Quotes / Recruiters Always Lie

He said, "Son,
Have you seen the world?
Well, what would you say
If I said that you could?
Just carry this gun, you'll even get paid."
I said, "That sounds pretty good."

— Rise Against, "Hero of War"

"'Join the army,' they said!
'See the world,' they said!
I'd rather be sailing."

— Human Footman, Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness

"'Join the army,' they said.
'It'll be fun,' they said...."

— American Engineer, Company of Heroes

"Son, be a colonist", is what Dad said to me
"It's a cushy life, and you'll get alien real esate for free."
So I talked to the recruiter, to see if this was so
He smiled at me... the nicest smile... and said "Kid, don't you know?
A colonist's job is easy, a colonist's wage is high
A colonist's pension plan would make a civil servant cry
There's never any danger, there's always lots of fun
And as for job security, it's better than a nun's."

[spoken:] Kid, I'd like you to meet somebody. His OFFICIAL title is "Commander", but I'd like you to think of him as more of a "Social Coordinator".

[Chorus:]
If I ever get back home again
If I ever get back home again
If I ever get back home again
That recruiter's gonna die.

— "Being a Colonist (The DEADLOCK Song)" by Paul Kwinn

A vacation in a foreign land
Uncle Sam does the best he can
You're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

Now you remember what the draftman said
Nothing to do all day but stay in bed
You're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

You'll be the hero of the neighbourhood
Nobody knows that you're left for good
you're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

Smiling faces as you wait to land
But once you get there no one gives a damn
You're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

— Bolland And Bolland, "In the Army Now" (Covered Up by Status Quo and Sabaton)

I don't think there's a whole lot to say about this strip, I think the joke is fairly self-explanatory. In fact, I'd say making fun of the cheesy recruiting commercials is one of the favorite pass times of Marines. All of us remember the commercials with the fire demon or the dragon being slain by the NCO sword. Since I've been in, the commercials have started gearing toward the Silent Drill Platoon–while I will say is always awesome to watch–has virtually nothing to do with the real Marine Corps. As much as I could focus this on making fun of the Silent Drill Platoon, I will refrain because honestly it's fucking cool to watch them–as utterly POG as they can be. My old Company Gunny actually was a silent drill guy, Gunny Duprey, and he's probably one of the best Marines I've ever met. (In fact he even has his own Facebook fan page, not started by him.)

With that said, I think the commercials have their purpose in the world: to recruit new Marines. All the jerk off tactics are in full effect here; the image portrayed on TV is the one that everyone at home knows of us, after all. I think making fun of the commercials is an easy target though, as all Marines are generally in universal agreement that they're straight bullshit.

—Lance Corporal (ret.) Maximilian Uriarte, The Rant, Terminal Lance #28: "False Advertising"

I met a soldier in a recruit booth
Said he'd make a man out of me and stole my youth

— Todd Snider, "Mission Accomplished (Because You Gotta Have Faith)"

"'Join the team, see the galaxy.' Hmph. You failed to mention 'Drop into a meatgrinder' in your sales pitch, boss man."

— Abraham Presley, Evolve

They say that in the army the pay is mighty fine
They give you a hundred dollars and take back 99!
They say that in the army, the women are mighty fine (who said that?)
They look like Freddy Krueger and walk like Frankenstein!
Oh Lord, I wanna go
But they won't let me go
Home, hey!

— "They Say That in the Army..." (military song also known as "Gee, Mom, I Wanna Go Home")

With morale in doubt
And our pride run out,
No honor did I see
All I seen were a thousand dreams
Piled dead in front of me.

— Corb Lund, "I Wanna Be in the Cavalry — Reprise"

"Well, you'll get power, respect, an audience, a check, a car, money for school
Honey with uniform fetish on your tool
You'll travel, form bonds, be a part of something
Have a structure, catch bullets..."
(Catch bullets?)
"...I meant cash bonus."

— El-P, "The Nang, the Front, the Bush, and Shit"

God damn them all
I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's privateers

— Stan Rogers, "Barrett's Privateers"