"Mrs. French's cat is missing. The signs are posted all over town. "Have you seen Honey?" We've all seen the posters, but nobody has seen Honey the cat. Nobody. Until last Thursday morning, when Miss Colette Piscine swerved her car to miss Honey the cat as she drove across a bridge... Well, this bridge, now slightly damaged, is a bit of a local treasure, and even has its own fancy name: Pont du Flaque. Now, Colette, that sounds like "culotte"; that's "panty" in French. And "piscine" means "pool". "Panty pool." "Flaque" also means "pool" in French. So Colette Piscine, in French "panty pool", drives over the Pont du Flaque, the Pont du Pool if you will, to avoid hitting Mrs. French's cat that has been missing in Pontypool... Pontypool. Pont du Pool. Panty pool. Pont de Flaque. What does it mean?... Well, Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory that he used to explain the strange coincidences in the aftermath of the JFK assassination. In the wake of huge events, after them and before them, physical details — they spasm for a moment; they sort of unlock, and when they come back into focus they suddenly coincide in a weird way. Street names and birthdates and middle names, all kind of superfluous things appear related to each other. It's a ripple effect. — So, what does it mean?... Well, it means something's going to happen. Something big. But then, something's always about to happen."
—Grant Mazzy, opening narration
"For your safety, please avoid contacts with close family members and restrain from the following: All terms of endearment such as 'honey' or 'sweetheart' when you talk with young children and rhetorical discourse. For greater safety, please avoid the English language. Please do not translate this message."
—Grant Mazzy, reading the French warning
"Just listen to me. I said listen to me! You're just killing scared people. It's what you always do. You're killing scared people. You are like dogs. You smell fear and you pounce. Well, what the fuck happened today, folks? Someone took a buzzsaw to your middle, and they pulled out a wheelin' devil, and they spilled right across your anthill! But you know what, friends? We were never making sense. We were never making sense. And today — today, when armageddon leeched out into your good, good mornings, you know what? It's just another day! Another day in Pontypool! The sun came up! Ya did what ya did yesterday, and it's exactly what you'll do tomorrow. Today's news, folks — today's late-breaking, developing, just-across-my-desk news story is this: It's not the end of the world, folks! It's just the end of the day. This is Grant Mazzy for CLSY Radio Nowhere, and I'm still here, you cocksuckers.""
—Grant Mazzy, final monologue
