Quotes / Rules Lawyer

All 666 rules are policed, all 666 rules you must heed.

—The Ticket Keeper, The Devil's Carnival

Rules lawyers are a common breed of gamer that basically exist to make sure that every single game you ever wanted to play takes four times as long. You want to just take the hit, make your fortitude save, and move on? Too bad, the rules lawyer is arguing with the DM about how many people can physically fit in a single five-foot-square, just so his character doesn't have to take d6 damage from the poison arrow trap. You want to assault your opponent's Fire Warriors with your leaping Hormagaunts? Well boo for you, you moved that one model too far during the movement phase; you need to move it back until it conveniently no longer has charge range. The rules lawyer is a vampire, sucking all the fun out of the game, and the sooner you drive a stake through his withered husk, decapitate and bury his body, and never speak of him again, the happier everyone will be.

— Faggot Mcstoner after the 11th time he has been called out for not knowing the rules to the game the group is playing/Angry Gamer with a legitimate grievance against That Guy, 1d4chan's page on the subject

I'm in awe, Lennier. The way can you take a straight-forward, logical proposition and turn it inside out so that in the end it says...what you want it to say instead of what it actually means. Did this come naturally or did you attend some martial arts class for the philosophically inclined?

—Marcus Cole, Babylon 5

Pete: For my last level up ability, I chose Ally Empathy.
Ben: Really? That's for Medics. I don't get it.
Pete: I sense when my allies are hurt or threatened, and treat their afflictions as my own.
Ben: I know what it does, but why?
Pete: So I'm compelled to take an Empathic Reaction roll to dangers in their threat zone.
Ben: Oh. I think I see where this is going... But attacks of opportunity only work within your attack range.
Pete: Yeah, and I had a laser crossbow, so my range was 5 kilometers.
Ben: But—
Pete: And the Unlimited Attacks of Opportunity skill triggers on any Reaction roll provoked by a hostile.
Ben: ...You can't be serious.
The GM: I cross-checked everything.
Pete: Welcome to perfection.

— Darths & Droids, Episode 1675

Rules! Rules first, then freedom. That's how it's going to be!

— Tanya Degurechaff, Isekai Quartet

Neremus: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. The Chapel of St. Martin does not violate the terms of the White-Gold Concordat. There is no Talos worship going on here.
Armion: It violates the spirit of the White-Gold Concordat. I must urge you to cease and desist at once!
Neremus: Oh? What is the "spirit" of the White-Gold Concordat?
Armion: The "spirit" of the White-Gold Concordat is that men are not, and can never be, gods. Just as Tiber Septim is not a god, nor is Martin Septim.
Neremus: But what does the Concordat actually say?
Armion: The Concordat forbids Talos worship.
Neremus: No mention of Martin Septim worship, though?
Armion: I... no, there isn't. I must consult with my superiors. Perhaps we will have to petition for a slight amendment to some... unfortunately specific wording within the Concordat.

— Beyond Skyrim: Bruma

Yami Yugi: What do you mean I can't use Monster Reborn?!
Perfect Cell: Yup, right here in the rulebook you gave me: "Monster Reborn has been tournament illegal since 2004." I mean, it's been off and on since then, but it's...it's currently forbidden, so...
Yami: But this isn't a tournament!
Cell: Isn't it? (zoom out to the Cell Games Arena) Is it not?
Yami: Fine. Then I play Pot of Greed!
Cell: Also banned!
Yami: What?!
Cell: 2005.
Yami: Then Brain Control!
Cell: 2010~!
Yami: Slifer the Sky—
Cell: Oh come on, all God Cards are banned.
Yami: F*ck you!
Cell: Also, it's eight thousand Life Points, not four. No idea where you got that from.
Yami: ...you're full of shit! I'm taking my Millennium Puzzle and teenage boy's body and going home!
Cell: Also, it's cheating to have someone else help you during a game, byeee~!

— Cell Vs Yami Yugi

Jenny: It's just a game, it's not worth fighting over. Besides, according to Rule 15, Paragraph 2, you lose your turn for taking too long. I get a free bonus card and a free spin! [spins the movement spinner before moving her game piece] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! I win!
Brad: Oh, no you don't, bolt-brain!
Tuck: You're not winning on a technicality!

— My Life as a Teenage Robot, "Trash Talk"

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