Uncle Albert: (just before they start a formal dinner) I've made the coffee.
Derek Trotter: What do you mean 'You've made the coffee'? It's too early.
Albert: Well, it don't take us that long to finish our dinner.
Derek: I know that, but we're not wolfing down a Big Mac 'n' Chips, are we. We're savouring the food, we're taking our time, and we're talking between mouthfuls. All right, don't worry. I'll bung [the coffee] in the microwave. (sniffs the coffee) Hold on. Which coffee did you make this with?
Albert: (gesturing) That jar over there.
Del: (taking a couple more sniffs) This isn't coffee, it's bloody gravy!
Albert: Well, it's not my fault, it's them jars. (grabs two identical jars) How am I supposed to tell which is which?
Del: (annoyed) I'll tell you. This one says Maxwell House Coffee, and this one says Oxo Gravy Granules. It doesn't take a mind like Sherlock Holmes to work it out.
Albert: (panicking) Well, I was in a rush and I got mixed up.
Del: (threatening) I'll mix you up. [beat] Wait a minute. If you made gravy in the coffee machine, what are they pouring over their dinners?
Derek Trotter: What do you mean 'You've made the coffee'? It's too early.
Albert: Well, it don't take us that long to finish our dinner.
Derek: I know that, but we're not wolfing down a Big Mac 'n' Chips, are we. We're savouring the food, we're taking our time, and we're talking between mouthfuls. All right, don't worry. I'll bung [the coffee] in the microwave. (sniffs the coffee) Hold on. Which coffee did you make this with?
Albert: (gesturing) That jar over there.
Del: (taking a couple more sniffs) This isn't coffee, it's bloody gravy!
Albert: Well, it's not my fault, it's them jars. (grabs two identical jars) How am I supposed to tell which is which?
Del: (annoyed) I'll tell you. This one says Maxwell House Coffee, and this one says Oxo Gravy Granules. It doesn't take a mind like Sherlock Holmes to work it out.
Albert: (panicking) Well, I was in a rush and I got mixed up.
Del: (threatening) I'll mix you up. [beat] Wait a minute. If you made gravy in the coffee machine, what are they pouring over their dinners?
