Quotes / Rugby Is Slaughter

On a crisp fall day in 1823 William Webb Ellis picked up a football in his hands and ran with it. To this day, backs throughout the world hail this moment as the birth of rugby. Forwards, however, know that the game was not really invented until 1.5 seconds later, when Roland Dimrumple drove a squealing Mr. Ellis' face into the turf, kicked him in the solar plexus and told him to "keep his sodding hands off the ball."

— Anonymous^note  For the record, as noted by QI, the story is false, rugby being a much older game.

"We must bring this lovely game back to Gaul!"

— Obelix, Asterix in Britain

"Football is a game for gentlemen, played by ruffians, and Rugby is a game for ruffians, played by gentlemen."

— Oscar Wilde

"Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city."

— Oscar Wilde

... each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellowman which, if done elsewhere, would result in fourteen days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench.

— P. G. Wodehouse, "The Ordeal of Young Tuppy"

Rugby Union is a game where large men run at each other and then stomp on each other with spiked boots for 80 minutes.

— Cracked, "The 9 Manliest Names in the World"

Sousuke: What is our specialty, ladies?!
Team: KILL! KILL! KILL!
Sousuke: What is our goal in this game?!
Team: KILL! KILL! KILL!
Sousuke: DO WE LOVE OUR SCHOOL?! DO WE LOVE OUR RUGBY CLUB?!
Team: GUNG HO! GUNG HO! GUNG HO!

—Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu

...I never played again. Nobody should play rugby. Rugby is a game for watching.

— Spike Milligan ^note reflecting on being "volunteered" to play for a Royal Artillery side that was stomped flat by seven-foot tall and four-feet wide Welsh Guardsmen.

In football, you spend 90 minutes pretending you're injured. In rugby, you spend 80 minutes pretending you aren't.

— Anonymous

Bill Mclaren: Mercy me, that could've put him in Ward 4.
Bill Beaumont: I hope not, Bill, that's a maternity ward.

— Jonah Lomu Rugby

Joey: Right here, this is a "scrum," okay. It's kinda like a huddle.
Ross: And is a "hum" kinda like a "scruddle"? Heh.
Joey: Ross, (chuckles) they're gonna kill you.

—Friends, "The One With All The Rugby"

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