Film — Live-action
White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? 'Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
— Kit Ramsey (Eddie Murphy), Bowfinger
Hey, new idea! How 'bout we change the title from The Seven Psychopaths to The Seven Lesbians Who Are All Disabled And Have Overcome All Their Spazzy Shit And Are Really Nice to Everybody And Two of Them Are Black? How 'bout that?
— Billy, Seven Psychopaths
Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. He was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, i am sam. Remember? Went full retard, went home empty-handed.
— Kirk Lazarus, Tropic Thunder
Live-Action TV
I don't think we really need another film about the Holocaust, do we? It's like, how many have there been, you know? We get it. It was grim. Move on. No, I'm doing it because I've noticed that if you do a film about the Holocaust you're guaranteed an Oscar... That's why I'm doing it. Schindler's bloody List. The Pianist. Oscars coming out of their arse.
I'd like to thank the person who cast me as a blind, autistic, Parkinson's disease-ridden mute, for making this award almost inevitable.
Mental Illness. It's the thing actors pretend to have in order to win Oscars.
Web Original
It-s no secret that Leonardo DiCaprio worked harder for his Oscar nomination this year than — I'm not sure what, actually. Nothing works harder than Leonardo DiCaprio trying to get an Oscar. Leo worked his yacht-lounging ass off during the making of The Revenant. Leo damn near froze to death. Leo ate raw bison livers. Leo had to rassle a bear. I haven't seen The Revenant, but I'm sure Leo busts out some ugly cry face too. Leo was probably feeling pretty good about all the acting overtime he put in too. That is until Matt Damon swooped in and, like my over-it friend when I tried to milk a twisted ankle for three weeks, reminded him he needs to stop being so fucking dramatic... Well that's easy for Matt to say — he already has an Oscar! He doesn't know what it's like to lay awake at night, tossing and turning on top of a pile of naked models, wonder what he's got to do to win one. "Do I have to beat off a goddamn CGI bear while looking like something that was pulled out of a bus station toilet??? Cause I'll do it!"
— DListed
, "Matt Damon To Leonardo DiCaprio: You Don't Have To Try So Hard To Make An Award-Winning Movie"note
, "Matt Damon To Leonardo DiCaprio: You Don't Have To Try So Hard To Make An Award-Winning Movie"note Those bitches at the Academy did not right the wrong they made in the 90s. Jennifer Aniston deserved all the nominations for Leprechaun and since the Academy really screwed up on that one, we all thought they would throw her a nomination this year, but they didn’t... She didn’t wear makeup! She wore fake scars! She did an ugly cry! She hustled like the rent was due last week! What more do those picky ass Oscar voters want?
— Michael K., "None For You, Jennifer Aniston"
, "None For You, Jennifer Aniston"Anyway, after a career of playing crazy naked people, Julianne Moore is finally gonna win an Oscar thanks to this movie, which is about a woman who gets Alzheimer's and slowly spirals into decay OH JESUS CHRIST WHY WOULD ANYONE WATCH THAT WHERE'S MY DVD OF IRON MAN 2? It's an immutable law that you will win an Oscar so long as you portray an affliction that NO ONE wants to actually see portrayed on screen: dementia, butt cancer, Venezuelan Tree Disease, etc.
— Drew Magary, "The Hater's Guide to the 2015 Oscars" note
, "The Hater's Guide to the 2015 Oscars" note Web Video
It isn't so much a movie as it is an expertly filled-out 'How To Win An Oscar' Mad Libs sheet.
Follow along on the poetic unfolding of a life beautifully directed by Barry Jenkins as this young [checkmark], black [checkmark], gay [checkmark] man struggles to escape from poverty [checkmark] and drug addiction [checkmark] told across three decades [checkmark]. Based on a play [checkmark] based on the life story of its author [checkmark]. So yeah I'd say it's nominated for an Oscar. All of the Oscar Things.
Will The Imitation Game get some Oscar nominations? Well, let's look at its qualifications. Historical drama, set during World War Two, based on a true story, main character struggles with mental illness, and homophobia, bittersweet ending. Frankly, we should be speculating on which categories it won't get nominated for.
— Tom Martin note
note Real Life
I have nothing against Oscar. I know what he stands for and it's terrific. And I think when people used to hang around and pat each other on the back over a drink and dinner it was wonderful. But when it became an international hoopla, where careers lived and died on whether or not you did or didn't get an Oscar, then it got out of hand.
