tainted with despair.
Everybody knows that the only watchable episode of American Idol is the first one of the season. Therein all the self-delusional idiots fly off the handle when the judges tell them what their hearts already whisper: You are terribly ordinary.
Danny: Okay, you know what, Arin? I think we're going to call this an episode.
Arin: No! Oh my God, this is so funny!
Arin: No! Oh my God, this is so funny!
— Game Grumps, "The Wacky World of Miniature Golf: Dan's Favorite Game - PART 1"
"The major tenants [of Invader Zim] are sarcasm, cruelty and violence. Affection and warm, fuzzy things... anything that would inspire 'Awwww'? It's not in the show!"
"If I could boil Ren Seeks Help down to one word, it would be: 'cruel'."
